Normal sex life

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phil8888

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What’s a normal sex life on average for a married couple would you say between the ages of 30 and 40. I realize that “everyone is different”, but I’m just looking for a rough estimate. Maybe from your own experience. What would be considered unusually low?
 
phil8888 said:
What’s a normal sex life on average for a married couple would you say between the ages of 30 and 40. I realize that “everyone is different”, but I’m just looking for a rough estimate. Maybe from your own experience. What would be considered unusually low?
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A little less than he wants and a little more than she wants.
 
Are there kids in the house? Are both partners in good health? Are there problems in the marriage? Are they using NFP to abstain?
 
PaulinVA said:
A little less than he wants and a little more than she wants.
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I know that’s meant to be funny but it’s kind of sad that that tends to be society’s outlook. I wonder if women are less in to sex in middle age in part because it’s so ingrained in us that that’s what’s supposed to happen to women.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
I know that’s meant to be funny but it’s kind of sad that that tends to be society’s outlook. I wonder if women are less in to sex in middle age in part because it’s so ingrained in us that that’s what’s supposed to happen to women.
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Nature (God?) has given men a drive to procreate that is now just a drive to have sex. Women seem to be more oriented to being picky and raising the kids they have. So, the woman, by her 30s or 40s, is done and the guy is not. It seems to be the way we are built.
 
There are so many variables, such as whether there are young children, etc. but since I am half of a couple on the age range you discuss (I am early 30s, he is 40), I’ll answer that we average about twice a week. We had more sex before we had two small children to care for. I would think less than twice a month would strike me as unusually low, but it depends on soooo many factors.
 
PaulinVA said:
Nature (God?) has given men a drive to procreate that is now just a drive to have sex. Women seem to be more oriented to being picky and raising the kids they have. So, the woman, by her 30s or 40s, is done and the guy is not. It seems to be the way we are built.
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Not true. Women hit their sexual peak around 40, at least biologically. And many women continue to enjoy sex for decades after that. I think that something else is going on.
 
Lots of variables for a lot of reasons. Could be medical, too many kids, etc…

I know the biggest killer of sexual desire in a woman for her husband is to be made to feel as not special, to not be valued, to not feel as a equal partner, to be lied to , to be cheated on, or even to be verbally or emotioally abused. These things KILL the woman’s desiere to open herself up to the man. A woman wants to be appreciated for all that she sacrifices. A woman needs this!!! A woman want to feel safe in all areas of the relationship. She may not expect you to sacrifice, but if you don’t sacrifice, it wil be taken as she doesn’t matter enough to you for you do so. That will close her down!!! Feel free to read between the lines here.

The best way to keep a woman open and wanting to open herself up to you and give herself to you is to remember that it is not just sex. It is her giving her all to you. Treat her and everything that makes her, her, with respect and like she matters, like she is the most important thing in your life, sacrifice for her, take care of her, you probably won’t have a problem with the frequency of sex. There is nothing sexier than a man who is in tune with his wife, loves her through all of her faults, supports her in every way, and gives her all of himself.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Not true. Women hit their sexual peak around 40, at least biologically. And many women continue to enjoy sex for decades after that. I think that something else is going on.
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Some women hit that point because their fertility is fading and so their minds turn to procreative acts more and more. It’s basically what men are like all the time.😉

But there are so many, many, MANY other factors that could cause women to go in the opposite way. Self-image after children, distractions with those children or career, stress, dealing with parental mortality, any myriad of factors.

In some cases these can apply to men as well though I doubt self-image is a big one. If someone’s willing, then who are we do say “no, I’m not in good shape anymore”?!
 
Always_For_Him said:
I know the biggest killer of sexual desire in a woman for her husband is to be made to feel as not special, to not be valued, to not feel as a equal partner, to be lied to , to be cheated on, or even to be verbally or emotionally abused.
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This is definitely applicable to both sexes. I highly doubt that’s something that’s going on with the OP though.
 
Every person is different, but typically men do have a higher sex drive then women. It makes perfect sense from an evolutionary perspective as the consequence of sex (kids) weighs a bit more heavily on women then men (although my husband may argue that considering all the running around he is doing to find me the foods that don’t make me nauseated). Anyone who practices NFP recognizes that a women’s desire also tends to fluctuate with ovulation (more in the mood when you can actually get pregnant).

