Non-Practicing

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Is it okay to date a non-practicing catholic? This person isn’t hostile to the faith and feels bad about not practicing the faith. Should I give him a chance or move on? :confused:
 
Kateri92 said:
Is it okay to date a non-practicing catholic? This person isn’t hostile to the faith and feels bad about not practicing the faith. Should I give him a chance or move on? :confused:
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Coming from a mixed marriage (and that’s pretty much what you’d have with this guy) I would definitely move on. Faith is hard enough to keep in difficult times. Keeping it all alone by yourself in these difficult circumstances is excruciatingly difficult at times.
 
Kateri92 said:
Is it okay to date a non-practicing catholic? This person isn’t hostile to the faith and feels bad about not practicing the faith. Should I give him a chance or move on? :confused:
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Why would you want to date someone who (a) doesn’t share your faith and (b) is not motivated to change his own slacker behavior despite “feeling bad” about it? (Whatever that means.)
 
He’s catholic but doesn’t go to mass. I equate that as non-practicing. Does this change anything?
 
Kateri92 said:
He’s catholic but doesn’t go to mass. I equate that as non-practicing. Does this change anything?
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Do you know why he doesn’t go?

If he identifies as Catholic, is he talking about his beliefs, cultural heritage, or just that he was raised Catholic?

I’d be more likely to give a guy a shot if he believed than if he didn’t, but I’d also be upfront and say, “I want to be on the same page about religion, so if you’re not willing to go to Mass and practice your faith, then we shouldn’t see each other.” I’m not saying it should be your mission to try and bring this guy back, but you could invite him back. Sometimes that’s all it takes.
 
Kateri92 said:
He’s catholic but doesn’t go to mass. I equate that as non-practicing. Does this change anything?
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Ideally you would only date totally committed, fully practicing Catholics. (Real life seems to be much different.)

It is up to you, and only you, whom you date.

(I am married to a baptized, never practicing Catholic. We have been married for more than 20 years.)
 
My late husband was a non-practising Catholic when we met. He had been married to a protestant woman without dispensation and hadn’t practised his faith for many years. When we started dating seriously he gradually started coming to mass with me on a regular basis until he finally made his way all the way home. He credits me with helping him find his way back. After only 5 years of marriage he passed away suddenly. I shudder to think what might have happened if I hadn’t met him. He might never have found his way home.

Don’t write off this person just yet, especially if he is showing signs that he might be open to coming back to his faith. You never know, you might be his map home.
 
seagal said:
My late husband was a non-practising Catholic when we met. He had been married to a protestant woman without dispensation and hadn’t practised his faith for many years. When we started dating seriously he gradually started coming to mass with me on a regular basis until he finally made his way all the way home. He credits me with helping him find his way back. After only 5 years of marriage he passed away suddenly. I shudder to think what might have happened if I hadn’t met him. He might never have found his way home.

Don’t write off this person just yet, especially if he is showing signs that he might be open to coming back to his faith. You never know, you might be his map home.
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Oh wow. I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you for the advice. I’m not ready to write him off quite yet anyway. Your advice is helpful.
 
It would really depend on if they were willing to return to practicing the faith. My biggest concern is how his lack of participation would impact any future children. It can be very difficult to explain why Dad doesn’t go to Mass, but they still need to. Studies tend to show that the fathers religious attitudes have a huge impact on their children. I know that might seem to be something far in the future, but I hold to dating being about discernment for marriage.

This also assumes he’s on the same page about appropriate behavior while dating (primarily no physical intimacy) and marriage (no contraception, properly ordered marital embrace, etc).

I wouldn’t write them off immediately, but recommend you think about what impacts non-practice would make 5, 10, 20 years down the road. Sometimes in the blush of a new relationship we tend to gloss over things. After 20+ years of marriage I can tell you that things my wife did that annoyed me when were were dating still annoy me now. Never marry with the assumption that things will eventually change. They may or may not, but assume anything that bothers you now may still be there when you’re 80.
 
Kateri92 said:
Is it okay to date a non-practicing catholic? This person isn’t hostile to the faith and feels bad about not practicing the faith. Should I give him a chance or move on? :confused:
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There is no church law or commandment that says you cannot date a non-practicing Catholic. And with how hard it is to find a practicing Catholic to date these days (for men and women) I would not be quick to write the guy off. I do not know how well you know this guy and where your current relationship with him stands (barely getting to know him, been friends for a long time, kinda dating, never been on a date with him yet) but I would find out how he feels about no-premarital relations. If he is okay with that, why not give him a shot if he is a good guy? If he is not, do not date him in hopes that he will change his mind. Part ways. Dating is rough and there is always a chance you can get your heart broken whether he is a practicing Catholic or not. Oh yeah, I would see if he would be open to attending Mass with you sometimes. Good luck. God bless.
 
