Non-Catholic at Mass?

[curioussara]

Good Afternoon,

I apologize for this somewhat pedestrian question but I have been searching for awhile and getting mixed results.

I was not raised with religion and am not generally a religious person but I have always had an interest in the history of the church and the saints. I recently felt compelled to attend mass for the first time and I really enjoyed it. I think a lot of the myths around Catholicism are just that - myths. I found it to be an informative, joyful experience. Not at all guilt-inducing or boring.

Let me cut to the chaise - my question is this. As a non-Catholic, how should I behave? I did my best to be respectful, and I felt it would be inappropriate to pray, cross myself, kneel and of course go up for communion. I would like to attend more often, what behaviors etc would you all consider appropriate or inappropriate? I was also shamefully under-dressed - I will be sure to correct that in the future. What about head coverings for women? Is this standard or just for the devout?

Thank you in advance for your time and consideration!

 

[Ad_Orientem]

Dear Sara,

It sounds to me like you’re behaving appropriately. It would not be duplicitous for a visitor to sit and stand with the congregation at the set times, even if he is not a Catholic, though of course a deeper level of participation than this would imply Christian beliefs.

In my opinion, the main consideration would be not to obstruct the Communion line, therefore it would be considerate to sit in the back. In some places there is a local custom of going forward to receive a blessing (instead of Communion), usually indicated by crossing the arms over the chest, but you might want to confirm that this local custom is in place before getting in the Communion line.

Head coverings are no longer required (since 1983) and in most places no longer expected, but some women wear them as a matter of devotion, or out of courtesy to others.

Are you attending a typical Mass in the vernacular, or is it a traditional Latin Mass? These two forms of the Roman rite have somewhat different customs attached to them.

 

[1ke]

I felt it would be inappropriate to pray, cross myself, kneel and of course go up for communion.

It is appropriate for you to do all of those things except receive Communion. Or, you are welcome to do none of those things and simply sit/stand and observe.

I was also shamefully under-dressed - I will be sure to correct that in the future.

Perhaps you were there on Christmas, that and Easter are the only two days I see “dressed up” Catholics. It is possible you are in a location that is just dressier than the rest of the world but almost all Catholic parishes I’ve been in are pretty casual. But as in most social situations, it’s best to simply dress in the middle ground of what you are seeing around you.

What about head coverings for women? Is this standard or just for the devout?

Head covering for women is not required.

If you attend a Latin Mass (also called the “extraordinary form” or EF or “Tridentine Latin mass” TLM) you will see most all the women with veils. If you attend the ordinary form (OF) which is in English (i.e. the majority of masses in your diocese) you will see very few women wearing a veil.

 

[casslean]

Hi Sara,

My journey with the Catholic Church started just like yours - I was curious about it after studying various aspects of the history of the church and decided I would sit in on a couple of Masses to see if I could better understand the faith. I kept coming back because it was such a beautiful experience, and I’m joining the Church this Easter.

It doesn’t sound to me like any of your behaviour was inappropriate. I also think you should feel free to participate to any extent that you feel comfortable (with the exception of receiving communion). As I became more comfortable with the Mass, and started researching the Church, the liturgy, and so on, I felt more and more compelled to participate, until I was finally participating in everything but Communion. I know the hymnals in our church have the Order of the Mass in the back, so that people who are not familiar with the Mass can follow along. If your church doesn’t have something similar, you might be able to get a missal or something that would help.

 

[Cider]

Good Afternoon,

I apologize for this somewhat pedestrian question but I have been searching for awhile and getting mixed results.

I was not raised with religion and am not generally a religious person but I have always had an interest in the history of the church and the saints. I recently felt compelled to attend mass for the first time and I really enjoyed it. I think a lot of the myths around Catholicism are just that - myths. I found it to be an informative, joyful experience. Not at all guilt-inducing or boring.

Let me cut to the chaise - my question is this. As a non-Catholic, how should I behave? I did my best to be respectful, and I felt it would be inappropriate to pray, cross myself, kneel and of course go up for communion. I would like to attend more often, what behaviors etc would you all consider appropriate or inappropriate? I was also shamefully under-dressed - I will be sure to correct that in the future. What about head coverings for women? Is this standard or just for the devout?

Thank you in advance for your time and consideration!

What I was told by the priest, before I was Catholic, was that I could do everything at mass except receive the eucharist. In fact I was encouraged to pray, cross myself with holy water, get my throat blessed on St Blaise day, receive ashes on ash wednesday.

