Not forgiving yourself.. The unforgivable sin?

  • Thread starter Thread starter distracted
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
D

distracted

Guest
It seems to me that not forgiving oneself is the unforgivable sin…(or i should say one aspect of it) because

you are preferring your own judgment over the perfectly just judgement of God, saying, in effect that He is not big enough to forgive… believing the lie that your sin is bigger than God’s love…

and therefore, when you die and must stand in his Holy Presence, you will not be able to stand… His Light and Love will be too much for you… & you may throw yourself into Hell…

or as Jesus said, you will not “be strong enough”…

:hmmm:
 
Yeah, you could look at it that way, but not forgiving yourself can be easily healed with Time.

Last I checked, the unforgivable sin was allegedly denouncing the Holy Spirit. When that happens, it’s the norm to never go back. I got that from a documentary. :yup:

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood
 
distracted said:
It seems to me that not forgiving oneself is the unforgivable sin…(or i should say one aspect of it) because

you are preferring your own judgment over the perfectly just judgement of God, saying, in effect that He is not big enough to forgive… believing the lie that your sin is bigger than God’s love…

and therefore, when you die and must stand in his Holy Presence, you will not be able to stand… His Light and Love will be too much for you… & you may throw yourself into Hell…

or as Jesus said, you will not “be strong enough”…
Click to expand...
I think that can be a certain aspect of it; it is commonly believed that the “unforgivable sin” is the one that is not repented of. Presumption and despair of God’s mercy are the flip sides of the same coin.

Presumption is the mindset that you can sin as you please, and God will still forgive you. Despair is what you’re describing, that you believe God couldn’t possibly forgive you for this “particularly heinous” sin.

I most definitely want to emphasize, however, that God can and WILL forgive ANYTHING that is brought to Him. People suffering from scrupulosity are vulnerable to fall into this trap, and to my brothers and sisters who carry this cross, please, take heart and run to God!
 
One must also consider that one can be unable to forgive oneself at a given moment - not necessarily unwilling, but actually unable, in our inferiority to the perfection of God. Also, often when one is unable to forgive oneself, it isn’t a inability to forgive oneself of the hurt done to God, as His love and forgiveness are capable of caring for himself and mending the rift between the sinner and Himself, but of the hurt done to oneself, as the harm done to oneself is irreparable and must be lived with, as it is an ever-existing part of one’s past. Until one reaches a point at which they are able to see the ways in which God has managed to turn one’s evil for good, they may remain unable to forgive their own wrongdoing.

At least, that’s how I see my own inability to forgive myself at the time being.
 
The unforgiveable sin is blasmphey against the Holy Spirit, which means either a) presumption of God’s Love and Mercy, b) rejection of God’s Love and Mercy, or c) assumption that one dose not need God’s Love and Mercy in order to be saved.
 
This is an issue that I have been struggling with for some time. I have been to confession and I know that God has forgiven me because I am honestly and deeply sorry for my sins. I am having a hard time forgiving myself. It is definitely something that I will have to live with the rest of my life. I pray to God for His help in helping me to let this go and quit beating myself up over it. I was just wondering if anyone else felt like this and how they managed to overcome it. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for listening.
 
pammy523 said:
This is an issue that I have been struggling with for some time. I have been to confession and I know that God has forgiven me because I am honestly and deeply sorry for my sins. I am having a hard time forgiving myself. It is definitely something that I will have to live with the rest of my life. I pray to God for His help in helping me to let this go and quit beating myself up over it. I was just wondering if anyone else felt like this and how they managed to overcome it. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for listening.
Click to expand...
:)i can’t say as i have overcome this isssue myself but i am getting a better grip on things.
  1. when one finds themselves dwelling on past errors reject these thoughts immediately,try to think of something else,anything will do (well almost)…it is easy to fall back into those same sins if one is reminding themselves of them.
    2)pray and read the bible.
    3)spend a little bit of alone time before Jesus ,in the blessed sacrement,thanking Him for His gifts to you…the gift of forgiveness,sorrow and all the other blessings in one’s life.
  2. almsgiving heals one’s soul.
  3. whenever watching the news and you hear of some one’s death pray for Jesus to have mercy on that person’s soul.Or if there is a man hunt pray that the person being sought so that they will give themsleves up peacefully and pray for their repentance…
    the last two helps take one’s focus off oneself and onto the plight of others,which is what our Lord expects of us…to be concerned with others and not so concerned about oursleves.
 
