Not caring whether one marries a Catholic or not?

[HomeschoolDad]

TB, this is not meant for you so please don’t take this personally.

Excerpt from My Divine Friend:

St. Ambrose rightly says: “With the holy thou shalt be holy, and with the perverse thou shalt be perverted! If this be true in other things how much more in marriage! How can there be accord in charity when there is discord in faith? The first thing, therefore, to be sought in marriage is religion.”

Source: Schudlo, Rev. M., compiler. My Divine Friend. 1959, Yorkton, SK, Canada: Redeemer’s Voice Press, p. 68.

And again, not to condemn or judge the many people who are in happy, holy marriages where Our Lord directed them to spouses who do not share the fullness of faith, but what about the admonition not to be “unequally yoked with nonbelievers”?

When I was being catechized for reception into the Church, the priest told me that I probably wouldn’t marry a Catholic (due to living in an area with a relatively small Catholic population). I sat there and thought “like h— I won’t!”.

 

[Margaret_Ann]

I’m way past my bedtime so I’m turning in. More later.

 

[Lea101]

If you don’t mind my asking, why do you say this?

I feel like I may risk offending if I elaborate further, but let’s just say that the dating pool is terrible for me in terms of compatibility. (and to be fair, there’s really not many in where I’m from)

 

[OrbisNonSufficit]

I feel like you have a point. I do not mean to say that it is only viable choice but at the same time, God is more important than people. I think dating/marrying someone who at least respects our faith is necessary.

I have blown chances I had with some girls just because I felt like that would not happen. I also search for someone who will guide me to God, not just put up with my beliefs. Someone who I might guide to God too. This ambition has been source of huge chunk of my despair, so it might just be wrong. But as of now it is what I expect from marriage.

My parents weren’t Catholic so I already fear not knowing how to raise children in the Faith. If my spouse is against me doing so or discourages them either by example or persuasion… I don’t see my chances being too good

 

[Rau]

…to raise consciousness as to why the Church strongly encourages us to marry fellow Catholics…,

The encouragement, is in fact, not overly strong. Dispensation to marry a non-Catholic is routinely granted.

 

[Rau]

In our mass we profess to believe in one God, and in “one holy Catholic and apostolic church”.

I believe the word used in the creed is lower case ‘c’ catholic, meaning universal.

 

[Pattylt]

While true that it is much less common in Orthodox Judaism than the Reform, it is still happening…they are just a bit quieter about it. What happens in the Orthodox is that they leave Judaism first…then marry away from the faith. So they aren’t counted as Orthodox anymore. Many wind up marrying Reformed or Conservative Jews so they remain within the faith but have drifted away from Orthodoxy…which leads to their children marrying outside the faith more often.

Orthodox also have much higher birth rates so high levels of growth with replacement. I’m not sure Judaism will completely disappear for quite a while but may become a smaller and more conservative sect over time. Just my opinion.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

If you don’t mind my asking, why do you say this?

Oh, OK, thanks. It just sounded kind of bizarre at first blush. I have known of Catholic girls and women who actually seemed to prefer non-Catholics, which is pretty bizarre as well. The only thing I was ever able to figure out, is that a “nice Catholic boy” (think of the stereotype of the “nice Jewish boy”, only with a different religion) could be perceived as kind of boring, “safe”, and even dorky, while someone from out in the larger secular world might be more “exciting” or “edgier”. That’s a pretty twisted courtship mentality, but I’ve seen it play out before. Sometimes the results were pretty grim.

I feel like you have a point. I do not mean to say that it is only viable choice but at the same time, God is more important than people. I think dating/marrying someone who at least respects our faith is necessary.

“God is more important than people”. Thank you for pointing this out.

That one sentence is pretty much Catholicism 101, but it can’t hurt for all of us to remind ourselves of that on a daily basis.

I have blown chances I had with some girls just because I felt like that would not happen. I also search for someone who will guide me to God, not just put up with my beliefs. Someone who I might guide to God too. This ambition has been source of huge chunk of my despair, so it might just be wrong. But as of now it is what I expect from marriage.

Good for you. You have your priorities straight. Do yourself a favor and get on CatholicMatch, Catholic Singles, or Ave Maria Singles. I wish you the best.

…to raise consciousness as to why the Church strongly encourages us to marry fellow Catholics…,

Yes, the Church nowadays pretty much rubber-stamps such requests. “Back in the day”, such marriages had to take place in the parish rectory or similar location. There was an expectation that Catholics would marry Catholics. Now, not so much.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

And as a closing comment, I would also point out that this may be a gender thing. A Catholic man, seeking a wife, needs to know that he can trust her to instruct their children in the Catholic Faith, and to maintain a solid, stable, devout Catholic home. No Catholic man worth his salt is going to be indifferent to this kind of thing.

Catholic women, I won’t attempt to speak for them, in that I am not one.

Thanks to everyone for a very good discussion that is ending far too soon.

 

[Irishmom2]

As if a Catholic woman cares less about her husband instructing her children?
It is not a gender thing.

What you said applies to husband and wife.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

As if a Catholic woman cares less about her husband instructing her children?

I didn’t say that. But traditionally, the mother has set the tone for the home.