Not comfortable with counselor

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madnick44

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My wife and I went to a family and marrige counselor at our parish the other day amd she said some thing that made me uncomfortable with her counseling.
  1. She thinks Obama Care is the greatest thing since sliced bread ( we were discussing how to pay for the session) My thinking is if she is a true Catholic and not a liberal Catholic she would be against Obama Care do to the Birth Control issue and the affront on the Catholic Church.
  2. Her road map to a happy family was God 1st, Self 2nd, Spouse 3rd & family 4th. I was always taught God , Spouse, Family, Self.
  3. She asked me if I was cheating on my wife but never asked my wife the same question…Ironically my wife has been cheating on me for 2 years but she showed no intrest in going there with her.
She want to see us again but for me these are deal brakers for me.
Any ideas ??
 
madnick44 said:
  1. She asked me if I was cheating on my wife but never asked my wife the same question…Ironically my wife has been cheating on me for 2 years but she showed no intrest in going there with her.
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Sounds like its time to find a new counselor. The fact that she was talking politics during a session speaks of her inability to be a real professional. The fact she’s wrong only makes it worse.
 
Your thread’s title contains your answer:
“Not comfortable with counselor.”
The best advice I ever got as a lawman, was given me as a rookie cop by a grizzled veteran of the craft.
“When in doubt, son,” he said, “follow your gut.”
I give you the same advice:
Your gut already tells you to bail.
Pull back the throttle, grab the red handle, blow the canopy and eject!
 
It doesn’t matter how great a counselor is, if you don’t feel comfortable with him or her, I think you’re wasting your time. Find another counselor until you feel comfortable. And don’t apologize for it.
 
madnick44 said:
My wife and I went to a family and marrige counselor at our parish the other day amd she said some thing that made me uncomfortable with her counseling.
  1. She thinks Obama Care is the greatest thing since sliced bread ( we were discussing how to pay for the session) My thinking is if she is a true Catholic and not a liberal Catholic she would be against Obama Care do to the Birth Control issue and the affront on the Catholic Church.
  2. Her road map to a happy family was God 1st, Self 2nd, Spouse 3rd & family 4th. I was always taught God , Spouse, Family, Self.
  3. She asked me if I was cheating on my wife but never asked my wife the same question…Ironically my wife has been cheating on me for 2 years but she showed no intrest in going there with her.
She want to see us again but for me these are deal brakers for me.
Any ideas ??
Click to expand...
 
I would look elsewhere for professional help…and I agree…God, Spouse , family…anyway…you might also consider reporting the counselor to whatever licensing board … not in a vindictive way…but in order that they/the Board is apprised of the counselors expousing some political position…PAX
 
Sky_Pilot said:
Your thread’s title contains your answer:
“Not comfortable with counselor.”
The best advice I ever got as a lawman, was given me as a rookie cop by a grizzled veteran of the craft.
“When in doubt, son,” he said, “follow your gut.”
I give you the same advice:
Your gut already tells you to bail.
Pull back the throttle, grab the red handle, blow the canopy and eject!
Click to expand...
Sky Pilot:

I knew I knew the answer just wanted some feed back. BTW I love your response 🙂

God Bless and thanks again…
 
Agreed you need a new counselor that you both resonate with and feel comfortable. Please pray God, so simple to do and so amazing.

All the best!

P.S. Mention your concern to your priest, he should know about this type of counseling.
 
These all sound like very good reason for finding a new counselor!

I have had experience with a [male] marriage counselor that truly favored men and my husband, and looked to me only for all the improvements… I decided to give it more and more [expensive] chances, since at least my ex was willing to go, but it only got worse, much worse… What a waste of time, money, and most expensively: hope - and in a time when I was starved for hope. What robbery!

So from that experience I learned that I would never pay any counselor who did not give me a feeling of confidence and hope and trust right off. That should happen in the first session!
 
Oh_Charlotte said:
These all sound like very good reason for finding a new counselor!

I have had experience with a [male] marriage counselor that truly favored men and my husband, and looked to me only for all the improvements… I decided to give it more and more [expensive] chances, since at least my ex was willing to go, but it only got worse, much worse… What a waste of time, money, and most expensively: hope - and in a time when I was starved for hope. What robbery!

So from that experience I learned that I would never pay any counselor who did not give me a feeling of confidence and hope and trust right off. That should happen in the first session!
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I just talked to a good friend of mine and his wife has is going to the same counselor. She told my friends wife that my friend will never change if she takes him back and they should get divorced and if they truly want to get back together they should remarry. She says the divoce will scare him and he’ll change after that. Kind of ironic that my wife and my friends wife are best friends and have been literally going down the same path together justifyling all their bad behavior.

Thanks for your response…
 
madnick44 said:
I just talked to a good friend of mine and his wife has is going to the same counselor. She told my friends wife that my friend will never change if she takes him back and they should get divorced and if they truly want to get back together they should remarry. She says the divoce will scare him and he’ll change after that. Kind of ironic that my wife and my friends wife are best friends and have been literally going down the same path together justifyling all their bad behavior.

Thanks for your response…
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Ug. What I realize is that you really can’t report these bad counselors to anyone. They really have no accountability. People turn to them for help and their bad help hits even harder because of the vulnerable situation they are in. It seems to be a field wide open for people who are troubled themselves - that’s why they get into psychology. But that does not mean they have healed their own issues before they start, or that they even have the personal insight to realize they have issues. There are those who seem to want to put men (or women) in their place - they want to repress them out of pride or retaliation or something askew, or they have other private agenda’s related to personal dysfunction.

