Non Catholic looking for help about Catholic Baptism and First Communion

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ABrownrigg

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Hi everybody, before I ask my questions I should give you a bit of my background. (And also apologize for my lack of knowledge.)

I have come from a “broken” family. I was mainly raised by my mother and did not see my father or his family from about 6 years of age until I was an adult on my own. My mother’s family is mostly Protestant but do not attend church. (Her mother was Catholic and her father was Protestant.) I was baptised United.

As a child my mother and I would sporadically attend church. Sometimes she would take me every week for months or years at a time, at other times we’d go only once every few months. She would often change from one church to another depending on who she wanted to associate with at the time. Even though we didn’t always go to church she would always try to make sure I knew about God, religious holidays, how to live as a Christian, etc. She even sent me to Catholic schools because she believed that it was a good way to learn about Christianity even if it wasn’t our religion. (Obviously I didn’t participate in Catholic ceremonies, which is why I have some questions.) I know that isn’t the way a Catholic would (or should) be but that is how I was raised.

My father’s family is Catholic but since I wasn’t raised with them in my life I don’t know enough about the different beliefs, traditions and rituals. (I’m sure there are probably better terms to use but I just don’t know them.) My father’s family has also broken ties with each other (some siblings talk to one another but not to another…) so I still don’t know many of them very well. (I do however have very fond memories of my aunt loading up all of us kids - her own as well as all the nieces and nephews who were around - and bringing us to Church every Saturday night. Most times with help of other adults but often on her own. I don’t know how she managed us all but she did have a nice big van to transport us all.)

My father also had 3 other children with 2 different women before he had me with my mother.

My spouse and I are not married. He was previously married and divorced when he was very young. (She no longer wanted to be married to him and wanted to be with someone else.) We have 3 wonderful daughters and have been together and faithful to each other for a very long time. His mother was Mormon, and his father’s family is Catholic. (Some practising some not.) Him and his sibling were baptised Catholic and attended Catholic schools. My spouse is not a religious person and has left this aspect of our daughters lives up to me.

I know everything in our past has not been done as a good Catholic would have chose or done but I’m not really up to discussing what should or should not have been. I’d simply like some advice about my daughters. They are now 10, 8 and 6 years old.

The public school my 2 oldest daughter were attending closed when the oldest was starting grade 3 (9 years old) and the youngest was starting Senior Kindergarten (5 years old.) I wasn’t completely happy with the public school system and had been thinking of switching them to a Catholic school but didn’t want to uproot them. So when the school closed it made it much easier to switch them to a Catholic school. Now all 3 attend and I am very, very happy with the school and what they have been taught.

My oldest daughter did not attend the Catholic school when her class did their First Communion. My middle daughter is now in grade 2 and are preparing to do First Communion. She has asked to do this with her friends and classmates. Since my girls have not yet been baptized I contacted the church affiliated with the school and have arranged to have them baptized on Feb. 25th. I am going to the church tonight for an information session about the First Communion.

Since my family and my spouses family have a jumbled mixture of Christian religions I decided to let make sure my daughters were educated about Christianity and let them decide which religion they would like to join. All three have decided they would like to be baptized Catholic. I would like to support and encourage them to follow the religion they have chosen. I have reading many articles on the internet that I can find in my spare time and plan on talking to priests at the church but in the meantime I still have some questions, which is why I’m here. (And yes, some of my questions may seem simple, but I haven’t really been able to find direct answers about them.)
  1. Do the girls need to wear a certain type of dress to be baptised? I know infants are normally baptised in white gowns, but what about older children?
  2. If they need to wear a white dress for the baptism, would it be considered bad form for my daughter to wear the same dress for her First Communion?
  3. What about gifts? Should we be getting the girls special gifts? Or is it just the Godparents who do that? Or is it just anybody who wants to?
I will add more questions later but need to make lunch for my hungry munchkins.

Thank you in advance for any responses.
 
  1. Do the girls need to wear a certain type of dress to be baptised? I know infants are normally baptised in white gowns, but what about older children?
  2. If they need to wear a white dress for the baptism, would it be considered bad form for my daughter to wear the same dress for her First Communion?
  3. What about gifts? Should we be getting the girls special gifts? Or is it just the Godparents who do that? Or is it just anybody who wants to?
I will add more questions later but need to make lunch for my hungry munchkins.

Thank you in advance for any responses.
I’m surprised they are going to baptize the oldest since at the age of 10 she has reached the age of reason (considered ~7) and should be going through RCIA. The baptism should be her decision and she should have a basic understanding of the duties of a baptized Catholic in order to make the decision.

As for clothing, you can dress them in white, or they can wear a regular dress and be presented with whatever the parish uses for a white garment. Some parishes have cape-like or bib-like “garments”; in my parish, children that age are dressed in altar servers’ albs at the “Presentation of the White Garment” and they wear them for the rest of the ceremony & Mass.

Yes, they can definitely wear the same dress for First Communion.

It’s a very special time so it would not be amiss to give them rosaries, bibles or a cross for their room when they are baptized. Anybody who wants to may give them presents.
 
Welcome to CAF!

You have a complex story. Have you discussed it with the priest at the church they will be baptized at? (it may help him to understand the pastoral needs of your family)

It is good your daughters have your support, though.

To answer your short questions:
1 & 2) if a white dress is available it is certainly appropriate. If not, simply wear the nicest light-color outfit available. There is no need to run out and buy a special outfit for either Baptism or First Communion
  1. a gift can be part of the celebration but is not necessary to either sacrament. If you choose to give a gift, ask for suggestions at a Catholic bookstore.
Now for the shocker (sorry, but there had to be one). It is possible that the priest might determine that one or both of the girls is not yet ready for either Baptism or First Communion. This is not through any fault of the girls’ but just because they need some “catch-up work” for the previous years’ catechism they missed. If the 8 y.o. misses the class celebration of First Communion, offer the consolation that she will celebrate the sacrament in a special class: her and her sister (I hope they like to do things together).

The 6 y.o. might still be young enough to be baptized on her parents’ request and follow through the normal pattern for celebrating the Sacraments.
 
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