Not Feeling Forgiven

[Drew518]

During Lent, I’ve been doing my best to try and grow closer to God. But I’ve been having trouble feeling forgiven for sins I confessed before. Back this past July, I made my first confession in 7 years. During confession I tried to come clean about years of sexual sins, including sex with girlfriends. I regret these sins with all my heart and they still haunt me. I feel like I haven’t been totally forgiven. Maybe I didn’t confess properly. I remember being so scared walking to the confessional and kneeling behind the screen. I remember bumbling with words that maybe I didn’t get all of it out. The thought of having mortal sin still on my soul really bothers me. Any ideas?

 

[Kathrin]

Dear Drew,

as somebody who has years of struggling wirth scrupulosity behind her, and knwoing that not feeling forgiven and worrying about the validity of confession are typical fears of an overly scrupulous person… I could imagine that you also tend to be overly scrupulous?

Now the question is, why would God not forgive you for sins you confessed?
If you didn’t consciously, intently leave them out in confession… why do you think you are not forgiven?
If you really feel you said something wrong, you can of course tell the priest again at your next confession… most likely he will ease your fears and tell you that it is all forgiven, or something to that sense.

In any case: God knows that we are sinners. That is why He came into the world to save us.
That is also why there IS confession.

I also have a past before I came back to the Faith where I did certrain things that I now know are grave sins.
God is not like people; people sometimes tend to judge others by faults they made years ago… and we should be more like God: Accept apologies, accept somebody’s honest effort to make a change for the better, and see the person he/she NOW is.
And that leaves guilt in the past: Once confessed - it is past.

I know it can be very hard.
But this is so wonderful about confession: It really does give this kind of closure.

We can accept that. Be grateful for it and accept it.

 

[tawny]

During Lent, I’ve been doing my best to try and grow closer to God. But I’ve been having trouble feeling forgiven for sins I confessed before. Back this past July, I made my first confession in 7 years. During confession I tried to come clean about years of sexual sins, including sex with girlfriends. I regret these sins with all my heart and they still haunt me. I feel like I haven’t been totally forgiven. Maybe I didn’t confess properly. I remember being so scared walking to the confessional and kneeling behind the screen. I remember bumbling with words that maybe I didn’t get all of it out. The thought of having mortal sin still on my soul really bothers me. Any ideas?

Praying for you.

 

[Bookcat]

Confession of mortal sins is in number and kind. If one has a difficulty confessing discuss with a Priest.

When such sins are confessed though - ones “feelings” may not follow as one wishes. Such is more about the nature of feelings (we do not have a despotic control over them) and of the pain of the sin that may linger (as can temporal effects…)

But with time and prayer and the Sacraments one can more and more healing can take place (and do not forget the gift of indulgences).

One can come to know more and more that true life is in Christ (even if the feelings did not follow the way one wished).

 

[ClearWater]

During Lent, I’ve been doing my best to try and grow closer to God. But I’ve been having trouble feeling forgiven for sins I confessed before. Back this past July, I made my first confession in 7 years. During confession I tried to come clean about years of sexual sins, including sex with girlfriends. I regret these sins with all my heart and they still haunt me. I feel like I haven’t been totally forgiven. Maybe I didn’t confess properly. I remember being so scared walking to the confessional and kneeling behind the screen. I remember bumbling with words that maybe I didn’t get all of it out. The thought of having mortal sin still on my soul really bothers me. Any ideas?

Providing you are repentant, you are forgiven whether you feel like you are or not. It’s a matter of faith, that we have to trust in Jesus, in his Divine Mercy. He gave us the sacrament of reconciliation. We must have faith, then, in the power of this sacrament and of Christ’s sacrifice for us.

It’s not good to keep confessing and reconfessing the same sins. Forgive yourself, now, and move on with your life.

Good luck!

 

[Ophelia23]

I think what you are feeling is the effects of sin, not a lack of forgiveness of it. To be forgiven does not negate the action(s) that happened, nor does it negate the internal consequences of those actions. My advice to you is, take heart. You have been forgiven of these sins if you took them to confession and received absolution. If your past haunts you, as you say, then it is a reminder that you still have much to work through. Continue to plug forward. Keep moving. Or as a famous little blue fish said, “just keep swimming”. (So sorry. I have a preschooler watching the movie as we speak. It’s fresh on the mind. Just bear with me. )

I am so very happy for you. To hear of your return to God, to hear of your awareness of internal struggle, to hear you are striving to serve the best you can. You are abundantly blessed.

 

[djames99]

Don’t worry. God knows what you wanted to say, sorta like confession of intent. We are so filled with shame we fumble and bolux up the works. This is manifest of a true heart. We who are determined to regain friendship with God have this wonderful thorn in our sides. It reminds us of his love, because if he didn’t care, he wouldn’t bother with these reminders of bad choices that get under our skin.

