Non-Catholic husband and children?

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sunshinemama

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Hi everyone, I am new here. I have recently been considering converting to Catholicism but I have no idea what that would look like for my family. My husband and his family are very, very Protestant and my children love their church. If I convert, what would that do to my family? What if my children never want to become Catholic or if my husband won’t allow it? I know he could not make me go to church with him or keep me from converting, but I feel guilty thinking what it would do to our family. Has anyone here been in this situation? I am mainly concerned about the children. I am probably getting way ahead of myself since I am still reading and learning about Catholicism but I feel like at this point, my family is what is keeping me from making the next step. If I was single, I feel like I would definitely convert. Thanks for your help!
 
The question remains the same,
What
Would
Jesus
Do???
+God Bless you on your Journey Home+
 
Have you tried talking to him? I would suggest studying the standard objections that Protestants have and showing him that the Catholic Church is firmly rooted in scripture. Everything at Mass can be traced to the Bible. What sort of Protestant church is it? I’m glad you have the desire to come home and will pray for you and your family.
 
Welcome, my family was Methodist the whole time my husband and I were raising kids, though my husband was raised Catholic. The Lord called me last year and I am now Catholic and so is my husband again! It is hard and my young adult kids think we turned into pod people abducted by aliens and many friends have had a hard time with it as well incluing not so much the old church friends but the other fallen away Catholic friends who may be feeling a bit convicted by my decision. This past year has been unspeakable joy but at times also very lonely. My faith in Jesus has been tested every which way from Sunday but I don’t regret a moment of it because now I worship in both Spirit and Truth. If you are convinced that the Church is the Truth of even just think it might be don’t be afraid to at least dip your toe in those RCIA waters and check it out and let the Holy Spirit do the rest. I will be praying for you and your family!

Blessings,

Val
 
Neither your spouse nor your children must convert if you do. Many in mixed marriage situations attend both Catholic Mass and their spouse’s non-Catholic services. Many times the Catholic will attend Mass on Saturday evening and then go to the Sunday worship service with their spouse. You can do that as long as you refrain from any communion in the non-Catholic church and such. Be an examplel to your children and when they are old enough they may decide to become Catholic on their own.

I think there is a book called When Only One Converts, or something like that. May be helpful to check it out.
 
**Hi Sunshinemama,

Welcome to CAF. A good friend of mine had the same problem and is now trying to help others here. Someone started the group Catholics with Unsupportive Families or Friends.**, and she helps the group with advice. There are probably 60 or more people in that group, and I think they would be very helpful to you with ideas or advice.

Since you are new here, to find the group, go to the side bar where it says New Groups. At the bottom of that list it will say View Full List. Click on that, and you should find that group on page three or four. Read all their back posts, and if it sounds like the group might be helpful, please do join them. At least you won’t feel so all alone !

God Bless.
 
Thank you for your replies. No, I haven’t said anything to my husband yet. We already have a rocky marriage and the one time I brought up Catholicism years ago it did not go over well. Arguing with him over theology simply is not an option. I have no desire to convert him or prove anything to him. My main concern is what it would do to the children. I hate to confuse them or divide our family, but of course I am going to follow God where I feel He is leading me. I don’t think anyone can truly understand how difficult this is, unless they have been there. I am planning to go to our local Catholic church and ask about RCIA classes. I don’t want to bring it up to my husband until I am 100% sure what I want to do. I like the idea of attending Saturday Mass and attending church with my family on Sunday. Is that something most Catholics would find acceptable? I am at the very, very beginning of my journey but the more I read and pray, the more peace I feel about converting.
 
tuscany said:
**Hi Sunshinemama,

Welcome to CAF. A good friend of mine had the same problem and is now trying to help others here. Someone started the group Catholics with Unsupportive Families or Friends.**, and she helps the group with advice. There are probably 60 or more people in that group, and I think they would be very helpful to you with ideas or advice.

Since you are new here, to find the group, go to the side bar where it says New Groups. At the bottom of that list it will say View Full List. Click on that, and you should find that group on page three or four. Read all their back posts, and if it sounds like the group might be helpful, please do join them. At least you won’t feel so all alone !

God Bless.
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Thank you so much! I will definitely join that group.
 
I converted and my husband didn’t. However, neither of us were religious before my conversion. He was baptized protestant as a child; I was never baptized but did attend Sunday school at a protestant church.

I also have one 12yrold daughter. I take her to church with me sometimes, but I don’t push the issue.

My hub doesn’t care what I do, and he is generally supportive of my decision to be baptized Catholic. I invite him to church, but he always declines. For the most part, my conversion has been an easy transition.

As I was going through the RCIA, I shared everything with my husband,and invited him to attend the different rites (although he didn’t). I knew I’d be doing this mostly alone. It is sometimes difficult, but I know what I am doing is the right thing for me to do, and by example, perhaps my hub and daughter will enter the church someday.

