Not doing Christmas

[Eruvande]

I have a friend who is quite vocal about not doing Christmas this year. He is making a big song and dance about how expensive it is, and how selfish people are and how irritating it all is etc. I really don’t know what to say. I enjoy Christmas very much, like to give gifts and hospitality, like the scramble to make sure we’re ready for the day, and of course, enjoy the spiritual elements of Advent and Christmas. I feel I’m being judged all the time for ‘extravagance’. This friend is no longer a Catholic, so he doesn’t even really appreciate spiritual things any more.

What do you say and how do you deal with someone who is determined to be a wet blanket over the whole thing? Am I really bad for making Christmas a feast, rather than just another day?

 

[schaeffer]

First thing that comes to mind is a quote from Dicken’s “A Christmas Carol”

When Scrooge is talking to his nephew and the nephew exhorts him to join him for Christmas, Scrooge tells him “You keep Christmas in your way, and I’ll keep it in mine.”

I’d suggest you say, “OK” and leave the friend to do as they feel they must. I’m guessing part of the “going on and on” is him/her seeking attention, argument, cajoling etc…or perhaps it’s just a vent. Better not to get caught up in another person’s drama.

And a very merry, happy and holy Christmas to your family!

 

[T.A.Stobie_SFO]

Christmas is and should be for everyone the Celebration of Jesus’ Birth, not the commercial stress-mess that society/culture presses on us.

Rejecting the commercial Christmas is fine, but embrace the true Christmas.

 

[smead2942]

First thing that comes to mind is a quote from Dicken’s “A Christmas Carol”

When Scrooge is talking to his nephew and the nephew exhorts him to join him for Christmas, Scrooge tells him “You keep Christmas in your way, and I’ll keep it in mine.”

I’d suggest you say, “OK” and leave the friend to do as they feel they must. I’m guessing part of the “going on and on” is him/her seeking attention, argument, cajoling etc…or perhaps it’s just a vent. Better not to get caught up in another person’s drama.

And a very merry, happy and holy Christmas to your family!

It just occurred to me how much this sounds like today’s politically-correct, secular, atheistic society.

“You keep Christmas in your way, and I’ll keep it in mine.” “Don’t wish people Merry Christmas because they celebrate the winter holidays in their own ways.”

 

[frizzgrig]

In a continuation of the Dicken’s theme - just respond to this person with OK, but you are still welcome to come to my Christmas lunch/dinner/party/celebration. We start our celebration by attending Mass at . There will always be room for you.

 

[ManyFaces]

First thing that comes to mind is a quote from Dicken’s “A Christmas Carol”

When Scrooge is talking to his nephew and the nephew exhorts him to join him for Christmas, Scrooge tells him “You keep Christmas in your way, and I’ll keep it in mine.”

I’d suggest you say, “OK” and leave the friend to do as they feel they must. I’m guessing part of the “going on and on” is him/her seeking attention, argument, cajoling etc…or perhaps it’s just a vent. Better not to get caught up in another person’s drama.

And a very merry, happy and holy Christmas to your family!

I agree, a polite “OK” is sufficient. Like, do I really care.

 

[Eruvande]

I do embrace the Christ-centred nature of Christmas, I’m not stressed in the least about the celebration, and very much hope to get to mass over the holiday. It’s the pomposity with which he talks, like he’s suddenly has discovered that Christmas pudding wasn’t served at Christ’s birth, therefore it’s a dreadful thing if we eat it now. I don’t get it.

 

[ClearWater]

First thing that comes to mind is a quote from Dicken’s “A Christmas Carol”

When Scrooge is talking to his nephew and the nephew exhorts him to join him for Christmas, Scrooge tells him "You keep Christmas in your way, and I’ll keep it in mine."

I’d suggest you say, “OK” and leave the friend to do as they feel they must. I’m guessing part of the “going on and on” is him/her seeking attention, argument, cajoling etc…or perhaps it’s just a vent. Better not to get caught up in another person’s drama.

