Non-catholic girlfriend, tattoos

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IgorGaviano

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Hello!

I’m 18 years old, was raised a Roman Catholic and dropped out of faith when I was 15, turning into a naturalistic atheist. When I was 17, I had a bad experience with depression, which made me open to religiosity again (and eventually brought me back home).

In the mean time of my reversion, though, I met a girl and we began to date, and have been dating for more than two years now. She is a non-practicing protestant (she calls herself christian), and now that I have become serious about my faith, our relationship is getting really difficult.

I deeply love her, and since we got together we planned to marry. She accepts the tough aspects of our faith on issues like sexuality, raising children and even church going, but it’s not like she’s pumped about it.

I asked her a few times if she still wanted to stay with me and she said that she did. I pressed on the question of our differences and she finally said that if I wanted to, it should be me that ended the relationship, but that it would be terrible because she really wanted to marry me, and I promised her that a number of times.

I’m really troubled and I fear that, in the future, things may go a lot worse if she’s not open to conversion (she indicated that she is, but can’t for the moment because her mother is a baptist fundamentalist).

I have been trying to talk to her about things, to explain the catholic faith, but recently she told me that it was pressuring her too much and that it was making her hate the Church. I stopped talking about it, but frequently she says something like “yeah the pope is cool but still fallible” (ignoring the whole explanation of infalibility I gave her).

One of the issues that troubles me the most when talking to her is the issue of body marks (tattoos), which she’s super into, and I just can’t find it cool in light of John Paul’s II theology of the body (and she says I’m a biggot for thinking so).

My question, then, is: should I remain in the relationship still? I’d really like to, but I don’t know if it’s the right choice…

And about the tattoos, am I being so close minded about them? Should I change my opinion?
 
I’m a Catholic and I have a tattoo. It’s the Jerusalem crusader cross with IHS and “Domine Ivimus”, I got it in Jerusalem, following a pilgrim tradition thousands of years old.
I like seeing Jesus’ name on my arm every day.
I’ll also be getting my late husband’s name tattooed on the same arm soon.

If you don’t like tattoos, fine, that’s an issue to work out with your girlfriend. My husband didn’t like them either.
But the Church doesn’t prohibit them, unless of course they’re pornographic or blasphemous.
 
When you are dating someone, you are looking to find a good fit. If you had found a person who was already going to Mass, building on her faith, this would be a good foundation that you can build a life time on.

Sometimes we really really like someone and then we try to make a square peg fit a round hole. The longer we keep trying, the more we get attached. It’s better to call it off sooner rather than later.
 
I’m a Catholic and I have two tattoos, both received after my conversion. I plan a 3rd this year.
 
Sorry delete an v tired replied to a text and accidentally posted here
 
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She’s willing to raise her children Catholic and practice NFP and you’re on about tats? As long as the subject matter of the tattoos are appropriate, there’s nothing wrong with them.
 
I am not a fan of tattoos or piercings, but each to their own.
 
Fr. Mike Schmitz has a good little chat about the stance on tattoos that might be comforting for you (and her) to check out! Essentially, and modernly, the stance seems only to be an issue of subject-matter and modesty.

Anyway, I can understand the anxiety you’re having about your relationship and the issue of faith and conversion, and I’m really sorry to hear this is a difficult time for you and your girlfriend.

A convert myself, and one who’s husband was VASTLY more invested in conversion than me for quite a length of time, it’s fair to say that people adjust to changes in spirituality at completely different rates, which seems to be the case in your relationship too. I was always supportive of my husband’s interest in Catholicism, but had a lot of reservations about how right it was for me (I was raised Presbyterian and then became a militant atheist in college). He caught on to/fell in love with the doctrine of the Church, started praying the rosary, and started trying to find a parish to attend at what felt like warp speed to me. My interest in and acceptance of Catholicism as the faith for me took much, much longer. But I got there. I didn’t get there because of any pressure from him (pressure made me more resistant, like your girlfriend); I got there because I needed a lot of time and prayer in order to slowly figure out and process what it means to be Catholic.

