Not being able to take Communion is killing me

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jmcrae said:
Without realizing it, you are growing in virtue. You are developing patience. Your ego is being pruned away, little by little. By being forced to give way to others, and be happy for them to get things that you don’t get to have yet, you are developing the habit of gratitude.

This is part of the process of becoming a Catholic. By the time you reach the Sacraments, you won’t even recognize yourself.

Keep up the good work - and believe me, the time will fly by faster than you expect. 🙂
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Yeah. My kids already don’t recognize me, LOL.

Thanks for the encouragement. It helps a lot. 🙂
 
Now, I’ve gotten so used to the Latin mass, if one were to observe me, I would look like a bona fide Catholic- not someone who has only been attending masses for three months.

I know when to stand and genuflect. I know the responses. I know how to flip through my missal to the different sections. I can even manage Credo I and III pretty good.

I don’t look like a tourist anymore.

Yesterday, as I knelt in my pew while everyone went to get communion, I visualized about receiving the Lord on my tongue so clearly, I could almost feel the Body dissolve on my tongue.

Sigh. One day.
 
Cheer up, my friend! 🙂 I went to Mass at least once or twice a week (not including Sunday) between May 18, 2010, and April 23, 2011. Everything was so glorious and beautiful and perfect up in that sanctuary. I always stayed at the very back of the cathedral, being able to see the body of the saints from the shadows. It was a huge pain being unable to receive God, but the pain was all the more stunningly turned to pure happiness on the night I was baptised and finally did consume Him. My heart pounded madly, seeing that its blood was about to be augmented by The Divine Sanguine; my stomach fluttered, knowing that it was about to take into itself the very body which fell lifeless upon the Cross, bringing true life.

When the Consecration occurred and everyone began to process up to Communion, I tried to say, in my heart, something like: “Lord Jesus Christ, may these holy saints receive your most precious Body and your whole being with reverence and joy. Please send forth your grace into the world through them. I beg you, God, to penetrate the entire Cosmos with the power of this Eucharist, so the Universe may rejoice and resound with your praises. Send out a ray of light and power from this cathedral, and may my brothers and sisters assembled here be granted salvation by their participation in You. Have mercy on we sinners, for we have hoped in you…”, or lines from the Te Deum.

I especially found that reciting the lines “Te gloriosus Apostolorum Chorus; Te prophetarum laudabilis numerus; Te martyrum candidatus laudat exercitus; Te, per orbem terrarum sancta confitetur Ecclesia…” from the Te Deum gave me an intimate ability to sense the presence of the saints. Whether sitting next to me in a pew, or standing in the sanctuary, or resting under the altar with our Lord Jesus Christ, I felt them intimately. I still know that they’re there during Mass, and I still pray the whole Te Deum as I rejoice with the Body of Christ. All the people who have entered Heaven, and all the angels who have been there since time immemorial, are leaping for joy and kneeling and weeping at the Consecration, the momentous triumph of the blessed Trinity.

One thing that really helped me was leaving after the Creed (Ordinary Form), and sitting outside in the Narthex, staring up at the huge oaken doors from the 1880’s (my back facing the doors to the nave). It helped me allegorically realise that my sins and unbaptised life had turned me from God, and that I did not deserve to face the Consecration, but only to slink away with my back turned. I stared up at those huge doors many times during February, March, and April. As I sat there in the ethereal morning light, I put my whole imagination to work convincing myself that, just behind my back, the entirety of Almighty GOD was hovering high above the pews - I felt the weight of His holy presence, though it could never be seen. Somehow, the light from the square windows (which sit above the massive portal) got brighter and brighter every Sunday… 🙂
 
GloriousOrder said:
Cheer up, my friend! 🙂 I went to Mass at least once or twice a week (not including Sunday) between May 18, 2010, and April 23, 2011. Everything was so glorious and beautiful and perfect up in that sanctuary. I always stayed at the very back of the cathedral, being able to see the body of the saints from the shadows. It was a huge pain being unable to receive God, but the pain was all the more stunningly turned to pure happiness on the night I was baptised and finally did consume Him. My heart pounded madly, seeing that its blood was about to be augmented by The Divine Sanguine; my stomach fluttered, knowing that it was about to take into itself the very body which fell lifeless upon the Cross, bringing true life.

