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vluvski
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photos of the GF’s sis are on the GF’s FB page under “my photos” that appear to be from a girls’ outing weekend of some sort. Presumably GF was the photographer but who knows for sure.
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whatevergirl
Guest
*Okay, I see. Hmmm…as an aside, I read something recently that employers are getting more and more savvy in checking out their applicants’ facebook and myspace pages to see what they are writing about, photos, etc. I don’t think it’s a good idea to post these kinds of pics for a variety of reasons, including this, out on the internet. That said, your brother will have to come to the conclusion on his own…maybe she has changed. Maybe she will change as she dates your brother. I pray he doesn’t get his heart broken again…
I agree like the others here have said, he is a grown man…only so much you can do. But, if your mom isn’t thrilled with her, and you’re not…it would be good to somehow get the point across, without appearing preachy. I have seen many friends of mine…MANY, in the midst of bitter divorces, asking her friends (me included) why I didn’t tell her to not marry the guy. Hmmm…lol Hindsight is 20/20. I can’t imagine she would have listened to us…but, that goes to show you…when collectively, a few people think someone might not be the best suited for someone else, people might want to know our thoughts. If your brother says…‘so what do you think of her?’ I don’t think I’d fib, and say…‘oh she’s fabulous.’ haha I might wait until that point to say a bit of what’s on your mind, albeit in a gentle way.
But, that’s all you can really do…that and pray for them. If they are meant to be, hopefully she will be a good partner for your brother, afterall. Blessings to you. *
I agree like the others here have said, he is a grown man…only so much you can do. But, if your mom isn’t thrilled with her, and you’re not…it would be good to somehow get the point across, without appearing preachy. I have seen many friends of mine…MANY, in the midst of bitter divorces, asking her friends (me included) why I didn’t tell her to not marry the guy. Hmmm…lol Hindsight is 20/20. I can’t imagine she would have listened to us…but, that goes to show you…when collectively, a few people think someone might not be the best suited for someone else, people might want to know our thoughts. If your brother says…‘so what do you think of her?’ I don’t think I’d fib, and say…‘oh she’s fabulous.’ haha I might wait until that point to say a bit of what’s on your mind, albeit in a gentle way.
But, that’s all you can really do…that and pray for them. If they are meant to be, hopefully she will be a good partner for your brother, afterall. Blessings to you. *
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chevalier
Guest
True that, people change. We don’t need to send them away until they’ve completed the change on their own. Still, someone’s got to tell her. The way I see it, there’s a lot of growing up for her to do. It doesn’t mean she’s a bad woman, she can’t be nice, she can’t be a good companion, but it does mean she’s got a lot to work on if she’s to marry.
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chevalier
Guest
Beach photos are one thing, but pictures against the wall, pulling one side of the underwear down and so on are a different cup of tea. There is nothing upstanding in those.
That’s a different kind of thing. What you’re describing is social pride and class-based segregationism. Here we have questionable conduct and views as a primary concern.
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vluvski
Guest
FWIW, I talked to my bro this afternoon. I told him it looked like they had a good weekend visit, and he said yes commenting it was nice to leave town to visit someone other than family, and she’s coming to visit him in a few weeks.
I admitted I was having trouble dispelling my impressions of her from high school, and he admitted he didn’t remember her from back then; I mentioned that she has likely changed alot since then. I figured that was enough for a first conversation and to put him on alert for maturity. He had his own issues back then and was still at home so it is conceivable he was oblivious to the trouble my sister was meddling with.
I was in college when the whole bad friend drama went down so I always got an earful from my mom about this girl in particular as the ringleader- underage drinking, sneaking around, sneaking boys into the bedroom during sleepovers, inviting friends with no parents home and lying about it to get my sis to come and manipulating her not to tell anyone ‘or we won’t be friends anymore’… Surely she’s grown up in 6+ years time!
I admitted I was having trouble dispelling my impressions of her from high school, and he admitted he didn’t remember her from back then; I mentioned that she has likely changed alot since then. I figured that was enough for a first conversation and to put him on alert for maturity. He had his own issues back then and was still at home so it is conceivable he was oblivious to the trouble my sister was meddling with.
I was in college when the whole bad friend drama went down so I always got an earful from my mom about this girl in particular as the ringleader- underage drinking, sneaking around, sneaking boys into the bedroom during sleepovers, inviting friends with no parents home and lying about it to get my sis to come and manipulating her not to tell anyone ‘or we won’t be friends anymore’… Surely she’s grown up in 6+ years time!
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L2P2
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I would mind my own business on this. If your brother is a from a good Catholic family, as you say he is, he should have the basic values needed to judge whether his girlfriend will become a good spouse and mother. Many wild teenagers turn out to be excellent, serious adults.
I also think that the OP needs to remember that absolute surety about one’s own moral rectitude (or that of one’s family) can verge on the sin of pride. Jesus had quite a bit to say about judging others. We are always expected to look for the plank in our own eye first.
Consider this not just for your brother’s sake but for your own too. I’ve been married for a long time to a man who came from a Catholic family that had a very difficult story, and I wasted a lot of time blaming them for difficulties in our marriage and vaunting the moral superiority of my own relatives. While it’s true that my family is more observant, it is not true that it gave me the right to judge his family. It became a way of dodging my own flaws and making excuses for his.
Loyalty to the way of life of your own family is admirable but not if it becomes a form of arrogance.
