Non-Catholic Girlfriend

[TheWarriorMonk]

That’s the point, she isn’t supposed to change her religion for another person. She is supposed to change her religion because this other person shows her that it is the truth. But I agree that is not an easy situation and maybe is even likely to fail. That still does not mean he has to give up their relationship right away without even trying (and I don’t think he would just because some people on an Internet forum suggest it to him).

To each their own. Expecting people to change because you wish them to is something I’ve never even considered for a potential spouse. I have only considered marrying someone because of who they are, not who I want them to be.

 

[Chantal25]

You are very impressive, so wise and clever!

Continue to pray, attend mass and don’t forget to receive the Eucharist. It is a wonderful gift that our lord do for us to feed our spirit etc… These, will protect you in so many ways.

Pray also for your values be protected and reinforce. Be her friend for as much as you feel you should and bravo for believing in chastity up to marriage.

You are doing wonderful AND don’t forget to pray for her.

Without question, the one that will have a great influence on the upbringing of your children is the mother.

A person, isn’t necessary a great person because they are Catholic. I have meant amazing souls that i feel were closer to God then me and even one person that he didn’t believe in God. He has a generous heart, he was kind to the animal and event would do everything as possible to save a leaf that fell from a plant. This person taught me so much about kindness, sharing and compassion.

Your friend, must have some treasure in her that you value since you are with her. Stand your ground for what you believe and never compromise the love our lord for us or your value that you have learned. She is also very loved by God.

I pray for you and for her and wishing you many blessings.

 

[Markus2007]

You are very impressive, so wise and clever!

Continue to pray, attend mass and don’t forget to receive the Eucharist. It is a wonderful gift that our lord do for us to feed our spirit etc… These, will protect you in so many ways.

Pray also for your values be protected and reinforce. Be her friend for as much as you feel you should and bravo for believing in chastity up to marriage.

You are doing wonderful AND don’t forget to pray for her.

Without question, the one that will have a great influence on the upbringing of your children is the mother.

A person, isn’t necessary a great person because they are Catholic. I have meant amazing souls that i feel were closer to God then me and even one person that he didn’t believe in God. He has a generous heart, he was kind to the animal and event would do everything as possible to save a leaf that fell from a plant. This person taught me so much about kindness, sharing and compassion.

Your friend, must have some treasure in her that you value since you are with her. Stand your ground for what you believe and never compromise the love our lord for us or your value that you have learned. She is also very loved by God.

I pray for you and for her and wishing you many blessings.

Chantal I wanted to send you a message but it doesn’t seem to work, so I’ll post this here.

Your postings on the forums are always so positive and encouraging, it is a pleasure to read them! It seems as if the love of Jesus really flows through you and into every reply that you write. Sometimes people on Internet forums (myself included) get caught up in silly little arguments about some small detail, and forget what it’s all about. You don’t seem to be that way.

So thank you very much for what you’re doing

 

[TheRealJuliane]

That’s the point, she isn’t supposed to change her religion for another person. She is supposed to change her religion because this other person shows her that it is the truth. But I agree that is not an easy situation and maybe is even likely to fail. That still does not mean he has to give up their relationship right away without even trying (and I don’t think he would just because some people on an Internet forum suggest it to him).

I really hope that he will. It’s not his job to convert his girlfriend. You can be friends with non-Catholics, but to be in a dating relationship usually means that emotions get involved and things get complicated and messy if there are problems. Eliminate that factor, and it’s a lot easier to judge the person because that criteria is checked off the list FIRST.

There are people on this forum with REAL LIFE experience in this situation. For some, it worked out, but I would say they are the exception and not the rule. For many others, including TheWarriorMonk, it was a bad mistake to get involved with and/or marry a non-Catholic. It’s a theoretical for you, not for him.

 

[pcogperson]

Matthew 6:33
“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Start reading the Bible- it is God’s love letter to you. Seek out the truth FIRST- there are many false anti-christs out there, including some churches. Matthew 7:8 “For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” She cannot save you, neither can any church or anyone except Jesus Christ. Make Him Lord!