And a very merry, happy and holy Christmas to your family!

Even with Scrooge, he had a reason why he felt the way he did. Wasn’t he raised apart from his family, and for Christmas, he was abandoned, while the others got to be with their families?

What I’m saying is that, even with Scrooge, he had a reason why he felt that way towards the holiday, at times.

I think, later, he got exposed to people who knew how to celebrate Christmas properly.

It took a lot for him to finally come around.

If your friend feels strongly about this, there might be something there, but I don’t know if he’d be ready to come around. I wonder what happened to him to make him that way. Surely, there’s some reason.

 

[ClearWater]

In a continuation of the Dicken’s theme - just respond to this person with OK, but you are still welcome to come to my Christmas lunch/dinner/party/celebration. We start our celebration by attending Mass at . There will always be room for you.

 

[Eruvande]

Even with Scrooge, he had a reason why he felt the way he did. Wasn’t he raised apart from his family, and for Christmas, he was abandoned, while the others got to be with their families?

What I’m saying is that, even with Scrooge, he had a reason why he felt that way towards the holiday, at times.

I think, later, he got exposed to people who knew how to celebrate Christmas properly.

It took a lot for him to finally come around.

If your friend feels strongly about this, there might be something there, but I don’t know if he’d be ready to come around. I wonder what happened to him to make him that way. Surely, there’s some reason.

Well, his marriage has just broken down, so he’s quite sensitive, which I totally understand and am not judging him at all. I just don’t feel that he’s extending me the same courtesy.

 

[sallybutler]

I have a friend who is quite vocal about not doing Christmas this year. He is making a big song and dance about how expensive it is, and how selfish people are and how irritating it all is etc. I really don’t know what to say. I enjoy Christmas very much, like to give gifts and hospitality, like the scramble to make sure we’re ready for the day, and of course, enjoy the spiritual elements of Advent and Christmas. I feel I’m being judged all the time for ‘extravagance’. This friend is no longer a Catholic, so he doesn’t even really appreciate spiritual things any more.

What do you say and how do you deal with someone who is determined to be a wet blanket over the whole thing? Am I really bad for making Christmas a feast, rather than just another day?

Get him a Bah Humbug t-shirt if he has any humor left.

And then perhaps empathize with him. Many people are selfish at this time of year. Many people are rude and nasty (imagine what sales clerks have to deal with). Others are sad and hurting because of a lost family member or job or other tragedy.

And then ask him if he want to help you at the local homeless shelter or soup kitchen. Perhaps he would be willing to help you buy socks and gloves for the homeless or sweaters for the elderly.

 

[pianistclare]

Get him a Bah Humbug t-shirt if he has any humor left.

And then perhaps empathize with him. Many people are selfish at this time of year. Many people are rude and nasty (imagine what sales clerks have to deal with). Others are sad and hurting because of a lost family member or job or other tragedy.

And then ask him if he want to help you at the local homeless shelter or soup kitchen. Perhaps he would be willing to help you buy socks and gloves for the homeless or sweaters for the elderly.

Right. It’s up to US (him included) to see to it that the true spirit of the season is embraced and lived out. In giving us the ultimate gift, we should be giving to others, to thank the Christ Child. If you friend is on a crusade to right the wrongs of the world, I say GREAT! Have at it! Here are some names of family shelters, women’s shelters, and charities that could use a hand and a donation. You can’t just sit back and gloat. That just says you’re a complainer, not a do-er. Challenge him to be the light that he want to see in the dark hearts of men.

 

[coachdennis]

Well, his marriage has just broken down, so he’s quite sensitive, which I totally understand and am not judging him at all. I just don’t feel that he’s extending me the same courtesy.

I think you have the answer to your question. From the outside looking in, this person is in pain suffering from a loss and is lashing out at the world that in his eyes, is probably enjoying the good times.

He needs space, understanding, and prayers from you. Let him know the door is “open” for him.

