Nobody wants me as a boyfriend...thoughts?

[whatevergirl]

*Lotus, I think too, being in college, you’re in sort of a fishbowl. It’s still a confined area of experiences. Once you get out of college, there will be so many different people to meet…you won’t be so confined to one area, and one set of protocols that maybe many college girls are seeking. I remember college, and how it can be a little like high school from the standpoint of who’s popular, who’s not…the various cliques. Once you’re out of college, all of that goes away, and you will find that the world is a very big place, filled with possibilities. Just something to consider…

I wish the best for you, God bless.*

 

[kib]

And personally I’m more an Orange or Eden man

Too rich for my blood!

 

[jrabs]

I hope so too but I am skeptical about it. Although we seemed to hit it off when we spoke online during the summer we didn’t talk the entire semester and she never returned any of the messages I sent her during school.

OK - skip this gal. She is NOT into you. Sorry. that’s what us women do when we are not interested in romantic relationships.
That means there is better out there for you. God’s perfect pick for you. Patience and pray.

Also remember that being turned down is not a big deal. It also means there is better out there for you. When someone turns you down, they actually have spared you.

 

[LotusCarsLtd]

Too rich for my blood!

Haha that’s the problem. I’d probably have to spent at least $2,000 for a good Eden head and 410 cab but I would buy it if I find myself becoming a serious enough bass player…but if I only end-up doing smaller gigs I don’t know if I still would.

In that case a good Eden combo might be in order, but that would still cost around $2,000 to $3,000

 

[LotusCarsLtd]

OK - skip this gal. She is NOT into you. Sorry. that’s what us women do when we are not interested in romantic relationships.
That means there is better out there for you. God’s perfect pick for you. Patience and pray.

Also remember that being turned down is not a big deal. It also means there is better out there for you. When someone turns you down, they actually have spared you.

I tend to take turn-downs badly though which is my problem. I used to be picked-on and made fun of a lot throughout school so being turned-down carries really negative connotations for me.

 

[jrabs]

I tend to take turn-downs badly though which is my problem. I used to be picked-on and made fun of a lot throughout school so being turned-down carries really negative connotations for me.

OK - grow some thick skin. If being turned down packs a punch for you, then how do you ask women out? Perhaps that is part of your problem?

Women like a man to ask her out! It shows confidence and self esteem. We already discussed how women love all that stuff.

You said you were lacking in that area? Work it out. This is what I am talking about when I said God is giving you this time to work on yourself and prepare for the woman He has in mind. He needs you to work on you. You need to be happy with you before you can be happy in a relationship.

Women need men! God needs you to put aside your childish ways ( by this I mean to stop associating rejection to your childhood) and turn toward being a man. How are you going to get a date if ya can’t ask a woman out?

Come on, you can do this!

 

[LotusCarsLtd]

OK - grow some thick skin. If being turned down packs a punch for you, then how do you ask women out? Perhaps that is part of your problem?

Women like a man to ask her out! It shows confidence and self esteem. We already discussed how women love all that stuff.

You said you were lacking in that area? Work it out. This is what I am talking about when I said God is giving you this time to work on yourself and prepare for the woman He has in mind. He needs you to work on you. You need to be happy with you before you can be happy in a relationship.

Women need men! God needs you to put aside your childish ways ( by this I mean to stop associating rejection to your childhood) and turn toward being a man. How are you going to get a date if ya can’t ask a woman out?

Come on, you can do this!

Any solid steps I can take? I also struggle with self love but realize that this is a key area I need to work on. Any ideas?

 

[flyingfish]

I mean, yes, I have a strange, weird, and (as friends state) sometimes creepy personality and sense of humor but that’s who I am. And yes I understand I’m not the most terribly attractive individual but are looks so important to women that they would turn a guy down solely on those grounds? What is especially bothersome for me right now is this girl I really like but who I feel (and others feel also) isn’t terribly interested in me. She wants what I want: to get married young and start a young family. And yet, according to friends, she’s running around chasing all these guys while here I am, ready to go, waiting for her to turn and look. And yet she’s not…

So I don’t know what to do. It’s hard to be positive about anything since I tend towards pessimism but I don’t foresee any relief anytime soon if at all.

Well, start by not making statements like this. It may be who you are, but who you are hasn’t been getting you the kind of life that you want.

If you want your success with women to change, you have to make changes. I don’t know what you mean by a “creepy personality” but as a woman, creepiness of any kind is a killer for me.

See what you can do to become more like the magnetic guys, whether it’s working out to improve your appearance, whether it is working on your personality and social skills.

 

[jenlovesyu]

Hi, I just wanted to let you know I am praying for you. It looks like you’re getting a lot of good advice!

Just so you know, not ALL college-aged women are interested in the “magnetic” guys.
Some of us women actually dislike taking interest in a guy if other girls are already going gaga over him. Just speakin for muh self

Also, haha me and my little sister (19 & 17 respectively) say the weirrrdest jokes all the time! She actually knows another Catholic guy who jokes like that too. I don’t know, maybe some people may think it’s obnoxious but we have loads of fun doing it.

I’m just saying this so maybe it can help you see that there plenty of different people out there. It’s going to take time but with much prayer and perseverance, you and your special lady will find each other.

God bless

 

[jrabs]

Any solid steps I can take? I also struggle with self love but realize that this is a key area I need to work on. Any ideas?

Yep. In fact I do!

I had the same problem you did, only my dry spell lasted 2 years without a date. Like God made me invisible. I am not horrid to look at. I am very thin. I exercise daily. I was invisible. God had someone very special in mind for me and I had to wait and prepare myself for this man.

