Not getting a seat on the city transit at 37 weeks pregnant

[pumpkinbeast]

I feel your pain, Serap, in a way… I was on crutches for several months, and it was an interesting insight into how observant people are. There were lots of people who went out of their way to open doors for me and the like… and then there were those who didn’t. >.> On my campus there is a very heavy set of doors that are pretty much impossible to open while standing on crutches, you just can’t throw your weight behind it. I was leaving the building through these doors behind a group of girls that were chatting with each other and didn’t notice me. I thought I would be able to squeak through the door before it closed, but I miscalculated and got stuck halfway, flailing ineffectively, unable to go backwards or forwards. Luckily another student came to my rescue.

 

[graceandglory]

So today, for the upteenth time, I’m on the subway/underground train and people are sitting down in front of me while my huge belly is basically hitting them in the face. Frankly I’m getting tired of it!!! What’s wrong with people these days???

I relate to that. …

When I was attempting to take city transit with my newborn twins for whom I needed to use a stroller in order to carry around, the bus driver said, “sorry lady” riders need to be able to get on the bus by themselves. No offer to help me lift the stroller, and he wouldn’t let me use the “lift” which was intended for people who couldn’t walk by themselves and were in a chair with wheels! I was literally stranded in the downtown area of a large city at night because of this person. Of course I wrote letters…

Thanks for the opportunity to vent!

 

[djeter]

dj, I don’t think you understand that being polite is not a Christian ethic, it is a human ethic, it is about politeness. Yes, Christians should exhibit these behaviors more so than non-Christians but that does not excuse someone from seeing an obviously pregnant woman and not giving their seat up to her.

BTW, my faith is no prison!

Brenda V.

Faith becomes a prison when it causes you to judge others and become angry. The world is a fallen place. We are not of this world. We struggle to improve it and help others, not to vent anger when they don’t meet our expectations.

Don’t get me wrong – I understand what you are doing and sympathize with your bad experiences. But using your faith in this way is taking you nowhere.

dj

 

[mamacita]

Serap, this doesn’t shock me. Honestly, since I have been visibly pregnant, I’ve noticed that women my own age (under 30) are the ones that are the least helpful and sympathetic. I am lucky to live in the South, where a man worth his mama’s efforts to raise him would offer a woman a seat, pregnant or not. But young women, on the other hand, have been rude! My hairdresser seemed ticked off that I took so long to walk from the sink to the chair (I was in the middle of debilitating hip pain); some waitresses have given us pretty snotty service (when I asked, nicely, for a booth rather than a table - and there were lots of booths - because I couldn’t sit in something unpadded). My male friends have even remarked on it.

I really think there are several reasons for it. One, so many people only have a one or no children that girls don’t see pregnant women. Two, being pregnant is seen as almost a disease: no one wants to get pregnant, and if they do, it’s seen as a negative rather than a positive. Does this make sense at all? I think it’s a consequence of the negative attitude society has towards children. We’re only using up everyone else’s resources, you know, and contributing to overpopulation .

I will say that overall people have been very nice. But younger women, overall, have been the least supportive or understanding.

**What you said is exactly what I was thinking. Lots of people look at pregnancy as if it’s a disease or ‘it’s contagious’, etc. It’s so sad how our society has turned pregnancy into such a negative thing sometimes (not all the time tho) My husband thinks it’s beautiful tho and that’s all that matters to me (regardless of what society thinks).

Also, to DJ (I think that’s who it was), manners or politeness has nothing to do w/ being Christian, non-Christian, etc. Just incase you thought so.**

 

[djeter]

I applaud those who sat down, they did the right thing.

Wow GloriusM. I read that other thread the fellow who is praying for you left us. I noticed that was back in January. Based on your post here it looks like you’re not having a very good year, my friend – a fellow after my own heart.

God sometimes loves us in a harsh and dreadful way. It’s called Training in the Divine School and has a glorious track record. Fr. Robert Barron speaks to it here:

payingattentiontothesky.com/2009/07/09/undergoing-training-in-the-divine-school/

I join djgang in prayer for you.