Thank you for your response. You have definitely given me some wonderful suggestions. Perhaps if I focus on the things you’ve mentioned, it will keep my mind off of the past and those things that can’t be changed now. God bless you for taking the time to write.
 
Blade_and_Blood said:
Yeah, you could look at it that way, but not forgiving yourself can be easily healed with Time.

Last I checked, the unforgivable sin was allegedly denouncing the Holy Spirit. When that happens, it’s the norm to never go back. I got that from a documentary. :yup:

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood
Click to expand...
CCC 1864 “Therefore I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven.” There are no limits to the mercy of God, but anyone who deliberately refuses to accept his mercy by repenting, rejects the forgiveness of his sins and the salvation offered by the Holy Spirit. Such hardness of heart can lead to final impenitence and eternal loss.
 
Blade_and_Blood said:
Yeah, you could look at it that way, but not forgiving yourself can be easily healed with Time.

Last I checked, the unforgivable sin was allegedly denouncing the Holy Spirit. When that happens, it’s the norm to never go back. I got that from a documentary. :yup:

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood
Click to expand...
i think that’s overly simplistic… To blashpheme the Holy Spirit … well, there are numerous ways to do that… but the definition of waht that means… the kind of blashphemy that leads to eternal Hell is… when you say NO to the HS with all your being…until death and beyond. In other words, you say NO to forgiveness/salvation… because, say, you just want to live life on your own terms and not on God’s… wanna have a “good life” with no restrictions, etc…

not forgiving oneself is a form of saying No to forgiveness… No to Christ, No to the HS

but i believe that anyone who loves Jesus and keeps his commands, even if the person can’t fully forgive oneslef… will end up in Purg, not Hell… because God really IS bigger than we are… bigger than our stupid assessments of ourselves… which often originate with the assessments others have made on us… sometimes since the very beginning of our lives… In other words, our parents can make us feel we are unforgivable… (never do anythign right, etc…)… God understands all that…

still, we do need to at least acknowledge that our sins ARE forgivable… at least in our heads, if not our hearts…

This is one “work” we must do to save ourselves… “work out your salvation w/ fear and trembling” (Phil 2:12)
 
Spirithound said:
I think that can be a certain aspect of it; it is commonly believed that the “unforgivable sin” is the one that is not repented of. Presumption and despair of God’s mercy are the flip sides of the same coin.

Presumption is the mindset that you can sin as you please, and God will still forgive you. Despair is what you’re describing, that you believe God couldn’t possibly forgive you for this “particularly heinous” sin.

I most definitely want to emphasize, however, that God can and WILL forgive ANYTHING that is brought to Him. People suffering from scrupulosity are vulnerable to fall into this trap, and to my brothers and sisters who carry this cross, please, take heart and run to God!
Click to expand...
i’ve had a couple priests call me scrupulous… but in some ways i am not scrupulous enough… (I’m sure those priests, were they to read this, would say… Loudly!!

I rest my case!!!) 😃

but really… a person, i feel, is rarely scrupulous in every single area of his/her life… And i wonder if anyone is ever really guilty of being too scrupulous anyway… not in this day and age… I mean, m0ost people have the opposite problem… presumption… (osas :rolleyes:)…

anyway… i think scrupulosity is a good thing…as long as it is not ridiculous… it shows a person cares about doing everything Jesus said… not just one or two… (cafeteria Christianity)…
 
Eucharisted said:
The unforgiveable sin is blasmphey against the Holy Spirit, which means either a) presumption of God’s Love and Mercy, b) rejection of God’s Love and Mercy, or c) assumption that one dose not need God’s Love and Mercy in order to be saved.
Click to expand...
you are a sinner, not a saint?