When the Consecration occurred and everyone began to process up to Communion, I tried to say, in my heart, something like: “Lord Jesus Christ, may these holy saints receive your most precious Body and your whole being with reverence and joy. Please send forth your grace into the world through them. I beg you, God, to penetrate the entire Cosmos with the power of this Eucharist, so the Universe may rejoice and resound with your praises. Send out a ray of light and power from this cathedral, and may my brothers and sisters assembled here be granted salvation by their participation in You. Have mercy on we sinners, for we have hoped in you…”, or lines from the Te Deum.

I especially found that reciting the lines “Te gloriosus Apostolorum Chorus; Te prophetarum laudabilis numerus; Te martyrum candidatus laudat exercitus; Te, per orbem terrarum sancta confitetur Ecclesia…” from the Te Deum gave me an intimate ability to sense the presence of the saints. Whether sitting next to me in a pew, or standing in the sanctuary, or resting under the altar with our Lord Jesus Christ, I felt them intimately. I still know that they’re there during Mass, and I still pray the whole Te Deum as I rejoice with the Body of Christ. All the people who have entered Heaven, and all the angels who have been there since time immemorial, are leaping for joy and kneeling and weeping at the Consecration, the momentous triumph of the blessed Trinity.

One thing that really helped me was leaving after the Creed (Ordinary Form), and sitting outside in the Narthex, staring up at the huge oaken doors from the 1880’s (my back facing the doors to the nave). It helped me allegorically realise that my sins and unbaptised life had turned me from God, and that I did not deserve to face the Consecration, but only to slink away with my back turned. I stared up at those huge doors many times during February, March, and April. As I sat there in the ethereal morning light, I put my whole imagination to work convincing myself that, just behind my back, the entirety of Almighty GOD was hovering high above the pews - I felt the weight of His holy presence, though it could never be seen. Somehow, the light from the square windows (which sit above the massive portal) got brighter and brighter every Sunday… 🙂
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GloriousOrder,

Thanks for this very poetic and encouraging post.

God Bless1
 
Dear True Light,

Thank you so much for sharing your journey. You bring back wonderful memories of my own journey.

My first communion was so very special. Tears filled my eyes, and I couldn’t hold them back. I couldn’t remember anything as glorious, wonderful in my whole life. I was overwhelmed! :bighanky:

Your turn is coming! Welcome home, dear True Light.

You’re in my prayers,

Asia
 
Hey all,

I just wanted to share an update on how I am handling not being able to receive communion.

Someone somewhere on this thread suggested some prayers that he used to read during communion.

What I do is read some of the communion and post-communion devotions in the front of my 1962 Roman Missal. I’m going to include some snippets from some of the devotions:

