Non-practicing relatives receiving communion? by a scrupulous person

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br_catholic

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Hello there!

This Sunday I went to Holy Mass with three relatives. They all arrived after First Reading begun (I went earlier to avoid being late) and only one didn’t go to the Communion line. I know the grave obligation is to attend to a whole Mass on Sundays.

The point is: I should have warned them not to receive the Eucharist, but I didn’t. One of them doesn’t go to mass regularly (actually I can’t be 100% sure if he recently confessed or not, but most likely did not – besides, on another occasion I had warned him not to receive Holy Communion without attending Mass regularly and he did receive anyway), and the other relative, even though goes to Mass regularly, arrived late at the Sunday Mass.

I am very concerned for them, and uncertain about my guilt on this: did I commit a mortal sin in not stopping/warning them from receiving the Eucharist? Maybe yes, for it is a grave matter, and I, knowing much more about the Faith than them, should have explained things. Or maybe not, for the two are adults of free will, and, having had a long life as Catholics, albeit “non-practicing” or having being thought a most likely poor catechesis, should know by themselves that they should not go to Holy Communion.

Adding to my scrupulosity, there is the fact that I was partially responsible for their being late, for I was keeping one of my relatives busy with old family photos until shortly before Mass…

I sincerely ask for your thoughts on this. Sorry for the long text and grammar errors.

Salve Regina!
 
br_catholic said:
Hello there!

This Sunday I went to Holy Mass with three relatives. They all arrived after First Reading begun (I went earlier to avoid being late) and only one didn’t go to the Communion line. I know the grave obligation is to attend to a whole Mass on Sundays.

The point is: I should have warned them not to receive the Eucharist, but I didn’t. One of them doesn’t go to mass regularly (actually I can’t be 100% sure if he recently confessed or not, but most likely did not – besides, on another occasion I had warned him not to receive Holy Communion without attending Mass regularly and he did receive anyway), and the other relative, even though goes to Mass regularly, arrived late at the Sunday Mass.

I am very concerned for them, and uncertain about my guilt on this: did I commit a mortal sin in not stopping/warning them from receiving the Eucharist? Maybe yes, for it is a grave matter, and I, knowing much more about the Faith than them, should have explained things. Or maybe not, for the two are adults of free will, and, having had a long life as Catholics, albeit “non-practicing” or having being thought a most likely poor catechesis, should know by themselves that they should not go to Holy Communion.

Adding to my scrupulosity, there is the fact that I was partially responsible for their being late, for I was keeping one of my relatives busy with old family photos until shortly before Mass…

I sincerely ask for your thoughts on this. Sorry for the long text and grammar errors.

Salve Regina!
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If you feel you did the best under trying circumstances, give yourself and them the benefit of the doubt. You may WANT to keep them from sin but that’s not always within your capacity. Do your best in a loving way with their best intention at your heart. God knows what you’ve done and why. Continue to pray for your wayward relatives; we’re not perfect by any means and neither are they. The Holy Spirit will guide them. God Bless you. 👍
 
No, it is not in any way your responsibility to police the Communion line at Church.

If you committed any sin, it was in judging your relatives. You may be setting a bad example of Catholicism for them. Set a positive example, not an anxious, judgmental one.
 
I think maybe your conscience is too delicate.

Just attend Mass, receive communion and don’t worry about or judge the other people.
 
The practice of the Church is to accept the conscientious self-appraisal of each person. Canon 912 says, “Any baptized person who is not prohibited by law can and must be admitted to Holy Communion.” Hence the discernment of the state of a person’s awareness of their situation is of paramount importance.
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Theological Reflections on Catholics in Political Life and the Reception of Holy Communion, 2004 Archbishop Levada

In other words, its between God and the person who presents himself for communion.
 
br_catholic said:
I sincerely ask for your thoughts on this.

Salve Regina!
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I’m in agreement with the comments of those who have already replied to you.

If I had been in your position, I would have been glad to see them attending mass, and wouldn’t have felt it was any of my business to interfere.
 
br_catholic said:
Hello there!

