Not fitting in with Catholics

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I don’t have too many issues fitting in with non-Catholics, but I cannot seem to fit into ANY Catholic young adult group. I always find them to be kinda cliquey and not entirely friendly towards me (a problem I don’t have elsewhere with non-Catholic groups). It’s rather irritating that I cannot fit in with these groups (nor can I win the ladies…unless they’re non-Catholic, in which case I don’t have a problem).

What do I do? I sometimes don’t want to go to my parish anymore and seek a new community elsewhere, in the vain hope they’ll be more welcoming. Thoughts?
 
Are you saying this has happened at more than one parish?

May I ask what your age is, approximately?
 
I am an “old adult” and I feel the same way in my parish community. I lived in another state for 10 years and was deeply rooted in my Catholic church with many friends. After moving to my current location, I find many of the people to be shallow, judgmental, and uncharitable. I tried to jump in with both feet and volunteer for stuff but was turned down to teach religious ed. (after they asked for volunteers at mass) and was told I made the choir director uncomfortable (I have 25 years in Catholic music ministry and let slip that I do not care for OCP). I find now that the less I have to do with this parish, the better. I go to mass and that is all. As you said, I connect well with others who are not Catholic.

My advise is to make friends with good people who have strong morals, healthy behavior/attitude, and can accept you for your Catholic identity, regardless of if they are Catholic or not. Perhaps this is the Holy Spirit guiding you to be a model for them. Maybe you can bring them in to the fold by sharing your love of the faith. I will pray for us both. .
 
BlazeCatholic said:
I am an “old adult” and I feel the same way in my parish community. I lived in another state for 10 years and was deeply rooted in my Catholic church with many friends. After moving to my current location, I find many of the people to be shallow, judgmental, and uncharitable. I tried to jump in with both feet and volunteer for stuff but was turned down to teach religious ed. (after they asked for volunteers at mass) and was told I made the choir director uncomfortable (I have 25 years in Catholic music ministry and let slip that I do not care for OCP). I find now that the less I have to do with this parish, the better. I go to mass and that is all. As you said, I connect well with others who are not Catholic.

My advise is to make friends with good people who have strong morals, healthy behavior/attitude, and can accept you for your Catholic identity, regardless of if they are Catholic or not. Perhaps this is the Holy Spirit guiding you to be a model for them. Maybe you can bring them in to the fold by sharing your love of the faith. I will pray for us both. .
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I´m not a Christian, just to fit in. If people reject me, I remember that they rejected my Lord as well. I don´t go to Mass to fit in. I go to Mass, because I´m a sinner and need His Grace. Sometimes I too am prepotent with my Christian brothers and sisters. God forgives me for that, as I too must forgive those that are indifferent to me. God bless:thumbsup:👍👍
 
Brother, I’m actually the opposite. I’m finding it harder everyday to fit in with non-Catholics. That’s not to say I constantly look at them no matter what they do and think “they’re not Catholics, so I can’t be friends with them”. But the fact that they’re non-Catholic means they have no empathy or understanding or morals like I do, so I feel uncomfortable.

Your problem sounds like you’re having more trouble with the fact that the Catholics aren’t actually following the religion. Judgmental? Not exactly a sign of a Catholic is it? If they’re judgmental, remember that they’re committing the sin. Take motivation in what our Lord did; he took such situations as chances to rebuke people and tell them they’re wrong. You might get hated for it, but perhaps it’s what you’re being called by God to do. I’m not saying you should jump in the middle of them and rebuke them, but make gradual small efforts to let them know that as Catholics, they’re being quite judgmental.

If anything, put your fear behind you! I love conversing with Catholics because I know I don’t have to be nervous in what I say or do. If I do something wrong or embarrass myself, I know the good Catholics will not think anything of it, while those that do all into that category of people I call “I don’t give half a piece of garbage about your opinion”. God loves you, that’s all you need. Be the witness to these people.
 
Domiy said:
Brother, I’m actually the opposite. I’m finding it harder everyday to fit in with non-Catholics. That’s not to say I constantly look at them no matter what they do and think “they’re not Catholics, so I can’t be friends with them”. But the fact that they’re non-Catholic means they have no empathy or understanding or morals like I do, so I feel uncomfortable.

