Not dating anymore...pressured to anyway

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Luvz2travel

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My friends and some family just won’t accept what I’ve accepted that singleness is better than a bad relationship. I only attract the wrong ones and not many are interested in the first place. As a realist I’ve decided to get off the train going nowhere how do I deal with others that keep telling me to get back on or try to throw me back on?? Suggestions are welcome.
 
Well, I have been in plenty of bad relationships in the past and I agree it isn’t worth staying in them. I do have to say though, just because you have attracted the wrong ones in the past doesn’t mean you should give up on romantic relationships entirely. If I did, I would have never found my now husband. Maybe you are called to be married one day, maybe not. I don’t know. I would think and pray about this and certainly not rush into any decision about being single the rest of your life or not.
 
First of all, I know this is not what you want to hear, but make sure that if God happens to drop the right man into your lap, you are not too closed-minded to see it. 😉

I have seen plenty of ways to handle people that are under the impression that because you’re single you must be lonely and just sitting around waiting for a man to sweep you off your feet, or at least you are cheerfully treading water until a man comes around and allows you to fulfill your purpose in life (thank you, 50’s era Disney!).

Anyway, I tried googling “single and happy” but couldn’t find anything I was thinking of. I do know how Miss Manners recommends handling meddlers - “Oh you are so kind to be concerned. Now tell me more about the tortoise eggs you hatched in your living room last week” (or some other way to switch the subject back to them).
 
Back before I was married, I also was what I call a bum magnet. :o I went from one bad guy to another.

When the last one moved on, I decided that I needed a break. So I took a year off. No dating. My friends didn’t know what to do. They all figured I needed to be dating just like them.

It took a while, but they got the message. I recommend just restating that you are not interested in dating. Don’t change the words, just state it again. Your friends will figure it out.
 
AthenaC said:
First of all, I know this is not what you want to hear, but make sure that if God happens to drop the right man into your lap, you are not too closed-minded to see it. 😉

I have seen plenty of ways to handle people that are under the impression that because you’re single you must be lonely and just sitting around waiting for a man to sweep you off your feet, or at least you are cheerfully treading water until a man comes around and allows you to fulfill your purpose in life (thank you, 50’s era Disney!).

Anyway, I tried googling “single and happy” but couldn’t find anything I was thinking of. I do know how Miss Manners recommends handling meddlers - “Oh you are so kind to be concerned. Now tell me more about the tortoise eggs you hatched in your living room last week” (or some other way to switch the subject back to them).
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I don’t see GOD dropping anyone in my lap. The last 3 were enough to convince me it’s better to be happy, single and drama free than miserable with someone who just wants to use you. I’m just sick of the “you gotta have someone in your life or it’s the end of it all” mentality. My sister asked how I was going to keep myself occupied after my last relationship. I amazed her by telling her I was going to continue going out and doing what I was already doing and never stopped doing while dating…hiking, traveling, kayaking, dancing, volunteering…my life didn’t change that much when I was dating someone. I told my family I just decided to date myself for lack of a better term as it’s a lot less troublesome.
 
My MIL is only in her mid-fifties and has embraced that “single and happy” lifestyle.

My husband says she is the perfect argument for arranged marriages…simply because she could never seem to figure out how to pick respectable men. She’s such and sweet and kind woman too. She’s a good Christian but she isn’t Catholic.

I hate to say he is right because it sounds bad to say…but he is right. She had two failed marriages due to abuse and alcoholism and another relationship that, while wasn’t abusive, forced my then 21 year-old husband to support her and her boyfriend because he refused to work and totally drained the family finances.

She seems to be done with relationships…at least I know my husband won’t put up with his mother getting involved with another man. Given the history he’s had to live through his entire life…I don’t really blame him.

She’s happy. She loves her Church and is involved in all sorts of group activities with gardening, bible studies, the tribe and she has 4 grandchildren she is very busy with. She doesn’t really need to be in a relationship because she has so many friends and family so close by.
 
There’s so much pressure to date in our society. Look at all the 2-for-1 deals on travel, food, etc. Family and friends mean well in their efforts to find us single folks a mate, but sometimes it feels as if they are on some super important mission where the ultimate reward is taking credit for finding matches for us poor unfortunate souls :rolleyes:

I concur with maryjk - after a while they will get the message if you are honest with them. And if it’s meant to be, maybe someday we single unattached folks will find that person that we’d rather be with than be without 👍
 
Luvz2travel said:
My friends and some family just won’t accept what I’ve accepted that singleness is better than a bad relationship. I only attract the wrong ones and not many are interested in the first place. As a realist I’ve decided to get off the train going nowhere how do I deal with others that keep telling me to get back on or try to throw me back on?? Suggestions are welcome.
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Love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself. If you do these things then your friends and family will be able to find no room for criticism. I suggest making this your morning prayer.

As far as you being in bad relationships, it sounds like you have a lot of old pain to work through. Praying for you.
 
Don’t get into a discussion about it. Hear what they have to say, and then say
“OK, I hear what you’re saying. No pressure, though. We’ll see.”

Then when you are asked to date some particular guy say, “No. He seems a nice enough guy, I’m sure he’ll make someone happy, but it doesn’t feel like the right situation. If the right situation comes up, I’ll know it when I see it.”

If they start pressuring you that you are* never* going to have the right situation come up, you can say, “I’m OK where I am. I have the luxury of waiting for someone to knock me over. That may not happen, true, but I’ll accept where that leads me.”

