Non Catholic Husband and Condoms

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Hello,

I am in the process of joining the Catholic Church but I have this constant issue making me anxious. My non-catholic husband (not interested in joining at all) does not want more children. I had a very traumatic pregnancy and childbirth. He also has a physical issue with his penis which makes intercourse hard and unpleasantly painful without a condom. We had always just used condoms, except once when it worked without hurting him too much after I was begging him for a child. But it does hurt him greatly. He would not be willing to have surgery for this either as he sees it as no issue as long as we use a condom.

We haven’t had relations since I got pregnant over three years ago… but I am anxious to get back to it now as he refuses to not wear a condom and my new faith says it is wrong and I feel sick with guilt.

I love my husband so much and can see this causing issue in our very harmonious marriage. I want to be intimate with him for our marriage, but now feel sick with guilt thinking about it.

I don’t know what to do and it is stressing me out.

Please help me! I want to sort this out before I am a full member of the Church!

Thank you!
 
perforated condom.

(mostly my opinion to follow) I would say it is not ideal, but seeing as you are using strictly for the medical (pain avoidance/relief) reason it probably is perfectly acceptable.
 
Her husband does not want more children, he will not agree to that.

OP If you have avoided relations for three years why is it suddenly important to resume them?
 
Hello!

We had a difficult situation with our daughter which was all consuming,it’s now eased and we have again the time and energy for intimacy which is important to my husband and he sees as an essential part of our martial commitment
 
I would encourage your husband to get his issues looked at first of all. You may not be successful, but I would want him to resolve the issue even if I was OK with him using condoms.

Speak to your pastor.

My understanding is that as long as you express your objection you can morally have relations with a contracepting spouse. Again speak to your pastor.

Since you are the woman you could quietly practice NFP (i.e. monitor your signs and not agree to relations when you are fertile).
 
He needs to talk to his doctor about his issue, it could be an indicator of something really wrong. Because ultimately condoms don’t actually treat whatever is causing the pain.

Regarding the morality of an innocent spouse vis-a-vis contraception by the other spouse, yes this can be tolerated.

Under the guidance of your confessor.

Google the document Vademecum for Confessors and read it.
 
To stay in accord with Catholic and biblical teaching you need to practice NFP. For this to work with your husband’s issue you can use perforated condoms which still allows the act to be ordered toward procreation.

However, if your husband is unwilling to do this and only wants to use regular condoms then you need to speak to a priest, no one here can properly advise you.
 
hoping4more said:
To stay in accord with Catholic and biblical teaching you need to practice NFP.
Click to expand...
This needs a little tweaking.

In order to stay in accord with Catholic and Biblical teaching, each act must be ordered toward procreation.

In the case where we have a mixed marriage, as 1Ke said above, the guidelines are spelled out in Vademecum for Confessors.
 
Hello,

Welcome to the Catholic Church.

It’s a medical and moral issue.

I say like hopingformore, a perforated condom with no spermicide. I don’t know if it is good solution with ordinary condoms because they are not done for that, but I seems a moral solution.
And use NFP IF and only if you don’t want children, or need to actively try to a child.

But It will be easier if your husbdand agree on chirurgy. Of couse, you can’t force him.
 
Why ask this question? It is perfectly normal for the OP and her husband to want to resume a normal married life. Don’t make her feel like she has to justify that.
 
I think it’s just that a catholic to practice artificial birth control is sinful. When your non-Catholic, lawfully wedded husband insists on using a condom, I’ve never heard it said that you have to refuse him! Talk to your priest. Since you’re in the process of converting, this shouldn’t be a problem.
 
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