Not good enough to be Catholic

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Ok, I didn’t read all of the responses but all I have to say is that if anyone is judging you for not having children, they are in error and not acting very Catholic. I go to a parish where large families are in abundance (which is great—go them!) and I too have felt “not good/holy” enough for not looking like the cookie cutter traditional Catholic family, with my only 2 children. Not to mention I have family members who are very large family leaning.

It previously caused me a lot of inner turmoil to feel “not good enough” but I have come to the conclusion that my family is mine alone and it is nobody’s else’s business what my spouse and I decide is best for our family. And even more so in your case, when you are not physically able to have children! Of course, we must always be open to life and we must tend toward generosity, but along the lines of what pope Francis said, God gave us a brain and a heart to carefully discern what is best for our family. My husband and I use NFP.

Having 10 kids (or even 3 or 4) is not for everyone. We may have more, and we may not. We prayerfully take everything into account as we go on discerning.

So what I’m trying to say…if there are silly holier-than-thou folks who are making you feel inadequate for not having 10 kids----forget about them or anybody who thinks that you can prove your devoutness by having a soccer team. You ARE worthy. You just go on being your best self, keeping your eyes on Jesus. 😉
 
KendraDZ1902 said:
Well, I’m come to the conclusion, after reading opinions here on CAF, that I’m a bad Catholic because I don’t have children. Yep. Everyone is so hurt that Pope Francis made the statement that you shouldn’t BE like rabbits and everyone is coming out of the woodwork praising people who have double digit amounts of children. Saying that those with large families are “God fearing,” “breeding like Catholics” “following Church teaching” and so on.
I’m am fine with the cross I have to bear. I’m fine with not being able to have children. I had my mini breakdown, thinking I was a broken woman. I put on my big girl panties and I’m over it. What I’m not over is the assumption that I’m not God fearing or following church teaching because I can’t have little bunnies running around. My husband and I have been in the Church for almost 2 years now. Sitting in the same pew every week, unless he is deployed then it is just me. I wonder how many people at my parish think these things of us because we don’t have children. This is upsetting. This makes me feel like I’m not good enough.
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To be blunt – if anyone says , or even implies, that you’re a “bad Catholic” because you don’t have children, they’re fools and not worth your attention.
 
KendraDZ1902 said:
Well, I’m come to the conclusion, after reading opinions here on CAF, that I’m a bad Catholic because I don’t have children. Yep. Everyone is so hurt that Pope Francis made the statement that you shouldn’t BE like rabbits and everyone is coming out of the woodwork praising people who have double digit amounts of children. Saying that those with large families are “God fearing,” “breeding like Catholics” “following Church teaching” and so on.
I’m am fine with the cross I have to bear. I’m fine with not being able to have children. I had my mini breakdown, thinking I was a broken woman. I put on my big girl panties and I’m over it. What I’m not over is the assumption that I’m not God fearing or following church teaching because I can’t have little bunnies running around. My husband and I have been in the Church for almost 2 years now. Sitting in the same pew every week, unless he is deployed then it is just me. I wonder how many people at my parish think these things of us because we don’t have children. This is upsetting. This makes me feel like I’m not good enough.
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People will think whatever they will it only matters what GOD thinks. Im my case I wanted children but mr right or campatible never showed up so it never happened and now it won’t. I get a lot of slack for never being married too so no matter what your status people will always have their opinion it’s best not to worry over or even be concerned about what other think. If they give you grief tell them it really isn’t their business. It’s between you and your family and you and GOD nothing to do with them. Prayers.🤷👍
 
have you sat in Mass, week after week, day after day sometimes, and get the stink eye from the mom with x number of kids? How about having to sit through the announcements every week and be reminded that the parish is raising money for the school/youth group/boy scouts/pregnancy crises center…?

Mentally it is very draining to have to deal with this stuff, especially when you tried to have children and either can’t afford the medical treatments to become pregnant or it’s impossible. You’ve may have been like me and dealt with the pain of multiple instances of miscarriage, yet people avoid you like the plague because you don’t have children and you have “been married for so long…”

This is what goes through the childless couples’ heads: We are there to WORSHIP GOD, not focus on fundraising or listening to the latest group that has been formed in the parish, yet has nothing to do with infertile or childless couples. Maybe we are neurotic, clinging to the worship of Mass to console us, and getting pissed off when we are constantly made to be distracted from God? Should I feel guilty that I feel this way? NO.

How annoying to not fit in!
 
I’m new and not even Catholic, but…

My heart goes out to folks who, for whatever reason, don’t have kids. Our society in general raises an eyebrow and often condemns childless women. So, I have nothing to add but hugs.

:grouphug:
 
I had people judging me when I had a complete hysterectemy when i was 29 that saved my life twentytwo years ago because I had ovarian cancer They caught it before it had spread outside of the female organs but I refused to let those people get to me Fortunately I had a very kind priest who was taking me through private instructions to become catholic that was very understanding and told me that I was doing nothing wrong because I was not making myself unable to conceive on purpose it was just an outcome of what I had to do for my health.
 
waterbender said:
have you sat in Mass, week after week, day after day sometimes, and get the stink eye from the mom with x number of kids? How about having to sit through the announcements every week and be reminded that the parish is raising money for the school/youth group/boy scouts/pregnancy crises center…?

Mentally it is very draining to have to deal with this stuff, especially when you tried to have children and either can’t afford the medical treatments to become pregnant or it’s impossible. You’ve may have been like me and dealt with the pain of multiple instances of miscarriage, yet people avoid you like the plague because you don’t have children and you have “been married for so long…”

This is what goes through the childless couples’ heads: We are there to WORSHIP GOD, not focus on fundraising or listening to the latest group that has been formed in the parish, yet has nothing to do with infertile or childless couples. Maybe we are neurotic, clinging to the worship of Mass to console us, and getting pissed off when we are constantly made to be distracted from God? Should I feel guilty that I feel this way? NO.

