Dear One -
Peace be with you -
Know that God is extremely patient. He is leading and guiding you so do not be anxious about the timing. Just go as soon as you feel up to it.
As already said, a spiritual director is a great idea, so do look into this.
Now - to the matter of trying to come up with the sins etc in order to do a proper confession.
I have been where you are now…
My first confession back after 35 years was terrible, I was not properly prepared and yet I know that all my sins were forgiven whether I remembered them or not. This provided me with a great deal of consolation.
Later (about three months) when I was more convicted of the seriousness of sin in my life I did a more thorough examination of conscience and went back to confession armed with this confession of my deep sinfulness and a much more firm and “perfect” contrition.
For this examination of conscience, including so many years away from Church, I chose to use the “
Seven Deadly Sins” instead of the more standard Ten Commandments. I did this because I knew it was futile to try and think of the number of times I committed a sin against a specific commandment. My sins were so many in number and so many in type that it was overwhelming me. The Seven deadly Sins on the other hand is less about numbers and actions and more about the underlying flaws and faults that my sinful actions sprang from.
So - I examined
myself, my character more so than my actions, against these deadly sins, wrote down how these faults of character led me into my many sins and then took what I wrote to confession with me and read it aloud to my confessor.
I came out of confession so relieved and released that I cannot express the weight lifted from me.
The reason I explain this is because you sound like someone who has undergone counseling and indeed are seeking additional counseling and this method of examination would be very similar to what one might do with a counselor.
Peace
James