Non-Christian Friends

[MysticMissMisty]

Salvete, omnes!

Is it all right as a Christian to have non-Christian friends?

I ask this because of verses saying that one should not be “unequally yoked” and asking how light can have anything in common with darkness. There is also a verse that says that we should not be deceived, that bad company corrupts good morals.

In my experience, while you may not be able to share your deepest, darkest dilemmas with non-Christian friends and get good advice, even non-Christians have a lot more in common with us than I think we would often like to believe, especially if they are men and women of good will otherwise.

I also consider myself a very strong person when it comes to faith and I am not easily influenced. I am also a person who connects very easily with people (believe it or not!), and that, with all kinds of people, because I can usually find at least something in common with them.

That being said, I have been of the opinion that, if one is strong enough to avoid any negative influence of someone who may not be a Christian and who may have some bad behaviors, it is still OK to have them as a friend.

And, we also have examples of Christ hanging with sinners on many occasions. I mean, He could’ve just preached at them, right, without dining, etc. with them? So, He must’ve had a desire to connect on a deeper level with them, and that, maybe even beyond just a desire to trying to “convert” them, but to genuinely love them for who they were, even if they didn’t convert. This, too, has always been my approach. Of course, one, in this case, could always argue that He could hang out with such people because He was sinless and would thus not be negatively influenced by them. However, isn’t Jesus to be our example?

Still, if it is fine to have non-Christian friends, then how are we to handle verses saying that we should not be unequally yoked and saying that light cannot combine with darkness, and verses that state that “bad company corrupts good morals”? I mean, I know that this verse is talking about not hanging out with so-called “brothers” (Christians) who engage in sin, but could it not also be applied even more to those outside the Faith? If not, why not? I mean, even with this verse, yes, it is true that, if we are not careful, bad company can corrupt good morals, but, if we are well-trained enough, can we not resist this? But, again, Paul says to “be not deceived”, so, maybe there were those even in his day, that were making these same kinds of arguments? I do, however, recall at least one of the Church Fathers saying that, if a person were strong enough to resist bad influence, he could have non-Christian fiends, though he qualified it by saying that the purpose of such a friendship should be one of ultimate conversion. However, to me, this seems insincere–to befriend someone and act like you care with your ultimate aim toward conversion. I mean, yes, conversion is nice, but, if it doesn’t happen, I think simply caring about the person and doing good to him/her are godly things to do, right?

I mean, is it all right, even with non-Christian friends, simply to enjoy their company for its own sake?

 

[Kelfa28]

I think a vast majority of Non-Christians are not bad people.

I think you are confused.

You can be a good and moral person but not be a Christian. That is entirely possible.

I don’t think that St. Paul meant that we should avoid all non-Christians because that is unrealistic.

We should avoid people who will lead us into sin. But certainly not all non-Christians fall into this category.

Plus…I think this pertains mores to marriage then friendships. Mostly because we aren’t encouraged to get this close to someone within a friendship.

We can set up healthy boundaries within friendships that shouldn’t affect our faith.
We can’t do that within a marriage because the point of marriage is to cleave to our spouse and also to produce children.

You can cut off a friendship that isn’t healthy for you…you can’t do that with your spouse.

I know plenty of good and moral people who aren’t Catholic or even Christian and I like spending time with them and I think it’s good that my children spend time with them as well.

I also know people who aren’t Christian and aren’t exactly the most moral people but I still love them and have been friends with them for years and years.

Their issues don’t affect my faith in the least and I can only hope that my example and my prayers can help them.

 

[PolarGuy]

Misty, I tried one approach, and it went nowhere. I’ll try another.

I say this in all charity, and I respectfully ask that you give this some thought: Your posts are all the same. They are always some permutation of:

"How do we reconcile X harmless activity with (some miscellaneous obscure Bible verse that is referenced obliquely or out of context and seems to suggest otherwise)?

Try to take away this:

1. As Catholics, we don’t need to “reconcile” every Bible verse with every possible interpretation thereof; we certainly don’t place nearly as much emphasis on the Old Testament as the New. Also, 1 verse needs to be read in context with and in conjunction with the verses near it.
2. You are always uniformly seeing the Bible in a way Catholics don’t: It’s not a primer for 100% of all events/choices you will encounter. You seem to view it as that and as some “receptacle of hidden knowledge that we need to delve into every line of.” The Bible is a basic, simple, Book for all – not just those few who can parse each word and understand hidden details.

