Not Called-Feel Left Out

[denitaA]

I’m an adult convert, came into the Church in my thirties. I’ve never married, and was never called to religious life. I’m a virgin. Unfortunately, the Church seems to ignore the “single” vocation, the only singles groups out there are social, not spiritual, I’m not sure about the consecrated virgins group, because they require that you be employed, and I can’t work. What can I do? I belong to a Latin Mass community, and we don’t have a parish yet. I fell away from the Church for awhile because I felt that people like me were being ignored. How can I keep from leaving agin? How do I reconcile the fact that I’ll never marry or be a religious? I’m 50 years old and not called, and I feel left out.:sad_yes:

 

[thequeen]

I’m an adult convert, came into the Church in my thirties. I’ve never married, and was never called to religious life. I’m a virgin. Unfortunately, the Church seems to ignore the “single” vocation, the only singles groups out there are social, not spiritual, I’m not sure about the consecrated virgins group, because they require that you be employed, and I can’t work. What can I do? I belong to a Latin Mass community, and we don’t have a parish yet. I fell away from the Church for awhile because I felt that people like me were being ignored. How can I keep from leaving agin? How do I reconcile the fact that I’ll never marry or be a religious? I’m 50 years old and not called, and I feel left out.:sad_yes:

Please do not feel left out try to find something that you are good at I know where you are coming from I converted in my late twenties and wondered if I was going to make it to thirty because right before I was received into full communion in the Catholic Church I was diagnosed with uterine cancer thanks be to God i have been cancer free for over fifteen years now. Accept the fact you may never marry its okay to be single and celibate the dear and holy priest who took me through my instructions told me that there is such a thing as a single celibate vocation May I suggest volunteering maybe with the youth I take care of my Parish Library and don’t rule out the women’s group in your parish either these groups are not only for married women If I had thought like that I would not have been named guild member of the 2001 and 2002 guild year Hang in there you are called as all of us are called whether it be to the single celibate life the married life or the religious life I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Justice_Mercy]

Now concerning the unmarried, I have no command of the Lord, but I give my opinion as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. I think that in view of the present distress it is well for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek marriage. But if you marry, you do not sin, and if a girl marries she does not sin. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that." (1 Corinthians 7:18-28 RSV)

from 1 Corinthians 7:

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord; but the married man is anxious about worldly affairs, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried woman or girl is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit; but the married woman is anxious about worldly affairs, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

something to ponder and pray about, perhaps

 

[PerfectTiming]

I’m an adult convert, came into the Church in my thirties. I’ve never married, and was never called to religious life. I’m a virgin. Unfortunately, the Church seems to ignore the “single” vocation, the only singles groups out there are social, not spiritual, I’m not sure about the consecrated virgins group, because they require that you be employed, and I can’t work. What can I do? I belong to a Latin Mass community, and we don’t have a parish yet. I fell away from the Church for awhile because I felt that people like me were being ignored. How can I keep from leaving agin? How do I reconcile the fact that I’ll never marry or be a religious? I’m 50 years old and not called, and I feel left out.:sad_yes:

Single vocations are experiencing a resurgence. The role of single people in the Church is being more and more recognised, and vocations such as consecrated virgins and diocesan hermits are growing as well as those who remain single without any such consecration.

Have you considered joining a lay/secular order or becoming an oblate? This may give you the spiritual community that you desire.

Are you involved in any active ministry in your parish? This again may help you feel more engaged with your faith and your parish community.

Lay Single Life
Vocation to the Single Life

 

[TiggerS]

Single vocations are experiencing a resurgence. The role of single people in the Church is being more and more recognised, and vocations such as consecrated virgins and diocesan hermits are growing as well as those who remain single without any such consecration.

Have you considered joining a lay/secular order or becoming an oblate? This may give you the spiritual community that you desire.

Are you involved in any active ministry in your parish? This again may help you feel more engaged with your faith and your parish community.