In Christ,

dj

 

[mamacita]

**This isn’t completely on topic but it’s pretty close. I’m 14 weeks pregnant, not really showing yet, still not in maternity clothes. Today we went to a Christmas tree farm and I was in line w/ 3 of my kids to have their turn to sit in the GIANT rocking chair and take a picture (it’s about 12 feet tall and my kids needed to be lifted up onto it to get in it). I was in line hoping that DH would be back in time from changing the 2 year old’s diaper to help me lift the kids up. When it got to be our turn, DH was still not there. So I told the 2 dads behind me who had some 5 kids between the two of them, “go ahead, I’m going to let you guys go ahead.” They looked at me puzzled and said, “no, you go ahead, you were here first.” I said, “no, I have to wait for my husband to lift the kids up.” They said, “no you don’t, we can help you.” :blushing: Aww, they lifted all 3 of my kids up into the huge chair out of kindness instead of just going ahead of me and taking a turn like I told them they could. That was an act of kindness. Then there’s the many times I"m at the grocery store and can’t reach something on the top shelf and usually 99% of the time someone will be around and see me struggling and offer to help me out.:yup::dancing:

Serap, sorry you are dealing w/ this issue. It sounds as if this happens often? I’d say something to someone next time you get on, I’d bet a guy might give up his seat (or he should at least). **

 

[flyingfish]

**What you said is exactly what I was thinking. Lots of people look at pregnancy as if it’s a disease or ‘it’s contagious’, etc. It’s so sad how our society has turned pregnancy into such a negative thing sometimes (not all the time tho) My husband thinks it’s beautiful tho and that’s all that matters to me (regardless of what society thinks).

Also, to DJ (I think that’s who it was), manners or politeness has nothing to do w/ being Christian, non-Christian, etc. Just incase you thought so.**

I really don’t think young women didn’t give up her seat because they think pregnancy is a disease.

Probably, since they likely had not been pregnant themselves, they did not realize that it was hard for her to stand. Also, let’s face it people value their own comfort more than the comfort of some stranger.

It is one thing if someone who looked seriously disabled walked into a bus, people would probably be willing to give up their seat to that person. Otherwise they probably think “why should I be uncomfortable to make her a little more comfortable, if she can walk to the bus she can stand in the bus.”

Plus, they probably didn’t have it drilled into them from childhood that they should give up their seats to pregnant women.

 

[Brenda_V]

Faith becomes a prison when it causes you to judge others and become angry. The world is a fallen place. We are not of this world. We struggle to improve it and help others, not to vent anger when they don’t meet our expectations.

Don’t get me wrong – I understand what you are doing and sympathize with your bad experiences. But using your faith in this way is taking you nowhere.

dj

I seriously don’t think you understand what I am saying. Being polite has nothing to do with my Catholicism and everything to do with being a human being. I am old enough to remember when men held the door for women, children were taught to always look behind them before letting a door close to make sure not one else was close by, giving your seat on mass transit was to be done for the visibly disabled, the old, pregnant women and (for men) a lady. Men tipped their hats and took them off when entering a building. None of this had anything to do with my religion or theirs but a lot to do with how we treated each other as human beings.

It is also right to judge an action and okay for us to come here to CAF to complain about the behavior of those around us. As you may have noticed, not all of our mass transit users are treated to such rude behavior. The same with other venues, I tend to think this is more of a regional thing anyway.

As an aside, I still run into men who hold the door for a woman, both young men and men my age, old men on the other hand seem to have forgotten what they were taught. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I have ridden any form of mass transit because I have always lived where there was not much of it to begin with so one needs their own form of transportation so I can not say how well behaved other riders are.

I repeat, my religion is no prison for me. It is in my religion that I can forgive the rude behavior and ask God to watch over those who have been rude to me. I try not hang onto the slight I have been given because it is not right to do so.

Now or Pregnant mammas who utilize Mass Transit, you all go ahead and come here to complain for that too is human nature, then give it to God and the rest of us will pray for you.

Brenda V.

 

[Serap]

Thanks everyone! I guess I can tell myself I only have 3 or 4 weeks to go. Thanks be to God that I’m not handicapped and will not be in this condition for the rest of my life.

Mamacita - lovely story about fathers helping you lift your babies on the big chair

Yes, people can be oblivious, but I think that in itself is rather sad. I remember once when I was about 19 (and I had a serious rebellious mouth on me . I saw a pregnant women like me standing in a busy bus. I was standing beside her and I couldn’t take it anymore. I said, “Can someone please give this pregnant lady a seat?!”

Well, someone got up for her and the lady thanked me.

I was only 19 years old and I “got it”.