Long story short, she may just need time. And you’re young! You have time! The fact that she accepts those “tough aspects” of the faith is a really good sign, I think. You do sound very committed to each other, which is wonderful. I think a little patience may take you both a long way. Maybe just give her a little space to explore it on her own, and let her observe all the wonderful ways reverting has affected you so that she can see for herself the amazing things this faith can do for our souls.

Best of luck!
 
Hello! I know you used the tattoo issue as a title, but I think you are troubled with more than just that. Deep inside of you, you know this relationship is just not going to work. You know that in the future, if you marry this girl, you won’t be able to live your faith the way you’d like to. That voice telling you this is the Holy Spirit inspiring your toughts. Listen to it. Do not be afraid to leave her if you think this is not going to work. God knows the reasons in your heart and I know He will be as generous as you to introduce you to a new girl who can understand you easier. The way you describe it, I see that is going to be a very difficult relationship. Remember you marry the girl but also the family, so I would say to you that you should not remain in the relationship. However, I still recommend praying and asking God if this girl is The One for you. God bless you.
 
Sometimes your First Love is the right love.

I’ve dated guys that had a preference for hair-color (crazy) that I didn’t have, or religious background (them being Non-believing or Protestant). You have to question yourself if tattoos are a deal-breaker. Tattoos are in Western Culture right now. You may have a lot of potentially good spouses out there with very few of them being tattoo-less.

A more important thing is the religious beliefs. She did say she was open to becoming Catholic, but has to wait because of her mom, well that sounds reasonable… But I would caution you on intermarriage. I have met and known people who eventually converted, but holding one’s breath might take too long. Oh, inlaws? My grandmothers didn’t want my parents to get married. (Inter-religious) My mom’s mom always gave my dad a hard time. We shouldn’t date or marry to get a convert. St. Paul cautions us. Do not be unequally yokedand Do not divorce a non-believer, but don’t marry one if you can help it 1 Corintians 7:12-16 You should accept that she many NEVER convert. Sit with that and know that you may be praying for her conversion during your lifetime together.

I would recommend asking St. Joseph to pray with you. I asked St. Joseph in a Novena and I found my dh. (and my career!) Or rather we found each other. We’re both Catholic 😃: . … Who knows how these things are going to go? I’ve dated Catholics who wouldn’t attend Mass with me so consider that as well.

BTW you aren’t too young to think about this stuff. Now is a great time to think about this.

You may love this person, but our first duty when we love someone is hoping and praying they get to heaven. But we have a duty to our potential future family as well.
 
  1. You’re 18. I have socks that old. Take your time!
  2. I, too, am Catholic with a tat. A sweet little thing that symbolically incorporates my faith, my marriage, my four kids, and the one child I miscarried. My pastor said, regarding tattoos, that one should keep them tasteful and to take care to research the safety and cleanliness of the tat parlor. If marriage ever does come into the picture you’re gonna hafta pick your battles and not sweat the small stuff.
 
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It might be kinder if you broke it off so that she could find someone who doesn’t want her to change her religion and who isn’t judgemental about her tattoos.
 
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Op, I think it’s okay not to like tattoos. I think part of the appeal is the “counter-cultural” flavor of having a tattoo. So somebody has to disapprove of them, right? I know they’re pretty common now of course, but I think they make a statement that doesn’t appeal to everyone.
 
You’re 18, barely an adult. How many serious relationships have you had?

Sorry, but my concern is not the tattoos — it’s that you are talking about marriage when you’re barely out of high school. Most people don’t get married until they’re out of their teens. You have time to find someone you’re more compatible with.
 
YourNameHere said:
I am not a fan of tattoos or piercings, but each to their own.
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I’m not a fan of all that either. Growing up I could count on one hand the people I saw with tattoos. I rarely if ever saw piercings either unless they were in females’ ears. Today it’s rare to see a young person without multiple tattoos and piercings. So if tatoos would prevent you from dating someone I suspect you would severely limit your choices.
 
I disagree that being 18 you are too young to consider a future with this young lady.

My oldest who is your age suggest you listen to Ben Shapiro videos on ‘Marriage’. Even if you don’t like conservative politics, she says his views on marriage.
 
Tattoos aren’t a sin.

Having non-Catholic beliefs is problematic and conflicting value systems between spouses are a major cause of divorce and fighting.
 
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