This Sunday I went to Holy Mass with three relatives. They all arrived after First Reading begun (I went earlier to avoid being late) and only one didn’t go to the Communion line. I know the grave obligation is to attend to a whole Mass on Sundays.

The point is: I should have warned them not to receive the Eucharist, but I didn’t. One of them doesn’t go to mass regularly (actually I can’t be 100% sure if he recently confessed or not, but most likely did not – besides, on another occasion I had warned him not to receive Holy Communion without attending Mass regularly and he did receive anyway), and the other relative, even though goes to Mass regularly, arrived late at the Sunday Mass.

Salve Regina!
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Actually, there is nothing that says the ‘whole Mass’ must be attended. There has been much debate on here about this. “What if we arrive late? Leave early? What if, what if, what if?” We must attend Mass, but nothing says “from the first note of the first hymn to the last note of the last hymn.”
 
I am with the others. You said you already discussed the matter with one relative, that is enough. These are adults, not children. It is not your responsibility to be the conscience for others in this matter. There is a possibility you may actually drive others away from the Church if you insist on policing their actions. Leave them alone, pray for them, and trust God to take care of the matter. God bless you, though for being concerned about the spiritual welfare of your family. Just handle them with prayer.
 
I’m sure there are many, MANY people receiving communion who shouldn’t. I’ve seen it many times. God knows, and that’s all that matters. We’re not the Communion Police.
 
I can understand the OP’s discomfort.

Many years ago, as a young man, I attended the Catholic funeral Mass for a friend. He was very popular and well-liked, and a large number of friends attended. (his death was a tragic accident).

I knew most of them were not Catholic. Yet nearly all of them received communion. What’s one to do? 🤷

Twenty years later and I’m still uncomfortable about it, but even at the time I knew there was nothing I or anyone else, aside from the priest, could have done.
 
I will re-post an older post of mine.

A person struggles with scruples - what ought they do?

A person with scrupulosity --ought to have a* “regular confessor” who can direct them --and even give them some general principles* to follow -to apply (principles for them due to their particular scruples -they are usually not for those with a normal conscience).

Thus with their direction they can “dismiss scruples” (in the older language despise them) - “act against them”.

Scruples are to be dismissed ~ not argued with.

To borrow and image from a Carthusian from centuries ago: Scruples *are like a barking dog or a hissing goose -one does not stop to argue with a barking dog or a hissing goose does one? * No one keeps walking.

Such ‘obedience’ to a regular confessor who knows of ones scruples (except in what is manifest sin - such as if he told them it was ok to murder someone or something certain like that) is key. Such is the age old practice.

Also counseling -(especially if one also has OCD) could be helpful depending on the case -but one would want to look for a counselor who can assist one in following the Churches Teachings - not go contrary to them (I have heard CA staff mention catholictherapists.com/)

Here was a recent post from Jimmy Akin of CA that I saw in the Register and saved for those who struggle with such.

ncregister.com/blog/jimmy-akin/6-tools-for-the-scrupulous
Also for the future - bring the matter to your confessor - it can be the case that a person who is scrupulous ought NOT seek to give a fraternal correction…ones confessor can guide one.
 
on_the_hill said:
I can understand the OP’s discomfort.

Many years ago, as a young man, I attended the Catholic funeral Mass for a friend. He was very popular and well-liked, and a large number of friends attended. (his death was a tragic accident).

I knew most of them were not Catholic. Yet nearly all of them received communion. What’s one to do? 🤷

Twenty years later and I’m still uncomfortable about it, but even at the time I knew there was nothing I or anyone else, aside from the priest, could have done.
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At funerals our priests, (thankfully,) tactfully explain about the Eucharist and then explain if non-Catholics would like to come for a blessing they should cross their arms over their chest. or just remain in their seats.

Our priest also explained, tactfully, at Christmas, that those not properly prepared for the Eucharist do the same. (There are a lot of Christmas and Easter Catholics who come, and who have forgotten things).

The priest does this in a loving way by the tone of his voice. I pray that the seeds he plants take root!
 