I also think that the OP needs to remember that absolute surety about one’s own moral rectitude (or that of one’s family) can verge on the sin of pride. Jesus had quite a bit to say about judging others. We are always expected to look for the plank in our own eye first.
Consider this not just for your brother’s sake but for your own too. I’ve been married for a long time to a man who came from a Catholic family that had a very difficult story, and I wasted a lot of time blaming them for difficulties in our marriage and vaunting the moral superiority of my own relatives. While it’s true that my family is more observant, it is not true that it gave me the right to judge his family. It became a way of dodging my own flaws and making excuses for his.
Loyalty to the way of life of your own family is admirable but not if it becomes a form of arrogance.
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chevalier
Guest
We’re talking about sharing immoral pictures of someone’s sibling. Opposing that kind of thing is not arrogance and not a question of lifestyle.
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L2P2
Guest
I think we are getting overly focused on the pictures, and you really cannot say without having seen them what they were like. Say they are inappropriate. Has the OP really never done anything inappropriate?
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chevalier
Guest
Look, I don’t want to play prosecutor on people, but pulling one side of one’s underwear down is pretty unequivocal and it’s not a matter of opinion any more than raising a hand or scratching one’s head - that’s just stuff that either is there or not. So I don’t think seeing those pictures makes that much difference. And I don’t think it’s negligible in a potential fiancee (in the remote end, a potential spouse). Culpability put aside, as it isn’t our business, it doesn’t say great things about one’s readiness for marriage.
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L2P2
Guest
We could debate forever whether the woman is an appropriate companion, and it’s very hard to figure that out without knowing the person.
But, even if the concerns of th OP are valid, a sibling is not the proper party to offer advice on a potential spouse (and that is what a girlfriend ought to be). The parents are. In fact, it is one of their obligations as a parent.
But, even if the concerns of th OP are valid, a sibling is not the proper party to offer advice on a potential spouse (and that is what a girlfriend ought to be). The parents are. In fact, it is one of their obligations as a parent.
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chevalier
Guest
Anyone is entitled to warn someone who might be doing himself great harm. There is no religious obligation to conform with a societal norm to keep quiet and keep away (and watch others march for doom) which exists only in certain communities anyway. Much more a friend or a relative.
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vluvski
Guest
Planks in my eye aside (which I will be discussing with my spiritual advisor at first opportunity), I completely disagree with this statement.
There is no stereotypical “right” or “wrong” person to intervene if a person is unknowingly entering an unhealthy relationship. He has only dated one other young woman, and a very upstanding one at that. He is still carrying hurt over that relationship, and that can lead someone not to discern properly.
Knowing now that he does not remember any of his girlfriend’s past inappropriate behavior, I think it is a conversation worth having if things progress beyond “casual” long distance dating, if there is such a thing.
As for whether I, the OP, have ever done anything inappropriate myself, sure; who hasn’t? But really, that is irrelevant. The key is that any grossly inappropriate behaviors were fully disclosed and discussed between me and my husband prior to our engagement. Furthermore, I did not and do not maintain evidence of those unfortunate actions on a public social networking site, bringing scandal by calling myself a Catholic Christian.
I’m recalling something about a millstone from this past weekend’s readings…
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adamjthompson
Guest
To the OP:
It sounds to me like you have some very valid concerns, but few precise, up-to-date facts. If I were you, I’d try to get to know the girl better, while keeping a sharp eye out, especially in the areas where you have concerns. That way you’ll be better equipped to give advice to your bro if and when the time comes.
It sounds to me like you have some very valid concerns, but few precise, up-to-date facts. If I were you, I’d try to get to know the girl better, while keeping a sharp eye out, especially in the areas where you have concerns. That way you’ll be better equipped to give advice to your bro if and when the time comes.
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architectroshan
Guest
I am not too sure if my reply will help you…
When a person marries another, its not just the union between the two people alone but an union between two families.Your brother’s girl is coming to your family as a sister and a daughter. And if the family values do not match the family life will not be one smooth journey.
I agree with you on the feeling that the girl is not right for your family.
However, God works in strange and mysterious ways. You never know if He looked down from heaven and found your family the perfect ones to pray for that particular girl.
Or perhaps, the evil one is trying to sow discord in your family life.
Whatever the case maybe… the solution is simple. Pray. And if you can… Pray the rosary everyday for your brother’s girl.
PS - When you pray for a particular person, that person will hurt you in some way or the other. Its allowed by God so that you may offer the suffering with the suffering of Jesus Christ for the intended purpose.
(My view points may not completely agree with yours as I am an Indian and we have our cultural differences.)
God Bless!
When a person marries another, its not just the union between the two people alone but an union between two families.Your brother’s girl is coming to your family as a sister and a daughter. And if the family values do not match the family life will not be one smooth journey.
I agree with you on the feeling that the girl is not right for your family.
However, God works in strange and mysterious ways. You never know if He looked down from heaven and found your family the perfect ones to pray for that particular girl.
Or perhaps, the evil one is trying to sow discord in your family life.
Whatever the case maybe… the solution is simple. Pray. And if you can… Pray the rosary everyday for your brother’s girl.
PS - When you pray for a particular person, that person will hurt you in some way or the other. Its allowed by God so that you may offer the suffering with the suffering of Jesus Christ for the intended purpose.
(My view points may not completely agree with yours as I am an Indian and we have our cultural differences.)
God Bless!
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