Not feeling compassion or mercy

[hasikelee]

Lately I’ve noticed a real change in my feelings and thoughts (thankfully not actions) towards other people. I fear I am starting to feel and think without compassion or mercy.

I’ve always enjoyed “debate” and disagreement when it is respecful. And I know in real life the way I could be compassionate to people who, for example, were very pro-abortion astonished a lot of witnesses.

A couple months ago, however, I just started feeling…angry I guess is the word. A lot of people at work are reaching a certain level of relationship where I have to physically leave to get them to leave me alone. I think the main problem is that I’ve been “outed” at work. All the young adults know I am an anti-abortion, married Catholic. This was my fault, as I told a couple people about it when they asked me for help, so now naturally everyone knows.

Anyways, this means that even though I never bring up a non-work topic, never discuss my personal life, etc, 10-15 times a DAY I am approached by others. The sickness and hurt in their life is starting to tear me down and I am unsure what steps to take to stop it. It’s like they are dragging me down.

Some are obviously doing it with an agenda, such as to “show me up” or present a “question” really meant to make me look cruel or ridiculous.

Others are confiding in me about really dark, painful secrets or asking me for advice.

I went to talk to the manager of HR about how to make at least the malicious people leave me alone and spent the next hour consoling her because she just had a miscarriage.

This change in my work is very dramatic and sudden. I have no idea what happened but I am so worn out. A word of advice or even just prayers would really help. I think I have to move on, which is sad as this job is very nice.

 

[whatevergirl]

Hi hasikelee;

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. You know what your thread reminds me of? When Jesus would be approached by the Pharisees, and they tried to trip Him up…or would ask Him questions, and would mock His answers. Those passages always trouble me, no matter how many times I read them.

You are someone who exemplifies morality at your work. In this day and age, that is very hard to come by. I would not regret sharing your thoughts on moral issues with people at work…I think it’s admirable of you.

I would say that your anger is probably coming from sadness. Deep and profound sadness from those around you at work. (and for how they are treating you) The moments in the Bible where Jesus expressed anger, were moments when He also seemed very saddened by what was happening around Him. Anger and sadness are two close cousins. So, if Jesus was mocked and taunted…then who are we to think that it won’t happen to us? The world will ‘hate us’ as it ‘hated Him.’ Jesus knew that He was being tested and taunted…and mocked. I often wonder if these passages are specifically meant for when we go through the very same thing in life. Then there is a flip side–that there are some who trust you with what is happening in their lives (like the HR person) That is a precious gift to behold–that people see something in you, that helps them to share their sadness with you.

You are a great soul. I encourage you to be brave…to stand strong…Jesus will help you through this storm. You should NOT have to leave your job because of these folks. I will pray for you, and for them–that they soften their hearts and ways towards you. God bless you…

 

[Mirdath]

Stress and anxiety can do that – I’m something of an anxiety cadet by nature, but about two months ago everything came crashing down on me. I still haven’t forgiven myself for what I put Nepenthe through, even though I was basically a completely different person there for a while.

When it gets this bad, it’s medical. Try talking to your doctor, explain how the anxiety and stress is disrupting your life and your relationships with other people, and see what can be done. They make pills for this stuff nowadays, and while some people use them recreationally, I’ve found they don’t make me high, they make me myself.

 

[Pax]

Just a prayer and wishing the best for you and those around you. May the Lord bless you with his peace and love.

 

[JesuitLoyola]

Just something to reflect on

Blessed are ye, when [men] shall revile you, and persecute [you], and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
-Matthew 5:10

The world needs more shoulders to cry on, more walls that withstand it all, and more people just like you! Fear not, you are most assuredly loved by God and you suffering like one of the posters above said is probably due to sadness for those who confide in you.

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
-Matthew 5:16

(On a side not just read the beatitudes Matthew 5 is a good place to start for all those who are feeling that way.)

 

[hasikelee]

Those are very nice responses, guys, but I still feel guilty because deep down I don’t feel compassion for the people sharing their stories with me.

