Not calling Mom on Mothers Day

[Irishmom2]

Agree. If it’s hard for you to do, do it simply because you’re grandmother asked you to do it. Do it for her.

I agree with this. Send your mom some flowers today if possible. Then when you call, you can at least have something to talk about, and then you can end the call if it becomes a problem.

"Did you get my flowers? Oh, that’s good, glad you liked them. Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you. Can’t stay on long, I was on my way out the door, but wanted to wish you a happy Mother’s Day. "

That’s all, done. But you never know what can come from an act of kindness. Wish my mom were still alive to be able to call up and say hello.

 

[Convert1]

Right.

Do it for your grandma, not your mom.

Do it for yourself. Accept that you cannot change what happened in the past. But also take comfort in the fact that you are making the call for your own well-being; not so much to reflect her performance as a parent. I agree the call should be brief. As hard as it is, letting go of the past and moving forward can be cathartic. God Bless You, I have been where you are. I will pray for you.

 

[Memaw]

Call your mom, please. I go with -forgive them for they do not know what they do, and love the sinner but not the sin-sort of approach. Ask our Lord to help you get through the pain you suffered from her actions. Let go of it and forgive her. You will never forget what she has done but you can choose to not let it hurt you anymore. Hearing from you can be a giant step in her faith journey. Trust God with the impossible. Praying that love will prevail. God bless you.

I agree, and you will feel so much better for having done so even if nothing different ever comes of it. I know your Grandmother will be happy too. She’s probably thinking more of you doing something good no matter what the outcome. Say a prayer to her Guardian Angel before you call. God Bless, Memaw

 

[EasterJoy]

Why give her a way to rationalize her behavior by failing in one of the minimal duties expected of even decent children?

Call her. Actually, send her a card and a little gift, too. It will not kill you. It is what decent people do for a mother with whom they are still on speaking terms.

As for the way she seems to prefer her hobby of pursuing the company and favor of men instead of choosing to spend time with you and look out for you, consider that when you decide who to invite or not invite when you win a free vacation to Hawaii or an intimate party planned for your birthday, not when you decide who you will or will not call on Mother’s Day.

 

[PolarGuy]

Easterjoy’s above post was interesting (in a good way). I’d not thought of that.

 

[EasterJoy]

Easterjoy’s above post was interesting (in a good way). I’d not thought of that.

As for a gift, she could give the gift of a dinner or breakfast out…her mom has to find time for her if she wants her gift! If her mom has e-mail, it is not too late to send a card. Some of the e-cards I have gotten as birthday cards are actually pretty charming. If the OP doesn’t want to spend a lot of time on the phone, the devious thing to do is to call when you know your mom is going to be busy with somebody else….oopsie, sorry Mom, no, go have a good time, I don’t want to interrupt. Or she gets to leave a nice little message on voicemail: Mission Accomplished, I get my Thoughtful Daughter Pin for this year.

 

[Allegra]

What is your reason for not wanting to call? Do you normally call your mom? Is she abusive towards you or something? If your relationship is so toxic that you don’t think you can call her without causing pain and suffering, then by all means, text her or don’t communicate at all. If you normally do talk to her and you just don’t want to call tomorrow because you resent her bad mothering, then I think that’s pretty childish. Call her and wish her a happy Mother’s Day. Then afterward, call a therapist and get some help with your relationship with her and forgiving her for her subpar parenting.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I’m going to go against the rest of the posters. Don’t call. If you do not view her as a good mom, and it causes you pain and her motherhood has damaged you, I don’t think a secular made up holiday should obligate you to “call” anyone you do not want to. Just let the day go by like any other and silently be grateful that at least she gave birth to you…

 

[Miss_Felicity]

Me and my Mom have not had the best relationship… She has always put men before me. She would let men come into our home when I was a teenager and she would allow them to try and control me. She never calls to check on me, and she never comes to visit me.

Long story short; my Grandmother (who basically raised me) told me to call my Mom on Mother’s day, but deep down inside I feel like she does not deserve that. Because it would be like saying that what she has done in the past is ok, and me calling her would not be sincere from my heart… Is it wrong to feel this way. I love my Mom and I have always respected her. But I feel like I have to draw the line somewhere.

I’m sorry to hear of the difficult relationship with your mom. I would say that you get to decide what you feel comfortable doing. None of us know from a post online the nuances of your relationship with your mother. Follow your heart and pray about it, come to a decision you are okay with. Wishing you the best.

 

[EasterJoy]

I’m going to go against the rest of the posters. Don’t call. If you do not view her as a good mom, and it causes you pain and her motherhood has damaged you, I don’t think a secular made up holiday should obligate you to “call” anyone you do not want to. Just let the day go by like any other and silently be grateful that at least she gave birth to you…

I would agree with this when the mother and daughter essentially do not speak any more. If you believe that on the whole you owe some gratitude towards your mother, however, I fail to see what good it does to “silently be grateful” about it on Mother’s Day. Either be grateful to Heaven for protecting you and preserving you in spite of the maternal failures and toxicity that keep you from even calling your mother even on Mother’s Day or else give her some recognition.