Lay Single Life
Vocation to the Single Life

Our baptism does not happen as an accident of fate. The baptized are called quite uniquely by name and very personally by God to holiness and the following of The Gospel, which leads to holiness. It is sad that our baptism is not recognized often for the very high dignity, call and vocation that it is. No matter what further vocation to which one may be called, if one is, that vocation is a building on baptism and the baptismal call to holiness and The Gospel remains no matter any further call. Further calls or vocations are an indication of the way in which the following of The Gospel and holiness are to be lived out. The particular function in the life of The Church - and the laity have a particular function to play in the life of The Church.

DECREE ON THE APOSTOLATE OF THE LAITY
APOSTOLICAM ACTUOSITATEM
SOLEMNLY PROMULGATED BY HIS HOLINESS,
POPE PAUL VI
ON NOVEMBER 18, 1965
vatican.va/archive/hist_councils/ii_vatican_council/documents/vat-ii_decree_19651118_apostolicam-actuositatem_en.html

http://www.vatican.va/img/vuoto.gifOur own times require of the laity no less zeal: in fact, modern conditions demand that their apostolate be broadened and intensified. With a constantly increasing population, continual progress in science and technology, and closer interpersonal relationships, the areas for the lay apostolate have been immensely widened particularly in fields that have been for the most part open to the laity alone. These factors have also occasioned new problems which demand their expert attention and study. This apostolate becomes more imperative in view of the fact that many areas of human life have become increasingly autonomous. This is as it should be, but it sometimes involves a degree of departure from the ethical and religious order and a serious danger to Christian life. Besides, in many places where priests are very few or, in some instances, deprived of due freedom for priestly work, the Church could scarcely exist and function without the activity of the laity.

An indication of this manifold and pressing need is the unmistakable work being done today by the Holy Spirit in making the laity ever more conscious of their own responsibility and encouraging them to serve Christ and the Church in all circumstances.(3)
In this decree the Council seeks to describe the nature, character, and diversity of the lay apostolate, to state its basic principles, and to give pastoral directives for its more effective exercise. All these should be regarded as norms when the canon law, as it pertains to the lay apostolate, is revised.
CHAPTER I
THE VOCATION OF THE LAITY TO THE APOSTOLATE
2. The Church was founded for the purpose of spreading the kingdom of Christ throughout the earth for the glory of God the Father, to enable all men to share in His saving redemption,(1) and that through them the whole world might enter into a relationship with Christ. All activity of the Mystical Body directed to the attainment of this goal is called the apostolate, which the Church carries on in various ways through all her members. For the Christian vocation by its very nature is also a vocation to the apostolate. No part of the structure of a living body is merely passive but has a share in the functions as well as life of the body: so, too, in the body of Christ, which is the Church, “the whole body . . . in keeping with the proper activity of each part, derives its increase from its own internal development” (Eph. 4:16).

Read entire document on aboe link

 

[denitaA]

Like I said, I have no real “parish.” I go to the EF Mass, and they don’t have a real parish yet. The only thing I’m involved in is the Catholic Daughters, Court Louise, and I’m the only never married one there. (there are a few widows). I guess I’m looking for a group that helps singles spiritually, for them alone, no marrieds allowed. After all, couples groups don’t allow singles. Also, I don’t like the OF Mass much, too distracting. But that may be for another post.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

Like I said, I have no real “parish.” I go to the EF Mass, and they don’t have a real parish yet. The only thing I’m involved in is the Catholic Daughters, Court Louise, and I’m the only never married one there. (there are a few widows). I guess I’m looking for a group that helps singles spiritually, for them alone, no marrieds allowed. After all, couples groups don’t allow singles. Also, I don’t like the OF Mass much, too distracting. But that may be for another post.

You don’t have to be working to be a consecrated virgin. You have to be able to support yourself financially.

As for a parish, where is this EF Mass being celebrated? In another parish? If so, that’s your parish.

