Not a valid marriage

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Dianna

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So I realized the other day I need to get annulment from my first marriage (I have not gone through RCIA, planning on doing that in Aug). and not seeing my current marriage isn’t valid. So two strikes. Not valid because my husband was baptized Catholic but when we met, he wasn’t active in the church. His family was never strong Catholics. He said they went to mass here and there. But anyways, I’m baptized (Methodist) So both baptized but not valid because we got married with a Justice of the Peace.
I’m feeling very emotional about this. Sitting here crying. I feel like Ive done so much wrong. Thought it was bad enough I needed an annulment to then to see the marriage I have now isn’t valid makes me feel horrible and shameful.
 
A few years ago, I was in a a similar situation - here’s how I handled it:
  1. Got the annulment taken care of
  2. Didn’t worry about it
Relax and stop beating yourself up…
 
A few years ago, my best friend and neighbor discovered that there was a problem with her marriage license. She and her husband had been married for almost 20 years and it turns out their marriage was not valid according to the State. They had two wonderful kids, a beautiful home, life was good.

You know what happened, she walked over to my house with this news and a bottle of wine and she cracked up laughing!

She and her husband decided to use this as a time to renew everything. He actually proposed to her again, bought a new ring (nothing super fancy). They had a small wedding and a big party.

This sort of thing does happen. You did not intend to do anything wrong, you have nothing to be ashamed of.

We make mistakes, God makes a way.

Do not let Satan take away your joy. You can do this with tears or you can do this with joy.

Think about it, you get a new wedding! It can be as big or as small as you want. This time you can invite only the people who bring you joy, you don’t have to have your weird cousin as a bridesmaid 🙂

I’d spend some time over at www.catholicsdivorce.com It is a great resource.

HUGS.
 
Well when I won’t be able to take part in communion, it upsets me.
 
My husband is going to say it’s foolish and some church isn’t going to tell him his marriage isn’t valid. Huge unbeliever.
 
Dianna said:
My husband is going to say it’s foolish and some church isn’t going to tell him his marriage isn’t valid. Huge unbeliever.
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Perhaps he might. You have to remember that to a non Catholic the procedures and requirements the church adds to marriage can seem burdensome, over reaching, and sometimes insulting. I could go on and on. But I’ll just say that at a few points during pre-cana I considered scrapping the church’s involvement because of a few things.

If a valid marriage is important then you may have to frame it as something important to you. After all, there is no other reason for him to junk through all those hoops.

Edit: I understand that stance. From my pov absolutely no one, no organization, or no government other than me and The Wife has a say in the validity or definition of our marriage. As a non Catholic, it feels as if a 3rd party is trying to claim some power over our relationship. That’s just the way it can seem regardless of the reality you may see.
 
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Be patient, wait on the Lord. This is a long journey, not a day trip.

Perhaps he will do it because he loves you and respects your beliefs. Be patient. Let the Holy Spirit work.
 
angel12 said:
You didn’t know. Talk to the priest and get things started.
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So after I cried and posted and cried, and gained composure I called the person at the parish who gets RCIA all together, who I’ve talked with. It was good to talk about this. Thankfully I know now that I need an annulment, so as soon as we are there, in less than 2 weeks, probably 3 till I get to the church, maybe sooner, I can get that process started. My husband is out of town. I will sit down with him once he is home and explain to him what is going on. Hopefully since he loves me as much as he does, which I have no doubt of that, an amazing 19 years of marriage, that he will say yes, he will do what needs to be done. If he doesn’t…then I will go from there. Going to try not to panic. I guess just basically hearing and then reading about it and seeing that because of how my marriage was done, that it would need to be convailidated, it really through me.
If there had been a shred of doubt that I was on the right path, that doubt is gone. When the thought of not being able to partake in communion, to be at arms lenght from the Holy Eucharist, the horrible feeling in my heart was beyond painful. At moment I truly realized that there is no going back…God has opened my eyes and my heart so much to the Church.

I appreciate my freaking out being tolerated. Such an emotional time in my life and this just triggered a huge mess LOL
 
HerCrazierHalf said:
As a non Catholic, it feels as if a 3rd party is trying to claim some power over our relationship.
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The Roman Catholic Church does set some pretty specific guidelines on what sort of sexual activity is ‘acceptable’ in your marriage, so there is that…
 
Please just speak to your Priest. He will be able to point you guys to the people who can help you.

🙏🕊️
 
I don’t have a Priest yet…will in a few weeks when our move is done, in a place of living in boxes while packing more boxes but am in contact with the local parish where I am going 🙂
 
Awesome. Place complete trust in Jesus. It will be sorted out. Even with your husbands thoughts. He will see how important this is for you.
 
Yes in Jesus my trust.

Side note, praying for your sister, just saw your post on another friend.
 
Thanks, she is in a pretty bad way, but holding her own. It’s going to be a very long road for her.
 
I’m glad all seems much clearer for you today. You did exactly the right thing by contacting your church. When you’re ready for a little humor (and if you like old movies), watch Life With Father. It’s about an Episcopal family and the wife finds out her husband was never baptized. They have 4 sons, a couple going through Catechism, and checks with her pastor to see if she’s legally married in the eyes of the Church. I’m praying that the entire process will go well for you and that your husband will be supportive. Blessings and enjoy RCIA.
 
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