Thank you all for your answers. I understand I cannot be policing the Communion line, nor look through the conscience of adult and free people. However, I still think I did wrong in not warning them beforehand, but will talk about this with my spiritual director to discuss the gravity of the matter. Sometimes telling hard truths about the faith can be difficult, specially to relatives who had a likely poor catechesis and don’t take the doctrine seriously, even though they may be even devout.

About attending the whole mass, see the Catechism, 2042. I read in some sites (don’t remember which ones now) that since the Vatican II the unity of the parts of Mass has been emphasised, and that missing even the first parts of the liturgy would oblige someone to attend to another whole mass on Sundays and holy days of obligation in order to fulfill the precept.
 
For the future - bring the matter to your confessor - it can be the case that a person who is scrupulous ought NOT seek to give a fraternal correction…ones confessor can guide one.
 
br_catholic said:
About attending the whole mass, see the Catechism, 2042. I read in some sites (don’t remember which ones now) that since the Vatican II the unity of the parts of Mass has been emphasised, and that missing even the first parts of the liturgy would oblige someone to attend to another whole mass on Sundays and holy days of obligation in order to fulfill the precept.
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Make sure you have a regular confessor as I noted above. Such is key for you.

I would not suggest you be reading “some sites” but go see your confessor. A person with scruples could confuse themselves in seeking out such “sites” for ones answer (depending on the scruples).

(and no I would not say that a person who comes in say after the first reading or so did not fulfill ones obligation–they should not be late of course …but sometimes things happen).
 
Iam reminded that one of the worst things that Christ’s critics could up with angist Him was that not only did He hang out with the unclean, the unwelcome, , the sinners in their mist; but he also broke bread with them, He eat with them.

Well at lest it is something to think about before we judge or put a barrier up and stoping someone from receiving our Lord Christ in the Eucharist.

Br Mark.osb
 
Br_Mark said:
Iam reminded that one of the worst things that Christ’s critics could up with angist Him was that not only did He hang out with the unclean, the unwelcome, , the sinners in their mist; but he also broke bread with them, He eat with them.

Well at lest it is something to think about before we judge or put a barrier up and stoping someone from receiving our Lord Christ in the Eucharist.

Br Mark.osb
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It is not judging to lovingly correct someone.
 
If Christ can give himself freely, when He was physically here, I believe that we should do no less.

Christ was interested in orthopraix ( right action ) vs orthodox ( right belief ); i.e. When we saw you naked, hungry, …

Perhaps others are better than I; for I can not see into the soul of another and judge / gage where that person stands in his / her relationship with God.

Without that relationship with God, none of us can be worthy. But due to that dynamic Christ can truthfully tell us that we are no longer servants but friends.

Br Mark osb
 
When our Lord Jesus Christ freed the woman who was caught in adultery from being stoned, He also said “Go, and sin no more”, because He loved her and wanted what was best for her.
 
Br_Mark said:
If Christ can give himself freely, when He was physically here, I believe that we should do no less.

Christ was interested in orthopraix ( right action ) vs orthodox ( right belief ); i.e. When we saw you naked, hungry, …

Perhaps others are better than I; for I can not see into the soul of another and judge / gage where that person stands in his / her relationship with God.

Without that relationship with God, none of us can be worthy. But due to that dynamic Christ can truthfully tell us that we are no longer servants but friends.

Br Mark osb
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So, are you saying that we should allow everyone to come up for Communion, no matter their state of mind, soul, grace or beliefs?

I don’t see why right action and right belief can’t be the same thing. I am Catholic, I believe in the works of mercy, and I apply them in the best way I can, with my Catholic heart and love.

I don’t judge whether or not others are able to receive the Eucharist. I’m too concerned about making sure I can. However, if I bring a friend or family member with me that is not Catholic, I will let them know in a loving way about abstaining from Communion. I have shared with my son, who occasionally attends Mass, but does not do so regularly, what his obligation is. He knows how I feel, he knows the rules, and from there, it’s up to him.
 
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