IOW, don’t reject their point of view, but stick to your right to steer by your own light.

Yes, you could point out that the world is full of widows who are just fine, thank you very much, but I think you’ll do better by just agreeing to hear them and then refusing to argue. That is the hardest position to make an assault on, and that sounds like what you’re looking for at present.
 
I have not dated in over 10 years. The last bad relationship I had kind of ruined it for me. Now i am set in my ways, and don’t really want to share my life with anyone. Single isnt so bad. I love it. I will never answer to anyone again.

I do hope you find your soulmate though, if that is what you desire. 🙂
 
Good for you. Being single and at peace with oneself is better than being part of a couple that is unhappy together. Ask The Holy Spirit to guide you, to show you your vocation and to help you to live your life as it is meant to be lived. God has a plan for your life. Just keep asking, listening, and moving along.
 
PattiDay said:
Good for you. Being single and at peace with oneself is better than being part of a couple that is unhappy together. Ask The Holy Spirit to guide you, to show you your vocation and to help you to live your life as it is meant to be lived. God has a plan for your life. Just keep asking, listening, and moving along.
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Gosh, I hope there is a plan for my life…seriously…as much as I am sure marriage is not my vocation, I am really not sure what is.

I just work, sleep and write screenplays that don’t sell. And spend the rest of my waking hours on this site! 😃
 
sllhouette said:
Love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself. If you do these things then your friends and family will be able to find no room for criticism. I suggest making this your morning prayer.

As far as you being in bad relationships, it sounds like you have a lot of old pain to work through. Praying for you.
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No pain here I just happen to be a realist. I don’t tend to hold on to things I move on and let go otherwise it would make life pretty difficult to hold on to baggage all the time. It may sound hard but I’m also kind of a direct person and not that great with being diplomatic with words. I just tend to say what I mean I guess. I don’t really care what others think but it does get old hearing how I should put myself out there. That’s all I’m really saying.
 
EasterJoy said:
Don’t get into a discussion about it. Hear what they have to say, and then say
“OK, I hear what you’re saying. No pressure, though. We’ll see.”

Then when you are asked to date some particular guy say, “No. He seems a nice enough guy, I’m sure he’ll make someone happy, but it doesn’t feel like the right situation. If the right situation comes up, I’ll know it when I see it.”

If they start pressuring you that you are* never* going to have the right situation come up, you can say, “I’m OK where I am. I have the luxury of waiting for someone to knock me over. That may not happen, true, but I’ll accept where that leads me.”

IOW, don’t reject their point of view, but stick to your right to steer by your own light.

Yes, you could point out that the world is full of widows who are just fine, thank you very much, but I think you’ll do better by just agreeing to hear them and then refusing to argue. That is the hardest position to make an assault on, and that sounds like what you’re looking for at present.
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Thanks I like your suggestions…especially the “I’m Ok where I am” one and the “I have the luxury of waiting for someone to knock me over.”…lol I can never think of a good come back line…👍
 
Luvz2travel said:
My friends and some family just won’t accept what I’ve accepted that singleness is better than a bad relationship. I only attract the wrong ones and not many are interested in the first place. As a realist I’ve decided to get off the train going nowhere how do I deal with others that keep telling me to get back on or try to throw me back on?? Suggestions are welcome.
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Don’t attach too much weight to how people’s comments rub you the wrong way, just get over it. Cut conversations short if you don’t feel like discussing the subject. Or just candidly tell them what you’ve decided and ask them to stop pressuring you because it makes you very uncomfortable.
 
Singleness is even better than a good relationship.(In my opinion)
 
chevalier said:
Don’t attach too much weight to how people’s comments rub you the wrong way, just get over it. Cut conversations short if you don’t feel like discussing the subject. Or just candidly tell them what you’ve decided and ask them to stop pressuring you because it makes you very uncomfortable.
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Yes. My dad always just refused to take the bait. People feel really silly when they find themselves literally talking to themselves. They get a little irritated that they aren’t getting more attention, but how can they complain when you let them talk and won’t argue with them? If there is no rebuttal to their argument, the discussion is closed, the jury goes out and never comes back…case closed! 👍

You do have to let go of the satisfaction of letting them know all the reasons that they’re totally wrong, but when there is no point, there is no point. As you said, you just let it go.
 
My opinion is that you are also frustrated that you cannot find the right man, the whole process does seem exhausting putting such effort only to realize that un’s aren’t compatible anyway. This and the pressure from your family and friend’s definitely doesn’t help. Why do you feel you attract the wrong man though? where are you meeting them, for example as a lad i know club’s and bar’s are the worst place’s to meet a good woman therefore i keep this in mind when i’m out. Have you tried pursuing a Good Catholic man?
 
You should try getting married – that’s a surefire way to eviscerate your love life!
 
I think the point has been looked over in this thread that you don’t get married because you are lonely. You get married because you are called to help someone get to heaven through the covenant of marriage. Someone who knows your failings and you know his…and you still choose to love one another.

Why would you purposely want to pick just anybody to *attempt * to do that with? If you are the best version of you doing what you are doing, then it may just be God’s will to stay single. Some are more effective for the kingdom giving of themselves in other ways.

It really is between you and God anyway. I guess because marriage is a sacrament. We are the body of Christ, people think that helping you find a mate is their business. I think it crosses a line. Marriage isn’t a private event but at the same time your mom doesn’t make the covenant with the man, you do.

peace be with you.
 
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