You will have to communicate with your husband as you discern where God is leading you. It could be a very difficult path for you to follow, if your husband is committed to Protestantism.

Good luck.
 
tuscany said:
**Hi Sunshinemama,

Welcome to CAF. A good friend of mine had the same problem and is now trying to help others here. Someone started the group Catholics with Unsupportive Families or Friends.**, and she helps the group with advice. There are probably 60 or more people in that group, and I think they would be very helpful to you with ideas or advice.

Since you are new here, to find the group, go to the side bar where it says New Groups. At the bottom of that list it will say View Full List. Click on that, and you should find that group on page three or four. Read all their back posts, and if it sounds like the group might be helpful, please do join them. At least you won’t feel so all alone !

God Bless.
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Wow, I did not know that group existed- sounds like a good resource as I still struggle with my adult children.
 
sunshinemama said:
Thank you for your replies. No, I haven’t said anything to my husband yet. We already have a rocky marriage and the one time I brought up Catholicism years ago it did not go over well. Arguing with him over theology simply is not an option.
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I would recommend you focus on your marriage first. You need to be in a good, solid place with your husband before you bring up your faith issues. If you don’,t he may miss read your changing religious views as a rejection of him. If you go behind his back he will feel disrespected and loose trust in you.
 
Thanks for everyone’s replies and prayers. I definitely need a lot of prayers during this time. I won’t take the RCIA classes without talking with my husband, of course. But during my decision making and thinking phase, I know it is best not to discuss it with him, until I am sure. We are working on our marriage, but it is not something that will be fixed over night and I really don’t want to wait to convert if I feel like that is where God is leading me.

I am getting ahead of myself, but if my husband consented, do you think there would be value to having my children baptized even if they weren’t going to be taking steps to become Catholic?
 
sunshinemama said:
I am getting ahead of myself, but if my husband consented, do you think there would be value to having my children baptized even if they weren’t going to be taking steps to become Catholic?
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You didn’t say what denomination protestant you currently are. Does your current Church Baptize? If they have already been Baptized properly they will not need to be Baptized again.

The Church will not Baptize anyone who isn’t going to practice the Catholic faith. I also doubt that the Church would Baptize very young children without the father’s consent to bring the children up in the Catholic Faith.
 
Welcome to CAF

All throiughout reading your post, the only thing I could think (and yes it is my opinion) is perhaps this is God’s way of saving your marriage. By coming to the Catholic church, you will have more spiritual help to lead you as you struggle with your marriage.

That being said, I do think your husband’s feelings need to be taken very seriously because after all, you when you married, he was led to believe you would be spending the rest of his life as a protestant couple and you are now changing the original contract

I would simply start by saying in a no threatening way ‘I feel God calling me to the Catholic church and I don’t expect you to convert’. As for the kids, I have no idea how old they are but I think to keep the peace with your marriage, I would not bring them to the Catholic church if it will make your husband mad. I think you setting the example is the best thing and when they are teenagers if they inquire I would help them become Catholic.

All the best

CM
 
We belong to a large non-denominational church that does not baptize infants. People are baptized (dunked) once they believe and make a confession of faith. My children are young- 4 children 8 years and under. I guess my plan right now is to talk to my husband if I decide I want to take the RCIA classes, and go to Mass by myself. Actually part of me thinks he may want to take the RCIA classes with me just so he can disprove it. I won’t try to convert him or anything. I brought up my interest in Catholicism with him a couple years ago and it went very badly so I just stopped pursuing it. I do want to learn more about the Faith before I talk with him, but discussing theology has never gone well with us. I think this is why I abandoned my interest in Catholicism years ago because it just was not worth the tension and arguments it caused. And back then I wasn’t even wanting to convert-I was just learning about it! It just makes me sad for my children that they won’t be able to be baptized for many years. Thank you for your prayers!
 
sunshinemama said:
Thanks for everyone’s replies and prayers. I definitely need a lot of prayers during this time. I won’t take the RCIA classes without talking with my husband, of course. But during my decision making and thinking phase, I know it is best not to discuss it with him, until I am sure. We are working on our marriage, but it is not something that will be fixed over night and I really don’t want to wait to convert if I feel like that is where God is leading me.

I am getting ahead of myself, but if my husband consented, do you think there would be value to having my children baptized even if they weren’t going to be taking steps to become Catholic?
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If you baptize your children, you must be prepared to educate them into the faith. A baptized Catholic has all the obligations of a Catholic whether or not there is support for the faith in the family. That is one reason we tell grandparents, etc. NOT to baptize a child behind the parents’ backs if they don’t intent to raise the child as a Catholic. It is actually better for the child NOT to be baptized, than to be baptized and then not fully taught and given the sacraments, etc.

