Not happy in Florida -- any advice? (little long, sorry)

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whatevergirl

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*Hi everyone;

I’m hoping for some advice/insights into what to do here. I am taking 4 day workweeks now, so I’m home today, and this morning, my husband and I had a heart to heart about living in Florida.

My dh loves it here. I think he just likes the weather, and frankly, if we moved to a place where snow was obsolete, he would probaby be ok. As many of you know, we moved from PA in 2007, to Florida. My work relocated me, but the whole thing seemed like the right thing to do, and frankly, God’s will. Everything fell into place, we felt a sense of peace about it all.

We decided to rent and the first home went into foreclosure, so we moved last summer into a townhome. We really love the area, beautiful nature trails, lakes, and fountains. It is run by a HOA, so it is well kept, etc. Even though we live in a more rural area, there are nice restaurants, malls, and entertainment not too far away. Only a 20 minute drive or so…we are about 40 minutes from the beach. Great malls too, I have to say!

It took us a while to find a parish we could call ‘home,’ and we finally. did. It is a small parish, that is renting space in a funeral home chapel, and within the next few weeks, will be migrating to a store front, until the official church is built. A storefront church, not sure how that is going to go, we’ll have to see. I am not keen on having mass with a makeshift altar, and folding chairs, but I feel close to the people within the parish, in this short amount of time…which leads me to our issues.

I just don’t feel settled here. My son has been struggling with his grades, a kid who was always a straight A student. He is a polite, and happy kid…but for some reason, has no desire to get his drivers license. He is 16 1/2 now, and still only has his permit. He mentioned that because of all the accidents (fatal ones) involving teens all around where we live, he decided to wait. But, he still doesn’t seem all that anxious about it. I know that he doesn’t like it here, he has expressed it. He dropped the football team, for good reasons, I think–reasons we left up to him. He just says that he wishes we could have stayed in PA. It isn’t a fleeting comment, he says this regularly. He has made friends here, it’s not that. He is well liked, and invited to parties. He just says “I don’t like it here like I liked PA.” My husband doesn’t understand this, he just views it as having to drive on ice and snow, and shovel it all the time, as the reason he hated it so much in PA. I said, how can you hate a place you grew up in? He said, it’s a city going nowhere, with terrible weather. Yes, it has a hometown feeling, but it’s depressing there. Well, the sun didn’t shine a whole lot, and I remember my husband not liking that. I didn’t, either…but, one gets used to it.

In Florida, there is constant sunshine and heat. :rolleyes: I guess no place is perfect.

I just don’t feel connected to the people I work with now. I go to lunch with some of the women now and again, but I don’t trust people here. I had a lot of trust with people I worked with in PA, but I have seen too many people backstab here where I work, that I just don’t share much of anything. I don’t think that is a bad thing, but it’s sad that I had this connection with people in the PA office, and not here. 😦

My husband works all kinds of bizarre schedules as a Disney manager. At first, we were excited…it’s Disney! But, over time, he has grown to resent the place. What you see at the parks, isn’t how they treat their staff. Work them constantly, and while the money has been nice, it has taken its toll. I feel like we are two ships passing in the night.

Recently, I asked for a territory change, at my job. Included on top of my Florida region, is now AZ and Portland, Oregon. I can’t believe the difference in CFO’s there, and CFO’s in the southeast. Night and day. In OR, and AZ, the people seem more polite, friendly, and willing to have discussions. In Florida, many are rude, abrupt, unfriendly. Not all, but if I had to do a side by side comparison, the AZ/OR people were much nicer to do business with, than the Florida people. I have been very successful in Florida, so perhaps it’s just run its course, I don’t know. But, Florida was hit VERY hard with the economy, so maybe that is why business execs are not in a talkative mood. I dunno.

All I know is, I don’t see ourselves here for the long haul. I just feel that this place changes too much. I made friends with neighbors, and they moved. I made friends with a couple from our first neighborhood, and the wife walked out on the husband. My dh is still good friends, and golfs with the husband, but it’s not like I can hang out with this woman now. I just don’t feel like reaching out to anyone else here, out of ‘fear’ that they will depart. It’s just the way Florida seems to be these days. Like it’s not a place where people plant roots, more of a stopping ground, until they find another place to settle.