Also, men are typically more visual and compartmentalize which I think gives them the advantage to “being in the mood”. That doesn’t mean a women isn’t capable of getting in the mood - it may just take some work to get there.

The average I’ve heard most often is 2-3 times a week, but that varies a lot depending on kids, NFP, personal preference efc.
 
My husband and I are 55, and we’ve been happily married for 33 years. Dated for six years before we were married. We were both virgins when we were married. My husband and I were evangelical Protestant for the first 47 years of our life, and so we used artificial birth control. Because I couldn’t take the pill (developed breast cysts), we used condoms. When my husband was in his mid 30s, he had a vasectomy.

When we were in our 30s, the average was twice a month (yes, even with the vas). We just didn’t have the time or the energy. Our kids were go-go-going constantly, and we were go-go-going with them. Both of us were working full time, and we were frankly exhausted. Sex was the last thing on our minds–we wanted SLEEP!!

I know from talking to other friends that this is kind of the way it is for a lot of people in their 30s. It’s a very busy time for couples, money is tight, time is tighter, and for many of us, the clothing is tight, too, because we tend to pile on weight eating badly due to the time crunch that makes eating at home difficult and eating fast food the only realistic option.

I think that using NFP might help a couple to have MORE sex, because they would know that the little “window of opportunity” will pass, and they don’t want to miss their chance. It seems funny that using ABC would actually inhibit a couple from having sex all the time, but it does–it’s kind of like working in a donut shop–when you can eat as many as you want, you don’t want them anymore!

But take heart, OP!–when we were in our 40s, our sex life picked up. Our kids were both driving, and this freed up a lot of our time, and also gave us a lot of “alone” time when we didn’t have to worry whether the kids were hearing us! I was going through that pre-menopausal burst of desire (there is a hormonal explanation for this), and so we were likely to have sex at least twice a week, and often more than that.

When we hit our 50s, things REALLY picked up! We both started losing weight, and this made sex a lot more comfortable for both of us.

But lately, things are down again. I had to go off Celebrex, and this caused my osteoarthritis to roar back like a mean lion, and for the last few weeks I have hurt so much that I can’t sleep at night and feel like I’m living in a fog. Thankfully I went to an allergist last week, and she prescribed a different anti-inflammatory, and it’s actually working and I don’t hurt so much! So I think things will get back to normal.

But honestly, folks, I don’t think most couples have nearly as much sex as the television and movies would lead us to believe.
 
Always_For_Him said:
Lots of variables for a lot of reasons. Could be medical, too many kids, etc…

I know the biggest killer of sexual desire in a woman for her husband is to be made to feel as not special, to not be valued, to not feel as a equal partner, to be lied to , to be cheated on, or even to be verbally or emotionally abused. These things KILL the woman’s desire to open herself up to the man. A woman wants to be appreciated for all that she sacrifices. A woman needs this!!! A woman want to feel safe in all areas of the relationship. She may not expect you to sacrifice, but if you don’t sacrifice, it will be taken as she doesn’t matter enough to you for you do so. That will close her down!!! Feel free to read between the lines here.

The best way to keep a woman open and wanting to open herself up to you and give herself to you is to remember that it is not just sex. It is her giving her all to you. Treat her and everything that makes her, her, with respect and like she matters, like she is the most important thing in your life, sacrifice for her, take care of her, you probably won’t have a problem with the frequency of sex. There is nothing sexier than a man who is in tune with his wife, loves her through all of her faults, supports her in every way, and gives her all of himself.
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:yup::yup::yup::clapping::clapping: :clapping::clapping:

Cannot agree more!!!
 
PaulinVA said:
A little less than he wants and a little more than she wants.
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Reminds me of the old woody allen movie.

She is being interviewed by a therapist: “how is your sex life?” “great, we have sex once per week.”

He is being interviewed. “how is your sex life?” “terrible, we only have sex once per week.”
 
How about we make an anonymous poll?

“Approximately how often do you have sex.”

That’ll be my next project. 😃
 
Learn how to please? Did i miss something?

Joke notwithstanding, i think it’s unkind to infer OP Phil is failing to properly love ( or attempt to love) his spouse.

A lot of heartache can be disguised in so many ’ just asking’ seemingly casual questions.

Go careful.
 
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