Seriously, since you are always telling us how you like these deep things, perhaps you ought to do 2 things: First; ask yourself, “Do I really, really think that’s what the Bible means? Does the Bible mean I can’t have a Jewish friend?” Of course not. Second, invest in a really good Catholic study Bible where every verse and line are explained; cross-referenced; etc. Otherwise, with all due respect, you’re just going to keep posting the same kinds of things, over and over again, leading to inevitable frustration on our parts, and yours…

 

[grannymh]

Salvete, omnes!

Is it all right as a Christian to have non-Christian friends?

I ask this because of verses saying that one should not be “unequally yoked” and asking how light can have anything in common with darkness. There is also a verse that says that we should not be deceived, that bad company corrupts good morals.

May I have your citations? It is important to understand the context of your “quotes.” For me, I need to study paragraphs up and down and sometimes the whole chapter.

The human person is worthy of profound respect.

 

[JurisPrudens]

When Gentiles who have not the law do by nature what the law requires, they are a law to themselves, even though they do not have the law.(romans 2.14)

 

[pianistclare]

Misty, I tried one approach, and it went nowhere. I’ll try another.

I say this in all charity, and I respectfully ask that you give this some thought: Your posts are all the same. They are always some permutation of:

"How do we reconcile X harmless activity with (some miscellaneous obscure Bible verse that is referenced obliquely or out of context and seems to suggest otherwise)?

Try to take away this:

1. As Catholics, we don’t need to “reconcile” every Bible verse with every possible interpretation thereof; we certainly don’t place nearly as much emphasis on the Old Testament as the New. Also, 1 verse needs to be read in context with and in conjunction with the verses near it.
2. You are always uniformly seeing the Bible in a way Catholics don’t: It’s not a primer for 100% of all events/choices you will encounter. You seem to view it as that and as some “receptacle of hidden knowledge that we need to delve into every line of.” The Bible is a basic, simple, Book for all – not just those few who can parse each word and understand hidden details.

Seriously, since you are always telling us how you like these deep things, perhaps you ought to do 2 things: First; ask yourself, “Do I really, really think that’s what the Bible means? Does the Bible mean I can’t have a Jewish friend?” Of course not. Second, invest in a really good Catholic study Bible where every verse and line are explained; cross-referenced; etc. Otherwise, with all due respect, you’re just going to keep posting the same kinds of things, over and over again, leading to inevitable frustration on our parts, and yours…

I was going to reply : "Of course we can…why in the world would you think otherwise?
Did not Luke, Paul, and others preach to the Gentiles?

But I think PolarGuy nailed it.

I hope you take it to heart.

 

[recentrevert]

We must be very careful in having friendships with non-Catholics, especially latter-day pagans and those who live as latter-day pagans. These people, who make up most of the population of my own country, England, are usually poisonous to faith. It can happen that they are considerate to your beliefs but still, familiarity will usually lead to sin, if only to spending too much time thinking about the world.

Human respect is always a danger. The more confident the person and the greater their age and authority the harder it is to resist them. They can easily lead us into sin with their evil tongues.

We must be friends of our own souls first of all. It may be that you can convert the person and this should be the only purpose of having non-Catholic friends, since a true friend wants what is best for the other, and what is best for the other is to convert. Our best friend is God and He wants us to bring Him every soul we can. The Catholic with non-Catholic friends should consider whether he is really proclaiming the truth to the non-Catholic in word and deed as a true friend would. Otherwise, it is just a waste of time and an occasion of sin to have non-Catholic friends.

 

[francisca]

The human person is worthy of profound respect.

 

[PolarGuy]

Recentrevert – “the only reason to have non-Christian friends is to convert them?”

I’m sorry, that is absurd; is not reflective of Catholic teaching; and is the antithesis of essentially everything Jesus taught us.

By your logic, a Catholic cannot be friends with, and perhaps cannot even interact with, a Jew who pounds on the Catholic’s door and begs the Catholic to save him from the approaching Gestapo; a Rabbi who wants a sincere interfaith dialog; and a host of other interactions.

Seriously, your theology is way, WAY off. Worse, it feeds people like Misty, who may not know better, and/or who may think that your theology is Catholic theology (which it most assuredly is not).

 

[St_Redemption]

Salvete, omnes!

Is it all right as a Christian to have non-Christian friends?

Oh it is absolutely okay. I have a number of them. A number of very good friends actually. It would be very Unchristian to tell these people we cannot be friends with them because they don’t share our faith and would actually make our faith look very bad.

This one is a no-brainer my friend. God Bless!

 

[NovusFidem]

“Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?” - 2 Corinthians 6:14

The passages you are referring are in regards to different beliefs, yes. But more towards actions, bindings, doing stuff with them.