I would like your prayers, if you could fit my family and I in? I also would like to hear your thoughts on this. My husband told me this morning that if I want to move, then let’s wait another year, until this lease is up. (we signed for another year) He said the nicest thing…“honey, wherever you and the kids are, that is home for me.” :o I feel this way, too…but I just don’t like Florida, I’m afraid. I don’t hate it, but it’s not ever going to be ‘home’ for me here.

Anyone else from the north, midwest, who have moved to Florida, and miss where you came from? *
 
I wanted to add, that if it were just one thing, like the traffic (the drivers in Florida are some of the worst I have ever seen, at least 2 accidents on the highway I see everyday to work, and it’s not that busy of a highway) or my son saying what he has been saying, or the transient neighborhood, or the people at work…if it was just ONE of those things, I would get past it. But, it’s when all of these things roll together, it is just not a place I can consider home. Ok, now I’m done venting. Thanks for listening, and hopefully, you have some words of wisdom to share with me. :o
 
I can sure understand how you feel. During the time my husband was still working, we moved around quite a bit due to his job. We are originally from East Tennessee and our tours took us to Florida twice, New Orleans, Denver, Atlanta, and Atlanta. The worst move for me was probably the first one because we were big fish in a little pond before. But I never did feel at home there (Jacksonville). Then we were transferred to New Orleans and I loved it and was not at all ready to move when the move came. We went to Denver which I hated. We were there for ten years and the longer we were there the more I grew to like it.

Bottom line is, it is not the people (there are nice people everywhere) or the climate or anything else external. It is usually within us and whether we moved for the right reasons. When I got involved in schools and the community along with having a full-time job, I learned to like all the places we were sent. It seemed to me that the children always adjusted better than I did, but that is JMO.

I hope things work out for you and that you make the right decision as to what to do. The original move, which I really dreaded, and those that followed, turned out to be the best thing we ever did as far as the children and my husband’s job were concerned. I had the opportunity to have very interesting jobs everywhere we were and I would not trade the experience for anything. Was it tough at time, yes indeed. I will say a prayer for you.
 
I did the Manhattan to Florida thing. For us it was the best thing we ever did. While I do miss certain things about NYC overall the move has worked out well for my family.
 
*MARY–THANK YOU! I really found your post to be encouraging. Yes, to be honest, this move has really brought us many joys. And financially, we have grown quite a bit, our kids had opportunities, and while my son says what he says…he has grown, too. He was always so shy back in PA. He grew in confidence, and is not wary about taking the initative to make new friends. I find that to be a positive, my daughter loves her new friends. She found the most awesome music school, and she has grown too. My dh has had a great oppty with Disney, and I have been exposed to many opportunities at my work, too. So, that’s all good. I do list those things mentally, and thank God for my many blessings…so why do I feel so ‘un’ grounded? I just don’t like how people move away so quickly here…you get to know someone, and poof. They’re moving away. Foreclosures, job transfers, losing jobs, I mean much is not Florida relegated. It’s the economy that motivates much of these changes. But, still…I had the same neighbors for nearly 10 years in PA. We TRUSTED each other. I don’t trust people here, like I did there. My son is a lot like me. I know what he is feeling, and frankly, while these public schools have been good, I don’t like how the teachers are so untrusting of the students. The principals seem to run these schools like prisons, not schools. I am tempted to find a way to cyber school or homeschool next year.

Thanks again for your sentiments, and prayers.

Blegarion*–haha. If only dh was more on board with Oregon, but he isn’t. I don’t know why.
 
I did the Manhattan to Florida thing. For us it was the best thing we ever did. While I do miss certain things about NYC overall the move has worked out well for my family.
*lol, I think everyone from NY is moving to Florida, maybe that’s why you liked it. 😃 *
 
(((HUGS))) Sharon… I’m sorry you guys aren’t settled. It’s hard leaving the only “home” you know for something so different, regardless of how wonderful the new life seems. I know leaving FL would be next to impossible for us - with all of our family around - 20+ years at the same parish with the same people in your everyday life - I couldn’t imagine leaving that.
On the other hand, sometimes God has plans for us that are outside our understanding… 😉

This is one of my favorite scripture verses - maybe make it a daily prayer…
Jeremiah 29:11-14… “For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope. When you call me, when you go to pray to me, I will listen to you. When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart, you will find me with you, says the LORD, and I will change your lot;”
 
*Oh, em, that made me cry, thank you! (thanking you for making me cry?) :ehh:

In all of this ungroundedness…I really believe God wanted us to have this experience. It has been more good than bad, no situations are perfect. It is the one thing that helps me through these thoughts…that God plotted the way for us to get here. It would take a while to explain all of it, but what led us here to me, was nothing short of supernatural. The way God plans things for us, it was not something I expected. My dh is my rock, a very grounded man, in general. Always steady. He said…God might have wanted us to come here, but not remain here. Maybe.