So please be patient and take it one step at a time. Have you done any marital counseling with your husband? Would he go to a retreat such as Retrouvaille? It is run by Catholics but is not limited to Catholics. It helps couples learn to communicate more effectively and trust each other. It’s one weekend but with several follow-up sessions after the retreat is over.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
If you baptize your children, you must be prepared to educate them into the faith. A baptized Catholic has all the obligations of a Catholic whether or not there is support for the faith in the family. That is one reason we tell grandparents, etc. NOT to baptize a child behind the parents’ backs if they don’t intent to raise the child as a Catholic. It is actually better for the child NOT to be baptized, than to be baptized and then not fully taught and given the sacraments, etc.

So please be patient and take it one step at a time. Have you done any marital counseling with your husband? Would he go to a retreat such as Retrouvaille? It is run by Catholics but is not limited to Catholics. It helps couples learn to communicate more effectively and trust each other. It’s one weekend but with several follow-up sessions after the retreat is over.
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Thank you for your post. Yes, we actually are going to Retrouvaille very soon! Even though it is Catholic, my husband is very excited about going. I am praying this will be a great thing for our marriage.
 
It sounds to me like God is calling you. You do need to respond. Maybe a counselor can help you two sort this out. Sometimes I wonder if we say one thing and they hear another. I did this before. I cannot refuse God. I am not sure how anyone could. He is very persuasive and so good to us.

You never know, though, the Catholic thought on marriage could save your own. It is the most beautiful and perfect theology I have ever heard on marriage.

Books like Love and Responsibility by Karol Wyojola (sp?)–John Paul 2 before he was pope. The other thing is just buy an official catechism. They also have a series I was given that addresses the common complaints and misinformation. Things like the difference between adoration and veneration. they think they are interchangable. We venerate (honor saints, like our parents before us) we adore only Father, Son, Holy Spirit. I think they have the books on this site. I think it is called Apologetics series but may be simple enough for a new person to read and digest and then explain later.

There is no rush. There is no rush on your dh understanding what you are talking about.

I reverted, and brought the kids with me. He wasn’t attending anywhere regularly and I could not stand the idea of them not being taught the whole truth. the people in the church we were together in were good, God Loving people but they were close enough to scare me.

So I possibly didn’t handle as well as I could have. 1ke’s suggestion is a good one. Your relationship with God comes first. If that is right, then, the rest will follow, but be patient with yourself, and your family…and with God also. If you have any previous marriages or he does, then that stuff needs to be taken care of too…be patient with that. Nothing in the Catholic Church happens over night and their lack of rushing, is a better philosophy than our three minute gimme a burger culture (not saying you are that way)…but often it is so much slower than the rest of the world, the heart beat is slower. So follow the call, but be patient.

peace.
 
mamaslo said:
It sounds to me like God is calling you. You do need to respond. Maybe a counselor can help you two sort this out. Sometimes I wonder if we say one thing and they hear another. I did this before. I cannot refuse God. I am not sure how anyone could. He is very persuasive and so good to us.

You never know, though, the Catholic thought on marriage could save your own. It is the most beautiful and perfect theology I have ever heard on marriage.

Books like Love and Responsibility by Karol Wyojola (sp?)–John Paul 2 before he was pope. The other thing is just buy an official catechism. They also have a series I was given that addresses the common complaints and misinformation. Things like the difference between adoration and veneration. they think they are interchangable. We venerate (honor saints, like our parents before us) we adore only Father, Son, Holy Spirit. I think they have the books on this site. I think it is called Apologetics series but may be simple enough for a new person to read and digest and then explain later.

There is no rush. There is no rush on your dh understanding what you are talking about.

I reverted, and brought the kids with me. He wasn’t attending anywhere regularly and I could not stand the idea of them not being taught the whole truth. the people in the church we were together in were good, God Loving people but they were close enough to scare me.

So I possibly didn’t handle as well as I could have. 1ke’s suggestion is a good one. Your relationship with God comes first. If that is right, then, the rest will follow, but be patient with yourself, and your family…and with God also. If you have any previous marriages or he does, then that stuff needs to be taken care of too…be patient with that. Nothing in the Catholic Church happens over night and their lack of rushing, is a better philosophy than our three minute gimme a burger culture (not saying you are that way)…but often it is so much slower than the rest of the world, the heart beat is slower. So follow the call, but be patient.

peace.
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Yes, thank you for the reminder to be patient. I just need to be patient and trust God on this journey. No previous marriages for either of us. We are both committed to being married for life-we aren’t considering divorce or anything but we just have never had what one would consider an easy marriage. He is a good man and devoted to me but we have had our fair share of problems. Thank you all again for your prayers and advice.
 
sunshinemama said:
Thank you for your post. Yes, we actually are going to Retrouvaille very soon! Even though it is Catholic, my husband is very excited about going. I am praying this will be a great thing for our marriage.
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👍 That’s great! If your husband is willing to do the retreat and the follow-ups, it says a lot about him - that he’s willing to work to improve the marriage. There’s hope!

🙂
 
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