but all saints in Heaven were once sinners…

As long as we live on Earth, we are sinners… This goes even for the saints… In fact the devil attacked them more than others… so they could have fallen far more than we will ever know…
 
pammy523 said:
This is an issue that I have been struggling with for some time. I have been to confession and I know that God has forgiven me because I am honestly and deeply sorry for my sins. I am having a hard time forgiving myself. It is definitely something that I will have to live with the rest of my life. I pray to God for His help in helping me to let this go and quit beating myself up over it. I was just wondering if anyone else felt like this and how they managed to overcome it. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for listening.
Click to expand...
i think what you describe is the only realistic way to feel… & think… it shows that one is aware of how holy God is… and how unholy / imperfect/ our souls are in this sinful world… We get polluted even by being in proximity to sin… much less by our own…

It is a terrible cross to bear… working on becoming what we should… because we know we are going to miss the mark often… but… well, i am reminded of the Thread about impure acts w/ oneself (hate the M word)… this one poster seems to think that is not a sin… that it is natural and it is unnatural to live without sexual gratification…

I’ve been celibate for a LONG time so i know how this person feels… yet just because giving up some enjoyable thing is painful and… “un-natural” does not mean we shouldn’t give it up (sacrifice)… a thing does not become right just because … well, because, for one thing, everyone else is giving in to their sexual “needs”… In this society, its easy to think that way… which is why i hate TV which glorifies sex… No one wants to give up anything anymore… .even when in the long run, it will good for him/her… Sacrifice has become a 4-letter word…

but anyway… maybe i am digressing…

I just don’t think people should be criticized… .etc… because of seeming “scrupulosity” when really they are more realistic about the condition of their souls than those who are the “other way”…

i kinda get annoyed at that word… :rolleyes:
 
fbl9 said:
:)i can’t say as i have overcome this isssue myself but i am getting a better grip on things.
  1. when one finds themselves dwelling on past errors reject these thoughts immediately,try to think of something else … anything will do (well almost) … it is easy to fall back into those same sins if one is reminding themselves of them.
    2)pray and read the bible.
    3)spend a little bit of alone time before Jesus ,in the blessed sacrement,thanking Him for His gifts to you…the gift of forgiveness,sorrow and all the other blessings in one’s life.
  2. almsgiving heals one’s soul.
  3. whenever watching the news and you hear of some one’s death pray for Jesus to have mercy on that person’s soul.Or if there is a man hunt pray that the person being sought so that they will give themsleves up peacefully and pray for their repentance…
    the last two helps take one’s focus off oneself and onto the plight of others,which is what our Lord expects of us…to be concerned with others and not so concerned about oursleves.
Click to expand...
I’d add
  1. think what you would say to someone in your situation - would you be so hard on them if they had sinned in the same way, would you consider them unforgiveable? If your answer is that you would think they can be forgiven - ask yourself why do I have this double standard?
  2. ask yourself “am I more reluctant than usual to forgive myself?”. If the answer is “yes” have a look at what else is going on in your life, eg am I under stress? am I tired, are there too many or too little demands on me? How much time am I giving God at the moment?
 
pammy523 said:
This is an issue that I have been struggling with for some time. I have been to confession and I know that God has forgiven me because I am honestly and deeply sorry for my sins. I am having a hard time forgiving myself. It is definitely something that I will have to live with the rest of my life. I pray to God for His help in helping me to let this go and quit beating myself up over it. I was just wondering if anyone else felt like this and how they managed to overcome it. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for listening.
Click to expand...
It’s important to understand that how we feel has next to nothing to do with the objective reality of our state of grace. It is often the case that one walks out of the confessional feeling lighter, happier, cleaner - but if one doesn’t it does not mean one is not absolved.

It’s possible to be in a state of grace and feel dry and abandoned. It’s possible to be in a state of mortal sin and feel certain one is “saved.” So the fact that you still feel guilty does not mean that you are. It means that you’re still suffering the temporal (earthly) consequences of your sin, which is part of the corruption of the cosmos (and why we still die, even though we have eternal life).

I would imagine that if your sin is something for which you could atone directly your confessor would have suggested that, but if not it might be something you would consider - is there a way that you can directly or indirectly correct/mitigate whatever impacts your sin had on others?