I just don’t know…I just wish I could call Florida, home. I talked about it with my sister, and she gets a little angry with me, this IS home to her. She has been here a while, though…she has a large support system where she lives. I don’t. I feel alone, or something. I have my kids and husband, but no support system for when my husband works all these hours. Maybe I should start a womans group at our parish. There isn’t one currently, but then I become skittish, and back down from the idea. :(*
 
(((hugs)))

I can relate to the way your hubby feels - I can’t stand where I grew up - AT ALL- I left in the early 90’s and I’ve never looked back. I’m one of the rare ones here in FL…ya know, “the native”, so I don’t know anything else.
FL is also a melting pot, especially here on the west coast and def. down in S. FL - people come from alllll over, so you get such a variety of personalities, which is probably what you’re experiencing in regard’s to people’s attitudes. It’s def. not like the typical Southern state. There’s a saying here, “Florida’s the state where you have to go North to get to the South”…lol… but then I’ve known a lot of great wonderful, loving people here. The moving around is very common. It’s getting ridiculously expensive to live here, so it’s not uncommon at all to get to know people only to have them move either to N. FL (panhandle area) or just completely out of state. We pay 3x’s the amount in taxes and insurance on a WAY smaller house and piece of land, than what some relatives of ours pay for their home in TN - which is directly on a lake! And along those lines, we’re in a flood zone even though the closeest body of water is 30 miles from us. So, major issues here…lol… Clearly, I’m not looking to get a job on the tourist board, but FL does have some really good points. There’s ALWAYS something to do, lots of culture, lots of gorgeous beaches, music, arts, you name it.

I wish I had more awe-inspiring advice, but I don’t. I don’t know what it’s like to miss a place, b/c this is all I’ve ever known. I’ll be praying for you and your family that God will lead you where He wants you. 😉
 
(((HUGS))) Sharon… I’m sorry you guys aren’t settled. It’s hard leaving the only “home” you know for something so different, regardless of how wonderful the new life seems. I know leaving FL would be next to impossible for us - with all of our family around - 20+ years at the same parish with the same people in your everyday life - I couldn’t imagine leaving that.
On the other hand, sometimes God has plans for us that are outside our understanding… 😉

This is one of my favorite scripture verses - maybe make it a daily prayer…
Jeremiah 29:11-14… “For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope. When you call me, when you go to pray to me, I will listen to you. When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart, you will find me with you, says the LORD, and I will change your lot;”
What Em, said.🙂 How kind and sweet.👍

Huggs for our Sweet Sharon and Prayers.:gopray2::console: I am with your DW on the snow and ice thing we lived in Kansas and I did not like the snow at all, but it was a great Catholic community. Will keep you in my prayers.
 
:gopray::bible1: Prayers ascending!

So sorry the move is not feeling right for you. Glad to hear dh is willing to make an effort in getting you all back, if in time, that is what you all will still want. You have the classic homesickness, as do your kids.

The bad part is the backstabbing you are experiencing there with peers. No one should be in a hostile environment, or feeling as though no one is trustworthy, I can sympathize.

Even though those hot places are nice to vacation in, I would be much more adapted to the four seasons, can’t leave what I have always known.

Just like Cheers, “you wanna go where everybody knows your name.” I think like many have stated, it is just another life test, and you will feel it out in your faith and spirituality. It will all come together in good time.

God Bless you and your family, you are in my prayers for much strength and endurance.
 
Having been raised in FL and moved for school/work to MD I’d have to say that I would kill to get back south! This whole, you have to hibernate for 6 months out of the year because it’s to frigid to go outside, is ridiculous! (I hibernate under 60 degrees 😊)

I would gladly trade places with you!