 

[mamacita]

Serap, yes, people are oblivious, or is it selfish? I feel that when I was younger, we were TOLD by our parents, educators, etc. to hold doors, let others go first, etc. and it stuck w/ us! What has happened to kids (or young adults I should say) of this generation? I’m confused as to when manners became obsolete or no longer taught??? It truly is sad, kinda like ‘every man for themselves’ kinda attitude.
My oldest just turned 11, and I’ve seen him hold the door for others (when he goes to karate, Mass, stores, etc) and I can’t help but smile, makes me feel like I’ve done something right.

 

[sanctamaria17]

Honestly, if some smart-mouthed, self-entitled, snobby, indifferent young’un can’t be bothered, I don’t think it’s the people of faith who are the problem. As for judging…again, I reiterate my statement. Neither of my parents is a practicing Catholic…but they know right from wrong and, if any of us had pulled that type of behavior, at any age, they’d have no problems giving us a whooping or at least a very lengthy guilt trip.

I’ll admit to having fought my way onto the metro for good seats and I’ll admit occasional rudeness, which I am ashamed of and try to be watchful of…but even I won’t touch disability seats and I would make sure someone who needed a seat got one, even if it meant I didn’t…I mean, really?

Wow…

 

[GloriusMaximus]

Honestly, if some smart-mouthed, self-entitled, snobby, indifferent young’un can’t be bothered, I don’t think it’s the people of faith who are the problem. As for judging…again, I reiterate my statement. Neither of my parents is a practicing Catholic…but they know right from wrong and, if any of us had pulled that type of behavior, at any age, they’d have no problems giving us a whooping or at least a very lengthy guilt trip.

I’ll admit to having fought my way onto the metro for good seats and I’ll admit occasional rudeness, which I am ashamed of and try to be watchful of…but even I won’t touch disability seats and I would make sure someone who needed a seat got one, even if it meant I didn’t…I mean, really?

Wow…

Black bolded bit: you’re displaying elements of what you seem to despise in your own post.

Red bit: Irrelevant to the topic.

Green bit: Oh ok, so you admit to that kind of behaviour as well, despite preaching against it at first, and wait…what’s this, you aren’t bad enough to touch disability seats huh?! You should be commended for going out of your way to avoid disability seats despite doing the rest of it, makes you feel pretty good huh?

 

[flyingfish]

Serap, yes, people are oblivious, or is it selfish? I feel that when I was younger, we were TOLD by our parents, educators, etc. to hold doors, let others go first, etc. and it stuck w/ us! What has happened to kids (or young adults I should say) of this generation? I’m confused as to when manners became obsolete or no longer taught??? It truly is sad, kinda like ‘every man for themselves’ kinda attitude.
My oldest just turned 11, and I’ve seen him hold the door for others (when he goes to karate, Mass, stores, etc) and I can’t help but smile, makes me feel like I’ve done something right.

Part of it is being oblivious and part of it is selfishness. Unless someone looks obviously in pain and difficulty people won’t think that person really needs to sit (after all, they walked to the bus stop), and if they don’t think that person really needs the seat, they are going to place their own comfort first.

If you politely ask someone to give up their seat because you’re having difficulty, and say “I really don’t feel well, would you mind giving up your seat”, chances are most people will stand up (unless they themselves aren’t feeling well).

I really don’t understand why so many people are getting so upset over this. Why is anyone so surprised that in this world people place themselves (and those close to them) far ahead of strangers.

 

[mamacita]

Part of it is being oblivious and part of it is selfishness. Unless someone looks obviously in pain and difficulty people won’t think that person really needs to sit (after all, they walked to the bus stop), and if they don’t think that person really needs the seat, they are going to place their own comfort first.

If you politely ask someone to give up their seat because you’re having difficulty, and say “I really don’t feel well, would you mind giving up your seat”, chances are most people will stand up (unless they themselves aren’t feeling well).

I really don’t understand why so many people are getting so upset over this.** Why is anyone so surprised that in this world people place themselves (and those close to them) far ahead of strangers.**

Well let’s see flyingfish, have you been 37 weeks pregnant w/ a baby inside of you that weighs around 6-8 Lbs??? Walking to get to the transit system alone is enuf work for a pregnant woman at that stage of the game. If you have been pregnant, then you yourself should know that someone (I"m guessing that if the transit was ‘full’ that would mean about 20+ people on there, right??) out of that large number of people should have the courtesy to offer her a seat, at least ONE person I would think. Then again, like I said manners have become obsolete for some people (not all tho). Basically the ‘big deal’ here is that when you are carrying around that extra weight on the front of you and your center of balance is thrown off and everything else, you’d THINK that at least ONE person would be courteous. That’s the whole point to this thread.
Right Serap??

