Not getting a seat on the city transit at 37 weeks pregnant

[Serap]

I’m just saying what I think is going through the minds of the people who don’t give up their seats. I agree they are not being charitable.

I just don’t think people should get so worked up about this. Look around you, people look out for their own interests and the interests of their family/close friends. People generally couldn’t care less about how a stranger on a bus feels. Facts of life. If you’re going to go through life expecting strangers to take care of you, prepare to be disappointed.

You’re essentially saying that you’re in the right in expecting complete strangers to care about you and make sacrifices for you. If you’re going to feel entitled to the sacrifices of others, then you’re going to get angry when they don’t sacrifice. But they’re under no obligation to do this, and not expecting them to will mean a calmer life for you.

I would and do get angry, not just for myself, but for others as well. I’m telling you straight up that if I saw an elderly person standing and no one was getting up for him/her, you can bet on it that I’d tell someone to get up; nicely, but assertively. It I saw a toddler standing, I would make comments to the mother about how it’s a shame that no one has given her child a seat…and I’m sure someone would get the message and stand up.

I have no patience for rude people. I don’t expect to be catered to, but I cannot stand it when people are rude; period. Our society has become as someone put it very well…a very self-centred, quick gratification, me me me society. It’s terrible and to feel disappointed and a bit peeved off that our society has become this way is completely understandable and natural especially when you yourself are a kind natured person.

 

[djeter]

Brenda wrote: “I seriously don’t think you understand what I am saying. Being polite has nothing to do with my Catholicism and everything to do with being a human being.”

I really wrote nothing about being polite and how if figures in the human character but simply reacted to your “venting” against those who don’t respond the way you think they ought to. I still don’t think it is a good idea. Sorry to disagree.

And yes, it was a criticism of your Catholicism. Should I apologize? But what have I done but simply read what you wrote and formed an opinion of you based on that. It may not be flattering of you but I didn’t mean in any way to put you down but to warn you. If it makes you feel any better, I’m a complete nitwit who knows nothing. Don’t take any of what I say to heart if you don’t agree with it.

But don’t say either that I “misunderstood” because what you said didn’t reflect well on you. No offense, but it didn’t.

And as a word of warning to others, we were cautioned earlier about GloriusMaximus. I read the other thread about him. After extending a word of encouragement and recommending a reading from Fr. Robert Barron he wrote me a PM calling the essay “stupid rubbish” and ending with an “All Hail Zeus.”

I have noted the religious preference he confessed as “Catholic” but much like TJM (another lost soul) these are interlopers (unabashedly pagan) on these forums who spread lies and dissension and are here to show us all the errors of our Catholic ways. I shudder at some of the evil they can work under the guise of their professed Catholicism against those who come here looking for Catholic advice and counsel. TJM was on a masturbation thread claiming “No Harm No Foul.” If you seem them popping up on other threads, sound a warning.

Anyone know how to report nitwits like these? GloriusMaximus is clever (if that’s the word for it) enough to keep his offensive comments to PMs.

regards

dj

 

[pentecostbaby]

I would and do get angry, not just for myself, but for others as well. I’m telling you straight up that if I saw an elderly person standing and no one was getting up for him/her, you can bet on it that I’d tell someone to get up; nicely, but assertively. It I saw a toddler standing, I would make comments to the mother about how it’s a shame that no one has given her child a seat…and I’m sure someone would get the message and stand up.

I have no patience for rude people. I don’t expect to be catered to, but I cannot stand it when people are rude; period. Our society has become as someone put it very well…a very self-centred, quick gratification, me me me society. It’s terrible and to feel disappointed and a bit peeved off that our society has become this way is completely understandable and natural especially when you yourself are a kind natured person.

Yep. Exactly. Basically, it’s a question of:
a) noticing other people exist.
b) recognizing that others are as valuable as you are.
c) realizing that certain people need special consideration in order to be free of pain or hardship - because of their inherent vulnerability. These include the very young, the very old, the sick, and the otherwise temporarily incapacitated.

I am very lucky to live in the South, where this consideration is far more common than it is elsewhere (I grew up elsewhere, so I know ). But I think it’s up to us as Catholics and people to set a good example and NOTICE others. Also, we probably shouldn’t complain so much. But when you’re as pregnant as some of us are here … it’s hard to avoid it .