You have already decided to give him a chance. Go with it. There is obviously something about him that appeals to you. My wife is not catholic, but is thinking about converting, we have been married 34 years. It’s not a problem, it never has been, if you are comfortable with each other, the rest will fall into place.
 
I am Episcopal and my husband is Catholic. We have been married 15+ years.

Besides, e end if he did decide to go back to church, that doesn’t mean that he couldn’t change his mind and stop going at some point.

I suppose you need to weigh how big of an issue this is to you. Does he treat you well? Is he respectful? Does he care about you?

This is a decision only you can make. In my situation, it has worked, but it may not work for everyone.
 
I married one! If she was a ‘practicing’ Catholic it would have never worked out. We would not have shared the same views on some very important issues. She identifies with Catholicism through cultural history. We live in a progressive and secular country (NZ) where so many Catholic teachings are at odds with todays thinking. We could see this in the results of the survey conducted for the Synod meeting on Marriage and the Family.
 
When you are looking for a life partner, why wouldn’t you want a man who knew how to go on his knees and pray, a man who knows that the power of God can come into life’s circumstances? A man who knows how to bring a blessing on his family?

What an example he will be when he’s in church and the kids see him kneeling, praying. That he goes to confession and trains his kids in what the virtues are. When he goes up and receives communion with reverence, the children will see that. A man like that knows how God can open doors that no one else can. God makes a path straight, guides, strengthens. Why would you settle for less than that?

Pray for your future husband every day. Ask God to touch his heart, keep him safe, guide his steps. Ask the same for yourself.

When you date a man that is not interested in walking with God, you are telling God by your action that God isn’t that important to you. Honor God with your singleness, with your dating, with your future marriage. There are no regrets there.
 
Kateri92 said:
Is it okay to date a non-practicing catholic? This person isn’t hostile to the faith and feels bad about not practicing the faith. Should I give him a chance or move on? :confused:
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I would get to know him better. Perhaps he is poorly catechized and is open to discussing his faith.

If nothing else, you may have met a friend.

If at some point he is certain that he doesn’t want to practice his faith you’ll know what to do.
 
First I want to say there is a possibility you will be an example and he will come back to the faith. But that is a SMALL possibility and I would not put my money on it. I would be more likely to think the more you push him to return to the faith, the more he will think you are a nag.

Now, with that said and done, there are several people on this site who have non-practicing or non-Catholic spouses and a lot do seem to be happy in their marriage, so, the fact that he is not Catholic is not a show stopper

However, many people in mixed marriages do feel lonely in the sense they can not share their faith with their spouse.

So, as others have said, it really is a personal decision you will have to figure out for yourself. Or…you could pray to God and ask for His will

Angie
 
The situation just got more complicated. I’m not dating this guy yet but we have been talking everyday for a few weeks. I’m confused about how he feels about me because when I asked him what his intentions were I didn’t get a straight forward answer. But, now I have recently met another guy who is devoutly catholic and very well mannered. I feel weird talking to two guys at once. Is it okay for a catholic to “play the field” (as some people call it)? I feel dishonest in doing that. Help!
 
Kateri92 said:
The situation just got more complicated. I’m not dating this guy yet but we have been talking everyday for a few weeks. I’m confused about how he feels about me because when I asked him what his intentions were I didn’t get a straight forward answer. But, now I have recently met another guy who is devoutly catholic and very well mannered. I feel weird talking to two guys at once. Is it okay for a catholic to “play the field” (as some people call it)? I feel dishonest in doing that. Help!
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Yes, it’s okay. You are not dating the first guy and even then you made no vow of exclusivity with him. I don’t see why not.

Think of them as friends first. You need to pray for the gift of discernment and for divine guidance in order to proceed in a way that honors God.
 
Kateri92;1338733:
when I asked him what his intentions were I didn’t get a straight forward answer.
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You got a very clear answer, he does not want to commit
Kateri92;1338733:
I feel weird talking to two guys at once. Is it okay for a catholic to “play the field” (as some people call it)? I feel dishonest in doing that. Help!
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Talking to men is NOT playing the field. Perhaps try looking at these guys and children of God before trying to figure out if they are your boyfriend
 
Anglewannabe said:
You got a very clear answer, he does not want to commit

Talking to men is NOT playing the field. Perhaps try looking at these guys and children of God before trying to figure out if they are your boyfriend
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Okay, this makes sense. I guess I have been influence by the culture. Sorry about that reference.
 
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