Not in a state of mortal sin but not disposed to receive?

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Stavros

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Lord, have mercy on me and my venting, but I wanted to gather the opinions of others on my evening today.

At work, they’re doing some renovations, and all day long, all I heard was the banging and clanging and chaos from the construction. By the time I left work, I was almost running to get to the car so I could drive as fast as I could to the calm and peacefulness of my chapel for evening daily mass.

Unfortunately, by the time I had gotten to Mass, I was still seriously wound up from all of the excessive noise of the day. Someone was sitting in “my” spot (I have anxiety, and I like to sit in the back so that no one will sit behind me and make me anxious), so I had to step out of my comfort zone to even participate in the sacrifice of the mass. Then, not one minute after I sat down, a family of 5-6 sat directly in front of me. The small children whispered and walked between the parents during most of the mass and made very disruptive noise and actions to the point where I could do nothing more than pray “Lord, make them happy in this life and the next” for the entire Mass of the Faithful. By the time communion came around, I was so stressed that I was afraid if I moved I would start crying. So I just sat there and asked for forgiveness for allowing myself to be so distracted that I had lost all sense of peace and did not feel a suitable home for such a blessed gift.

I do my best to live a moral life, free from mortal and deliberate venial sin. But I was so upset and stressed and irked and in such a foul mood that I felt that I was in no state to subject God to my mood any more than I already had.

Have any of you stayed in your seat during mass not because of a sin, but because of your negative disposition at the time of communion?

(Here’s hoping that a good night’s sleep will calm me down and I will be in a much better mental state tomorrow so I can receive at the early morning mass).
 
A couple of personal opinions;

No seat in a Catholic Church is YOUR seat.

A family with children participating in the sacrifice of the Mass is a wonderful thing.
 
Timothysis said:
A couple of personal opinions;

No seat in a Catholic Church is YOUR seat.

A family with children participating in the sacrifice of the Mass is a wonderful thing.
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Well, I think he knows he has some psychological issues.
 
Stavros said:
Have any of you stayed in your seat during mass not because of a sin, but because of your negative disposition at the time of communion?
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Yes…several times, and I think I can understand why you did, too. There are times when I am agitated, angry, or just not properly recollected and I don’t want to receive Our Lord in a distracted way. That said, I don’t believe you HAVE to abstain at those moments. If you can recollect yourself and you’re in the state of grace (of course) the graces from receiving might help with your anxiety. This is probably a very personal decision.

God bless you,
cecilia
 
Well unlike others I am NOT perfect and yes there have been times when I let the anxiety, case of the unworthies, seating chart mess ups, or other distractions interfere with what should be a very nourishing and spiritual moment. It happens. All you can do is shake it off.

I am sorry you went through so much but I’m sure once you go to mass in the morning (after a good night’s sleep) you will feel much better.

Hugs,

Lorrie
 
cecilia97 said:
Yes…several times, and I think I can understand why you did, too. There are times when I am agitated, angry, or just not properly recollected and I don’t want to receive Our Lord in a distracted way. That said, I don’t believe you HAVE to abstain at those moments. If you can recollect yourself and you’re in the state of grace (of course) the graces from receiving might help with your anxiety. This is probably a very personal decision.

God bless you,
cecilia
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This.

I don’t see the point of attending Mass if you’re not going to receive. Isn’t that the whole point of Mass?
 
kimbari said:
This.

I don’t see the point of attending Mass if you’re not going to receive. Isn’t that the whole point of Mass?
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You are obligated to attend Mass every Sunday. You’re only required to receive communion once a year (during Easter).
 
kimbari said:
This.

I don’t see the point of attending Mass if you’re not going to receive. Isn’t that the whole point of Mass?
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Yous should still go even if you are not going to recieve. For example if you are in a state of mortal sin and cannot receive that does not mean that you don’t have to go on a Sunday or or holy day of obligation.
 
I actually have a similar question that doesn’t seem worth opening a new topic for; I’m not able to receive, being unbaptized, but am I able to not go up for a blessing? I am very shy around people I’m not familiar with (very new at my parish).
 