They include:
**
– The Prayer of St Ambrose**
Prayer of St. Ambrose (Before Mass)
Lord Jesus Christ,
I approach your banquet table in fear and trembling,
for I am a sinner,
and dare not rely on my own worth,
but only on your goodness and mercy.
I am defiled by many sins in body and soul,
and by my unguarded thoughts and words.
Gracious God of majesty and awe,
I seek your protection,
I look for your healing.
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Prayer of St Bonadventure
Pierce, O most Sweet Lord Jesus, my inmost soul with the most joyous and healthful wound of Thy love, with true, serene, and most holy apostolic charity, that my soul may ever languish and melt with love and longing for Thee, that it may yearn for Thee and faint for Thy courts, and long to be dissolved and to be with Thee.
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Grant that my soul may hunger after Thee, the bread of angels, the refreshment of holy souls, our daily and supersubstantial bread, having all sweetness and savor and every delight of taste; let my heart ever hunger after and feed upon Thee, upon whom the angels desire to look, and may my inmost soul be filled with the sweetness of Thy savor; may it ever thirst after Thee, the fountain of life, the fountain of wisdom and knowledge, the fountain of eternal light, the torrent of pleasure, the richness of the house of God
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Adoro Te
Adoro te devote, latens Deitas,
Quæ sub his figuris vere latitas;
Tibi se cor meum totum subjicit,
Quia te contemplans totum deficit
Prostrate I adore Thee, Deity unseen,
Who Thy glory hidest 'neath these shadows mean;
Lo, to Thee surrendered, my whole heart is bowed,
Tranced as it beholds Thee, shrined within the cloud.
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Reading these prayers help me to focus on how I am not worthy to even receive him. At the same time, they help me in receiving a spiritual communion, so to speak.

The communion passes quickly and I am not fixated on the laity reverently walking to the altar rails and prayerfully coming back. In other words, I am not jealous.

So that’s how I’ve been coping. 🙂
 
Contra_Mundum said:
This sounds like an excellent way to do it.

Any news on your RCIA? September as usual?
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I think it will be September. Although someone at my parish mentioned that I should speak to an influential person at the parish regarding the whole thing.

I briefly spoke to the Pastor who told me he does private instruction in September.

Maybe he will speak to Father about my having a one-to-one with him, since that hasn’t happened.
 
How ever long the process, accept it as coming from the hand of God for you.Our Lord prepared each of the Apostles uniquely. Particular to their time and circumstance. Our Lord is preparing you, and will fill whatever is lacking in you. Use every moment to WALK with Jesus. I wish you peace and a happy journey.

Again Peace
 
hazcompat said:
How ever long the process, accept it as coming from the hand of God for you.Our Lord prepared each of the Apostles uniquely. Particular to their time and circumstance. Our Lord is preparing you, and will fill whatever is lacking in you. Use every moment to WALK with Jesus. I wish you peace and a happy journey.

Again Peace
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Oh I see.

I am no longer complaining about that. I’m only responding to the poster’s question.

In fact, when the parishioner mentioned I should talk to someone else in the parish, he suggested it after asking if I’m in RCIA and I said I would start in September.

I have resigned myself to the fact that it will take a while. I may not like it, but I’m dealing with it.

But for the record, if we’re going to talk about Apostles and apostolic times, we should also talk about the Ethiopian eunuch baptized by Philip on the same day he heard the Gospel and the Roman centurion Cornelius, who immediately received the Holy Spirit afer hearing the Gospel from Peter.

In any case, I am already a baptized Christian.
 
TrueLight said:
I think it will be September. Although someone at my parish mentioned that I should speak to an influential person at the parish regarding the whole thing.

I briefly spoke to the Pastor who told me he does private instruction in September.

Maybe he will speak to Father about my having a one-to-one with him, since that hasn’t happened.
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You go to Latin Mass, right? Is it FSSP by any chance? Because we’ve had a few converts who had one-to-one instruction and were received at different times of the year. I suspect it is because unlike a regular parish there are not that many people involved so there was never a group to be prepared. It worked in their favour I guess.
Althought I think that it is nice to be received at Easter given that it is such a special day. (I was received at Pentecost for some reason, but that also makes sense.)
 
Contra_Mundum said:
You go to Latin Mass, right? Is it FSSP by any chance? Because we’ve had a few converts who had one-to-one instruction and were received at different times of the year.
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The parish itself has both the OF and EF, but there is a strong push for the EF in my opinion. For example, there is a daily EF mass. Also, The parish has a lot of high-profile solemn masses and processions.

The pastor does both OF and EF masses. The daily EF masses are done by other priests.

So I thought I would be able to get one-on-one instruction, but alas.