What you need to do now is go on with your life and be happy. Relax, take some time off with loved ones, laugh, rejoice!, and get on with it. There is a danger that we can become too scrupulous, and it disturbs us while we do our tasks has God’s servants.

You’ve been absolved! All I can say is I envy you, …Wow!.

 

[AnneTeresa]

If your past haunts you, as you say, then it is a reminder that you still have much to work through. Continue to plug forward. Keep moving. Or as a famous little blue fish said, “just keep swimming”.

YES to this. It can take some time to feel forgiven because you still have to deal with stuff. But you ARE forgiven in God’s eyes.

God bless you!! I pray you will find peace one day.

 

[Drew518]

I think the problem is when I told the priest I had sex with my girlfriends when dating, I said girlfriend; as in one not two. I had no firm count for my sins and the priest accepted my response of a lot. I guess I’m taken back by the fact I only seemed to indicate one. I didn’t withhold that, I just never got the “s” out. As I said, I was extremely nervous and scared and embarrassed. But I have had others tell me that God knew what I meant.

 

[Amandil]

During Lent, I’ve been doing my best to try and grow closer to God. But I’ve been having trouble feeling forgiven for sins I confessed before. Back this past July, I made my first confession in 7 years. During confession I tried to come clean about years of sexual sins, including sex with girlfriends. I regret these sins with all my heart and they still haunt me.

Your personal disapointment that you feel towards your sinfulness is not necessarily a bad thing. It is evidence of true repentance, and a deep desire to do God’s will.

God loves you for that. If you did not have this deep-seeded desire to please God you wouldn’t even have gone to confession. That you did give thanks to the the Holy Spirit and Him prompting you to seek reconciliation, and give yourself a little credit for folowing the gracew of God and for following the courage He gave you to go to confession to begin with!

That negativity that you’re feeling is not from God, its coming from you. It’s OK to forgive yourself, God has!

I feel like I haven’t been totally forgiven.

That’s the great thing about God. What He does isn’t dependent upon our feelings.

You have been granted absolution of your sins by the priest in Christ’s name. Be assured by those words that God has forgiven your sins.

God cannot lie. He granted the ministry of reconcilation to His Church in His name. So if a minister of His Church says, “I absolve you of your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit”, your sins are forgiven.

Don’t listen to the voices of fear and doubt within you. Rest rather in the faith and confidence of Christ’s immeasurable mercy.

Maybe I didn’t confess properly. I remember being so scared walking to the confessional and kneeling behind the screen. I remember bumbling with words that maybe I didn’t get all of it out. The thought of having mortal sin still on my soul really bothers me. Any ideas?

If you’re really that concerned, the next time confession is scheduled go again. Before you begin explain to the priest about your nervousness and explain that you may not have revealed all your mortal sins.

If you proceed with the confession, do not repeat the confession of mortal sins that you made previously, only those mortal sins you may have forgotten.

And, if I may suggest, if you find yourself stuck trying to remember other sins but for whatever reason you can’t, just end by saying something like, “for these and for anything else I cannot remember I am sorry.” Again, God knows your sins even though you may not remember at that moment every one.

That said, once the priest gives you your penence and grants you absolution, there should be no further feelings of doubt. You are at that point forgiven and are free to do God’s will going forward.

Do not doubt; just accept God’s love and mercy. That’s what he wants.

 

[Sarcelle]

I think the problem is when I told the priest I had sex with my girlfriends when dating, I said girlfriend; as in one not two. I had no firm count for my sins and the priest accepted my response of a lot. I guess I’m taken back by the fact I only seemed to indicate one. I didn’t withhold that, I just never got the “s” out. As I said, I was extremely nervous and scared and embarrassed. But I have had others tell me that God knew what I meant.

I read the diary of St. Faustina where she mentioned that someone she knew felt not really forgiven even after confession. She mentioned this fact to Jesus. He mentioned that He was more hurt by the lack of trust in His forgiveness than in the commission of the sin itself.

 

[Amandil]

I read the diary of St. Faustina where she mentioned that someone she knew felt not really forgiven even after confession. She mentioned this fact to Jesus. He mentioned that He was more hurt by the lack of trust in His forgiveness than in the commission of the sin itself.

 

[Jared2914]

If you are not sure you said everything, why not go to confession again? This time maybe write down everything. Tell the priest you are not sure you said everything before, and then just read what you wrote. I keep a running log of my sins. Everyday I look at what I’ve done. If there’s anything bad, I write it down. Then at confession, I have this list I can read to the priest. Of course, I pare it down as needed so as not to take up the whole confession time.

If you are really nervous confessing, go every week. You will get used to it. I have had problems with anxiety much of my life. One thing I learned is it is usually best to face your fears rather than try to avoid them. Get over them sooner rather than let them linger for years. They cause a lot more damage the longer you try to ignore them.

