Noncatholic Raising Kids Catholic - Advice

[EasterJoy]

Thank you, yes, I was going to ask if this is even necessary or fitting (noncatholics crossing arms over chest). I had never done it in the past (holidays, baptismal, nuptial, or funeral masses) but read somewhere recently that it is a positive sign of reverence for the Host (of which I do hold, despite my uncertainty about the Real Presence). I will certainly refrain in future if it is meaningless in that regard, since I only started doing it out of respect for the community. I realize also that I do not need an individual blessing, I’m just the kid-herder!

All very good advice and guidance, I’m so glad I joined and asked the questions…I am learning a lot!

It is certainly not necessary to ask for a blessing, let alone to have one’s arms crossed in front of one the entire time one is in line. Anyone not receiving may stay in the pew. Anyone in line who elects not to receive after getting in line can merely offer a gesture of reverence such as a simple bow (a bow of the head) to reverence the Blessed Sacrament when their turn comes, and then return to their seat. There is no need to ask for a blessing, as doing so is not part of the rubrics of the Mass. If one wants to ask for a blessing, though, making the gesture of the crossed arms at the last minute is entirely acceptable. Before that, just fold your hands in front of you, which is what most of the communicants will also be doing. That is OK.

If you are staying in the pew, it is polite to get out of the pew as if you were going, but to stand back about a pace, let those who are going pass by you, and get back in. If there were any who got into line in front of you, it is nice to get out on the other end of the pew when they approach, let them pass, and then get in again. The idea is to make sure no one has to feel as if they are crawling over you in order to leave or come back. This is why many people planning not to go to Holy Communion will sit on one aisle or the other, so they only have to get out once, either to let everyone in their pew get out or to let them all back in, but not both.

Is it “fitting”? This topic is so contentious that it is sometimes banned on a Catholic forum. There are very strong opinions, both for and against, and not always worded in a charitable way. I would answer that question by asking your pastor. If he says don’t or he says his bishop says don’t, then don’t. If he says you are welcome to do it, then do what seems most comfortable to you. It is certainly not something you ought to feel is a requirement, in any case.

 

[B_Mindful]

It is certainly not necessary to ask for a blessing, let alone to have one’s arms crossed in front of one the entire time one is in line. Anyone not receiving may stay in the pew. Anyone in line who elects not to receive after getting in line can merely offer a gesture of reverence such as a simple bow (a bow of the head) to reverence the Blessed Sacrament when their turn comes, and then return to their seat. There is no need to ask for a blessing, as doing so is not part of the rubrics of the Mass. If one wants to ask for a blessing, though, making the gesture of the crossed arms at the last minute is entirely acceptable. Before that, just fold your hands in front of you, which is what most of the communicants will also be doing. That is OK.

If you are staying in the pew, it is polite to get out of the pew as if you were going, but to stand back about a pace, let those who are going pass by you, and get back in. If there were any who got into line in front of you, it is nice to get out on the other end of the pew when they approach, let them pass, and then get in again. The idea is to make sure no one has to feel as if they are crawling over you in order to leave or come back. This is why many people planning not to go to Holy Communion will sit on one aisle or the other, so they only have to get out once, either to let everyone in their pew get out or to let them all back in, but not both.

Is it “fitting”? This topic is so contentious that it is sometimes banned on a Catholic forum. There are very strong opinions, both for and against, and not always worded in a charitable way. I would answer that question by asking your pastor. If he says don’t or he says his bishop says don’t, then don’t. If he says you are welcome to do it, then do what seems most comfortable to you. It is certainly not something you ought to feel is a requirement, in any case.

Great info, thank you for the explanation. I will heed the advice about making way for the others in the pew.

I didn’t realize it was a contentious topic (if noncatholics should join the line) duly noted. I always stay seated if my husband is with us (holidays) to accompany the children and my wonderful mother-in-law. I can’t tell you how happy it makes her to know the kids are doing their classes and going to Mass regularly. And that makes me happy. My mother-in-law has devoted her life to her children and family (husband is ill and her other adult son is paraplegic since age 18). She’s so loving, kind, and wise.

 

[808Catholic]

First of all, God Bless you for raising your children Catholic! From what I’ve read in your OP, it seems that your husband may be misunderstanding his Catholic duties. One of those duties is to ensure your children are raised in the faith and this duty doesn’t allow Catholics to give the responsibility to others (including our spouses). Since you and your husband were married outside the Catholic Church, I’m not clear if your husband is a Confirmed Catholic or just Baptized as a Catholic. I’m presuming that he was Confirmed since your children were Baptized and your oldest has received First Communion.

Secondly, as a Catholic parent, I cannot stress enough the need for you and your husband to present a unified front on all matters but especially on your family’s faith. Having one parent who is Catholic and another who is not Catholic will naturally create conflict within your children. At first, it will be a few questions but as, they mature, it will lead to harder and harder questions and may eventually lead them to walk away from all religion.

Thirdly, I would suggest you and your husband learn more about the Catholic faith if you truly believe you want to raise your children in the Catholic faith. There are many books and internet resources but I would use them as a secondary source and not your primary source of information (faith formation). I would highly recommend you both enroll in the Rites of Christian Initiation for Adults or RCIA. This is the adult “Sunday school” if you will for adults wishing to learn more about our faith. While your husband probably learned his faith as a young man or even in grade school, RCIA is presented to adults and can answer questions about church doctrine, our core beliefs, and the Sacraments. RCIA is to adults what CCD is to children but it is presented at the higher and more complex level that adults can absorb. Just because your husband is a Catholic, he can always gain more knowledge about our faith by attending classes and, as the head of a Catholic family, he has the duty and responsibility to lead his family in faith.