It would also be a good idea to develop a devotional habit that you can use to counteract these lingering feelings of guilt - a prayer or a song that you can say immediately every time the feeling of guilt starts to arise, to affirm your belief in Jesus’ gift of forgiveness. (“Lord thank you for your grace”)

John the Beloved wrote this:

“Now this is the message that we have heard from him and proclaim to you: God is light, and in him there is no darkness at all. If we say, “We have fellowship with him,” while we continue to walk in darkness, we lie and do not act in truth. But if we walk in the light as he is in the light, then we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of his Son Jesus cleanses us from all sin. If we say, “We are without sin,” we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we acknowledge our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from every wrongdoing.” 1 John 1:5-9
 
I would like to thank all of you for taking the time to help me put this issue into perspective. If this was someone else, I would advise them to do what I did and take it to God for His forgiveness. I don’t think that I have a double standard for myself. I think that I am just harder on myself because I was raised better than that. The person that this involved has passed away, never knowing. I guess in my mind, even though the priest granted me absolution from my sins and gave me penance, I feel as though I should’ve been punished more. Since I can’t undo what I’ve done, I am concentrating on being a better person, helping others when I can. It does help to know that others understand and for that, I thank you all. May God bless you.
 
The whole concept of forgiving yourself has always seemed a little too “pop psych” for me. Only God can forgive sin and He does that most generously. We only have to accept that forgiveness with the humility required of a mere creature who has been given the undeserved favor of having a real relationship with our Creator and Redeemer and Sanctifier.

The unforgiveable sin is the final rejection of that forgiveness. It’s source is an arrogant pride that we can be like God and don’t need Him. If that sounds familiar, it should. Pride was the source of the very first sin when Adam and Eve foolishly chose to disobey God because they wanted to be like God. They believed, at least for a moment, the first and most destructive lie of all time, “You shall be like God.”
 
Self-absolution is not a Catholic principle. Sacramental absolution is not dependent on whether we feel forgiven enough.

Le us say that this was the one unforgivable sin. That would mean that as long as one could forgive himself he could eventual make it to heaven. If we look at a sociopathic heathen who rejects God and his fellow man, but forgives himself out of his selfish nature, do you really think he goes to heaven in front of the scrupulous?
 
…i think that not forgiving yourself is sad, but i believe that the unforgivable sin is the NOT asking God’s forgiveness. Rejecting the Holy Ghost call to contrition and penance. I could be wrong…
 
pammy523 said:
This is an issue that I have been struggling with for some time. I have been to confession and I know that God has forgiven me because I am honestly and deeply sorry for my sins. I am having a hard time forgiving myself. It is definitely something that I will have to live with the rest of my life.
Click to expand...
So don’t forgive yourself.
You don’t have to.
You still feel a sense of guilt. You’ve been repentant, but perhaps this is a situation where you cannot make restitution, and that gnaws on you, that you can’t “make it all better”.

So what’s the solution? Well, beating yourself up about it won’t help. Just accept things for now, put your feelings in cold storage for now, and try to obtain what the Buddhists would call a “good karmic balance”.

You can’t give restitution to the aggrieved party, Some deeds cannot be undone, some words cannot be unsaid. But what you can do is to help others. To atone through Good Works, done by stealth, no-one knowing but you. They don’t have to be large deeds, a myriad of small kindnesses will do. And it doesn’t matter to whom. Make the world just a little better place whenever given the opportunity to do so.

Eventually, you’ll realise that not only have you been forgiven your sins, but you’re not a terrible person. That you’ve actually atoned adequately for what you did, that even the hardest taskmaster - yourself - can’t say you haven’t. It wouldn’t pass the “giggle test”.

Then and only then can you truly start to forgive yourself too.

And if this doesn’t work, at least your sin will have led to the world becoming a better place, with more love in it. That’s a worthy goal anyway, is it not? Even if you continue to suffer guilt, others benefit because of your actions. From sin comes Good, transmuted through love.

That’s what works for me anyway. I gave up on forgiving myself, I just try to help others now, and whether I forgive myself or not is no longer important.

All the best,
Zoe
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top