Not feeling guilty for IVF

[hemberson]

After many miscarriages, my husband and I went through IVF. We clearly understood the church’s teachings and for a while were against doing it, Over time, we can truly say we felt led to do it…we found a dr who was willing to work with our requests in regards to not destroying or freezing any embryos…we ended up fertilizing 2 and the result was one healthy baby. The problem is we dont feel guilty one bit as we feel at peace and feel God’s hand upon us the whole time. I know the church disagrees, but we felt led and felt after our prayers that theses doors were opening and to find the dr who worked with our desires. I look at our child and feel no regret and feel God’s hand was with us during this hard decision. Of course I ahve confessed for going against the church, but I dont feel guilty as I look at my child and know he was brought to us by the miracle of God working through science. Is it ok to be ok with going against the church when I feel guilty for not feeling guilty?

 

[MilesXpisti]

Absolutely not. Considering that your attitude of unrepentance regarding the sin, it negates an the act of contrition, and you may have heaped insult upon injury. As present in the CCC:

Catechism of the Catholic Church #1451

Among the penitent’s acts contrition occupies first place. Contrition is "sorrow of the soul and detestation for the sin committed, together with the resolution not to sin again.

It is even possible that on top of committing a mortal, as evidence by the fact that you knew that IVF is contrary to Church teaching, you’ve profaned the Sacrament of Reconciliation by giving a confession that was nothing but a statement of wrongdoing, not an act of contrition.

 

[jman507]

Well, it does sound like you are guilty. There is nothing to say that if something is wrong you will feel guilty about it. What’s done is done. It sounds like something is tugging at you, take it to prayer.

 

[lizaanne]

Well, it does sound like you are guilty. There is nothing to say that if something is wrong you will feel guilty about it. What’s done is done. It sounds like something is tugging at you, take it to prayer.

I agree with this - and would add that you may like to also pray for the child that was destroyed in the process.

~Liza

 

[jack_hawkins]

After many miscarriages, my husband and I went through IVF. We clearly understood the church’s teachings and for a while were against doing it, Over time, we can truly say we felt led to do it…we found a dr who was willing to work with our requests in regards to not destroying or freezing any embryos…we ended up fertilizing 2 and the result was one healthy baby. The problem is we dont feel guilty one bit as we feel at peace and feel God’s hand upon us the whole time. I know the church disagrees, but we felt led and felt after our prayers that theses doors were opening and to find the dr who worked with our desires. I look at our child and feel no regret and feel God’s hand was with us during this hard decision. Of course I ahve confessed for going against the church, but I dont feel guilty as I look at my child and know he was brought to us by the miracle of God working through science. Is it ok to be ok with going against the church when I feel guilty for not feeling guilty?

You brought a child into the world that is loved and cherished. I personally have no problem with that. That child is a gift from God, and why should you not feel grateful?
PS to the previous poster, no child was destroyed in the process

 

[dylanschrader]

We don’t always feel guilty when we do something wrong. Our feelings are often disordered, which is a result of original sin.

We are sorry (have contrition) for something when we wish that we had not done it.

This does not mean that there cannot be very good results from something evil. For instance, having a child survive is obviously a great good. But, we may not do evil in order to achieve good.

God does work through the evil things that we do, but by doing evil we are choosing something less good than what God had intended us to choose. Thus, there is a good that is not present in our lives which God intended to be present. But, of course, God will fill up whatever is lacking if we do not resist.

 

[Matt_Collins]

Perfect contrition is not necessary for your confession to be valid. If you had sincere imperfect contrition, such as fear of the loss of hell, along with a sincere acknowledgment that you have sinned, that is sufficient for the sacrament to be valid.

I think you are in the same position, in some ways, as people who had a child out of wedlock with someone they love. You can’t deny the good that has resulted from your actions, and therefore, it is difficult to see that your actions were wrong.

Remember, though, that in His abundant goodness, God often draws good from our sins. But that doesn’t mean they weren’t sins. It also doesn’t mean that it was His will for you to do what you did. Rather, because he is so merciful and knows the sincere motives of your heart, He will often draw something beautiful, like an innocent child, from acts that are objectively evil.

It is not for anyone on this forum to say you’ve sinned. This is between you and God. All we can do is discuss the objective morality of an action, such as IVF. The subjective guilt is only for God to judge.

So my advice is to thank God for the wonderful child He has chosen to bless you (and the rest of the world) with. Give Him glory for His generosity and goodness. Realize that He is really the one who created your child and sustains him. Rely on Him for the help you will need over the years to fulfill the mission He has given you.

And at the same time be willing to go wherever the truth leads you. By entrusting this child to you God has already shown you that He will not condemn you for your actions if you seek Him and His Truth with a sincere heart.

Don’t fear that the possibility of acknowledging that you may have done something wrong in using IVF means you must feel guilty about having your child. You don’t. Your child is a true blessing from the Lord. Your job is now to raise him in the fullness of the Truth. And to do that you must come to accept the fullness of the Truth yourself, whatever it may be.

The Truth will set you free. Seeking the truth about our actions allows us to acknowledge all our sins, but in a way that leads us to love God all the more and praise Him for the bountiful love He showers upon us, despite all our sins.