Fourthly, while you attend RCIA, think of the subjects being presented and understand that you, as the mother, will be the primary source of love in the family and that the ultimate love was shown by Our Lord on the Cross. He showed us the most perfect form of love by giving His Life for us just as you can give your life to your children. The most perfect gift we as parents can give to our children is everlasting life and we can do this by receiving the Sacraments through the Grace of God. Seriously consider becoming Catholic yourself so you can participate in these Sacraments with your family. If you believe there is no better aspiration than to be closer to God, then stand with your family and share the glory of God together.

Finally, how the bread consecrated by the priest during Mass becomes the actual Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Christ is one of those holy mysteries you’ll learn about. There is no earthly/human reasoning that can explain it hence why it remains a mystery of faith; something we believe in without proof. The best way that I can explain the Holy Eucharist is this:

God is spirit without form. The bread is form without spirit. God becomes one with the bread and changes the bread to His Body so that the bread retains its form but has His Holy Spirit. So the Holy Eucharist IS God that has the form of the bread.

Think in terms of our Blessed Mother Mary who had form and spirit. The Holy Spirit joined with her spiritually and she conceived Our Lord. While the Baby Jesus was still within Mary, Mary retained her own form and spirit but Jesus shared her form in the genetic material needed to become human. Catholics believe Jesus is God Incarnate or God made man. He is God in human form much like the Holy Eucharist is God in the form of bread. Just as Jesus is God, the Holy Eucharist is God.

I hope that I’ve helped in some way. Have a Blessed Day.

 

[808Catholic]

No worries. Making this choice makes sense if one of the parents want it and the other holds no strong objections. My dad is Catholic and my mom is Protestant, and initially my dad had said he wanted to raise us kids Catholic. My mom had no severe objections (she didn’t agree with all of the teachings, I know Mary’s perpetual virginity was one she definitely didn’t buy into), but her condition was that my dad had to put in the work–she was willing to support it (go to Mass with him, drive us to CCD classes if needed), but she felt (and I agree) that if it meant that much to him, then it was on him to put forth the majority of the effort. My dad displayed little interest in doing this, so it didn’t happen. I wouldn’t have said my mom was hypocritical for being willing to support my dad in something she didn’t completely believe, I wouldn’t say you are either if your stance is similar to my mom’s.

I apologize on behalf of your father that he didn’t take his faith as seriously as he could have. One of the big reasons why Catholics leave the Catholic faith is because of apathy: apathy from the Catholic and/or perceived apathy by the parish/priest. To fill this void, people search out all manner of activities and beliefs but I find it sad that all they had to do was look behind them and see that God is still waiting for their return. God Bless you and I pray He guides you back to Him one day.

 

[His_helpmeet]

You might try to give them some religious education at home. (I do this with DSD - she is not able to attend a Catholic school as there is not one in our area and her mom will not agree to homeschool; she does get religious education one period at week at the school but the teachers themselves have admitted that it’s not sufficient on its own.) Personally, I like the Faith and Life series and “A Course in Religion for High School Youth” by Fr. John Laux for high school, as Faith and Life runs from Grades 1-8.

 

[Indigo_Cardinal]

I apologize on behalf of your father that he didn’t take his faith as seriously as he could have. One of the big reasons why Catholics leave the Catholic faith is because of apathy: apathy from the Catholic and/or perceived apathy by the parish/priest. To fill this void, people search out all manner of activities and beliefs but I find it sad that all they had to do was look behind them and see that God is still waiting for their return. God Bless you and I pray He guides you back to Him one day.

My dad doesn’t need anybody to apologize on his behalf, he’s an adult who has been making his own decisions for over 50 years now. Personally, I believe everything worked out the way it was meant to.

 

[B_Mindful]

First of all, God Bless you for raising your children Catholic! From what I’ve read in your OP, it seems that your husband may be misunderstanding his Catholic duties. One of those duties is to ensure your children are raised in the faith and this duty doesn’t allow Catholics to give the responsibility to others (including our spouses). Since you and your husband were married outside the Catholic Church, I’m not clear if your husband is a Confirmed Catholic or just Baptized as a Catholic. I’m presuming that he was Confirmed since your children were Baptized and your oldest has received First Communion.

Yes, he is Confirmed.

…Finally, how the bread consecrated by the priest during Mass becomes the actual Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Christ is one of those holy mysteries you’ll learn about. There is no earthly/human reasoning that can explain it hence why it remains a mystery of faith; something we believe in without proof. The best way that I can explain the Holy Eucharist is this:
**
God is spirit without form. The bread is form without spirit. **God becomes one with the bread and changes the bread to His Body so that the bread retains its form but has His Holy Spirit. So the Holy Eucharist IS God that has the form of the bread.

Excellent explanation.

Think in terms of our Blessed Mother Mary who had form and spirit. The Holy Spirit joined with her spiritually and she conceived Our Lord. While the Baby Jesus was still within Mary, Mary retained her own form and spirit but Jesus shared her form in the genetic material needed to become human. Catholics believe Jesus is God Incarnate or God made man. He is God in human form much like the Holy Eucharist is God in the form of bread. Just as Jesus is God, the Holy Eucharist is God.

I hope that I’ve helped in some way. Have a Blessed Day.

LIkewise, this part was really helpful. I knew all of this already, but this is a great way to explain this to my kids (I will refer to this in future). Many many thanks to you all.

B