Not attending Sunday Mass because of exhaustion

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onjac

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I know that there have been many threads regarding Mass attendance on Sunday but I wanted to ask about this particular scenario. I found out that sometimes, my parents don’t attend Mass on Sundays. They both work in blue collar type of jobs and don’t get Sundays off. Technically, they could make it to Mass on Sunday but it requires them to wake up early and immediately drive to work for about 2hrs.

My mother also told me that she doesn’t like going to the one at 8pm because they know some people there who are bound to find out what kind of jobs they have and it’s embarrassment (especially since they had a high college education). I decided to help look for another parish that they could attend on Sundays. It seemed to work out. But I found out that my parents didn’t attend Mass on Sunday last week because they were too tired. But my mother said that they make up for Sunday Mass by attending Mass three times during the weekday.

I don’t know what to say about this. It pains me somewhat because my mother has just been recieved into the Church. I can’t drive them to Mass or to work. My father says it okay to do this and that the Sister at our parish told them it is okay. I like the Sister and all but I told my father otherwise. There are several things (which I won’t talk about here) that my father and I’ve been talking about regarding the Church and he’s told me that I’m in danger of becoming too proud.

Is it acceptable for my parents not to attend Sunday Mass because of exhaustion? My head is telling me no. The Sister is a good person but with the number of liturgical abuses going on, I’ve scrutinizing the kind of advice she’s been giving. I don’t want to be to be proud at all but I don’t agree with this kind of advice. Help?
 
onjac said:
I know that there have been many threads regarding Mass attendance on Sunday but I wanted to ask about this particular scenario. I found out that sometimes, my parents don’t attend Mass on Sundays. They both work in blue collar type of jobs and don’t get Sundays off. Technically, they could make it to Mass on Sunday but it requires them to wake up early and immediately drive to work for about 2hrs.

My mother also told me that she doesn’t like going to the one at 8pm because they know some people there who are bound to find out what kind of jobs they have and it’s embarrassment (especially since they had a high college education). I decided to help look for another parish that they could attend on Sundays. It seemed to work out. But I found out that my parents didn’t attend Mass on Sunday last week because they were too tired. But my mother said that they make up for Sunday Mass by attending Mass three times during the weekday.

I don’t know what to say about this. It pains me somewhat because my mother has just been recieved into the Church. I can’t drive them to Mass or to work. My father says it okay to do this and that the Sister at our parish told them it is okay. I like the Sister and all but I told my father otherwise. There are several things (which I won’t talk about here) that my father and I’ve been talking about regarding the Church and he’s told me that I’m in danger of becoming too proud.

Is it acceptable for my parents not to attend Sunday Mass because of exhaustion? My head is telling me no. The Sister is a good person but with the number of liturgical abuses going on, I’ve scrutinizing the kind of advice she’s been giving. I don’t want to be to be proud at all but I don’t agree with this kind of advice. Help?
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This question should be directed towards a priest, not to a bunch of anonymous internet posters. Although given we have a couple of priests here, maybe they can give some good advice. This topic is very subjective and so one person’s opinion is as good as the next. I hope you don’t try to find the answer here but rather from someone who is qualified to give proper spiritual advice.
 
They shouldn’t be worrying about what others think of them - if the others think badly, they’re being prejudiced. True, enduring social snubbing is never easy, but it can be offered up as a sacrifice to the Lord.

As far as I know you don’t “make up for” the Sunday obligation by attending Mass on a weekday, Sunday Mass is special or there wouldn’t be that obligation - keeping holy the Lord’s day. So I don’t think the Sister should’ve told them it was OK.

But maybe they can prayerfully reflect on how to make Sunday Mass attendance work in their circumstances. Help them if you can to see what a gift it truly is to be able to go to Mass even when it’s difficult or we’re tired. (If a person is dangerously exhausted, as in shouldn’t-be-behind-the-wheel exhausted or physically depleted so that the doctor says get to bed right now, that would be legitimate. That’s something only they can know.) Have they tried a chat with their boss about possible schedule rearranging?

I don’t mean in any of this to sound harsh, but it’s better to keep our commitments to Christ and His Church if we possibly can; when we begin excusing ourselves from too many of them it can become a habit that ultimately leads us away from our Faith. Pray for your parents that they’ll have strength to “wait on the Lord” as it says in Isaiah 40 and He will lift them up on those eagle’s wings. 🙂
 
ConstantineTG said:
This question should be directed towards a priest, not to a bunch of anonymous internet posters. Although given we have a couple of priests here, maybe they can give some good advice. This topic is very subjective and so one person’s opinion is as good as the next. I hope you don’t try to find the answer here but rather from someone who is qualified to give proper spiritual advice.
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How do I talk to one of the priests here? I’ll try calling the one at my parish but he’s not always around.

Edit: I’m going to go call my priest. Thanks!
 