 

[fox21]

Hello,

As far as getting her to understand chastity, check out anything by Jason Evert. He does a wonderful job explaining how we can love better through chastity. He is kind and humorous. I think hes wonderful even for non-believers.

He has lots of videos on youtube, just type in “Jason Evert” or “Romance without regret” (the last one is a full talk.) Watch them yourself or together or give her the link.

Or go to the catholic answers shop and buy and give her one of his cds to listen to. Or you could listen to them together, in the car as your driving perhaps. The one called The Chastity Talk is the Romance Without Regret talk I believe.

He also has a website called chastity.com. There’s tons of info there, questions and answers etc.

Hope this helps

 

[Bill_Martin]

Hello,

I’m eighteen years old and a lifelong practicing Catholic. I was raised in a very Catholic family and am stable in my faith.

I have a girlfriend of four months who is not religious. She claims to believe in God, but has little knowledge of the faith otherwise. Obviously this is a difficult situation for me in many respects: first, she doesn’t understand why I want to abstain from sex until marriage – while she does value the unifying bonds that are formed through sex and claims she only wants to share the experience with me, she doesn’t quite grasp the concept of deferring the act until marriage.

She is also taking the relationship very seriously, and wants to continue dating through college. However, she needs to understand that, if it comes to it, I won’t be able to justify committing myself to marriage with a woman who doesn’t share my faith.** I can’t imagine living my life with a partner who doesn’t share my faith or beliefs, or raising a family under the care of parents with conflicting or fragmented views.
**
Having mentioned my previous concerns, it is important to note that this girl means very much to me. I love her and would hate to lose her, and yet my convictions and my faith must be observed. How do I maintain both? I would greatly appreciate any feedback or advice as to how I can maintain a chaste, respectful relationship with this girl, all the while attempting to bring her closer to God and my faith.

Thank you!

That right there sums it up for me. Let her go. Can you still be very close friends? Of course. But if you don’t think you can marry her, then continuing in a committed, exclusive, romantic relationship now will lead to heartache down the road.

 

[pcogperson]

You are not responsible for someone else giving their life to Jesus. I suppose you are confused about all the advice you are getting here. We are supposed to be watchmen on the wall.
Ezekiel 3:18 “When I say unto the wicked, Thou shalt surely die; and thou givest him not warning, nor speakest to warn the wicked from his wicked way, to save his life; the same wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at thine hand.
19 Yet if thou warn the wicked, and he turn not from his wickedness, nor from his wicked way, he shall die in his iniquity; but thou hast delivered thy soul”
Ask yourself one question. Do you have a PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP with Jesus Christ? Matthew 7:21 “Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. 22Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? 23And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.” That’s the bad news!!!
The good news is John 3:5: Jesus answered, “Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. 6That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. 7Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again.”
Matthew 7:7 “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: 8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.”
Ever see the picture of Jesus knocking on the door? There is NO DOORKNOB! You must open the door (your heart) from the inside. God does not want robots who like the Pharisees who say the same thing over and over and are nothing more than empty vessels! Take a break from her and turn to your Heavenly father- you will be doing her good also. Read John 3:16. STUDY the BIBLE.

 

[kelvinf]

Any person serious about their religion SHOULD NOT marry someone of a different religion. This is a fundamental issue, and it will be a constant source of tension in the marriage, and it often doesn’t end well. Don’t let hormones and fantasies get in the way of reality.

This is not Catholic Church teaching!

 

[kelvinf]

For some, it worked out, but I would say they are the exception and not the rule. For many others, including TheWarriorMonk, it was a bad mistake to get involved with and/or marry a non-Catholic.

So what makes you think that it would not work out for the OP?

 

[pcogperson]

Lots of things wrong with this post, but I will address this last point because it’s probably the worst advice possible.