Just because you are a good Christian and want to be a good influence for your not-good Christian or atheist friends, doesn’t mean you have to walk with them everywhere. As they go to night clubs, smoke joints and all, is where you draw the line.

As it goes: “For what partnership have righteousness - your chastity - and lawlessness - his lust -, or what fellowship has light - your Christian beliefs - with darkness - his incredulity?”, it warns us that these two things simply can’t be mixed.

(I mean, just imagine this marriage: the wife wants to remain chaste, while the husband wants to add depravity to the act - only one or the other wins in this situation, never both).

Attempting to live a Christian life with an unbeliever will be difficult. You either go into this relationship with the intention of helping them (as you should, you want to evangelize), or you go into it risking being corrupted. But you are never going to be neutral in regards to them, as there is no “equal yoke” between the two of you.

Long story short: you can be friends, you should be friends! But prepare for conflict, and make sure that your convictions are strong - one of you WILL have to cede in some situations, so let’s hope it’s them and not you.

PS: I think it is good that she keeps asking how to apply obscure teachings to the day-to-day. She is discerning still, after all.

I just advise the OP to research a little before posting here, as these are some common questions that you may find answers elsewhere

 

[on_the_hill]

No. Thats why I shun all non-Catholics.

joke

Mystic, do you really feel that all of your too-long-for-people -to-read explorations are worth your time?

 

[recentrevert]

Recentrevert – “the only reason to have non-Christian friends is to convert them?”

I’m sorry, that is absurd; is not reflective of Catholic teaching; and is the antithesis of essentially everything Jesus taught us.

By your logic, a Catholic cannot be friends with, and perhaps cannot even interact with, a Jew who pounds on the Catholic’s door and begs the Catholic to save him from the approaching Gestapo; a Rabbi who wants a sincere interfaith dialog; and a host of other interactions.

Seriously, your theology is way, WAY off. Worse, it feeds people like Misty, who may not know better, and/or who may think that your theology is Catholic theology (which it most assuredly is not).

The Church teaches us to avoid the occasions of sin and worldliness. Non-Catholic friends will usually lead us from God unless they themselves are truly seeking God, as most are not. They will lead us into worldly activities and unreasonable compromises. A Catholic can and should help non-Catholics in need and those who are seeking truth but to have familiarity with the world is imprudent.

 

[PolarGuy]

Recent, you are making this up as you go. The church teaches to avoid occasions of sin - but it does not teach us that non-Christians are such occasions. As to your statement that most non Christians are not seeking God, I’m sorry but you’re pulling that out of your elbow, and please don’t confuse your personal opinion with Church teaching - especially because your opinion is not reflective of Church teaching. The church does not teach that we are not to have non-Christian friends. You may interpret some particular teaching as leading to this conclusion, but the conclusion is NOT taught by the Church, and you are interpreting “avoid occasions of sin!” wrongly.

 

[thistle]

Misty, I tried one approach, and it went nowhere. I’ll try another.

I say this in all charity, and I respectfully ask that you give this some thought: Your posts are all the same. They are always some permutation of:

"How do we reconcile X harmless activity with (some miscellaneous obscure Bible verse that is referenced obliquely or out of context and seems to suggest otherwise)?

Try to take away this:

1. As Catholics, we don’t need to “reconcile” every Bible verse with every possible interpretation thereof; we certainly don’t place nearly as much emphasis on the Old Testament as the New. Also, 1 verse needs to be read in context with and in conjunction with the verses near it.
2. You are always uniformly seeing the Bible in a way Catholics don’t: It’s not a primer for 100% of all events/choices you will encounter. You seem to view it as that and as some “receptacle of hidden knowledge that we need to delve into every line of.” The Bible is a basic, simple, Book for all – not just those few who can parse each word and understand hidden details.

Seriously, since you are always telling us how you like these deep things, perhaps you ought to do 2 things: First; ask yourself, “Do I really, really think that’s what the Bible means? Does the Bible mean I can’t have a Jewish friend?” Of course not. Second, invest in a really good Catholic study Bible where every verse and line are explained; cross-referenced; etc. Otherwise, with all due respect, you’re just going to keep posting the same kinds of things, over and over again, leading to inevitable frustration on our parts, and yours…

 

[on_the_hill]

Non-Catholic friends will usually lead us from God unless they themselves are truly seeking God, as most are not. They will lead us into worldly activities and unreasonable compromises.

Worldly activities like visiting the public library? Or joining a chess club? Birdwatching? Mountain climbing? Running a marathon? Attending the opera?

