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quiet52
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God bless you too “AltarServer1”. Thank you for reading the responses in this thread with an open heart. Keep rejoicing in the Lord as you serve Him! And may you have the zeal to serve Him for many decades!
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Ellen_Mary
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Altarserver1, I am so glad you have returned to read the posts. I too felt that your reaction to your priests request wasn’t healthy for you. I am glad that you have considered the responses and seen that you need to step back and follow your priests request. God bless you in your future I wish you well.
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Aramis
Guest
If you truly find yourself missing profoundly the service at the altar, perhaps its time to consider a religious order.
I’ve run an altar serving program. It’s a real pain to balance “Need one good server here, and the others can be less experienced” with “Who will serve at the 7am if I schedule them?”… not to mention “Who has to be at the 10AM because their parent/sibling/spouse is serving as cantor/lector?” And scheduling myself with Dad (he was one of 2-3 deacons at the parish, and my supervisor in running the program).
You definitely overreacted, based upon your own admission; I can understand benching you for a while… as a penance, it’s good for developing humility. Administratively, it’s useful as well, to see who else is reliable. Think of it as a chance for reexamining the mass.
Further, remember the purposes in allowing non-instituted laymen to serve: to develop in them the a knowledgable desire to enter the seminary, and to allow the priest to evaluate the interested youth for their suitability for the clerical or religious life, and/or for instituted ministry (if the bishop uses instituted acolytes and instituted lectors other than seminarians).
I’ve been benched as a cantor for the last 3 years … except as the emergency relief cantor and for Christmas and Easter. Why? Kids who need me in the pew with them. They needed me more than the parish needed me leading them. And, really, as a parent, my vocation is my children, not the parish; music ministry is secondary. If you’re not married, your vocation is first, to be a good Christian and faithful Catholic; married a good and Godly spouse. At first, it was painful to not be serving as cantor. Then, I accepted that my kids need me present and encouraging their participation. I gladly cantor when asked, and accept that I can’t do it every sunday.
I’ve run an altar serving program. It’s a real pain to balance “Need one good server here, and the others can be less experienced” with “Who will serve at the 7am if I schedule them?”… not to mention “Who has to be at the 10AM because their parent/sibling/spouse is serving as cantor/lector?” And scheduling myself with Dad (he was one of 2-3 deacons at the parish, and my supervisor in running the program).
You definitely overreacted, based upon your own admission; I can understand benching you for a while… as a penance, it’s good for developing humility. Administratively, it’s useful as well, to see who else is reliable. Think of it as a chance for reexamining the mass.
Further, remember the purposes in allowing non-instituted laymen to serve: to develop in them the a knowledgable desire to enter the seminary, and to allow the priest to evaluate the interested youth for their suitability for the clerical or religious life, and/or for instituted ministry (if the bishop uses instituted acolytes and instituted lectors other than seminarians).
I’ve been benched as a cantor for the last 3 years … except as the emergency relief cantor and for Christmas and Easter. Why? Kids who need me in the pew with them. They needed me more than the parish needed me leading them. And, really, as a parent, my vocation is my children, not the parish; music ministry is secondary. If you’re not married, your vocation is first, to be a good Christian and faithful Catholic; married a good and Godly spouse. At first, it was painful to not be serving as cantor. Then, I accepted that my kids need me present and encouraging their participation. I gladly cantor when asked, and accept that I can’t do it every sunday.
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april32010
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i have to remind everyone if he did make the decision based on your gender ,he is allowed too.and it is "not prejudice " and it also would be no ones business
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jesuspsr
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Tigg
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Our pastor once gave us a talk about ministry. We all need to be on the watch that our motivation comes from God and not simply something that will satisfy or feed “self.”
He became irritated at the EMHC’s, some of whom it seemed, were filled with pride and began to think of serving as their “job.” They became very territorial, even to the point that they wanted a particular station at a particular Mass. There is a certain prestige with ministry and our pastor advised them to look at their hearts and motivation. He concluded by telling them all if they really wanted to serve the Church and community, then come at 6 am to clean the restrooms without anyone seeing you. That would be real service and give glory to God! Not surprising that one left and never came back. The rest were shamed into admitting he was right. No more problems!
He became irritated at the EMHC’s, some of whom it seemed, were filled with pride and began to think of serving as their “job.” They became very territorial, even to the point that they wanted a particular station at a particular Mass. There is a certain prestige with ministry and our pastor advised them to look at their hearts and motivation. He concluded by telling them all if they really wanted to serve the Church and community, then come at 6 am to clean the restrooms without anyone seeing you. That would be real service and give glory to God! Not surprising that one left and never came back. The rest were shamed into admitting he was right. No more problems!
Perhaps I’m mistaken but I was under the impression that GIRLS were allowed to serve (as long as the priest allows it), but not WOMEN.
If the OP is on the verge of turning 18, then she will no longer be a child but an adult and as far as I know, adult females are not permitted to be altar servers.