I feel like it used to flow from me, this desire to help others and to see them in the best light possible. Now I just feel impatient and suspicious and fed up.

For example, a girl was complaining to me in tears how she was negative in her bank account, had no gas and couldn’t pay her credit card bills. I just stared at her and didn’t know what to say.

The girl had just bought $100 of clothes and shoes at Target and showed them off to me that morning. And the night before she had gone out drinking to celebrate with a coworker. I had stopped by to wish the other coworker congratulations…they were getting drunk on $25 buckets of beer!

Regular me would have given her a hug and assistance, but knowing her past, I felt like she needed a some common sense knocked into her.

I just don’t feel loving anymore. And that is bothering me because I’ve always viewed myself as “helper.”

But these people are opening up to me more and more and instead of being able to help more, I just want to laugh at them or tell them “too bad for you.”

 

[Mirdath]

Regular me would have given her a hug and assistance, but knowing her past, I felt like she needed a some common sense knocked into her.

Well, from the sound of it, she does.

I just don’t feel loving anymore. And that is bothering me because I’ve always viewed myself as “helper.”

But these people are opening up to me more and more and instead of being able to help more, I just want to laugh at them or tell them “too bad for you.”

Like I said: doctor. You’re having problems functioning normally. Something can probably be done to help, if you get in there and get it.

 

[hasikelee]

Well, from the sound of it, she does.

Like I said: doctor. You’re having problems functioning normally. Something can probably be done to help, if you get in there and get it.

I’m sorry if my ventings are implicating an illness or other difficulty. The problem is only at the workplace with certain people. I have continued to work with my primary physician and all is well.

 

[Mirdath]

I’m sorry if my ventings are implicating an illness or other difficulty. The problem is only at the workplace with certain people. I have continued to work with my primary physician and all is well.

Your brain is an organ as well, and can need treatment just like your liver or your lungs Sounds like you know at least roughly what the trigger is – and that’s a good start. Did you bring this specific subject up with your doc?

 

[brigid12]

Hasikelee,

I am also one of those with a lot of compassion to give (thanks to His Grace!). But, it’s wearing and can get overwhelming sometimes. A lot of compassion often goes with a very sensitive heart. One that’s easily hurt/bruised. The best way to keep your heart from being hurt/bruised is to close up and pretend (to yourself) that it doesn’t matter or that you’re angry. Or (what happens with me often) depression (anger turned inwards).
I have felt better when I get the feelings you speak of, by sitting with the Blessed Sacrament, lots of Confession, and taking the Eucharist as often as possible. In other words, it sounds to me as if you really need a huge bunch of Grace.
Please don’t let the enemy stop your channel of His Grace!

 

[St_Gabriel]

Sometimes it is really difficult to see Christ in others, but instead of getting angry or annoyed, give yourself a little more time to try to see the situation brought to you in a more positive light.

For example, my first thought to the person who squanders their money and then complains that she doesn’t have enough to pay her bills would be that she shouldn’t be complaining. But then when you think about it, this person obviously can’t manage their money, lacks confidence, may forever be in debt and may also have a drinking problem. Before I give her my answer I’d try to think of it like this…

What would I do or say if Jesus told me that he had no money to pay the tax-collector?

 

[Belle10]

Those are very nice responses, guys, but I still feel guilty because deep down I don’t feel compassion for the people sharing their stories with me.

I feel like it used to flow from me, this desire to help others and to see them in the best light possible. Now I just feel impatient and suspicious and fed up.

For example, a girl was complaining to me in tears how she was negative in her bank account, had no gas and couldn’t pay her credit card bills. I just stared at her and didn’t know what to say.

The girl had just bought $100 of clothes and shoes at Target and showed them off to me that morning. And the night before she had gone out drinking to celebrate with a coworker. I had stopped by to wish the other coworker congratulations…they were getting drunk on $25 buckets of beer!

Regular me would have given her a hug and assistance, but knowing her past, I felt like she needed a some common sense knocked into her.

I just don’t feel loving anymore. And that is bothering me because I’ve always viewed myself as “helper.”

