Not dating anymore...pressured to anyway

[Luvz2travel]

You should try getting married – that’s a surefire way to eviscerate your love life!

Sadly you’re not far wrong.

 

[tomarin]

Sadly you’re not far wrong.

Seriously, though, I’ve never quite understood what people mean when they say they’re abstaining from dating. Because when I was single, abstaining from dating was the normal state of affairs although it was an unwelcome and involuntary one.

 

[Luvz2travel]

My opinion is that you are also frustrated that you cannot find the right man, the whole process does seem exhausting putting such effort only to realize that un’s aren’t compatible anyway. This and the pressure from your family and friend’s definitely doesn’t help. Why do you feel you attract the wrong man though? where are you meeting them, for example as a lad i know club’s and bar’s are the worst place’s to meet a good woman therefore i keep this in mind when I’m out. Have you tried pursuing a Good Catholic man?

I was frustrated then finally came to an acceptance that I’m just meant to remain single. I honestly don’t want to go through the whole relationship thing a again it’s a complete waste of time and energy. Sometimes it’s better to let go than keep pursuing a dead end. But to get back to the main question here I was looking for suggestions to keep people off my back about the whole dating thing.

 

[maryjk]

You should try getting married – that’s a surefire way to eviscerate your love life!

You need to meet some happily married people.

 

[Angelsflight]

I was frustrated then finally came to an acceptance that I’m just meant to remain single. I honestly don’t want to go through the whole relationship thing a again it’s a complete waste of time and energy. Sometimes it’s better to let go than keep pursuing a dead end. But to get back to the main question here I was looking for suggestions to keep people off my back about the whole dating thing.

Can they not accept just plain honesty? That you just don’t want to? My mom doesnt hassle me anymore about dating or getting married…I have told her enough times that it is never going to happen, that she finally backed off.

Just keep telling them…and sometimes you have to add something like this “And I dont want to talk about it ever again, so quit asking me…”

They back off usually after that.

 

[thunderboom]

Just keep telling them…and sometimes you have to add something like this “And I dont want to talk about it ever again, so quit asking me…”

They back off usually after that.

This. My life has changed SO MUCH for the better when I realized there was nothing wrong with telling people NO and that I didn’t want to talk about something anymore. This goes for any topic - lay down the law, and if they don’t back off, ignore them. It’s your life - they need to mind their own business and let you live the way you want to.

 

[Angelsflight]

This. My life has changed SO MUCH for the better when I realized there was nothing wrong with telling people NO and that I didn’t want to talk about something anymore. This goes for any topic - lay down the law, and if they don’t back off, ignore them. It’s your life - they need to mind their own business and let you live the way you want to.

I had a problem with that too, for many years. Always wanted to please everyone and had a hard time saying no. Sometimes i still have a hard time saying no.

I am learning though.

 

[tomarin]

You need to meet some happily married people.

Most of the people I know would describe themselves as happily married, I’d wager. What I’m describing (in a tongue-in-cheek manner) is the normal trajectory of conjugal life.

 

[joshvanrad]

Something about this thread is rubbing me the wrong way. It sounds like there are some bitter undertones.

I would just suggest remaining single until you can say beyond a reasonable doubt that you have found someone you will be happy being with. It is that simple.

Joshua C.

 

[Luvz2travel]

Something about this thread is rubbing me the wrong way. It sounds like there are some bitter undertones.

I would just suggest remaining single until you can say beyond a reasonable doubt that you have found someone you will be happy being with. It is that simple.

Joshua C.

Not bitter just asking for advice.

 

[joshvanrad]

Not bitter just asking for advice.

Then just be straight about it.

Just tell everyone that you are not going to get into dating until you feel confident you have found someone worth pursuing.

Ite in pace,
Joshua

 

[AthenaC]

Something about this thread is rubbing me the wrong way. It sounds like there are some bitter undertones.

I would just suggest remaining single until you can say beyond a reasonable doubt that you have found someone you will be happy being with. It is that simple.

Joshua C.

In all fairness, if someone / other people are frequently telling the OP, “You don’t know what you want. Here, let me tell you what you want,” the OP can hardly be blamed for sounding a bit frustrated.

 

[chevalier]

Seriously, though, I’ve never quite understood what people mean when they say they’re abstaining from dating. Because when I was single, abstaining from dating was the normal state of affairs although it was an unwelcome and involuntary one.

It can mean they don’t have the time or “emotional resources” for that right now or need to heal some wounds before they return to the pool. Both apply to me right now, so I don’t really look actively, or perhaps not with big expectations.

 

[LSK]

My friends and some family just won’t accept what I’ve accepted that singleness is better than a bad relationship. I only attract the wrong ones and not many are interested in the first place. As a realist I’ve decided to get off the train going nowhere how do I deal with others that keep telling me to get back on or try to throw me back on?? Suggestions are welcome.

I understand.

You are going to have to get used to politely declining invitations, listening to all their arguments and saying, “Well, that’s one way of looking at it” and then changing the subject and getting ‘tricked’ into meeting people (being invited out to dinner and arriving to find an unattached single person waiting with your family or friends and you being expected to be their dinner partner). You will learn to carry on polite and delightful conversations, you will learn to change the subject with grace and dignity and you will learn to be very grateful that people love you so much they don’t want you to be alone.

You don’t have to ‘do’ anything…you will learn to cope.

Good luck and welcome aboard.

 

[tomarin]

It can mean they don’t have the time or “emotional resources” for that right now or need to heal some wounds before they return to the pool. Both apply to me right now, so I don’t really look actively, or perhaps not with big expectations.

Not trying to be argumentative, but … how can one not have the time to pursue a love life? That’s like saying I don’t have time to drink water. I understand the other objection, however. But as time heals all wounds, it goes away.

 

[AthenaC]

Not trying to be argumentative, but … how can one not have the time to pursue a love life?

Very easily. There are, after all, only 24 hours in a day. Most people need to sleep for some of them.

 

[EasterJoy]

Not trying to be argumentative, but … how can one not have the time to pursue a love life? That’s like saying I don’t have time to drink water. I understand the other objection, however. But as time heals all wounds, it goes away.

There are some for whom the rest of life is quite rightly all-consuming:

I should like you to be free of anxieties. An unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. But a married man is anxious about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and he is divided. An unmarried woman or a virgin is anxious about the things of the Lord, so that she may be holy in both body and spirit. A married woman, on the other hand, is anxious about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. I am telling you this for your own benefit, not to impose a restraint upon you, but for the sake of propriety and adherence to the Lord without distraction.. 1 Cor. 7:32-35

For that matter, maybe the OP ought to just have a T-Shirt made up!

**
"…she is free to be married
to whomever she wishes,
provided that it be in the Lord.

She is more blessed, though,
in my opinion,
if she remains as she is,**

and I think that I too
have the Spirit of God."

1 Cor. 7:39-40

 

[EasterJoy]

You should try getting married – that’s a surefire way to eviscerate your love life!

Oh, goodness, you must be kidding! I’m very happily married, but my husband and I both agree that we are incredibly grateful that we NEVER EVER EVER have to “date” again as long as we live. We’re each watching the health of the other, because this is it! If one of us is left widowed and the Lord wants us to marry, he’ll have to send someone to really bowl us over, because we will never ever going looking again. No way.

I know many married people who feel the same way. They’re happy to be out of that.

 

[Luvz2travel]

In all fairness, if someone / other people are frequently telling the OP, “You don’t know what you want. Here, let me tell you what you want,” the OP can hardly be blamed for sounding a bit frustrated.

Finally someone who gets it…lol

:clapping::dancing::dancing: