Non-Catholic Christian marrying non-Christian

[jmrburgard]

I suspect this question has come up before, but I could not find an answer:

A Lutheran (LCMS) friend of mine is marrying to non-Christian (atheist, never baptized). As such, I know it is a non-sacramental wedding and, as a Lutheran, she is not bound by Canon Law.

That being said, what is a valid response in regards to attending the wedding? I believe she is making a terrible mistake (her faith clearly weakened in the months after she started dating this man) and do not support the marriage (from a spiritual position; personally I like both of them as friends). I have already refused to attend one wedding in this group of friends, as a Catholic was marrying a non-Catholic in an essentially civil ceremony.

As an addendum, does anyone know what the LCMS has to say about marriage to non-Christians?

 

[Nominefili]

I suspect this question has come up before, but I could not find an answer:

A Lutheran (LCMS) friend of mine is marrying to non-Christian (atheist, never baptized). As such, I know it is a non-sacramental wedding and, as a Lutheran, she is not bound by Canon Law.

That being said, what is a valid response in regards to attending the wedding? I believe she is making a terrible mistake (her faith clearly weakened in the months after she started dating this man) and do not support the marriage (from a spiritual position; personally I like both of them as friends). I have already refused to attend one wedding in this group of friends, as a Catholic was marrying a non-Catholic in an essentially civil ceremony.

As an addendum, does anyone know what the LCMS has to say about marriage to non-Christians?

That is a great question, and as an LCMS seminary student I am happy to answer it for you.

As far as your attending the wedding: if it offends your conscience, don’t go. Otherwise, there is no sin in simply attending the ceremony. If you are friends with this woman, you should talk to her seriously about her decision to marry an unbeliever. Also, find out what her plans are with regard to her children (i.e. will they be baptized and brought up in the church.)

As the LCMS does not believe that marriage itself is a sacrament (that is, marriage is not a means of grace,) marriage to a non-Christian does not have quite the implications that it does within the Roman Catholic Church. However, it is not to be taken lightly. If you believe that your friend will be drawn away from Christ by her atheist soon-to-be husband, you do have a responsibility to confront her about it.

She needs to talk to her pastor as well. She has some very important questions to ask herself, especially about her children. I.e., whether she is okay with her husband (the presumed head of household) bringing up her children as atheists. But these sorts of things would (and should) come out in premarital counseling.

The best advice I can give is to have her talk seriously and bluntly with her pastor before she marries this man.

 

[StrawberryJam]

That is a great question, and as an LCMS seminary student I am happy to answer it for you.

As far as your attending the wedding: if it offends your conscience, don’t go. Otherwise, there is no sin in simply attending the ceremony. If you are friends with this woman, you should talk to her seriously about her decision to marry an unbeliever. Also, find out what her plans are with regard to her children (i.e. will they be baptized and brought up in the church.)

As the LCMS does not believe that marriage itself is a sacrament (that is, marriage is not a means of grace,) marriage to a non-Christian does not have quite the implications that it does within the Roman Catholic Church. However, it is not to be taken lightly. If you believe that your friend will be drawn away from Christ by her atheist soon-to-be husband, you do have a responsibility to confront her about it.

She needs to talk to her pastor as well. She has some very important questions to ask herself, especially about her children. I.e., whether she is okay with her husband (the presumed head of household) bringing up her children as atheists. But these sorts of things would (and should) come out in premarital counseling.

The best advice I can give is to have her talk seriously and bluntly with her pastor before she marries this man.

Which leads to the next question.
Does the LCMS even require any type of pre-marital counsuling prior to marriage in the Lutheran church? Since, as you say it is not a sacrament.

Thank you

 

[Nominefili]

Which leads to the next question.
Does the LCMS even require any type of pre-marital counsuling prior to marriage in the Lutheran church? Since, as you say it is not a sacrament.

Thank you

I don’t appreciate the condescending tone of your post.

But no, there is no premarital counseling required. However, most LCMS pastors will not marry a couple that they have not counseled. In other words, there is no law within the LCMS requiring counseling, but most LCMS pastors will not marry couples who have not been properly counseled.

 

[StrawberryJam]

I don’t appreciate the condescending tone of your post.

But no, there is no premarital counseling required. However, most LCMS pastors will not marry a couple that they have not counseled. In other words, there is no law within the LCMS requiring counseling, but most LCMS pastors will not marry couples who have not been properly counseled.

I’m sorry you took my post that way. I was simply pondering what you said:

“But these sorts of things would (and should) come out in premarital counseling.”

And, then I wondered why a non sacramental event would require any type of preparation, since that would be based on something, and I am not sure what- therefore I asked.

I meant no offense.

 

[StrawberryJam]

Maybe I’ll just ask JonNC, he is not so touchy. Yikes.

 

[Nominefili]

Maybe I’ll just ask JonNC, he is not so touchy. Yikes.

I’m sorry if I came across as touchy - I don’t mean to be. One of my good friends is undergoing some personal trouble today and I’m kind of on edge. Please send me a private message if you have any further questions regarding the LCMS, I would be more than happy to answer them.

Once again, I apologize for being overly sensitive. I didn’t check your ‘religion’ status (and assumed you were Catholic) so I read your post in a different light than I should have.