 

[Cavaille-Coll]

In some places there is a local custom of going forward to receive a blessing (instead of Communion), usually indicated by crossing the arms over the chest, but you might want to confirm that this local custom is in place before getting in the Communion line.

Please do not do this! Some priests may encourage people to come forward for blessings during communion, but the Church discourages this practice. Everyone receives a blessing at the end of Mass. It is best to remain in your pew if you will not be receiving the Holy Eucharist.

 

[bisco]

i attended for 10 years before taking rcia and becoming catholic. it helps if you can go with someone to teach you, or pick up a book on the mass. there is so much meaning, but not intuitive. i did everything except communion. it doesn’t hurt to make a contribution toward the overhead either. i hope you arrive at the same place i did, but don’t wait ten years! God bless.

 

[jmcrae]

Good Afternoon,

I apologize for this somewhat pedestrian question but I have been searching for awhile and getting mixed results.

Welcome!

I was not raised with religion and am not generally a religious person but I have always had an interest in the history of the church and the saints. I recently felt compelled to attend mass for the first time and I really enjoyed it. I think a lot of the myths around Catholicism are just that - myths. I found it to be an informative, joyful experience. Not at all guilt-inducing or boring.

I’m the same as you - I was an adult the first time I attended Mass, and I thought it was the most interesting thing I had ever experienced in my whole life.

Let me cut to the chaise - my question is this. As a non-Catholic, how should I behave? I did my best to be respectful, and I felt it would be inappropriate to pray, cross myself, kneel and of course go up for communion.

While only those who are in full communion with the Church would go forward for Holy Communion, you are welcome and encouraged to pray in your place at this time, and if you want to cross yourself, there is nothing to say you can’t.

I encourage you to stay in your place and pray while the others go forward for Holy Communion. Realize that “prayer is me and God, speaking together” - no formal words are required, and you can say anything you want to God; He understands your heart.

I would like to attend more often, what behaviors etc would you all consider appropriate or inappropriate?

Arrive on time, and find a seat near the front with a good view of the Altar and Sanctuary (the “stage” area). You can choose to stand, sit, and kneel along with the congregation, or you might choose to sit through the whole thing.

Listen attentively to the prayers and readings, as well as to the homily. Keep a notebook to write down any questions that come up. Ask them here, or ask the priest, or get a meeting with someone from the RCIA team at the parish.

As time goes on, you will come to learn the responses, and you can choose to make the responses along with the rest of the congregation, if you so choose, when that time comes. Don’t feel obligated, especially when it comes to anything that conflicts with your conscience at this time.

I was also shamefully under-dressed - I will be sure to correct that in the future. What about head coverings for women? Is this standard or just for the devout?

Head coverings are optional for women. Do whatever the ladies of your own age are doing, unless you have strong feelings the other way.

There isn’t a strict dress code in most parishes, so observe what the other ladies of your age are wearing, and dress similar to them - and if it’s laundry day and you’re down to your last clean outfit, don’t worry about it - come as you are.

 

[sweetcharity]

Arrive on time, and find a seat near the front with a good view of the Altar and Sanctuary (the “stage” area). **You can choose to stand, sit, and kneel **along with the congregation, or you might choose to sit through the whole thing.

I disagree with part of this. If you sit in the front of the church, you should fully participate (except communion). If you sit in the very back of the church, you could sit through the whole mass.

I have always been told that you should not do anything to call attention to yourself. I went to a church where the congregation stood after returning from communion. At my church we kneel when we return from communion. In this case I felt obligated to follow suit with the rest of the congregation.

 

[AlanCBUS]

As a non-Catholic, how should I behave?

I am a non-Catholic who attends Mass with my Catholic wife. I just try to blend in. I do pretty much what everyone else does except receive Communion. Unless someone knows me well, they probably have no idea that I’m not Catholic.

 

[jmcrae]

I disagree with part of this. If you sit in the front of the church, you should fully participate (except communion). If you sit in the very back of the church, you could sit through the whole mass.

I have always been told that you should not do anything to call attention to yourself. I went to a church where the congregation stood after returning from communion. At my church we kneel when we return from communion. In this case I felt obligated to follow suit with the rest of the congregation.

I think in the case of someone who is not yet familiar with the various postures at Mass, it can be very distracting to be worrying about posture, to begin with.