 

[Serap]

Brenda wrote: “I seriously don’t think you understand what I am saying. Being polite has nothing to do with my Catholicism and everything to do with being a human being.”

I really wrote nothing about being polite and how if figures in the human character but simply reacted to your “venting” against those who don’t respond the way you think they ought to. I still don’t think it is a good idea. Sorry to disagree.

And yes, it was a criticism of your Catholicism. Should I apologize? But what have I done but simply read what you wrote and formed an opinion of you based on that. It may not be flattering of you but I didn’t mean in any way to put you down but to warn you. If it makes you feel any better, I’m a complete nitwit who knows nothing. Don’t take any of what I say to heart if you don’t agree with it.

But don’t say either that I “misunderstood” because what you said didn’t reflect well on you. No offense, but it didn’t.

And as a word of warning to others, we were cautioned earlier about GloriusMaximus. I read the other thread about him. After extending a word of encouragement and recommending a reading from Fr. Robert Barron he wrote me a PM calling the essay “stupid rubbish” and ending with an “All Hail Zeus.”

I have noted the religious preference he confessed as “Catholic” but much like TJM (another lost soul) these are interlopers (unabashedly pagan) on these forums who spread lies and dissension and are here to show us all the errors of our Catholic ways. I shudder at some of the evil they can work under the guise of their professed Catholicism against those who come here looking for Catholic advice and counsel. TJM was on a masturbation thread claiming “No Harm No Foul.” If you seem them popping up on other threads, sound a warning.

Anyone know how to report nitwits like these? GloriusMaximus is clever (if that’s the word for it) enough to keep his offensive comments to PMs.

regards

dj

DJ…I think you should drop it with Brenda. Just agree to disagree b/c it’s going nowhere and you’re hurting eachother’s feelings…unCatholic

If I were u, I’d forward the PM to the moderator, so they can begin looking out for his posts.

 

[mamacita]

DJ, the mods can see private messages, I’ve read that on here somewhere, that’s why I delete most of what’s in my inbox and outbox…also if you just do what Serap said and forward the messages onto the mods that should take care of that issue.

 

[purplesunshine]

I have to say that it isn’t fair to peg people as rude because they don’t get up and offer their seat.

I’m from the country and have used mass transit a handful of times. To me it was nerve wreaking. If someone asked for my seat I would of given it up willingly but I’d probably not have noticed someone elderly/disabled/pregnant and offered my seat. If I did, I’d offer.

I’d likely be concentrating on watching the big tough guy across from me, guarding my bag, etc.

And all in all, city transit is crowded and people just turn off. The rising occurrence of autism spectrum makes it very difficult for as many as 1 in 10 people to handle a situation such as that.

And even the “troll-like” posters are right. Charity to strangers is a quality almost virtually unique to christians/catholocism. If you look in pre-christian culture or cultures that haven’t been exposed to Christianity then he’s absolutely.

 

[Serap]

I have to say that it isn’t fair to peg people as rude because they don’t get up and offer their seat.

I’m from the country and have used mass transit a handful of times. To me it was nerve wreaking. If someone asked for my seat I would of given it up willingly but I’d probably not have noticed someone elderly/disabled/pregnant and offered my seat. If I did, I’d offer.

I’d likely be concentrating on watching the big tough guy across from me, guarding my bag, etc.

And all in all, city transit is crowded and people just turn off. The rising occurrence of autism spectrum makes it very difficult for as many as 1 in 10 people to handle a situation such as that.

And even the “troll-like” posters are right. Charity to strangers is a quality almost virtually unique to christians/catholocism. If you look in pre-christian culture or cultures that haven’t been exposed to Christianity then he’s absolutely.

99% of people on rush hour city transit are from the city, not visiting from a nice quiet countryside town (and boy, do I LOVE getting away from the city )

Rude is rude…you’re not rude if you don’t notice…but you said if you do notice, you offer, so you’re not a rude person. You are considerate. You can’t get angry with someone for not noticing; I"m talking about people who see you and they choose to make their own comfort more important than your own.