Your problem sounds like you’re having more trouble with the fact that the Catholics aren’t actually following the religion. Judgmental? Not exactly a sign of a Catholic is it? If they’re judgmental, remember that they’re committing the sin. Take motivation in what our Lord did; he took such situations as chances to rebuke people and tell them they’re wrong. You might get hated for it, but perhaps it’s what you’re being called by God to do. I’m not saying you should jump in the middle of them and rebuke them, but make gradual small efforts to let them know that as Catholics, they’re being quite judgmental.

If anything, put your fear behind you! I love conversing with Catholics because I know I don’t have to be nervous in what I say or do. If I do something wrong or embarrass myself, I know the good Catholics will not think anything of it, while those that do all into that category of people I call “I don’t give half a piece of garbage about your opinion”. God loves you, that’s all you need. Be the witness to these people.
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I don´t have a problem fitting in, either with Catholics or non-Catholics. When I´m in the making friends mode, I do quite well. Sometimes I incline to be judgemental, but then I stop myself. When in Church though, I am focused on one thing and one thing only. My Lord. After Church, I don´t socialize. I go home. When I do socialize, I focus on making friends. I have discovered that the best way to make a friend is to be tolerant of beliefs different than mine. It works. I love our new Pope´s attitude. Comfort the invicted and invict the comfortable. God bless:thumbsup:👍👍
 
Same here Ben F. I don´t have a problem fitting in, either with Catholics or non-Catholics. I have friends from different religions.

Lotus, maybe you need to keep trying because I think it is easier to fit in with catholics than others.
 
Well, if you’re single (which I take it your are), you might want to see if there is a Catholic Singles group for your area. Unless you’be tried that already. Then again, you could go to a few more meetings to try and get aquainted there. Sometimes it takes more than one visit to feel comfortable. Also, as they get to know you, they might be helped. It can be tough comfortable within a group. Don’t be afraid to ask questions in a group, or to start talking to someone. :gopray2:
 
Domiy said:
Brother, I’m actually the opposite. I’m finding it harder everyday to fit in with non-Catholics. That’s not to say I constantly look at them no matter what they do and think “they’re not Catholics, so I can’t be friends with them”.** But the fact that they’re non-Catholic means they have no empathy or understanding or morals like I do, so I feel uncomfortable. **

Your problem sounds like you’re having more trouble with the fact that the Catholics aren’t actually following the religion. Judgmental? Not exactly a sign of a Catholic is it? If they’re judgmental, remember that they’re committing the sin. Take motivation in what our Lord did; he took such situations as chances to rebuke people and tell them they’re wrong. You might get hated for it, but perhaps it’s what you’re being called by God to do. I’m not saying you should jump in the middle of them and rebuke them, but make gradual small efforts to let them know that as Catholics, they’re being quite judgmental.

If anything, put your fear behind you! I love conversing with Catholics because I know I don’t have to be nervous in what I say or do. If I do something wrong or embarrass myself, I know the good Catholics will not think anything of it, while those that do all into that category of people I call “I don’t give half a piece of garbage about your opinion”. God loves you, that’s all you need. Be the witness to these people.
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The bolded statement is completely untrue. I have many, many non-Catholic friends with morals, empathy, and understanding. I have friends who are atheist, agnostic, Christian, and Catholic, and all of them are respectful and extremely ethical. Making judgments on other people based on their religion (or lack thereof) is the kind of behavior I avoid as much as possible, and I think that this contributes to the clique-ishness of which the OP was speaking.
 
VeritasLuxMea said:
Are you saying this has happened at more than one parish?
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Yes. Five total. Two were fine, three were not. The three were/are college Catholic chapels with young adult groups. The two were one Catholic Newman center that was incredibly welcoming, the other my old parish (mostly older Catholics).

I tend to be a shy individual so that doesn’t help, but I resent that I couldn’t get more attention out of people, even when I tried asserting myself.
May I ask what your age is, approximately?
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23-28.
 
Domiy said:
Brother, I’m actually the opposite. I’m finding it harder everyday to fit in with non-Catholics. That’s not to say I constantly look at them no matter what they do and think “they’re not Catholics, so I can’t be friends with them”. But the fact that they’re non-Catholic means they have no empathy or understanding or morals like I do, so I feel uncomfortable.

Your problem sounds like you’re having more trouble with the fact that the Catholics aren’t actually following the religion. Judgmental? Not exactly a sign of a Catholic is it? If they’re judgmental, remember that they’re committing the sin. Take motivation in what our Lord did; he took such situations as chances to rebuke people and tell them they’re wrong. You might get hated for it, but perhaps it’s what you’re being called by God to do. I’m not saying you should jump in the middle of them and rebuke them, but make gradual small efforts to let them know that as Catholics, they’re being quite judgmental.

If anything, put your fear behind you! I love conversing with Catholics because I know I don’t have to be nervous in what I say or do. If I do something wrong or embarrass myself, I know the good Catholics will not think anything of it, while those that do all into that category of people I call “I don’t give half a piece of garbage about your opinion”. God loves you, that’s all you need. Be the witness to these people.
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I don’t think it’s because they don’t follow the Faith; they’re all faithful Catholics.
 
LotusCarsLtd said:
I don’t have too many issues fitting in with non-Catholics, but I cannot seem to fit into ANY Catholic young adult group. I always find them to be kinda cliquey and not entirely friendly towards me (a problem I don’t have elsewhere with non-Catholic groups). It’s rather irritating that I cannot fit in with these groups (nor can I win the ladies…unless they’re non-Catholic, in which case I don’t have a problem).

What do I do? I sometimes don’t want to go to my parish anymore and seek a new community elsewhere, in the vain hope they’ll be more welcoming. Thoughts?
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I’ve had trouble making friends since I graduated college. You’re not alone. I am shy too so I have a hard time in social situations.

A male friend of mine joined the Knights of Columbus in his 20s and seemed to like that. Is that an option for you?

When I was a Catholic, I was a member of a prayer group containing people of all ages. The members were very welcoming and I felt like I fit in.

I’ve been a member of several Catholic singles groups and found good people there. I dated a man in one of the groups for a while.

Can you go back and do things at the Newman center?
 
The best friend I have at this point … is a Jehovah’s Witness.
I’ve known her for over twenty years.
Sure, we’ve had rocky patches since we disagree over religion
because I told her in no uncertain terms that I’m staying Catholic
and that’s that
… I think she may have even shunned me at times because of it.
But she still treats me way better than most Catholics have.

Had a Catholic best friend whom I lost to heart disease last year.
Would love to have more Catholic friends.
It is what it is.

I also tend to get along better with artists,
makes sense I guess since I’m an artist too.
Would be nice to find some Catholic artists
interested in becoming friends.

~~ the phoenix
 
Seek ye first the things of the kingdom and the rest will come easy.

Since I finally made it into the kingdom, I’m finding it easier and easier to deal with people of all different beliefs and lifestyles. 🙂

It can be done. But don’t spend your time focused on what you can’t do or pushing awkward relationships. Read the mystics. Engage in contemplative prayer. Look for closeness to God, not just intellectual knowledge of Him. Learn from everything and everyone at all times – don’t take yourself too seriously. Surrender your will, trust the Holy Spirit, and bada boom bada bing He’ll bring you into the kingdom too, and then you will find your answers. 👍

Sounds easy, eh? Some people go nuts trying and some don’t make it, but really it’s a walk in the park. 😉

Alan
 
We all are human and you can be an extraordinary human as Muslim, Indue, Catholic, Atheist, etc… Perhaps your lesson for you is to see Jesus in all, you are experiencing great thing with the non-Catholic. I can assure you there are amazing Catholic as there are rotten potatoes in all culture. We are to pray for anyone that isn’t nice with us, Jesus is clear on this in the bible. I find it so rewarding to follow his will in this matter.

As a child and young adult, i was bullied and struggle the most with my own culture then others, lol… So i hear you, but i think if you are living this experience it is because God has a plan for you.

When you go to confession, please don’t forget to mention this, the priest will guide you. One of Jesus miracle is that he cans speak through his priests.

Blessings and love!
 