As for it being a secular made-up holiday…maybe so. Until you are a mother whose child refuses to so much as phone in a word of thanks, that is. (There is a reason that “phoned in” is a euphemism for a minimal effort at fulfilling a duty, after all!)

 

[alphawoman]

Call her. Acknowledge her motherhood, be an adult, and keep the lines of communication open. You never know when one of you might want to deepen the relationship, and it’s far easier if you have a history of civil contact.

At the very least, she made you, carried you in her body, delivered you safely, and raised you. You might not agree with anything she’s done, but you wouldn’t exist without her, and for that you should honour her.

 

[Memaw]

Call her. Acknowledge her motherhood, be an adult, and keep the lines of communication open. You never know when one of you might want to deepen the relationship, and it’s far easier if you have a history of civil contact.

At the very least, she made you, carried you in her body, delivered you safely, and raised you. You might not agree with anything she’s done, but you wouldn’t exist without her, and for that you should honour her.

My father was an alcoholic, parents divorced when I was quite young, I never saw my dad again for many years. One day my husband insisted I stop and let our kids meet their Grandpa and we did. I never regretted that and as time went on I got to really know my Dad, he had nothing but praise to say about my Mom. He had quit drinking many years before and knew it was his own fault he lost his family. The kids loved him and he them. He eventually came back into the Church. You never know where the Good Lord is leading you. I am thankful He led me to my Dad. God Bless, Memaw

 

[Irishmom2]

My father was an alcoholic, parents divorced when I was quite young, I never saw my dad again for many years. One day my husband insisted I stop and let our kids meet their Grandpa and we did. I never regretted that and as time went on I got to really know my Dad, he had nothing but praise to say about my Mom. He had quit drinking many years before and knew it was his own fault he lost his family. The kids loved him and he them. He eventually came back into the Church. You never know where the Good Lord is leading you. I am thankful He led me to my Dad. God Bless, Memaw

Aww. My first teary post of the day. Thanks for sharing that, Memaw!

 

[pianistclare]

My father was an alcoholic, parents divorced when I was quite young, I never saw my dad again for many years. One day my husband insisted I stop and let our kids meet their Grandpa and we did. I never regretted that and as time went on I got to really know my Dad, he had nothing but praise to say about my Mom. He had quit drinking many years before and knew it was his own fault he lost his family. The kids loved him and he them. He eventually came back into the Church. You never know where the Good Lord is leading you. I am thankful He led me to my Dad. God Bless, Memaw

Yes. Excellent example of God working through us. just because we don’t ***think ***there’s an immediate benefit, does not mean that there will not be an eventual benefit.

 

[Memaw]

Yes. Excellent example of God working through us. just because we don’t ***think ***there’s an immediate benefit, does not mean that there will not be an eventual benefit.

You are soooo right. I wasn’t even sure my Dad would recognize me when I knocked on his door, but he did. And he also got to know his 9 other kids and many grandkids. My Mom had died about 10 years before but she never stopped telling us to pray for our Dad. God Bless, Memaw

 

[Conradine]

I can vaguely understand how do you feel Akiliane. I had my conflicts with my mother ( long story ) that made me unhappy for many years. I would not minimize the emotional pain that a family conflict may cause. I’ll simply say that to you: almost everything can be solved, until there is time.
I wish you all the good.

 

[Akiliane]

I want to thank you ALL for the replies, advice & encouraging words! It truly helped me a lot… I called my Mom on Mother’s Day, and although the convo was only 5 mins or less, it was refreshing to speak with Mom; it added a little sunshine to my day.

I did read a lot of great stories in the replies and I will try my best not to hold so much resentment in my heart. And its not that I’m trying to “teach my Mom a lesson”; but more so, I’m trying to protect myself from being hurt… I’m a very sensitive person

Again thank you so much! You all are awesome!!!

May Our Lord Jesus & Blessed Mother Mary Bless you all!

 

[pianistclare]

I want to thank you ALL for the replies, advice & encouraging words! It truly helped me a lot… I called my Mom on Mother’s Day, and although the convo was only 5 mins or less, it was refreshing to speak with Mom; it added a little sunshine to my day.

I did read a lot of great stories in the replies and I will try my best not to hold so much resentment in my heart. And its not that I’m trying to “teach my Mom a lesson”; but more so, I’m trying to protect myself from being hurt… I’m a very sensitive person

Again thank you so much! You all are awesome!!!

May Our Lord Jesus & Blessed Mother Mary Bless you all!

I’m so glad you are at peace with your decision. God bless you too!
Welcome again, to the forums.

 

[acadiANNA]

God bless you! May the lines of communication remain open.

 

[DeniseNY]

I want to thank you ALL for the replies, advice & encouraging words! It truly helped me a lot… I called my Mom on Mother’s Day, and although the convo was only 5 mins or less, it was refreshing to speak with Mom; it added a little sunshine to my day.

I did read a lot of great stories in the replies and I will try my best not to hold so much resentment in my heart. And its not that I’m trying to “teach my Mom a lesson”; but more so, I’m trying to protect myself from being hurt… I’m a very sensitive person

Again thank you so much! You all are awesome!!!

May Our Lord Jesus & Blessed Mother Mary Bless you all!

God bless!