You don’t set up that kind of condition for someone’s conversion. That’s spiritual extortion. If someone is going to convert, that conversion needs to come about through the Holy Spirit and through their own heart, not in order to keep a relationship that probably shouldn’t have been formed in the first place. That is what is meant by holding her hostage - “If you want a future with me, you’re going to have to convert.” She should run far away from anyone who would say such a thing. If she did convert for that reason, it would set up the wrong conditions.

Evangelizing is not done through dating non-Catholics. This shows how little you know about the process.

Amen! You have it right on. He has been given a wonderful gift to evangelize for Jesus. No man can serve two masters. Luke 16:13 “No servant can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other.” Dont try to get her to convert to the CC, just let the Holy Spirit lead he to the truth.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

This is not Catholic Church teaching!

I never stated that it was. It is my own personal opinion, enforced by making the mistake of marrying a non-Catholic.

That is not to say that it can’t work out; sometimes it can, ESPECIALLY if the spouse is respectful of the Catholic spouse AND no children will be involved (older couples, sterile couples, etc.). When children are involved, it can be a real problem. Chances are that the Catholic spouse will take the full burden of raising the children Catholic, and answering to them why the non-Catholic spouse does not participate in any of the religious activities.

There is also the problem of being unequally yoked. There is a 99.99% chance that the spouse does not entirely agree with the Catholic teachings on marriage, notably its sacramental nature and indissolubility. Many non-Catholics don’t think twice about divorce if the marriage goes south, then run off and remarry. The Catholic spouse then has to deal with the whole annulment issue if applicable, and possibly remain single for the rest of their life.

To each their own, but I recommend that the spouses agree on such very fundamental issues such as religion.

 

[1ke]

This is not Catholic Church teaching!

Well, in truth, Catholics are prohibited in law from marrying Non-Catholics. And papal teaching is very strong on the problematic nature of mixed marriage. It does require permission from the bishop, or dispensation in the case of unbaptized, in order for a Catholic to marry a non-Catholic.

If there were no problem with it, there would be no prohibition.

 

[kelvinf]

I never stated that it was. It is my own personal opinion, enforced by making the mistake of marrying a non-Catholic.

That is not to say that it can’t work out; sometimes it can, ESPECIALLY if the spouse is respectful of the Catholic spouse AND no children will be involved (older couples, sterile couples, etc.). When children are involved, it can be a real problem. Chances are that the Catholic spouse will take the full burden of raising the children Catholic, and answering to them why the non-Catholic spouse does not participate in any of the religious activities.

There is also the problem of being unequally yoked. There is a 99.99% chance that the spouse does not entirely agree with the Catholic teachings on marriage, notably its sacramental nature and indissolubility. Many non-Catholics don’t think twice about divorce if the marriage goes south, then run off and remarry. The Catholic spouse then has to deal with the whole annulment issue if applicable, and possibly remain single for the rest of their life.

To each their own, but I recommend that the spouses agree on such very fundamental issues such as religion.

In brief, some of the things said about non-Catholics could very well be said about Catholics. There are many Catholics who do not agree with the Church on lots of issues (also pertaining to marriage). There are also Catholics who have bad experiences with other Catholics in marriage and some have divorced.

That’s why there is need for discernment. Discernment shouldn’t be exclusive! Of course, I don’t think any true Catholic would want to marry someone who disagrees with the Church on certain issues.

The problem is, we seem to put everybody who is not Catholic under the umbrella of “unworthy persons”. But there are those non-Catholics who are even better than Catholics. Such persons shouldn’t be excluded from the discernment process.

I have a girl friend, who is a non-Catholic but attended a Catholic boarding school for 7 years where she went weekly to Sunday mass etc. Again she is not a Catholic but understands the Catholic faith because she was somewhat raised Catholic. Taking her behaviour into consideration, why would such a girl not be worth dating?

Ultimately, it is during the entire process of discernment that one can conclude whether a person, be it Catholic or not is worth marrying. If the person is a non-Catholic and everything the Church teaches re mixed marriages is taken into consideration, what is the problem?