Besides, just think… when all those people have their heavy jackets on because it dipped below 60 you can snicker at them. 😉

Unfortunately, as I learned, you can never go back to where you were and it be the same. Friends change, their interests change… and it never feels like home again. 😦
 
Happy Hurricane Season! (it started yesterday, actually)

www.onestorm.org/

I hereby invite you up to my house, humble that it is, should we be faced with a storm! No backstabbing co-workers allowed 😃
 
Having been raised in FL and moved for school/work to MD I’d have to say that I would kill to get back south! This whole, you have to hibernate for 6 months out of the year because it’s to frigid to go outside, is ridiculous! (I hibernate under 60 degrees 😊)

I would gladly trade places with you!

Besides, just think… when all those people have their heavy jackets on because it dipped below 60 you can snicker at them. 😉

Unfortunately, as I learned, you can never go back to where you were and it be the same. Friends change, their interests change… and it never feels like home again. 😦
I agree with that. It is surprising how little time one can be away from where they were for the landscape to change.
 
What Em, said.🙂 How kind and sweet.👍

Huggs for our Sweet Sharon and Prayers.:gopray2::console: I am with your DW on the snow and ice thing we lived in Kansas and I did not like the snow at all, but it was a great Catholic community. Will keep you in my prayers.
That’s it too, GD! It has been nearly impossible to find a reverent church here in Florida, but we did manage to find one. I will say that I do feel ‘connected’ there, thankfully…I feel that the priests are in touch with their congregation, not that I’m another number, or something…and I also love the reverence of the mass, and the tight knit close community. Maybe other people can ‘handle’ those conference center type parishes, but not me. I know that Pittsburgh’s awesome Catholic churchs and communities spoiled me. It seemed that nearly everyone I was friends with or bumped into was Catholic. My husband asked me last night to talk to the kids, and see what they think. They both want to move back to Pittsburgh. My dd said…if we move anywhere, I want it to be back there.

I don’t know if I want to do that–while there are things I miss, I was excited to move away from the dreary days, and bad weather, that lasts so long in Pittsburgh…but then again, I miss the fall…the farms…I don’t like this constant heat, but it does make for an easier lifestyle, getting ready to go in the mornings.

An old friend of mine once told me…“when in doubt, do nothing except listen for the Lord.” So, that is what I’m doing. I could go back to work in Pittsburgh, I’m sure that wouldn’t be an issue, although I would be labeled a flake. 😊 If I were to move somewhere other than BACK to the place we came from, the company probably wouldn’t view me like that, but to go back to Pittsburgh…I dunno. Seems defeatist.

We will take our time, but my husband wants us to have a definitive decision by end of summer/2010. We’ll see! I’m worried of making a bad decision. I do feel God wanted us to come here, so why do I feel like ‘something’s’ missing? :(*
 
:gopray::bible1: Prayers ascending!

So sorry the move is not feeling right for you. Glad to hear dh is willing to make an effort in getting you all back, if in time, that is what you all will still want. You have the classic homesickness, as do your kids.

The bad part is the backstabbing you are experiencing there with peers. No one should be in a hostile environment, or feeling as though no one is trustworthy, I can sympathize.

Even though those hot places are nice to vacation in, I would be much more adapted to the four seasons, can’t leave what I have always known.

Just like Cheers, “you wanna go where everybody knows your name.” I think like many have stated, it is just another life test, and you will feel it out in your faith and spirituality. It will all come together in good time.

God Bless you and your family, you are in my prayers for much strength and endurance.
*Yeah, it hasn’t happened to me personally, but it’s definitely high pressure here…which I have been in sales for a while…so, I’m used to it, but it is higher pressure here than in PA. Now, I’ve been to our corporate office in NY–that’s pressure! 😃 I definitely know that NJ and NY are two places I would not want to live…just have to figure out if Florida is it for a while, or if we should move. Were it not for the weather, I think that we would have remained in Pittsburgh. But, the weather being what it is, my husband just says that he ‘feels’ younger down here…He’s only 50, he acts like he felt like he was 80 up north. :rolleyes: Walking hunched over in the cold can do that to a person, though. lol

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers…praying that God will make it ABUNDANTLY clear what we should do.*
 
