Not getting it...

[ATeNumquam]

Maybe I can just recommend an article by Ronald Rolheiser called “Lost is a place too” which was recently published in our national catholic newspaper.
You can find it on his website
www.ronrolheiser.com

God bless, and may peace be with you, Montanaman!

 

[montanaman]

Thanks, all,

Normally, I “sober up” the day after writing a note with too much self-disclosure, say “Aw, shucks,” and tell whoever read it not to worry. And well, I’m still saying that, but things haven’t noticeably improved.

I’m not going to whine. It’s just a tough place right now. I feel myself retreating to a default position I had for most of my twenties–there’s a God, the Catholic Church is his Church, but whatever that Church teaches, it is impossible for there to be any kind of real relationship or knowledge about his plan for us. I can say that’s my most sincere belief, and that anything more than that takes reserves of imagination I don’t have.

Neophyte asked if I had spoken to my confessor. No, I haven’t. I don’t really have a confessor. I only recently started going to a particular church, and while the priest is friendly and good, it’s just complicated. I’ve been going to another Church because when I first came to town it was easy to find, and it’s huge. Why is it complicated at the new church? I recently began teaching apologetics classes there on Sundays. It’s something I believe in, and something I used to feel called to do. But I’m afraid I’ll shock the priest, or something… Then again, he’s a Navy chaplain, so I doubt there’s much he hasn’t heard.

Anyway, thanks again. I’m sorry if I whined. I’ve been through this so many times now it’s almost routine. I’ve strayed, but never too far to come back. I suppose I’ll just keep swinging back and forth until the day I die. If God is merciful, he’ll take me when I’m on the “grace” side.

 

[Fizendell]

Montana Man:

As I read through this thread, I thought it was great that so many people offered good advice and scripture, support and prayers and even some empathy of having been there, so I wasn’t going to post more of it.

Until I read your last line…

I suppose I’ll just keep swinging back and forth until the day I die. If God is merciful, he’ll take me when I’m on the “grace” side.

For many, many years now, I have seen my life as a pendulum. I’m devout (in whatever religion I’m in) and then I’m apathetic and disconnected. My pendulum tends to swing every five years or so. I’m currently on what I like to call, the upswing - tending towards devotion to God again.

This time, I have returned to the Catholic Church and when I spoke to the priest last week, I explained this pendulum tendency of mine. To my amazement, he said I was not alone - that many others go through this.

So, I won’t get long-winded here, but I just wanted to tell you that I have knelt more in the last week than I have in the last 20 years and I have said the same thing each time - Lord, I do believe… please help my unbelief.

Because even now… during this latest upswing… I don’t feel anything spectacular, there’s no sudden enlightenment of knowing, no moment of clarity.

I don’t know what to expect… I’m just trying to listen.

Hope it helps just to know you aren’t alone.

=)
Fiz

 

[reen12]

Good morning, montanaman, [East Coast time!]

I’m glad you started this thread. I particularly appreciated
the post from Fizendell.

You know, I noted that in two places you mentioned
a lack of “imagination”.

Since I’ve got the ability to imagine enough for 4
people ! I’m trying to find a vantage point from which
to understand your use of the word imagination.

How about: it’s all like a board game. I go around the
board, doing what I’m supposed to do according to
my faith, but I don’t feel anything? Is that even
near what you are conveying? Or am I way off
in understanding what that experience is for you?

By the way, I don’t at all think that you are whining.
And I smiled a big, broad smile over your use of
the “default” position. [There’s something very
comforting in having a default position. I think it
gives us time to rest a little.] And I thought it
was a grand insight…default position.

God love you, montanaman,
reen12

 

[LSK]

YOU ARE NOT WHINING…you mentioned “sober(ing) up”.

I am a recovering alcoholic with 12 years of continuous sobriety. I know what it is like to want to stop something and being absolutely powerless over it. If you feel like that, let me know. there is hope and there is recovery.

 

[CARose]

Montana Man,

May I suggest you make an appointment with a priest, either the one at the new “complicated” parish or the one where you went previously, and do a full confession, especially the aspects of what sound like despair and lack of faith. You’ll be amazed at what grace comes through the sacrament and how much healing you will find.

While you’re working through this (perhaps for the rest of your life) I’d like to recommend that you consider going to confession every other week for the remainder of your life. I believe it will assist you in avoiding the pendulum ride you’ve encountered, or at a minimum increase the amount of time you are “in grace” and improve your ultimate odds, so to speak.

Please know that for many years I felt as you do, that God is a distant God, someone who got involved with humanity 2000 years ago, but who has been hands off pretty much ever since. I can now tell you with all truth, that this is NOT the case. God is a personal God who knows and loves you very much. Each person reading these posts is greatly loved by God and God desires that each and every one of us accept the gifts he is constantly offering to us. It is in our cooperation with his Grace that we demonstrate to him our love. It is through this love that we make the world more the Kingdom of his divine plans.

Keep your eye on God, for he always has his eye on you.

God Bless Montana Man, You’re in our prayers,

CARose

 

[antiaphrodite]

montanaman:

I’m sorry if I whined.
.

you didn’t.

montanaman:

I’ve strayed, but never too far to come back.

never too far to come back. not with God.

montanaman:

If God is merciful, he’ll take me when I’m on the “grace” side.

He *is *merciful.

we’ll be praying for you.