Apologista said:
They shouldn’t be worrying about what others think of them - if the others think badly, they’re being prejudiced. True, enduring social snubbing is never easy, but it can be offered up as a sacrifice to the Lord.

As far as I know you don’t “make up for” the Sunday obligation by attending Mass on a weekday, Sunday Mass is special or there wouldn’t be that obligation - keeping holy the Lord’s day. So I don’t think the Sister should’ve told them it was OK.

But maybe they can prayerfully reflect on how to make Sunday Mass attendance work in their circumstances. Help them if you can to see what a gift it truly is to be able to go to Mass even when it’s difficult or we’re tired. (If a person is dangerously exhausted, as in shouldn’t-be-behind-the-wheel exhausted or physically depleted so that the doctor says get to bed right now, that would be legitimate. That’s something only they can know.) Have they tried a chat with their boss about possible schedule rearranging?

I don’t mean in any of this to sound harsh, but it’s better to keep our commitments to Christ and His Church if we possibly can; when we begin excusing ourselves from too many of them it can become a habit that ultimately leads us away from our Faith. Pray for your parents that they’ll have strength to “wait on the Lord” as it says in Isaiah 40 and He will lift them up on those eagle’s wings. 🙂
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Don’t worry. This doesn’t sound harsh. I just feel terrible when I trying telling this to my parents. I don’t like the possibility of being called ungrateful.
 
onjac said:
How do I talk to one of the priests here? I’ll try calling the one at my parish but he’s not always around.

Edit: I’m going to go call my priest. Thanks!
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Honestly, its your parents that should be making the call to a priest for advice, not you. Its not your job to parent your parents.
 
PatriceA said:
Honestly, its your parents that should be making the call to a priest for advice, not you. Its not your job to parent your parents.
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Well, my parents believe that it’s excusable for them to miss Sunday Mass as long as they make up for it on the weekdays. They didn’t come to me for advice. I just asked them about how did Sunday Mass go as a conversation starter.

I doubt that they would ask the priest for advice. Which is why I’m going to approach my priest tomorrow.

As for the parenting-my-parents part, I don’t agree about that. Just because they’re my parents, doesn’t mean they don’t make mistakes. They take care of me and I take care of them.
 
PatriceA said:
Honestly, its your parents that should be making the call to a priest for advice, not you. Its not your job to parent your parents.
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Agree. You can suggest that your parents talk to the priest at their parish. Even if your spoke to your priest, he can’t give you a dispensation to give them.

What needs to be done if someone misses a Sunday Mass with out just cause (not saying the parents don’t have cause), is to go to confession. Since the couple in question can get to an occasional weekday Mass, they can ask the priest to hear confession and discusstheir Sunday schedules then.
 
Mrs_Sally said:
Agree. You can suggest that your parents talk to the priest at their parish. Even if your spoke to your priest, he can’t give you a dispensation to give them.

What needs to be done if someone misses a Sunday Mass with out just cause (not saying the parents don’t have cause), is to go to confession. Since the couple in question can get to an occasional weekday Mass, they can ask the priest to hear confession and discusstheir Sunday schedules then.
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That sounds reasonable.
I’ll approach my parents about that.
I just hope that I don’t anger my parents that way.
 
I can empathize. Sometimes I have to miss mass due to working the nite before and I am simply too shot to get out of bed early.
so I miss, sadly. but it is not like I am happy about it.
 
onjac said:
How do I talk to one of the priests here? I’ll try calling the one at my parish but he’s not always around.

Edit: I’m going to go call my priest. Thanks!
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Call or go to the parish. It doesn’t even have to be your own priest, if you can talk to another priest or someone from the diocesan office, that would work as well. As long as the person can properly discern on the matter.

I’m just worried some people here will say exhaustion is not a big deal. Then another group of people will say that they have experienced exhaustion and it is a valid reason. So what then? A priest will look at your specific case and judge from there.
 
At the risk of sounding like one of those people who think that exhaustion is not a big deal, I felt the urge to post a charitable reminder that missing mass on Sundays and other holy days of obligation (without an objectively legitimate reason, e.g. a dispensation from a priest) is grave matter. I realize that the OP probably realizes this, just posted it to inform any lurkers. This is not necessarily directed at anyone specifically.
 
Then again, the sabbath was made for man, not the other way around. However hard I try I just can’t recall who said that;)
 
It seems that most of the churche’s in the area that I live have Mass on Sturday evening and this is perfectly OK to go on Sat. versus Sunday morning. My wife, who was brought up Catholic, attended Cath. school until 9th grade seems to think that as long as the church excepts that people (for whatever reason) cannot make it to Sunday morning Mass, than they go on Sat. evening. There is absolutely NO reason to go to confession if you do this.
My wife and I know several women who attend Mass on Saturday evening, this IS completely acceptable. In fact, there are MANY Catholic churches in the Detroit metro area, and most of them have Sat. evening Masses.

If anyone doesn’t understand this, than they should go to their Priest and talk to them.
 
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