 

[Celtic_Maiden]

Got Bless you for your courage, you gave old Nick Hell, he certainly did not like you going to Confession… Always remember our Faith is not based on feelings, as we all know one day our feelings are up and another day we can feel down, the Lord requires our will, and obedience, you have now closed that chapter of your past when you went to the Priest and got absolution, the Lord does not require us after this to drag our dirty washing around with us, once forgiven (unless we sin again of course) is forgiven.

As the Lord says once you have been forgiven (Our Lord says he forgets these sins you confessed- just like a loving Father).

Don’t dwell, you were brave, so now move forward, since you are so sensitive I would not recommend Confession every week as this might lead to scruples, and a dreadful thing to suffer from, Trust in Him, go to Confession every couple of weeks (unless you have committed a mortal sin) Lord I place my trust in you, so now you have to learn to forgive yourself as the Lord has done, we all do odd things in our youth, the good thing is having the humility to admit it and Confessing it, and that is it.

Walk with the Lord, in Confidence and like the Prodigal Son, all was forgiven.

 

[Gary_Sheldrake]

During Lent, I’ve been doing my best to try and grow closer to God. But I’ve been having trouble feeling forgiven for sins I confessed before. Back this past July, I made my first confession in 7 years. During confession I tried to come clean about years of sexual sins, including sex with girlfriends. I regret these sins with all my heart and they still haunt me. I feel like I haven’t been totally forgiven. Maybe I didn’t confess properly. I remember being so scared walking to the confessional and kneeling behind the screen. I remember bumbling with words that maybe I didn’t get all of it out. The thought of having mortal sin still on my soul really bothers me. Any ideas?

Good Evening Drew: I would offer the idea that in order to feel forgiven, you have to forgive yourself. It appears at least that the extent to which anyone is ever forgiven is the extent to which they themselves are able to forgive, which in turn includes being able to forgive ourselves. I have done certain exercises where I think hard about someone I haven’t forgiven or harbor resentment towards because of something they did. Then I take a deep breath (maybe several) and let it go. Then I forgive them. Then I forgive myself for the things I’ve done. If I think of someone I owe an apology to (even if it’s been a long time), I find them and apologize. Until we do that, we have to carry it, or at least that’s what I think, and most of what I think is the product of experience. I think our lives are a self-help arrangement. We save ourselves, we condemn ourselves, we forgive ourselves and we redeem ourselves. We have the power to do all that, and no one does it for us.

Just my thoughts,

Gary

 

[acadiANNA]

Once you confess your sins to the priest, God forgets them. He will not bring them up again. Accept that you are forgiven. I pray for you to have the grace needed so you do not put your soul or anyone else’s soul in danger.

 

[Kathrin]

I think the problem is when I told the priest I had sex with my girlfriends when dating, I said girlfriend; as in one not two. I had no firm count for my sins and the priest accepted my response of a lot. I guess I’m taken back by the fact I only seemed to indicate one. I didn’t withhold that, I just never got the “s” out. As I said, I was extremely nervous and scared and embarrassed. But I have had others tell me that God knew what I meant.

If you unintentionally, not consciously, hold something back, it is forgiven anyway.
If you intentionally said only 1 so as to make it look better, then it is different again.
I can imagine that you may not be clearly sure whether or not it was half-intentional, because of the nervousness you felt… I know this from myself, not being sure did I think something intentionally or not… it can be from scrupulosity but I do not know you and if you are not sure better ask a priest and maybe it would be helpful to you anyway to talk about this problem with a priest?

 

[smichhertz]

During Lent, I’ve been doing my best to try and grow closer to God. But I’ve been having trouble feeling forgiven for sins I confessed before. Back this past July, I made my first confession in 7 years. During confession I tried to come clean about years of sexual sins, including sex with girlfriends. I regret these sins with all my heart and they still haunt me. I feel like I haven’t been totally forgiven. Maybe I didn’t confess properly. I remember being so scared walking to the confessional and kneeling behind the screen. I remember bumbling with words that maybe I didn’t get all of it out. The thought of having mortal sin still on my soul really bothers me. Any ideas?

Hi Drew518,

Be at peace. As long as you didn’t intentionally withhold anything you’re forgiven. If you happen to remember some additional sin that you think you forgot, just bring it up next time you’re in confession (and be sure to clarify that you’ve already been to confession, you just forgot to confess it). But the bottom line is this: Once you go to confession, as long as you are sorry and you don’t intentionally withhold any serious sin, your sins are forgiven. ALL of them.

What you need to do is trust in God’s mercy and trust that you are forgiven. Pray to the Holy Spirit to enlighten your mind. Maybe try praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet? The problem you are experiencing is not lack of God’s forgiveness, but your own doubts.

I wish you all the best!