 

[christofirst]

I do embrace the Christ-centred nature of Christmas, I’m not stressed in the least about the celebration, and very much hope to get to mass over the holiday. It’s the pomposity with which he talks, like he’s suddenly has discovered that Christmas pudding wasn’t served at Christ’s birth, therefore it’s a dreadful thing if we eat it now. I don’t get it.

Your friend’s stance means something to him for some reason, so I would not argue about it (unless he wants to talk about it), nor would I let him put a damper on my own Christmas spirit and practices. People change over time, and maybe is going through some sort of change too. However, his sudden revelation and new-found knowledge in no way changes the fact that, at a real point in time and in a very real place, God became man for all of us. If you know this, how can you not celebrate?

That said, I know my own Christmas celebration is much simpler than it used to be now that my son and nieces and nephews are no longer little children. But I still send out Christmas cards, even to my non-Christian friends. They may huff and puff about the holidays, but they still seem to appreciate that I am thinking about them (and praying for them too - like it or not!).

 

[Eruvande]

Thanks all, some really helpful replies. I guess right now, I can just keep an open door policy and let him deal with his hurts the best way he knows how. And pray, of course.

 

[pianistclare]

I think you have the answer to your question. From the outside looking in, this person is in pain suffering from a loss and is lashing out at the world that in his eyes, is probably enjoying the good times.

He needs space, understanding, and prayers from you. Let him know the door is “open” for him.

Yes. This is exactly what I was thinking, Coach.
Christmas blessings…

 

[fred_conty]

I have a friend who is quite vocal about not doing Christmas this year. He is making a big song and dance about how expensive it is, and how selfish people are and how irritating it all is etc. I really don’t know what to say. I enjoy Christmas very much, like to give gifts and hospitality, like the scramble to make sure we’re ready for the day, and of course, enjoy the spiritual elements of Advent and Christmas. I feel I’m being judged all the time for ‘extravagance’. This friend is no longer a Catholic, so he doesn’t even really appreciate spiritual things any more.

What do you say and how do you deal with someone who is determined to be a wet blanket over the whole thing? Am I really bad for making Christmas a feast, rather than just another day?

Maybe your friend is lonely at Christmas time, many people are. They have nobody to be with, and the season just makes them feel lonelier. Or maybe his family doesn’t come around that much or the inlaws won out.

May the God of hope fill you with every joy.

 

[ClearWater]

Say…besides inviting your friend over for the holidays, there is another way that just occurred to me as to how to approach him.

A lot of us in my family, on some level, were afraid of my father. Once, my sister-in-law came over, and my father was in one of his moods, forget exactly what he was saying. Anyway, she just leveled with him and said, “You’re a GRUMP!”

It caught him SO off guard. I don’t think anybody had ever tried anything like that with him before, and he busted out laughing!

 

[Sarcelle]

I think you have the answer to your question. From the outside looking in, this person is in pain suffering from a loss and is lashing out at the world that in his eyes, is probably enjoying the good times.

He needs space, understanding, and prayers from you. Let him know the door is “open” for him.

Yes, and to make his pain even more pronounced is the relentless cheerfulness of the season, as if everyone is expected to be happy. Add to that the spectacle of all the happy families going about their cheery way can pour salt followed by a healthy squirt of lemon juice into the wound.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

I have a friend who is quite vocal about not doing Christmas this year. He is making a big song and dance about how expensive it is, and how selfish people are and how irritating it all is etc. I really don’t know what to say. I enjoy Christmas very much, like to give gifts and hospitality, like the scramble to make sure we’re ready for the day, and of course, enjoy the spiritual elements of Advent and Christmas. I feel I’m being judged all the time for ‘extravagance’. This friend is no longer a Catholic, so he doesn’t even really appreciate spiritual things any more.

Ignore him. Better to be selfish with your own joys than let someone else be generous with their own misery. (I used to be the latter so believe me when I say I don’t blame my friends back then for avoiding me.)

Of course there’s always the heart of gold route but you’ll need to temper it with some steel in case the worse happens.