I am a woman and I do not ask men out - I used to ( and was rejected every time) then decided a man needed to pursue me to show his interest. Now that is attractive.
So it is completely up to you to ask a woman out. That’s why you gotta get tough.

I decided to go to daily mass. I went to Adoration daily. I listened at Adoration and not just prayed. My priest told me to sit silently and listen. Confession, confession, confession.
Rosary…more time in prayer. Prayer for others and not just myself. Prayer was as simple as a tiny, “Jesus I trust in you”. Over and over. “Jesus do with me as you will”.

It was hard work. It was a lot of work. It was wonderful.
I also got good at listening with the help of the Holy Spirit. I found this was the best time ever spent on me.

I met a man through someone on CAF forum and we got married almost 2 years ago.
I am tons older then you so there is much hope for you IF you submit to God’s will and do some hard rewarding work.

 

[Brendan]

As of spring I’ll have been (unhappily) single for six years and it’s really taking a toll on me. As college winds down and my other Catholic friends are either prepping for marriage or likely to get married soon after I find myself single and alone and depressed because of it.

If it means anything, I met my wife about a year after college graduation. Prior to that I had a girlfriend for a short period in high school, and just a few dates at most during college itself.

 

[Havard]

22, so probably the 18-22 range, maybe a little older but not much.

Okay then I know how you feel, but believe me, there’s plenty of time.

I’m dedicating this one to you! :bounce::bounce::bounce:

(Sorry to Diana Ross fans, but I prefer Phil’s cover. )

 

[Augusta_Sans]

Creepy, yes…but that also comes across as immature. NOT what young ladies who are interested in finding a marriage partner will find attractive. Time to grow up a bit, sweetie!

Dixie, I’ve scared my husband probably a dozen times over the past couple years, exactly as Lotus described. I hide behind the island in the kitchen when he comes home from work and grab his ankle as he passes by. Yes, it’s immature. No, I wouldn’t have done it early on in our relationship. But we both laugh until our sides hurt and our knees are weak afterward. It’s definitely something you have to save for LATER in the relationship though, once the person trusts that you’re not really a creeper!

Lotus, not a lot of advice from me, but I am sending you my prayers!

 

[msugeotech]

I would just say don’t get all wrapped up in seeking out and finding a girlfriend.

This is an excellent statement. This sort of behavior drives you to “settle” for who you get rather than someone who will really make your life complete.

Tons of great advice from everyone. Just take your time, and don’t “settle”. You’ll meet the “one”.

 

[msugeotech]

You and my wife would make great friends - y’all could share ideas on how to scare us to death. She enjoys it as much as you sound like you do!

Dixie, I’ve scared my husband probably a dozen times over the past couple years, exactly as Lotus described. I hide behind the island in the kitchen when he comes home from work and grab his ankle as he passes by. Yes, it’s immature. No, I wouldn’t have done it early on in our relationship. But we both laugh until our sides hurt and our knees are weak afterward. It’s definitely something you have to save for LATER in the relationship though, once the person trusts that you’re not really a creeper!

Lotus, not a lot of advice from me, but I am sending you my prayers!

 

[jrabs]

Seriously! What is wrong with all you folks trying to scare the gizzadds out of each other!

 

[msugeotech]

I wish I knew…

Seriously! What is wrong with all you folks trying to scare the gizzadds out of each other!

 

[JohnMPhilomena]

Yes - the creepy sense of humor thing could be a problem. I’m not sure what that means, but you might want to rein it in.

Also, don’t come across as needy or desperate. It’s a big turn-off.

Other than the creepy part, you could have described me 25 years ago.

Just be friendly, confident, upstanding, and nice. Sooner or later someone will take notice. I was never much of a talker so that held me back for a long time. It’s when you aren’t looking for it that you will meet her.

The night I met my wife, I never really thought I had a shot at her. I knew her sister (who introduced us) and I was mostly talking to the sister when suddenly I realized my future wife was really making eye contact and smiling - to me! Unbelievable! She was sent to me by God and although I was not religious at the time, I knew it was true.

So then, we dated a couple times (doing things as a group). She was watching how I interacted with them to see if I was a keeper.

So, be happy, be patient, she’s out there!

John Marie Philomena

 

[Filius99993]

Here are a couple things to remember:

1. If you have a positive self image of yourself, women will be attracted to you.
2. Most marriages that happen right after the couple have graduated after college fail, because people mature greatly whenever they are on their own in the world.
3. Don’t get down on yourself if a girl turns you down. The only time I asked a girl out ever, I was turned down. (I’m in high school, but please do not skip over my advise) It is not because she doesn’t like me (because she does), but she has way too much burdening her to enter into a relationship with a guy at this point in time. I am content just being her friend.
4. Do not “settle” for someone because you feel lonely. The quality of the relationship you have will surely not be as good if you wait for the right person.

 

[dixieagle]

Dixie, I’ve scared my husband probably a dozen times over the past couple years, exactly as Lotus described. I hide behind the island in the kitchen when he comes home from work and grab his ankle as he passes by. Yes, it’s immature. No, I wouldn’t have done it early on in our relationship. But we both laugh until our sides hurt and our knees are weak afterward. It’s definitely something you have to save for LATER in the relationship though, once the person trusts that you’re not really a creeper!

Lotus, not a lot of advice from me, but I am sending you my prayers!

Well, whatever floats your boat, but my husband would try that exactly once as he would likely require stitches.