After seven or eight weeks, certainly, follow along with the postures, but for the first few times when they’re still getting used to things, the most important goal is to be present and soak it all in. I also don’t think it would stand out too much if someone were to sit through the whole Mass, even if they were sitting near the front; I’ve taken lots of non-Catholics to Mass, and brought them up near the front, and no one realized that they weren’t Catholic until after Mass when I was introducing them to people, even though they sat through the whole thing and just took it all in.

 

[robwar]

Another thing which might help you since you do not have any experience with any kind of religious service would be to watch the Mass on EWTN to give you an idea and feel of what goes on and what to expect. God Bless

 

[kathmandu]

I disagree with part of this. If you sit in the front of the church, you should fully participate (except communion). If you sit in the very back of the church, you could sit through the whole mass.

I have always been told that you should not do anything to call attention to yourself. I went to a church where the congregation stood after returning from communion. At my church we kneel when we return from communion. In this case I felt obligated to follow suit with the rest of the congregation.

I so agree with this. If I go to a Catholic Mass I sit in the back corner where I do not draw attention to myself, and I can remain seated. If you go up front you are distracting the whole congregation from their worship by wondering who you are and what you are doing up front. Stay in the back and be respectful.

I have had the situation where I have to attend a Mass with my husband, a non-practicing Catholic, for a funeral or wedding. The family always drags me up front. Their intentions are good but it is always very uncomfortable. If I insist on staying in the back, my husband will stay with me but not be very happy about it.

Until you make the decision to become a Catholic it is best to stay in a back corner and not draw attention to yourself.

 

[Denise1957]

Good Afternoon,

I apologize for this somewhat pedestrian question but I have been searching for awhile and getting mixed results.

I was not raised with religion and am not generally a religious person but I have always had an interest in the history of the church and the saints. I recently felt compelled to attend mass for the first time and I really enjoyed it. I think a lot of the myths around Catholicism are just that - myths. I found it to be an informative, joyful experience. Not at all guilt-inducing or boring.

Let me cut to the chaise - my question is this. As a non-Catholic, how should I behave? I did my best to be respectful, and I felt it would be inappropriate to pray, cross myself, kneel and of course go up for communion. I would like to attend more often, what behaviors etc would you all consider appropriate or inappropriate? I was also shamefully under-dressed - I will be sure to correct that in the future. What about head coverings for women? Is this standard or just for the devout?

Thank you in advance for your time and consideration!

You’ve asked really good questions here, and received many good responses. I’ll just mention that I attended Mass for two years before I converted. Not long after I began attending, I went to the ‘coffee and donuts’ in the hall after Mass, and talked to the Catholics there. I was wondering if I would be allowed to cross myself, and they said yes, and they taught me how to do it, and what it means. You might consider doing this, too (visiting with the Catholics after Mass, that is, and asking questions).

I didn’t actually sit in the back, but usually in the middle or even near the front, so that I could better view the Mass. Don’t worry too much about a head covering, unless you attend the Latin Mass (EF). I wear a chapel view if I attend the EF, but I only wear a sort of large headband (modified covering) at the OF (regular Mass). But you needn’t, as has already been mentioned here, wear any head covering at the OF if you’d rather not. Most women don’t wear one. I usually wear a simple skirt or dress at either Mass, but again it’s not mandatory of course.

 

[curioussara]

Hello everyone!

Thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses! This is very helpful!

I went to Mass again this weekend at a bigger Jesuit church. Don’t you know, I was in a modest dress and sweater and everyone else was in blue jeans? Haha, oh well right?

In response to your question Ad Orientem, I have attended only typical Mass. I read online that a Latin Mass may be confusing and overwhelming for new people, although I am interested in attending at some point.

A few of you mentioned converting and I hope it will be alright to message you off the thread. I’m not at that place in my life yet but of course I have thought about it and have questions about it.

Thank you all again very much. I couldn’t have asked for a kinder & more supportive group of respondents. Much better than the black hole of the internet!

All the best,
Sara

 

[mexolic]

I recently felt compelled to attend mass for the first time and I really enjoyed it. I think a lot of the myths around Catholicism are just that - myths. I found it to be an informative, joyful experience.

You felt compelled to attend mass for the first time. I find that interesting. You found it to be a joyful experience despite the myths that you percieve. I think in time you’ll see things differently. You might want to talk with a priest if you have questions about the Mass or other matters of the faith including receiving the sacraments(becoming Catholic).