AlTheCollegeGal said:
The bolded statement is completely untrue. I have many, many non-Catholic friends with morals, empathy, and understanding. I have friends who are atheist, agnostic, Christian, and Catholic, and all of them are respectful and extremely ethical. Making judgments on other people based on their religion (or lack thereof) is the kind of behavior I avoid as much as possible, and I think that this contributes to the clique-ishness of which the OP was speaking.
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I’m about to say something that you might find even more unsettling then;

One cannot be a good person without Jesus.

Any strong Catholic would agree with that. As Catholics, we don’t believe in anything. To believe implies that there are other alternatives and you are simply going by the one you feel surest about. That is blasphemy and ridiculous. There is nothing else. Jesus is our Lord and Savior. The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob who led Moses and his people out of Egypt is the Creator and father of all, including love and morals. None of that is something we believe; it’s something we accept and conform to as truth. Just like gravity; you don’t believe in gravity, you know it exists! Therefore, you adhere to what it says about dropping an egg over your brand new rug.

I’ve dealt with tons of atheists ranging from those who like to consider themselves good people, to those who do what they can to discredit religion. Sure, they all claim that they have morals. Hey, I don’t exactly deny that. I’m sure they throw a coin in the charity jar once in a while, maybe open the door for the elderly or something. That’s all swell. But I’d love to see them practice true love. You know, the kind of love that Jesus showed for his attackers. The kind of love Catholics are supposed to show by forgiving and praying for those who hate them. The kindness that an atheist practices is conditional; they expect to be shown compassion or understanding in return, and they practice it out of happiness or satisfaction. Take those things away, and you’d be surprised at how much things change. If you can’t love Jesus, a sinless, compassionate and heartfelt man, how can you love another sinner? Jesus is love. It doesn’t exist without Him. I suggest you read John 3:20 and surrounding passages to see what Jesus thinks about atheists who claim to be good.
 
Domiy said:
I’m about to say something that you might find even more unsettling then;

One cannot be a good person without Jesus.

Any strong Catholic would agree with that. As Catholics, we don’t believe in anything. To believe implies that there are other alternatives and you are simply going by the one you feel surest about. That is blasphemy and ridiculous. There is nothing else. Jesus is our Lord and Savior. The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob who led Moses and his people out of Egypt is the Creator and father of all, including love and morals. None of that is something we believe; it’s something we accept and conform to as truth. Just like gravity; you don’t believe in gravity, you know it exists! Therefore, you adhere to what it says about dropping an egg over your brand new rug.

I’ve dealt with tons of atheists ranging from those who like to consider themselves good people, to those who do what they can to discredit religion. Sure, they all claim that they have morals. Hey, I don’t exactly deny that. I’m sure they throw a coin in the charity jar once in a while, maybe open the door for the elderly or something. That’s all swell. But I’d love to see them practice true love. You know, the kind of love that Jesus showed for his attackers. The kind of love Catholics are supposed to show by forgiving and praying for those who hate them. The kindness that an atheist practices is conditional; they expect to be shown compassion or understanding in return, and they practice it out of happiness or satisfaction. Take those things away, and you’d be surprised at how much things change. If you can’t love Jesus, a sinless, compassionate and heartfelt man, how can you love another sinner? Jesus is love. It doesn’t exist without Him. I suggest you read John 3:20 and surrounding passages to see what Jesus thinks about atheists who claim to be good.
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Here I can’t agree with you.

First, about being a “good” person, we need to be careful about that because Jesus even said not to call Him “good” because only His Father in heaven is “good.”

And as far as beliefs, I’ve examined every crevasse of my mind and thoughts during the last 12 years, and I have come to the conclusion that beliefs are not subject to the will, and in fact are the only thing that is “real” to us. People say “I believe X” but if they are choosing to believe it then it’s not belief at all, but faith. Faith is different. Faith is when you don’t have enough evidence to know something, but go along with it anyway as if you do believe it.

Also I have known atheists who have some pretty good stories, and would put some Catholics to shame. And to assume they are doing good for reward and that only a Christian can do something out of unconditional love is also a mistake.

Alan
 
Domiy said:
I’m about to say something that you might find even more unsettling then;

One cannot be a good person without Jesus.