But these people are opening up to me more and more and instead of being able to help more, I just want to laugh at them or tell them “too bad for you.”

Hi Hasikelee, I’m Belle

I think that girl you mentioned obviously does have some problems and does need some sense “knocked” into her. But it can be done in a kind way – and kindness doesn’t always mean smiles, sometimes it means just being honest. If she’s coming to you for help, obviously she respects you to a certain degree, especially if she’s telling you about a negative bank account (something I’ve had happen and wouldn’t tell anyone!). It sounds like maybe she’s also trying to fill an emptiness in her life with possessions instead of God, so maybe you can be at the very least an example, at the most, a treasured friend in Christ, on her journey.

I’ve always viewed myself as a “helper” too, which I think is a blessing from God. But it can be a heavy blessing at times, because sometimes we just don’t feel like being compassionate. Now, no one in my office is coming to me for advice (though they know I too am a married Catholic woman), but I still face some similar issues. A few things I deal with:
~a lesbian coworker who is always talking about her partner, which just makes me uncomfortable
~bosses (yes, 2!) who are Catholic and always talk about “Catholic” stuff, what they did at church last weekend, etc., but who are actually (I fear) quite lukewarm or at least very ignorant as to actual church teachings, based on what they say. Some of the things they say just make me cringe, and it’s hard to know how to respond. (they’re just talking, not asking me for advice, so I can choose to ignore it, but then I feel guilty for not speaking up for God. )

Anyway, here’s what helps me: Jesus’ message of Divine Mercy to St. Faustina. He calls us to act with mercy toward all people, just as He does. Jesus told St. Faustina that those who are the worst sinners are the ones who have the most right to His Mercy – so it seems like if you’re on the right path for your soul, maybe you can be that vessel of mercy for those people.

We all have days we don’t want to be charitable. Being kind is sometimes work, but if we remember whose work we’re doing, it helps. I just also try to remember that if I want to receive mercy, I need to show it (easier said than done, but something to reach for ) If you haven’t read St. Faustina’s Diary, I highly recommend you read it – it’s wonderful!

God bless you!

 

[John_Russell_Jr]

Hi ya all
I have trouble at work. I run a small business and lately it seems like the powers of hell have opened up via my customers. It’s really strange as we’ve been in business for 27 yrs and never seen anything like it and we’re doing things better if anything. I need to listen to the following advice more than others I think. It’s a good idea for all.
St Catherine of Siena used to pretend she was in or with the holy family at her work. She would pretend different people were bible figures or customers etc coming into her life just the same as St Joseph had people come to his workshop. She would secretly pretend this all day and it must have really worked because what a great saint she became.
I’m going to try it too. I’ve been a bit jaded lately.
She also went out of her way to visit the most obnoxious people. Boy, if I had her atitude life would be much more pleasant.

 

[Belle10]

St Catherine of Siena used to pretend she was in or with the holy family at her work. She would pretend different people were bible figures or customers etc coming into her life just the same as St Joseph had people come to his workshop. She would secretly pretend this all day and it must have really worked because what a great saint she became.

What a great idea! You know, I often picture Jesus sitting next to me at my desk, in my car, etc. – it comforts me and gives me strength. But I never picture other people as Bible figures as you mentioned. Thanks for the suggestion, and I hope it helps you with your troubles too.

 

[John_Russell_Jr]

What a great idea! You know, I often picture Jesus sitting next to me at my desk, in my car, etc. – it comforts me and gives me strength. But I never picture other people as Bible figures as you mentioned. Thanks for the suggestion, and I hope it helps you with your troubles too.

Thx. I hope it works for us.

 

[hasikelee]

Your brain is an organ as well, and can need treatment just like your liver or your lungs Sounds like you know at least roughly what the trigger is – and that’s a good start. Did you bring this specific subject up with your doc?

I suppose this is my karma for always presenting this particular suggestion on other threads.

Right now I fear it is a spiritual battle. Nothing in my studies or ongoing relationship with medical professionals has given an indication of illness. I have noticed an increase in hostility and harassment while there.