That said, there are great counselors out there. I have met more bad than good, but I ahve met some gifted, insightful ones that really are in the right line of work.

I am sorry for what you are in the midst of. Remember, God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
 
My wife is coming home today from her business/ valentine trip with her boyfriend this afternoon. It will be intresting to see her reaction when I tell her the counselor is out. I asked our priest if a person should take counsel from a person who believes you should put self ahead of spouse and family in the family dynamic or believes in Obama care ( I didn’t mention that the counselor was in our own church ) and he said they shouldn’t be trusted.
 
Hello Madnick44,
You and my wife are in my prayers.

A fewa years ago in the very first night of my very first grad course in counseling the professor pronounced, “The goal of counseling is to help people feel better.”

This is the mindset of the vast majority of counselors, even those who profess to be “Christian” counselors.

A true Christian counselor, however, has a different goal. His/her goal is to help people BE better. “Being better” is defined as being more Christ-like. The Catholic Church holds up the true Christ Whom we are to image.

If your counselor does not have this foundational goal then they are building on sand.

Another “interview” question for a perspective counselor would be, “If a homosexual ‘married’ couple came to you for counseling would you be willing to help them to become happier in their ‘marriage?’”

Hopefully you can find a faithful Catholic counselor who desires to help each of you become more Christ-like and choose to love each other as Christ loves you.

May God bless you also for your openness to true Christ-like forgiveness of your wife’s infidelities. He will always be open to reconciliation upon your repentance. Imitating Him is always a good thing!

Bryan
LOVE SO AMAZING
 
The crazy thing about all this is since I found out she was cheating on me she has been much better to me and the kids.Before always nagging and yelling ( which was the main reason I lost sexual intrest ) Now much easier to get along with although there are times she still goes off but all I need to do is say " really " and she calms down. At this point I don’t know if I ever want to be together with her again but I’m hanging in for the kids 10 & 12. I have friends who’s parents got divorced and are still feeling the effects and would rather me be hurt than them.

I don’t think she will make a move for a divorce until her dad dies, she’s a definate daddy’s girl and wouldn’t want to dissapoint him. Also the friend of hers that went to the same counselor is now in the process of filling a divorce( on the advice of the same parrish counselor we wnt to ) and she is having a front row seat on all the pain and chaos it’s causing. Anyway I’ll keep on keeping on and try to keep my kids from being hurt.

Thanks for all your commments and especially prayers
 
Hello Madnick44,
I pray you do more than, “keep on keeping on.”

This is about the eternal destination of your wife’s soul, your soul, and the souls of your children because they have this as a model.

If there is any possible way for your wife and yourself to find a faithful Theology of the Body set of classes to attend. Or order materials online and force yourselves to committing six months or one year to nightly study.

The devil desires your souls and attacking your marriage is a way to claim them. Fight like you are fighting Hell itself… because you are.

St. Michael the archangel, defend them in battle!

Bryan
LOVE SO AMAZING
 
madnick44 said:
  1. Her road map to a happy family was God 1st, Self 2nd, Spouse 3rd & family 4th. I was always taught God , Spouse, Family, Self.
Click to expand...
Everything else you stated would be a deal-breaker for me also, except for this.

Let me explain-
I have been in therapy and spiritual direction for over 5 years.
I am also a family/professional caregiver, and help to facilitate support groups for families who are going throught the scourge that is Alzheimer’s Disease and other related dementias.

One of the very first things we tell caregivers is that they MUST take care of themselves, before they can take care of anyone else.

To be honest, I believe that this is really the best advice ever- God, self, spouse, family,
as if you don’t love & care for yourself, how can you love or care for another?
 
You can Love and Care for yourself OK but if you put your self above spouse and family that’s the problem. In an effort to make herself " happy" my wife has decided to find another man while still married to me not consideing her 2 children I’m an adult so hurt me if you will but to be so obsessed with happiness that you know the result of havimg an affair will destroy your kids… doesn’t make sense to me. Maybe I don’t love myself enough but I don’t see it . I’m sick and tired of everyone making themselves happy at the expense of all around them. Happiness is guaranteed to no one . It stems from everyone gets a trophy mentality.
 
Right on madnick,
The model for a Christian is Christ. He gave Himself, His very life, for the beloved.

Modern psychology attempts to build the self up. In order to follow Christ we must be willing to lose the self… so that it is no longer the self living but Him living in us.

Modern therapy teaches us to build altars to the self at which we are to sacrifice others… even our children… to this god, the self.

“Don’t worry, they will adjust,” we are told. Yes, they do adjust. They learn to build their own altars to their own selves.

Hang in there my brother. This cross is not light until we learn more and more to allow Him to do the heavy lifting.

Bryan
LOVE SO AMAZING
 
One of the very first things we tell caregivers is that they MUST take care of themselves, before they can take care of anyone else.
Click to expand...
To be honest, I believe that this is really the best advice ever- God, self, spouse, family, as if you don’t love & care for yourself, how can you love or care for another?
Click to expand...
If this means that we must first repent of our own grave sin… first remove the plank from our own eye… then ok.

The modern therapeutic, however, means “I must first be sure that I am feeling happy about myself. That I love the me in me.”

Paradoxically, the true Christian “takes care of his self” by dying to his self and placing others before his self… especially the one he is to love as Christ loves us… his spouse.

Bryan
LOVE SO AMAZING
 
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