 

[sanctamaria17]

Black bolded bit: you’re displaying elements of what you seem to despise in your own post.

Red bit: Irrelevant to the topic.

Green bit: Oh ok, so you admit to that kind of behaviour as well, despite preaching against it at first, and wait…what’s this, you aren’t bad enough to touch disability seats huh?! You should be commended for going out of your way to avoid disability seats despite doing the rest of it, makes you feel pretty good huh?

I’m not trying to put myself up on a pedestal…I can still hate behavior I’ve been guilty of too…but I’m saying even I, in my human weakness and sinfulness know to give up my seat…I’ve seen a ton of the previous behavior in people who won’t for anyone at all…and even though I’ve been guilty of it in the past, I still hate it, probably especially because I have been.

So you can answer the OP now and stop analyzing other posters’ threads to death.

 

[sanctamaria17]

Part of the problem is, people are in a hurry and not thinking when they first get on and there is a tendency by everyone to push past and fight for a seat…And, unfortunately, they don’t want to give them up once they’ve gotten them.

I know I’ve been guilty of doing so…not the not giving up, but the pushing past others. Public transit is another place where we all lose our manners. Thank you all for showing this. This is something that needs to change.

 

[ac_claire]

Black bolded bit: you’re displaying elements of what you seem to despise in your own post.

Red bit: Irrelevant to the topic.

Green bit: Oh ok, so you admit to that kind of behaviour as well, despite preaching against it at first, and wait…what’s this, you aren’t bad enough to touch disability seats huh?! You should be commended for going out of your way to avoid disability seats despite doing the rest of it, makes you feel pretty good huh?

Come on, please be fair now. You’re projecting: sanctamaria didn’t say or imply any of those things in her post!

 

[Arlene]

I think there is a general lack of manners across the board. Gone are the days when a gentleman would hold open the door for a lady and let her go in first. These same gentlemen would be mortified if they sat while a lady stood, pregnant or not, disabled or not, elderly or not. I’ve had doors shut in my face when I’ve been 2 feet behind a guy. Geesh, could you at least reach back and keep the door from shutting.

We have become an “all about me” society as a whole. Everyone in a hurry in our instant gratification world, our instant communication, fast food world where no one can slow down long enough to see the person standing next to them, much less care.

It might be a regional thing. When I visit family in Texas, gentlemen usually hold the door open for me, and there is just a general politeness that I’m not used to at home. Its a refreshing change.

 

[mamacita]

I think there is a general lack of manners across the board. Gone are the days when a gentleman would hold open the door for a lady and let her go in first. These same gentlemen would be mortified if they sat while a lady stood, pregnant or not, disabled or not, elderly or not. I’ve had doors shut in my face when I’ve been 2 feet behind a guy. Geesh, could you at least reach back and keep the door from shutting.

We have become an “all about me” society as a whole. Everyone in a hurry in our instant gratification world, our instant communication, fast food world where no one can slow down long enough to see the person standing next to them, much less care.

It might be a regional thing. When I visit family in Texas, gentlemen usually hold the door open for me, and there is just a general politeness that I’m not used to at home. Its a refreshing change.

:clapping::yup:

 

[flyingfish]

Well let’s see flyingfish, have you been 37 weeks pregnant w/ a baby inside of you that weighs around 6-8 Lbs??? Walking to get to the transit system alone is enuf work for a pregnant woman at that stage of the game. If you have been pregnant, then you yourself should know that someone (I"m guessing that if the transit was ‘full’ that would mean about 20+ people on there, right??) out of that large number of people should have the courtesy to offer her a seat, at least ONE person I would think. Then again, like I said manners have become obsolete for some people (not all tho). Basically the ‘big deal’ here is that when you are carrying around that extra weight on the front of you and your center of balance is thrown off and everything else, you’d THINK that at least ONE person would be courteous. That’s the whole point to this thread.
Right Serap??

I’m just saying what I think is going through the minds of the people who don’t give up their seats. I agree they are not being charitable.

I just don’t think people should get so worked up about this. Look around you, people look out for their own interests and the interests of their family/close friends. People generally couldn’t care less about how a stranger on a bus feels. Facts of life. If you’re going to go through life expecting strangers to take care of you, prepare to be disappointed.

You’re essentially saying that you’re in the right in expecting complete strangers to care about you and make sacrifices for you. If you’re going to feel entitled to the sacrifices of others, then you’re going to get angry when they don’t sacrifice. But they’re under no obligation to do this, and not expecting them to will mean a calmer life for you.