Hi Whatevergirl!👋 Sorry you are not feeling grounded in Florida. Maybe you need some more time? I think for pre-teens & teens, moving away from the only home they have known can be really difficult. It’s a huge adjustment for them. I think it would be the same for them where ever you moved, unless it was “back home.” They may need some more time as well. I don’t have any advice for you as I have lived here most of my life. My Dad was in the Navy & liked it very much here & decided to settle. My parents were both from New York. I know I would never want to move & am happy to visit family in New York & return home! Remember there are back stabbing people everywhere & central to south Florida especially are melting pots for people from all over (hence the bad drivers:D:p…). My sister & her family moved from their home here in Florida to Cincinnati for 9 years because my brother-in-law lost his job. She hated it. She couldn’t stand the weather especially no sun for months on end & their were other reasons as well. Their children were quite young at the time so they didn’t care. Anyway her husband was always looking for a job “back home” & he finally found one. They have been back for about 5 years now. Life is good for them. My son-in-law’s Aunt & Uncle in their early 40’s moved here from Pa. 3 years ago from around Pittsburgh. They love it & wouldn’t think of going back. Some people adjust, no problem, but for others it’s misery. I hope things change for you & your family in that you all will feel more at home here:hug3:. I will certainly keep you in my prayers.
 
*Yeah, it hasn’t happened to me personally, but it’s definitely high pressure here…which I have been in sales for a while…so, I’m used to it, but it is higher pressure here than in PA. Now, I’ve been to our corporate office in NY–that’s pressure! 😃 I definitely know that NJ and NY are two places I would not want to live…just have to figure out if Florida is it for a while, or if we should move. Were it not for the weather, I think that we would have remained in Pittsburgh. But, the weather being what it is, my husband just says that he ‘feels’ younger down here…He’s only 50, he acts like he felt like he was 80 up north. :rolleyes: Walking hunched over in the cold can do that to a person, though. lol

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers…praying that God will make it ABUNDANTLY clear what we should do.*
How far off are you from your sister? Why does it seem so great for her where she is at in comparison to where you are?

The church is another problem, a storefront? What the? THAT should have been the haven from everything else.

Hopefully this will all blow over. Maybe it just needs time, right? Time heals all wounds. Sit back, take a deep breath and relax, I think a spa day has your name written all over it right about now.
 
Hi OLHope;

Yes, a storefront. Well, many suburban pockets pop up here and there. There is a section between where I live and the next parish, that lacks a parish. There is one that is a highway’s away, and I just couldn’t stomach the bongo drums, and irreverance, no kneelers, etc…I felt like I was at a seminar, not a mass, sadly–there. But, this current parish that we recently joined, is great. Takes place in a funeral home chapel, and because we’re still on the smaller side, we are moving to a store front. (until the church is built) I am praying that this parish stays reverent, but it depends on if they can put in some makeshift kneelers, etc…to at least give it a ‘feel’ of a church. Florida is not really a haven for tradtional Cathlolics, if you ask me. Every few miles, in any town, one could find a Catholic church in Pittsburgh. That has been a HUGE change for me. I was so excited when googling our area before we moved a few years ago, to see that there were closeby Catholic parishes, but until you actually live in an area, you don’t know how it will be. It’s just night and day from our parish experiences in PA. However, we do feel connected with this parish, so that’s been a blessing.

Regarding my sister, and where she lives. My sister and I are very different. She loves the beach, and while I like it, I don’t care about it like she does. I have much lighter skin than she does, and frankly, I had a mole removed that was precancerous this year, so the beach doesn’t interest me like it used to. My sister also has long term friendships where she lives. That is HUGE. She has been here for a very long time. When I was 17, we all moved from NJ to Boca Raton, a beautiful place, but ugh. That place is boring, and snobby. Truthfully, my sister over the years, has become materialistic, I know she is growing out of that. We both grew up in money, so I also struggled with it, but living in an environment that breeds snobbery and materialism…I just don’t know how she lives there, frankly. I enjoy visiting, but I just find the it to be a bit fake. But, what keeps her there, is that she has longterm friendships, and her oldest son is there.

My younger nephew, who now teaches at a college in New Orleans, said it best…‘South Florida is little more than people driving around in their bmw’s and mercedes, trying to get to PF Chang’s.’ haha That always makes me laugh. He hated it there, but he loves New Orleans. Hey, I love nice things. But, to live for them? No.

I will have to wait and see. I just wish that I could feel settled, and I pray that God brings forth a message as to what we should do…one that is crystal clear.
 
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