The Pastor told me he starts in September and the catechumens/candidates are received at Easter.
 
TrueLight said:
The parish itself has both the OF and EF, but there is a strong push for the EF in my opinion. For example, there is a daily EF mass. Also, The parish has a lot of high-profile solemn masses and processions.

So I thought I would be able to get one-on-one instruction, but alas. The pastor does both OF EF and Ef masses. The daily EF masses are done by other priests.

But the Pastor told me he starts in September and the catechumens/candidates are received at Easter.
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I see. Oh well, 9 months is not so long. Like a pregnancy 😃 It gets tough towards the end and you really want to get it done with but oh so worth it when it finally happens.

(OK, I know 9-10 months is long but let’s try to be positive).

And your parish sounds amazing. Being with FSSP makes me feel a bit isolated, people tend to have a bit of an attitude towards ‘the trads’. Your case is exactly what it should be like with TLM today: a normalisation of its status. I hope this will become the norm soon.
 
Contra_Mundum said:
I see. Oh well, 9 months is not so long. Like a pregnancy 😃 It gets tough towards the end and you really want to get it done with but oh so worth it when it finally happens.

(OK, I know 9-10 months is long but let’s try to be positive).
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😃
Yes. Patience is a virtue.
 
TrueLight
May I recommend, if it hasn’t already been suggested, for you to find out when they have Adoration in our Church and go spend some quite time before the Eucharist. I remember a priest long time ago talking about this gentleman that would go all the time to Adoration and would sit in the back pew. Just sitting there staring at our Lord in the Eucharist. The priest asked him why he just sat there. He replied, “I’m not just sitting here. I’m looking at Jesus, and He is looking at me. I’m loving Jesus, and He is loving me.” Just go and worship Our Lord in awe. Think about how awesome He is. This God who can hold the universe in the palm of His hand loves us so, so so, much that He comes down to us in the Eucharist. It’s mind boggling that a tiny piece of bread now turned into the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of our God that we can worship and love and that He sacrificed Himself for us. TRULY AWESOME!!! I guarantee you, once you come into the Church, and receive Him you will look back and thank God for the wait and that it was allllll worth every second of waiting.

God Bless You.
 
TrueLight said:
Oh I see.

I am no longer complaining about that. I’m only responding to the poster’s question.

In fact, when the parishioner mentioned I should talk to someone else in the parish, he suggested it after asking if I’m in RCIA and I said I would start in September.

I have resigned myself to the fact that it will take a while. I may not like it, but I’m dealing with it.

But for the record, if we’re going to talk about Apostles and apostolic times, we should also talk about the Ethiopian eunuch baptized by Philip on the same day he heard the Gospel and the Roman centurion Cornelius, who immediately received the Holy Spirit afer hearing the Gospel from Peter.

In any case, I am already a baptized Christian.
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Tempus fugit. When I am anticipating I meditate on the Holy Spirit. Imagine, He waits? He does not speak on His Own? He waits and says whatever the Father gives Him.

Isaiah 30:18 Therefore the Lord waiteth that He may have mercy on you: and therefore shall He be exalted sparing you: because the Lord is the God of judgment: blessed are all they that wait for him.

you are truly blessed.

Peace
 
TrueLight said:
This is an exercise in patience, ain’t it?

I am dying to line up along with the rest of the faithful and receive the Eucharist, but obviously I can’t since I have not been received into the Church and I’m not sure when that will ever happen since I have not even begun an RCIA program.

So, I just kneel and pray and try to focus on the blessing, but it is killing me.

How have those of you who spent a year in RCIA dealt with that? Any advice?
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Why is it killing you, though? Ask yourself this deeply and honestly. If you find a holy answer, then just try to get the ball rolling faster. RCIA is not compulsory if your parish considers you educated enough in the Faith. Talk to a priest about this in any case. I definitely recommend The Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church to all adult newcomers.
 
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