There are some Catholics who are happily married to non-Catholics while for others, it didn’t work out.
There are some Catholics who are happily married to Catholics while for others, it didn’t work out.

 

[kelvinf]

I also do not agree with the whole thing that conversion is the Holy Spirit’s job. In fact, that ignores an entire Gospel message.

Maybe the point some are trying to make re conversion is that, you shouldn’t be dating someone hoping to or with the aim of eventually converting the person. Like dating someone hoping to change the person’s behaviour. That does not however mean that one can’t evangelise another in a relationship.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

The problem is, we seem to put everybody who is not Catholic under the umbrella of “unworthy persons”. But there are those non-Catholics who are even better than Catholics. Such persons shouldn’t be excluded from the discernment process.

The “we” doesn’t include me. In fact, most of my friends and many of my associates are either non-Catholic or non-practicing Catholics. They aren’t “unworthy” in the least.

Marriage is different. A great many people simply view marriage in the same context they do friendship. Problem is, friends come and go. In marriage, there has to be core commonalities, otherwise major, irreconciliable problems can arise that ruin the marriage. Some of us unfortunately have experienced this firsthand.

Religion, IMHO, is one of those commonalities that should be present, notably if children will be involved.

Maybe the point some are trying to make re conversion is that, you shouldn’t be dating someone hoping to or with the aim of eventually converting the person. Like dating someone hoping to change the person’s behaviour. That does not however mean that one can’t evangelise another in a relationship.

Once again, I distinguish between friendship and marriage. Speaking for myself, I would be suspicious of a potential spouse that simply converted because I was Catholic. I wouldn’t know if it was sincere or not.

Granted, I though differently 20+ year ago. But life experience and meditating on the subject has only increased my pessimism on this matter.

 

[Mulligan2]

I was listening to the Catholic Channel on satellite radio the other day, and one of the usual priests that hosts a radio show - I think it was Father Rob but I’m not certain - made the comment that approximately 60-70% of all marriage ceremonies he officiates involves a Catholic marrying a non-Catholic. I was surprised that the percentage was that high. But apparently this is more common that two Catholics getting married.

So to the OP, I would say that your situation is not at all unusual. However, as other posters have mentioned, you will have to determine for yourself if this is a deal-breaker in regard to your own situation.

 

[mvm817]

Hello,

As far as getting her to understand chastity, check out anything by Jason Evert. He does a wonderful job explaining how we can love better through chastity. He is kind and humorous. I think hes wonderful even for non-believers.

He has lots of videos on youtube, just type in “Jason Evert” or “Romance without regret” (the last one is a full talk.) Watch them yourself or together or give her the link.

Or go to the catholic answers shop and buy and give her one of his cds to listen to. Or you could listen to them together, in the car as your driving perhaps. The one called The Chastity Talk is the Romance Without Regret talk I believe.

He also has a website called chastity.com. There’s tons of info there, questions and answers etc.

Hope this helps

This is the exact advice I was going to give. Ask her if she is willing to watch a video with you so she can better understand your views on dating, chastity, etc.
Go on youtube and watch Jason Evert’s “Romance without Regret”.

 

[jazz91]

you know you’re only 18 and you have a whole life ahead of you, and many things change, they don’t always stay the same, if god wants you to be with her, she will be and if she doesn’t he will slowly show you she isn’t meant for you.

From my experience its best if you find someone with the same beliefs as you, its so hard to be with someone who doesn’t share the same values even if you love that person and would see yourself with them in the future. Just leave everything in gods hands and he will guide you to the right direction and the right girl.

 

[ffg]

In considering some of these replies, just remember, you can’t change anyone.

If you feel like you can change someone, or if someone changes for you, they will change again because they changed once, why not again?

You need to find someone with the foundation of which you are seeking.

You are also still really young. If you go your separate ways for college, you will be dating someone else soon enough. Assuming your desire is to date.