We have laws in my city that you HAVE to give your seat if you are sitting in what we call “priority seating”, but no one seems to do it. Now they can be fined for it if they get caught. My city had to implement a by-law b/c people are so selfish and uncaring.

Politeness has nothing to do with being Christian. It’s either in you or it’s not. I know Hindu, Jewish, Moslem, etc. people who are the kindest and most polite people I’ve ever met. Saying that non-Catholics are not polite kind-of sounds arrogant in my mind.

Anyhoo…someone gave me a seat this morning :dancing: I thanked her I think 10 times!!!

 

[purplesunshine]

Politeness has nothing to do with being Christian. It’s either in you or it’s not. I know Hindu, Jewish, Moslem, etc. people who are the kindest and most polite people I’ve ever met. Saying that non-Catholics are not polite kind-of sounds arrogant in my mind.

No, its not arrogant. Its historically true. Watch “Historical Jesus”…Jesus…just the historical figure, changed what charity was for all time. The whole concept came from Jesus’ teachings…(which have influenced Moslem teachings) as far as Jews, Hindu’s etc, much of how they act as a modern people has been influenced by Christianity. I’m not saying good people don’t exist in other religions, just that the idea of charity to strangers is predominantly a christian idea.

 

[pumpkinbeast]

I rode the bus today, and it was a full one, too! Here’s what I saw: an elderly lady got on, a young man got up so she could sit down. A man and his son got on, the boy was probably 7, and another young man got up so the boy could sit. A girl offered her seat to the dad, so he could sit by his son, but he declined. And then… drum roll… a pregnant lady got on. And no one offered her a seat. Unfortunately by that point all the people in seats around her were elderly. I really wanted to offer my seat to her, but I was too far back for it to be really feasible without making a huge fuss… and she looked to be in her 2nd trimester, so not huge or anything, but definitely visible… there were some people nearer her who could have gotten up and given her a seat without too much trouble, but now I’m thinking… should I have made a fuss? I just didn’t know what to say, “hey, pregnant lady, come have a seat”? I couldn’t say “ma’am” there were a few other women standing. This thread has me thinking in circles now. :hypno:

 

[SeekingWisdom]

I think the onus should be entirely on the men to give up their seats, never women. When I was “young”, I had multiple knee injuries and surgeries. But to look at me, you would think I was “healthy”. So they’re not necessarily able to stand for long periods. But, having been forced to stand through Sunday Mass after having knee surgery because no one would give up a seat for me, I hear you.

 

[LaLucia]

HELLO SERAP, I take the local buses when I go to visit Vancouver, Canada.

I always sit near the front near the Special Handicapped seats. I do notice that some young people like to sit there but when the seniors show up they move to the back of the bus so the seniors can sit down.

I am an old lady myself and I tried to give up my seat to a senior with shopping bags but she declined and moved to the back of the bus.

Then the bus got real crowded with people standing up. I was riding on a bus that was driving through a China town neighborhood. A Chinese woman in her 40’s was telling the younger people to give up their seats for the old seniors. She would make them get up and they all obeyed her. She didn’t care if the people sitting down were white or Asian…she would make them give up their seats for the old seniors.lol.

None of them complained… they all would get up to give up their seats to the seniors.
I had fun watching her in action. She had on some really high heel shoes and could have used a seat too but she stayed standing the whole time until she got off the bus.

I think next time I visit Vancouver I will yell out if anybody will give up their seat since I do take long rides on the buses for fun. It is a cheapy way of taking a tour of the city.lol.

 

[Serap]

HELLO SERAP, I take the local buses when I go to visit Vancouver, Canada.

I always sit near the front near the Special Handicapped seats. I do notice that some young people like to sit there but when the seniors show up they move to the back of the bus so the seniors can sit down.

I am an old lady myself and I tried to give up my seat to a senior with shopping bags but she declined and moved to the back of the bus.

Then the bus got real crowded with people standing up. I was riding on a bus that was driving through a China town neighborhood. A Chinese woman in her 40’s was telling the younger people to give up their seats for the old seniors. She would make them get up and they all obeyed her. She didn’t care if the people sitting down were white or Asian…she would make them give up their seats for the old seniors.lol.