 

[MilesXpisti]

You brought a child into the world that is loved and cherished. I personally have no problem with that. That child is a gift from God, and why should you not feel grateful?
PS to the previous poster, no child was destroyed in the process

You have no problem with that Jack, but God does, just as he does when fornication leads to the conception of a child. God loves that child, but that does not negate culpability from the parent’s illicit act. A sin, and a mortal one at that, was clearly committed, at least one sacrament was profaned, and if the OP has taken communion since then, a second one has been profaned.

 

[jack_hawkins]

You have no problem with that Jack, but God does, just as he does when fornication leads to the conception of a child. God loves that child, but that does not negate culpability from the parent’s illicit act. A sin, and a mortal one at that, was clearly committed, at least one sacrament was profaned, and if the OP has taken communion since then, a second one has been profaned.

I’m not sure God does. There is no parallel between homologous IVF and fornication

 

[setter]

After many miscarriages, my husband and I went through IVF. We clearly understood the church’s teachings and for a while were against doing it, Over time, we can truly say **we felt **led to do it…we found a dr who was willing to work with our requests in regards to not destroying or freezing any embryos…we ended up fertilizing 2 and the result was one healthy baby. The problem is **we dont feel **guilty one bit as **we feel **at peace **and feel **God’s hand upon us the whole time. I know the church disagrees, but **we felt **led and felt after our prayers that theses doors were opening and to find the dr who worked with our desires. I look at our child **and feel **no regret **and feel **God’s hand was with us during this hard decision. Of course I ahve confessed for going against the church, but **I dont feel **guilty as I look at my child and know he was brought to us by the miracle of God working through science. Is it ok to be ok with going against the church when **I feel **guilty for **not feeling **guilty?

You (and your husband) have allowed yourself to be lead by and duped by your primary reliance on feelings for discerning God’s holy will in this area. Feelings are sources of information for discernment, but they are highly subjective and source from either God, the devil or one’s own human production. I suggest that you make an appointment with an orthodox priest to discuss your understanding of how one goes about discerning God’s will. It is NEVER God’s to go against authoritative Church teaching. You (and your husband) need to pray for conversion and the grace for repentance in your faith walk with Jesus Christ.

 

[MilesXpisti]

I’m not sure God does. There is no parallel between homologous IVF and fornication

Sure there is…both have been deemed grave matter, which combined with knowedge of sinfulness and deliberate consent, constitues a mortal sin.

 

[litllulu]

Firstly, your child is a gift to you, just like a woman who became pregnant through rape. Secondly, you have recieved forgiveness through your confession, doubting that is a bigger sin than the one you confessed. Thirdly, even though you sinned to get your child, your child is a gift from above. Your confession is no different than a person who had illicit sex and really enjoyed it but was compelled to confess for offending God while enjoying immensly the act of sex. You should be sorry for offending God, not sorry that a child resulted from the act of sinning against Him.

 

[setter]

You brought a child into the world that is loved and cherished. **I personally **have no problem with that. That child is a gift from God, and why should you not feel grateful?

The OP is not interested in personal opinion but what the Church teaches.

 

[jack_hawkins]

Sure there is…both have been deemed grave matter, which combined with knowedge of sinfulness and deliberate consent, constitues a mortal sin.

You seem to imply a rather greater homology than just that they are both “mortal” sins. Why choose that particular mortal sin? Why not murder? Maybe you do think IVF is like murder? Who knows?

 

[jack_hawkins]

The OP is not interested in personal opinion but what the Church teaches.

I doubt it reading the post.

 

[MilesXpisti]

You seem to imply a rather greater homology than just that they are both “mortal” sins. Why choose that particular mortal sin? Why not murder? Maybe you do think IVF is like murder? Who knows?

I choose this, because both are illicit and immoral acts that bring forth a child. I would’ve thought the commonality of generation would’ve been apparent to a man of science.

 

[jack_hawkins]

I choose this, because both are illicit and immoral acts that bring forth a child. I would’ve thought the commonality of generation would’ve been apparent to a man of science.

exactly my point- DOH!
so you are saying (despite being evasive) that IVF and fornication have more in common than just being mortal sins - precisely my point
that is a specious argument
that should be apparent too:thumbsup:

 

[litllulu]

exactly my point- DOH!
so you are saying (despite being evasive) that IVF and fornication have more in common than just being mortal sins - precisely my point
that is a specious argument
that should be apparent too:thumbsup:

I will save the admin a trip here. You both are being extremely rude to one another.

 

[MilesXpisti]

exactly my point- DOH!
so you are saying (despite being evasive) that IVF and fornication have more in common than just being mortal sins - precisely my point
that is a specious argument
that should be apparent too:thumbsup:

How would classify that as a specious argument? Both instances are gross misuses of the licit function of the generative physiology given to us by God. The one removes the marital embrace from the act of conception and the other is a sin of carnality with one who is not our spouse.

 

[jack_hawkins]

How would classify that as a specious argument? Both instances are gross misuses of the licit function of the generative physiology given to us by God. The one removes the marital embrace from the act of conception and the other is a sin of canality with one who is not our spouse.

the specious argument is the one you have repeated above

PS I find “the marital embrace” a very odd Bowdlerism/euphemism
I embrace my wife in the street but I don’t get arrested for it and she has no risk of getting pregnant from it