 

[Kelfa28]

The Church teaches us to avoid the occasions of sin and worldliness. Non-Catholic friends will usually lead us from God unless they themselves are truly seeking God, as most are not. They will lead us into worldly activities and unreasonable compromises. A Catholic can and should help non-Catholics in need and those who are seeking truth but to have familiarity with the world is imprudent.

So us converts need to lose our friendships and all of our family members because they aren’t interested in being badgered to convert themselves.
How about spouses and children? Are we to avoid them too?

Whatever happened to just being a good example of the faith while in their company?

I guess my kids will just have to lose contact with all four grandparents, all of their aunts and uncles, all of their cousins, all of their neighborhood friends and cut every single “worldly activity” they do with “pagans” like swim lessons, ballet and story time at the library.
Activities that are completely wholesome, good, fun and something they both thoroughly enjoy.

Fantastic…I’ll just get right on that so they can stay at home and indoors all day, every day…except for Mass.
And when my daughter asks when she can see her Grandma or her favorite cousins for Playdates…I can just tell her…“well, we can’t…unless they convert. They are too worldly for us and a near occasion of sin.”

Believe it or not…my husband and I are converts and reverts to the faith, respectively. We come from a very, very long line of baptized Catholics who haven’t practiced the faith in decades…or ever, for that matter (baptized Catholic and never set foot inside a Church since).
We do the best we can with the hand we’ve been dealt.

Family members attend Mass with us on occasion but right now it’s just lip service. It’s not our job to convert everyone so we can spend time with them.
That is, ultimately, the job of the Holy Spirit and not us.

Besides…what is actually considered “worldly” and a near occasion of sin for any Catholic?

Is there a list I can look at?

 

[ComplineSanFran]

I seem to recall that one of the Pope’s closest friends is a Jewish rabbi, Avram Skorka. Although he may not be a Christian, my guess is that the good rabbi is equal in wisdom, intelligence, holiness, and compassion. AND closeness to God.

jewishjournal.com/world/article/studying_torah_with_the_pope_qa_with_rabbi_abraham_skorka

 

[recentrevert]

So us converts need to lose our friendships and all of our family members because they aren’t interested in being badgered to convert themselves.
How about spouses and children? Are we to avoid them too?

Whatever happened to just being a good example of the faith while in their company?

I guess my kids will just have to lose contact with all four grandparents, all of their aunts and uncles, all of their cousins, all of their neighborhood friends and cut every single “worldly activity” they do with “pagans” like swim lessons, ballet and story time at the library.
Activities that are completely wholesome, good, fun and something they both thoroughly enjoy.

Fantastic…I’ll just get right on that so they can stay at home and indoors all day, every day…except for Mass.
And when my daughter asks when she can see her Grandma or her favorite cousins for Playdates…I can just tell her…“well, we can’t…unless they convert. They are too worldly for us and a near occasion of sin.”

Believe it or not…my husband and I are converts and reverts to the faith, respectively. We come from a very, very long line of baptized Catholics who haven’t practiced the faith in decades…or ever, for that matter (baptized Catholic and never set foot inside a Church since).
We do the best we can with the hand we’ve been dealt.

Family members attend Mass with us on occasion but right now it’s just lip service. It’s not our job to convert everyone so we can spend time with them.
That is, ultimately, the job of the Holy Spirit and not us.

Besides…what is actually considered “worldly” and a near occasion of sin for any Catholic?

Is there a list I can look at?

Whether or not to keep company with non-Catholics is a matter of prudence since it is not intrinsically evil. I don’t think you will find any saints who voluntarily kept company with non-Catholics except for a serious reason. Being a good example in the company of non-Catholics is what we must do if we are obliged to be around them. Non-Catholics cause us to sin through human respect or even just through taking up our time doing other things than what God really wants us to be doing. They also give us a worldly view of things which we can see more clearly and eradicate once we begin avoiding them.

 

[Helpful_Atheist]

Hello everyone and with no disrespect meant there is one thing that every here is getting wrong right now, and that is assuming that being friends with a non-catholic is going to be all about religion. As a former catholic who became an atheist at a young age(for the record I became the first non-religious in the group they didn’t influence me) and I am still friends with those people despite my best friend a very devout Mormon, just went on his mission trip and I am very far from being receptive to conversion. The truth is most friends don’t talk about religion with one another and even when they do it is more reserved and all parties involved try their best to be respectful and despite having spoken to my friends about religion a few times.
So in my opinion as being the gentile it is ok to be friends with me and people with similar mindsets like me because so long as you do not try to convert us we will not try to convert you. And if you are worried about being corrupted by the activities we do on a regular basis like going to a night club then maybe you just shouldn't be friends with this person for more than religious reasons.