God’s Blessings.

 

[StrawberryJam]

I’m sorry if I came across as touchy - I don’t mean to be. One of my good friends is undergoing some personal trouble today and I’m kind of on edge. Please send me a private message if you have any further questions regarding the LCMS, I would be more than happy to answer them.

Once again, I apologize for being overly sensitive. I didn’t check your ‘religion’ status (and assumed you were Catholic) so I read your post in a different light than I should have.

God’s Blessings.

My thoughts go out to your friend and their family, and to you as well. I’m touchy myself I guess, I will direct further questions via PM. I do have a few others on this topic as well.

Thank you for being understanding!

 

[JonNC]

I suspect this question has come up before, but I could not find an answer:

A Lutheran (LCMS) friend of mine is marrying to non-Christian (atheist, never baptized). As such, I know it is a non-sacramental wedding and, as a Lutheran, she is not bound by Canon Law.

That being said, what is a valid response in regards to attending the wedding? I believe she is making a terrible mistake (her faith clearly weakened in the months after she started dating this man) and do not support the marriage (from a spiritual position; personally I like both of them as friends). I have already refused to attend one wedding in this group of friends, as a Catholic was marrying a non-Catholic in an essentially civil ceremony.

As an addendum, does anyone know what the LCMS has to say about marriage to non-Christians?

I think my fellow Lutheran has given you some good advice regarding whether or not you attend, and how you approach your friend regarding marriage to someone outside the faith.
I think it is safe to say that I have misgivings as to the longterm nature of this kind of marriage, as frankly, the priorities between a Christian and non-Christian can be quite different, and perhaps conflicting.

I would take issue with my Lutheran friend here regarding whether marriage is a means of grace (it has been for me for almost 25 years). Luther referred to marriage as the first institution. It was in the order and command of God in Genesis, and anything commanded by God can be a means of Grace.
The fact that Lutherans do not view it as a sacrament, due to our more narrow definition of sacrament, does not mean it isn’t extremely important to us, and usually LCMS pastors do not take this task lightly.
One thing you can do is visit www.lcms.org, and type in marriage in the search engine. There are some informative articles there. I pray God’s blessing on your friend, and pray He uses this in a positive way for both of them.

Jon

 

[VivienneJ]

Which leads to the next question.
Does the LCMS even require any type of pre-marital counsuling prior to marriage in the Lutheran church? Since, as you say it is not a sacrament.

Thank you

I don’t appreciate the condescending tone of your post.

But no, there is no premarital counseling required. However, most LCMS pastors will not marry a couple that they have not counseled. In other words, there is no law within the LCMS requiring counseling, but most LCMS pastors will not marry couples who have not been properly counseled.

In my experience most Christian pastors conduct some type of pre-marriage counselling prior to a wedding, in acknowledgemnt of the importance of the marriage bond and the Catholic church is not the only one that requires that this takes place.

 

[jmrburgard]

Thanks for the info and help. I am kind of hoping for a Catholic’s opinion, as to whether or not I should go, as a Catholic…

 

[4Squarebaby]

Thanks for the info and help. I am kind of hoping for a Catholic’s opinion, as to whether or not I should go, as a Catholic…

Another non Catholic here. How far are you wiling to take this? Neither party is Catholic are you asking should you just avoid a wedding or shun them and cut them out of your life because you don’t believe they are following the rules of your faith? Or perhaps how you see the rules of the stated Christian’s faith? Maybe it could be the INC position and you don’t attend because its not held at your church, thus the only “really Holy ground”. This is a slippery slope to sharia law. First personal rejection, second get the state to back you up.

 

[crazzeto]

Your non-attendance of this wedding won’t help reenforce her faith… In fact if her Christian friends reject her and refuse to go to her wedding it will make her all the more likely to reject the faith.

Go to the wedding, pray for her and for her husbands conversion. I would say that is the best/most productive thing you can do.

 

[rev_kevin]

I suspect this question has come up before, but I could not find an answer:

A Lutheran (LCMS) friend of mine is marrying to non-Christian (atheist, never baptized). As such, I know it is a non-sacramental wedding and, as a Lutheran, she is not bound by Canon Law.

That being said, what is a valid response in regards to attending the wedding? I believe she is making a terrible mistake (her faith clearly weakened in the months after she started dating this man) and do not support the marriage (from a spiritual position; personally I like both of them as friends). I have already refused to attend one wedding in this group of friends, as a Catholic was marrying a non-Catholic in an essentially civil ceremony.

As an addendum, does anyone know what the LCMS has to say about marriage to non-Christians?

1 Corinthians7:17 You must accept whatever situatuon the Lord has put you in, and continue on as you were when God first called you.
Who are we to say who can love who or what religion can marry what religion. Love has no bounds, love doesn’t discriminate. If your wife to be and you love her but she was a non-Catholic would you still love her just the same as you do now. Or the same for your husband to be. Just because it don’t seem right to you, it doesn’t mean its not right for them. If your friend is happy and is in love with this person thats her choice just like its your choice not to go the the wedding. Where in the Bible does it say that you must marry within your own religion. It don’t. I feel sorry for you because of your prejedice toward your friend because they don’t see things the way you want them to see.