Any strong Catholic would agree with that. As Catholics, we don’t believe in anything. To believe implies that there are other alternatives and you are simply going by the one you feel surest about. That is blasphemy and ridiculous. There is nothing else. Jesus is our Lord and Savior. The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob who led Moses and his people out of Egypt is the Creator and father of all, including love and morals. None of that is something we believe; it’s something we accept and conform to as truth. Just like gravity; you don’t believe in gravity, you know it exists! Therefore, you adhere to what it says about dropping an egg over your brand new rug.

I’ve dealt with tons of atheists ranging from those who like to consider themselves good people, to those who do what they can to discredit religion. Sure, they all claim that they have morals. Hey, I don’t exactly deny that. I’m sure they throw a coin in the charity jar once in a while, maybe open the door for the elderly or something. That’s all swell. But I’d love to see them practice true love. You know, the kind of love that Jesus showed for his attackers. The kind of love Catholics are supposed to show by forgiving and praying for those who hate them. The kindness that an atheist practices is conditional; they expect to be shown compassion or understanding in return, and they practice it out of happiness or satisfaction. Take those things away, and you’d be surprised at how much things change. If you can’t love Jesus, a sinless, compassionate and heartfelt man, how can you love another sinner? Jesus is love. It doesn’t exist without Him. I suggest you read John 3:20 and surrounding passages to see what Jesus thinks about atheists who claim to be good.
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Here I can’t agree with you.

First, about being a “good” person, we need to be careful about that because Jesus even said not to call Him “good” because only His Father in heaven is “good.” So if you say someone cannot be “good” without Jesus, that implies that those of us “with Jesus” are, in fact, “good,” which elevates us higher than Jesus elevates Himself.

As far as beliefs, I’ve examined every crevasse of my mind and thoughts during the last 12 years, and I have come to the conclusion that beliefs are not subject to the will, and in fact are the only thing that is “real” to us. People say “I believe X” but if they are choosing to believe it then it’s not belief at all, but faith. Faith is different. Faith is when you don’t have enough evidence to know something, but go along with it anyway as if you do believe it. I cannot say, “I believe thus,” and then believe it. When I say “I believe thus,” I am stating as closely as I can what is so true to me that I call it beliefs. The problem I have is that too many people say they believe things when in fact they wish they believed them or have fooled themselves or others into believing – that incorrect use of the term “belief” leads to the idea that people can control and manipulate their beliefs at will.

Also I have known atheists who have some pretty good stories, and would put some Catholics to shame. And to assume they are doing good for reward and that only a Christian can do something out of unconditional love is also a mistake. And to say that Christians are motivated purely out of love and not out of agendas is also far from the truth, at least on a statistical basis. There are exceptions, of course.

Alan
 
AlanFromWichita said:
Here I can’t agree with you.

First, about being a “good” person, we need to be careful about that because Jesus even said not to call Him “good” because only His Father in heaven is “good.” So if you say someone cannot be “good” without Jesus, that implies that those of us “with Jesus” are, in fact, “good,” which elevates us higher than Jesus elevates Himself.

As far as beliefs, I’ve examined every crevasse of my mind and thoughts during the last 12 years, and I have come to the conclusion that beliefs are not subject to the will, and in fact are the only thing that is “real” to us. People say “I believe X” but if they are choosing to believe it then it’s not belief at all, but faith. Faith is different. Faith is when you don’t have enough evidence to know something, but go along with it anyway as if you do believe it. I cannot say, “I believe thus,” and then believe it. When I say “I believe thus,” I am stating as closely as I can what is so true to me that I call it beliefs. The problem I have is that too many people say they believe things when in fact they wish they believed them or have fooled themselves or others into believing – that incorrect use of the term “belief” leads to the idea that people can control and manipulate their beliefs at will.

Also I have known atheists who have some pretty good stories, and would put some Catholics to shame. And to assume they are doing good for reward and that only a Christian can do something out of unconditional love is also a mistake. And to say that Christians are motivated purely out of love and not out of agendas is also far from the truth, at least on a statistical basis. There are exceptions, of course.

Alan
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