 

[barb_finnegan]

I’m an adult convert, came into the Church in my thirties. I’ve never married, and was never called to religious life. I’m a virgin. Unfortunately, the Church seems to ignore the “single” vocation, the only singles groups out there are social, not spiritual, I’m not sure about the consecrated virgins group, because they require that you be employed, and I can’t work. What can I do? I belong to a Latin Mass community, and we don’t have a parish yet. I fell away from the Church for awhile because I felt that people like me were being ignored. How can I keep from leaving agin? How do I reconcile the fact that I’ll never marry or be a religious? I’m 50 years old and not called, and I feel left out.:sad_yes:

Oh, ‘girlfriend’, I know what you’re going through! :sad_yes: I’m a little more older than you (two years shy of hitting ‘the big 6-0’), and I never married, either. I thought of becoming a Carmelite nun when I was between the ages of 15 and 24-didn’t happen, I was turned down.

I did the ‘Third Order’ thing twice: first, Franciscans, then Discalced Carmelites. Walked out of the first due to disagreements with the leadership people, and was ‘charitably dismissed’ from the second when the leadership determined that I had no vocation to them, even after being in the group for six years.

I also go to a Latin Mass chapel-it’s more like a ‘mission’ chapel. There’s no resident priest. The priests who come to say Mass on Sundays and Holy Days come from outside the area.

I never ‘fell away’ from the Church in spite of feeling left out of things due to my singleness. I’ve always remained firm in the Faith. But I find that the older you get, and you’re still a ‘never-wed’, you are invisible, unless you’re brainy, an ‘organizational whiz’ and are involved in all kinds of ‘do-gooding’ things.

In other words, ‘ordinary’ single Catholics are ignored.

So Denita, I absolutely know what you’re going through!
:console:

 

[Norseman82]

I’m an adult convert, came into the Church in my thirties. I’ve never married, and was never called to religious life. I’m a virgin. Unfortunately, the Church seems to ignore the “single” vocation, the only singles groups out there are social, not spiritual, I’m not sure about the consecrated virgins group, because they require that you be employed, and I can’t work. What can I do? I belong to a Latin Mass community, and we don’t have a parish yet. I fell away from the Church for awhile because I felt that people like me were being ignored. How can I keep from leaving agin? How do I reconcile the fact that I’ll never marry or be a religious? I’m 50 years old and not called, and I feel left out.:sad_yes:

“Single” in and of itself is not a vocation unless it is in the context of “consecrated life”/“priestly ministry”; in fact, I think the promotion of “single” as a vocation has the adverse impact of robbing the Church of people who can be good spouses or priests/religious.

I never ‘fell away’ from the Church in spite of feeling left out of things due to my singleness. I’ve always remained firm in the Faith. But I find that the older you get, and you’re still a ‘never-wed’, you are invisible, unless you’re brainy, an ‘organizational whiz’ and are involved in all kinds of ‘do-gooding’ things.

In other words, ‘ordinary’ single Catholics are ignored.

I can sympathize with both of your situations, because the way the world is today a lot of us single people find ourselves in similar situations where we cannot find a spouse to live out our natural vocation to marriage (or for those who have discerned that they can handle lifelong celibacy, finding an oder/diocese that will recognize they have a vocation and accept them). But I don’t think that inventing a “vocation” to make us feel better is the answer; in fact, I think it only discourages the Church from attacking the root problems that led us to this point in the first place.

 

[elizabeth_anne_1]

I could not disagree more with the proposal that no one is called to be single. I am. The Lord has made it clear through prayer and spiritual direction and working Providentially in the circumstances of my life.

What about people who would not be good religious or spouses? For instance, myself. I have a mental illness that caused me to have to give up my dream of religious life. Or what about people with deeply seated same sex attraction? There are a host of reasons why people do not get married and it is not because they are not open to the will of God. Whether or not you want to call this an official vocation many of us are called by God to live this way.

Also, for Denita…I recommend Fr. Benedict Groeschel’s book “The Courage to be Chaste.” A large part of the book deals with sexual problems that can arise for people who are celibate, but he also gives a lot of other advice to single people in the world in this book.