How annoying to not fit in!
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Waterbender, as a childless married woman, I have never dealt with these issues you’ve listed. I don’t know what to say other than may God give you peace. You can bring these issues to confession and be healed so that you can really come into the purpose and plan of God for your life without having to carry guilt and anger. May God’s grace touch that ache in your heart. The grace I wish us all.
 
UbiCaritas said:
Eh, pretty much no one meets the “good enough to be Catholic” standard. I wouldn’t worry about it. All the cool people are over here, anyway. Come to the dark side; we have cookies! Tasty, chocolatey, gluten-laden cookies! 😃

Seriously, even if you had kids, there would be plenty of people who would be sure you were Doing It Wrong ™.* Had an epidural? Bad mom! C-section? Bad mom! Natural childbirth? Silly thing, you just made it harder on yourself! Bad mom! Breastfed for 12 months and 1 day/24 months/2 months/not at all? WRONG! Bad mom! Had five kids in six years, or two in twelve? Bad, bad, bad! Let your kid eat gluten at any time? Horror! Don’t let your kid eat gluten? Worse still! Left your kid with grandma for a night away with hubby at 6 months? Neglectful, abusive mom! Didn’t go for a romantic overnight with hubby when grandma could babysit the six-month-old? You’ll be divorced in two years, tops, if you keep neglecting your marriage like that! Bad! 😛
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I can add a few more to that list…

You had a baby nine months after your wedding? Wow that was quick! Was it an accident?
You waited three years to have kids? What’s wrong with you? You are wasting your good child-bearing years!

You got pregnant again six months postpartum? You’re crazy, it’s too soon! You’ll have two under two! It must have been an accident!
You got pregnant again two years postpartum? It’s about time, you should have timed it so the kids would be exactly two years apart!

You’re limiting sex to the infertile phases of your cycle? You must be committing a mortal sin by using NFP without just reasons!
You’re having sex whenever you want? You must be taking advantage of your spouse and making them feel used!
 
I am very sorry you can’t have the children you want. As someone else said, it seems that’s your cross to bear. We all have at least one. But, hopefully, you know God has a plan for you. Open yourself to His will and love, and watch how He can change your life. But, if you spend your time worrying about others thoughts or judgments of you, you may be missing the other opportunities the Holy Spirit is giving you.

I am sorry if other’s have been rude or hurtful to you. We are all sinners and often thoughtless.

God Bless you.
 
KendraDZ1902 said:
Well, I’m come to the conclusion, after reading opinions here on CAF, that I’m a bad Catholic because I don’t have children. Yep. Everyone is so hurt that Pope Francis made the statement that you shouldn’t BE like rabbits and everyone is coming out of the woodwork praising people who have double digit amounts of children. Saying that those with large families are “God fearing,” “breeding like Catholics” “following Church teaching” and so on.
I’m am fine with the cross I have to bear. I’m fine with not being able to have children. I had my mini breakdown, thinking I was a broken woman. I put on my big girl panties and I’m over it. What I’m not over is the assumption that I’m not God fearing or following church teaching because I can’t have little bunnies running around. My husband and I have been in the Church for almost 2 years now. Sitting in the same pew every week, unless he is deployed then it is just me. I wonder how many people at my parish think these things of us because we don’t have children. This is upsetting. This makes me feel like I’m not good enough.
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Concern yourself ONLY what our Lord thinks and not what others think…remember we alone are accountable to our Lord. He knows us intimately and understands all. (others do not) Do not let others define your faith and love of our Lord…be honest, faithful and true to our Lord. My prayers for you tonight. He loves you!
My love in Christ,
mlz
 
I never think about what others are thinking, because I know they’re pretty much always focused on their own concerns.
I have 5 children, all technically adults, and I did a bad job raising them. they are lovely people and I love them all to pieces, but none of them go to church. My stepdaughter switched to an evangelical church and doesn’t even know the difference between that and the Catholic church. If I could do it over again . . .
So I go to church every Sunday by myself, because my husband only rarely will go with me, and sit in the pew behind a family with a bunch of children, they’re all altar boys or Marines. Or the other family behind me with a growing family, whose little ones are so sweet to watch and so well behaved. My kids were banshees in church.
Nobody’s perfect. Hardly anyone is judging anyone else, and if they are, it’s their problem as others have said.
Please don’t worry about others’ opinions. It’s Christ’s that counts.
 
It wouldn’t enter my head to think anything negative of anyone unable to have children.
Nor does it enter my head to question those who do.
Why would I think it’s my business, and why would I presume I know anything about their lives or situations.
Some of us, probably many of us, don’t even consider it our business to make judgements about others that concern things that are between God and themselves.

People fear others are making judgements and I suppose there are people who do, but mostly aren’t the doubts just in the mind of the person who is feeling sensitive about their situation?

If God hasn’t given you children I wouldn’t doubt for one instant that you are in His loving hands…and while children bring joy, they bring many lifelong sorrows that can break a parent’s heart many times over.
If God has chosen to spare you those sorrows that are sometimes so extremely painful and that come anytime as long as the parent lives, please see His love in that too. He has His reasons and they will be kind ones, though you mightn’t know in this life.

As an aside, nuns and priests don’t usually have children, which doesn’t make them less worthy of being Catholics.

Just flower and the beautiful person you are, and try not to second-guess what others might think, just remember you are beautiful and loved in God’s sight.
 
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