If that’s the case, then perhaps Father is just preparing her to let go entirely.
If the OP is on the verge of turning 18, then she will no longer be a child but an adult and as far as I know, adult females are not permitted to be altar servers.
If that’s the case, then perhaps Father is just preparing her to let go entirely.
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Boston_Sem
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Can you substantiate this claim? I’d be thrilled if it were true.
Sorry… I just recall when my son was recruited to be an altar server when he was about 9, our priest mentioned that he had a problem keeping altar boys (his words) after they turned 18 although he told them that, at the Vatican, only adult males served at the altar. He went on to say that he did not encourage girls to serve for the reason that adult women were not allowed to do so, but he did not elaborate.
If I find an answer, I will be back to post it!
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Phemie
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Canon Law allows females, of any age, to serve at the altar if
- the bishop allows it in his diocese, and if
- the pastor allows it in his parish, and finally, if
- the priest celebrating the Mass allows it.
Individual bishops and pastors may set an age limit but there is no age limit in Canon Law.
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Aramis
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Someone better tell the Dominican 2nd order…
Actually, the rule is not girls, in the documentation I’ve seen.
To wit: Although institution into the ministry of acolyte is reserved to lay men, the diocesan bishop may permit the liturgical functions of the instituted acolyte to be carried out by altar servers, men and women, boys and girls. Such persons may carry out all the functions listed in no. 100 and nos. 189-193 of the General Instruction of the Roman Missal.
The determination that women and girls may function as servers in the liturgy should be made by the bishop on the diocesan level so that there might be a uniform diocesan policy.
(usccb.org/prayer-and-worship/the-mass/frequently-asked-questions/guidelines-for-altar-servers.cfm)
I seem to recal Cardinal Arinze noting that no pastor can be compelled to use female servers…
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Phemie
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When the new Code of Canon Law was promulgated in 1983, Canon 230 was interpreted to allow female altar servers so they started being allowed in several dioceses/parishes. My own daughter was invited to be an altar server in 1988, when she was 9, by the military chaplain on the Base to which we’d just moved. I seem to recall female altar servers on the previous Base also. Note the difference in language in each part of said Canon.
Not everyone agreed with this interpretation so a dubium was submitted to Rome and the Pontifical Council for the Interpretation of Legislative Texts responded in the affirmative with the 1994 letter you can find here.
This was further clarified by this 2001 document.
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anruari
Guest
To our O.P.
May I charitibly commend you on reaching a peaceful conclusion on this matter.
May I suggest that you seek Spiritual Direction from a suitably qualified Priest or Nun. You clearly have a great love for the Mass, and the Eucharist. You have plenty of time to devote to Prayer and Service, and would very much benefit from spiritual direction to help you forward on your Spiritual Journey.
In the interim, if you have not read it yet, may I suggest starting with " Introduction to the Devout Life" by St. Francis De Sales. This is a classic work, and is available in many libraries. If you like e-books, it’s available for free from many sites, and in Kindle format its available for $1
I would point out to all, that when offering service in our Parish, we must remember that we call our Priest “Father” for a reason. We owe them Obedience in all matters relating to Service to the parish. They are also our Spiritual Fathers, and owe them Obedience in all matters Spiritual.
This is by Divine Appointment by virtue of their ordination to the Priesthood, and their position as Pastor.
May I charitibly commend you on reaching a peaceful conclusion on this matter.
May I suggest that you seek Spiritual Direction from a suitably qualified Priest or Nun. You clearly have a great love for the Mass, and the Eucharist. You have plenty of time to devote to Prayer and Service, and would very much benefit from spiritual direction to help you forward on your Spiritual Journey.
In the interim, if you have not read it yet, may I suggest starting with " Introduction to the Devout Life" by St. Francis De Sales. This is a classic work, and is available in many libraries. If you like e-books, it’s available for free from many sites, and in Kindle format its available for $1
I would point out to all, that when offering service in our Parish, we must remember that we call our Priest “Father” for a reason. We owe them Obedience in all matters relating to Service to the parish. They are also our Spiritual Fathers, and owe them Obedience in all matters Spiritual.
This is by Divine Appointment by virtue of their ordination to the Priesthood, and their position as Pastor.
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GodFearing01
Guest
It sounds as though you’re being selfish about this. The priest saw an opportunity to let others serve also because maybe someone else felt led to do that in the church. This is not a punishment, this is a chance for you to be passionate about helping others in other ways, you don’t need permission from your Priest in order to go out and help your community. Serving as much as you were certainly left you no time to serve in many other ways. Allow other people to step up and take your previous role, let them experience how it feels to be of help to the church and you go on to do greater things for others, that’s probably what God wants you to do, everything happens for a reason and when it comes to God, there are more doors opening than closing.
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Tigg
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What a great post!