None of them complained… they all would get up to give up their seats to the seniors.
I had fun watching her in action. She had on some really high heel shoes and could have used a seat too but she stayed standing the whole time until she got off the bus.

I think next time I visit Vancouver I will yell out if anybody will give up their seat since I do take long rides on the buses for fun. It is a cheapy way of taking a tour of the city.lol.

You sound so sweet!

Vancouver is a very friendly and courteous city. I lived there for one year about 20 years ago and I remember how much more friendly and kind the people were compared to my city (known for its coldness). Ok, now you must know which city I live in

Vancouver is also very beautiful with the mountains behind it…ahhh I miss Vancouver. Sorry to digress

 

[LaLucia]

Hi, I have also been to the East side of Canada…Toronto, Quebec, Montreal, and Niagra Falls. But I had a friend to drive me around.lol.

I am going on a cruise on the NCL Pearl in May, and will be visiting Victoria, Nainamo, and end up in Vancouver airport. I plan to pack some donuts and sandwiches at Tim Horton’s also known as Tim or Timmy’s by the Canadians. I love that place for goodies.
LaLucia

 

[monorail]

So finally at a transfer station, these young women all get up and I couldn’t help myself……I said, “I hope when you guys are 9 months pregnant, no one gives you a seat too!”

I sympathize for your situation. I recently read an article on some kind of social experiment where an able-bodied man asked transiters to give up their seats for him. About 60% of the time they did, with no explanation required. I wish I could find the article.

Anyway, I suspect you might have better luck simply asking for a seat.

 

[ack]

I remember this article too – I think the research was done in New York City around the 70s.

I sympathize for your situation. I recently read an article on some kind of social experiment where an able-bodied man asked transiters to give up their seats for him. About 60% of the time they did, with no explanation required. I wish I could find the article.

Anyway, I suspect you might have better luck simply asking for a seat.

 

[Brenda_V]

Brenda wrote: “I seriously don’t think you understand what I am saying. Being polite has nothing to do with my Catholicism and everything to do with being a human being.”

I really wrote nothing about being polite and how if figures in the human character but simply reacted to your “venting” against those who don’t respond the way you think they ought to. I still don’t think it is a good idea. Sorry to disagree.

regards

dj

dj, First I do want to apologize if I hurt your feelings, I did not mean to. Second, not once in all my posts did I say I personally was angry, I did say it was okay to come here to vent about it and I stand by that thought, if that means you think less of me as a Catholic so be it.

Now, I have to wonder if you even read all the way through my post which you chose to only quote the first sentence, here is the pertinent parts of it that seem to have been lost in your reading of it:

It is also right to judge an action and okay for us to come here to CAF to complain about the behavior of those around us. As you may have noticed, not all of our mass transit users are treated to such rude behavior. The same with other venues, I tend to think this is more of a regional thing anyway.

**I repeat, my religion is no prison for me. It is in my religion that I can forgive the rude behavior and ask God to watch over those who have been rude to me. I try not hang onto the slight I have been given because it is not right to do so.
**
Now or Pregnant mammas who utilize Mass Transit, you all go ahead and come here to complain for that too is human nature, then give it to God and the rest of us will pray for you.

Brenda V.

The last two parts I had hoped addressed your concern that I was angry, yes I can get angry at rude behavior but I can also take that as an opportunity to pray for patience and understanding and for those who were rude to me (maybe they were having a really bad day, just found out that their child was failing in school or even worse, a loved one died). I have been pregnant and uncomfortable and found standing for long periods at the end of my pregnancies to be uncomfortable so I can sympathize with the women here who were complaining about those who did not give up their seats for them.

Brenda V.

 

[Serap]

The last two mornings in a long time, I’ve been offered a seat!!! Today it was by a lady in her 40s and then a man in his 40s got up and let the woman sit back down!!

Are u guys praying for me??? Perhaps it’s the Christmas spirit in the air

 

[LittleSoldier]

Your attempt to find a Christian ethic on the subway is heroic but your anger leaves one mystified…

I feel your child will grow up in a world he or she will not understand locked in a prison of faith – much like yourself.

dj

I think her child will grow up with a Mom who is very wise.