Unfortunately, it appears that the more I try to do the “right thing” such as pray for the people who are hurting, offer assistance, be a good listener, present a strong yet kind stance, etc etc the more it gets heaped onto me.

Case in point: yesterday I was helping to move some filing boxes from a storage room to another part of the building. I was working with a coworker who generally is nice and stays to work topics. I don’t know much about him and he about me. Just a good, basic work relationship. As I was leaning over, my scapular swung out. His face literally contorted in front of me and his voice changed. I didn’t even stay to hear what he was saying, I just excused myself and literally ran.

I’ve never had these experiences before and to be honest, it is all very intimidating. I want to do nothing more than turn and run away.

I’ve tried to increase my time in front of the Blessed Sacrament and also my time praying. Ironically, my work has changed to impede it. I started traveling to another church that works with my new schedule and I’ll walk into the church, then get a phone call from my boss at work to come in early, or cover for another coworker on short notice. This has happend three times, but it is beyond bizarre!

 

[hasikelee]

P.s. I want to add that I am trying to find a spiritual counselor and I am working with others I.R.L.

I just like to hear what others have to say on CAF.

 

[pray4peace]

Hi,

I am sorry you are going through this. I think that the devil is making trouble for you, and the only thing to do is pray harder, read the bible and visit the Blessed Sacrament. Pray for God to give you strength and peace, for anything is possible with God.

I will pray for you to be strong and compassionate. You are not alone. I have gone through times of struggle as well, dryness, lack of caring, etc. God will not let you down, ask Him for help, He will come to your aid.

Blessings

 

[Norseman82]

For example, a girl was complaining to me in tears how she was negative in her bank account, had no gas and couldn’t pay her credit card bills. I just stared at her and didn’t know what to say.

The girl had just bought $100 of clothes and shoes at Target and showed them off to me that morning. And the night before she had gone out drinking to celebrate with a coworker. I had stopped by to wish the other coworker congratulations…they were getting drunk on $25 buckets of beer!

Regular me would have given her a hug and assistance, but knowing her past, I felt like she needed a some common sense knocked into her.

I just don’t feel loving anymore. And that is bothering me because I’ve always viewed myself as “helper.”

But these people are opening up to me more and more and instead of being able to help more, I just want to laugh at them or tell them “too bad for you.”

On a humorous note, have you been serenaded by Tom Cruise in a flight suit lately (“You’ve lost that loving feeling…”)?

But seriously, in the above situation, there is nothing wrong with feeling like that, because in reality your party-girl coworker brought it upon herself. One thing that needs to be realized is that there is a difference between “helping” someone who is truly in need through no fault of their own and “enabling” someone’s irresponsible behavior. People also often play the “religion card” to manipulate people and try to say that if you aren’t willing to be walked all over, that you are not Christ-like - but keep in mind that Jesus also called pharisees “broods of vipers” in public and turned over tables in the temple.

It’s also possible that you are feeling what you are inside because otherwise you might say something worse out loud, or something that could cause a “stir”.

Therefore, when you go to your spiritual director, maybe you should ask him if this is something God is using to “toughen you up” and/or to help you discern with a clear head between those who are truly in need and those who aren’t.

Also, did the HR director ever do something in the end? If not, what I would suggest is that you communicate through written/email channels so that you have a paper trail.

 

[Zooey]

First of all, “helping” someone who is out drinking (and running up more bills other ways) when they are in serious debt is not help; it’s enabling. So, cut yourself a little slack.

But, in general, what I would say, is that we are supposed to **be **compassionate and merciful, not necessarily to feel compassionate and merciful.
Feelings are a poor guide to our spiritual status. Feelings come and feelings go. What we are, not how we feel about it, is what is most important.

All that said, if you are sure that you have ruled out any medical problems, and if this job is the only place that you are experiencing all this stress, then you might indeed want to consider looking for another place to work. But please be sure that there isn’t something else going on with you, before you make that decision.
God bless, and .