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JillianRose
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Since YOU asked, I think you’re wrong. As human beings we are complacent. I bet Father was looking at it this way: if people always see you doing it, you are going to get burned out. They are going to figure that “so and so” does it so I don’t have to. I love lectoring, but on get to do it 8 times a year. I am sorry, but getting into a “fight” with your Priest makes you look like a child. He forgave you but it might be awhile before he “forgets”. He runs the Church not you and you did not respect his decision.
Just a thought but, if it seems you are getting upset about “sharing”. Which leads me to believe you also maybe doing this for your own 'self-esteem" instead of a servants heart.
We have a women at our church that the Priest thinks has a servants heart. Yet she doesn’t share, runs every program and treat everyone like “poop”. People don’t want to volunteer at our Parish School or Church because of her. Yet she thinks she is doing it for God, If you are not doing it with a “Joyful” heart, then your works are like “dirty rags”.
Our Priests eyes where just opened about her. Others should not detour others who want to serve in the Parish.
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englishredrose
Guest
I know in the Anglican Church it is the Priest who allows someone to Serve as such. There is nothing special or clever whatever people think about being selected or approaching the priest. I used to serve when I was 20 having campaigned with that priest with two others to allow female servers. That was about a 3 year campaign. Only I barely lasted 6 month as didn’t like it then.
Two year ago the priest looking after us in interregnum asked my dad if he would serve as wanted someone tall. I being me and also knowing my dad would prefer not to have to say no but would say no, jumps in and said ‘you’ll be joking’ etc, to which he then turned on me per se and I jumped at the chance in that I was beginning to feel how long the service was in the pew and other things.
That interregnum priest allowed me time to reorientate myself to the Altar then started training me at a weekday mass to do a role. Fine. The new priest comes and that priest prefers to do it all himself at weekday masses and not have servers. That hasn’t been how our church hasn’t done it in the past, but what the priest said goes. Plus it is kind of upto us a little how we organise ourselves. After a confession one Christmas with him I am now back in the choir and worried a little about the confession as didn’t want to stop serving as taken to it this time and he came up with, before I even commented on anything, to do both. That is his idea. However, another priest further down the line may prefer me to do one or the other or just sing. No big deal. I do need to be involved in the service in a pratical way and serving covers that for me and singing but if this current priest or another priest has ideas later on then so be it. Yeh I have got used to it and prefer to and it harder when we are younger to accept that even when there isn’t any aparrent reason, the priest has final call. I did experience that with one new priest as was about to start serving way back then but he said no so I had to just go along with it.
Some priests select and others accept whoever turns up. We got to learn how to deal with whatever they want from us. After all, we are serving not leading. If he wants others to have a go then somehow they have to be given the chance. They may have disclosed to him reasons why they are not doing so at the moment.
My priest knows exactly where I am with my faith whether he understands is another question but he knows and that hasn’t affected whether I serve or not. But that is that pacific priest. Another priest may well misunderstand and suggest that I don’t and so be it. If serving is what gets you to church then you either going to have to sit down with the priest and explain to him why it is so important for to serve and find one service every now and then so you can serve or you can find another parish to feel fulfilled at.
Two year ago the priest looking after us in interregnum asked my dad if he would serve as wanted someone tall. I being me and also knowing my dad would prefer not to have to say no but would say no, jumps in and said ‘you’ll be joking’ etc, to which he then turned on me per se and I jumped at the chance in that I was beginning to feel how long the service was in the pew and other things.
That interregnum priest allowed me time to reorientate myself to the Altar then started training me at a weekday mass to do a role. Fine. The new priest comes and that priest prefers to do it all himself at weekday masses and not have servers. That hasn’t been how our church hasn’t done it in the past, but what the priest said goes. Plus it is kind of upto us a little how we organise ourselves. After a confession one Christmas with him I am now back in the choir and worried a little about the confession as didn’t want to stop serving as taken to it this time and he came up with, before I even commented on anything, to do both. That is his idea. However, another priest further down the line may prefer me to do one or the other or just sing. No big deal. I do need to be involved in the service in a pratical way and serving covers that for me and singing but if this current priest or another priest has ideas later on then so be it. Yeh I have got used to it and prefer to and it harder when we are younger to accept that even when there isn’t any aparrent reason, the priest has final call. I did experience that with one new priest as was about to start serving way back then but he said no so I had to just go along with it.
Some priests select and others accept whoever turns up. We got to learn how to deal with whatever they want from us. After all, we are serving not leading. If he wants others to have a go then somehow they have to be given the chance. They may have disclosed to him reasons why they are not doing so at the moment.
My priest knows exactly where I am with my faith whether he understands is another question but he knows and that hasn’t affected whether I serve or not. But that is that pacific priest. Another priest may well misunderstand and suggest that I don’t and so be it. If serving is what gets you to church then you either going to have to sit down with the priest and explain to him why it is so important for to serve and find one service every now and then so you can serve or you can find another parish to feel fulfilled at.
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