IMHO, you should have received. You probably needed the sacrament more, and you shouldn’t have refrained since you weren’t not in a state of grace. I believe it was St Faustina who Jesus appeared to and said that He was hurt by her not receiving Communion (when she refrained one day), when there was no reason for her to not receive. He desired that she received Him whenever the opportunity presented itself. You missed an opportunity to receive the most powerful medicine for the healing of your soul, The Eucharist. And considering the day you were having, you needed Jesus. The antidote/remedy for your affliction, was there for you, but it doesn’t do you any good, if you don’t partake of it. Think about it.
 
HerrZJA said:
I actually have a similar question that doesn’t seem worth opening a new topic for; I’m not able to receive, being unbaptized, but am I able to not go up for a blessing? I am very shy around people I’m not familiar with (very new at my parish).
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Technically, blessings are not to be given in communion lines. (Even though many parishes seem to do this) Why? Because the priest blesses the congregation at the end of the Mass. You CAN remain in your pew, and make a spiritual communion instead. If you don’t know what words to use for a spiritual communion, do a search. You can find examples online from various Catholic sources. HTH!
 
ClayPots47 said:
Technically, blessings are not to be given in communion lines. (Even though many parishes seem to do this) Why? Because the priest blesses the congregation at the end of the Mass. You CAN remain in your pew, and make a spiritual communion instead. If you don’t know what words to use for a spiritual communion, do a search. You can find examples online from various Catholic sources. HTH!
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Oh, I see! I see it so often, I just assumed that was the way it was generally done. Thanks for the advice, I feel a lot better about it now!
 
TrueLight said:
Well, I think he knows he has some psychological issues.
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Yes, very much so I know I have “issues”, especially when it comes to anxiety and church. As does my priest - I’ve spent a LOT of time in the confessional discerning between what is actually a sin verses what is a weakness due to my disposition. I’ve talked to a priest about my anxiety and “my” seat and my fear of him on occasions outside of the confessional as well, and he’s helped me work through some of that anxiety and fear. I couldn’t even go to confession with one priest for over two months when I first started going to my church because I was so terrified of him, and broke down in tears just from fear when I finally did manage to make it in there. Even now, I tend to be reserved around him most of the time because of anxiety. I do my best to endure and accept the suffering, and accept it as a true blessing from God that He loves me so much that He would give me much suffering to offer to Him, but sometimes it becomes almost too much for me to bear.

When I was Mormon, I would sit out in the vestibule on the couches with the crying babies because my anxiety was so severe that I could not sit through an entire sacrament meeting without breaking into a cold sweat. I’ve gone months without attending mass due to severe anxiety and agoraphobia. Even now, when I sit in “my” seat, it’s the “safest” seat in the house - no one can sit behind me because it’s directly in front of the holy water font. And it’s the closest to the door, so I don’t have to walk in front of anyone when I first come in and if I have a severe panic attack I’m close to the door. I don’t leave often, but knowing I have an escape route gives me comfort. When I’m feeling more confident, I will sit much closer to the front of the church, but if I’m feeling anxious, it’s much easier for me to find a peaceful place if I’m sitting in “my” seat.

Also, I go to daily mass, and I am totally aware that it hurts Christ when I go to mass and do not receive for no good reason. But I felt like I was in a bit of a catch-22 - I was afraid if I even moved to receive, I would break out in tears, which would embarrass me because I am so full of pride, and being full of pride was not a disposition to be in to receive. So not being humble enough to receive is reason enough not to be in a disposition to receive, if that makes sense.

I do think that a family at daily mass is a huge blessing for them. But at my church, we are blessed with many families who teach their children to be respectful during mass. I often see toddlers still in diapers being taught to genuflect and cross themselves before entering a pew. The priests encourage parents to go to the cry room from the pulpit, so as to facilitate a peaceful environment for those celebrating the mass. And most parents respect this, and will take their child out at the first sign of disruptive or noisy behavior. I’ve seen parents with 6,7,8 kids manage to keep just about all of them, even the young ones, in a quiet and respectful state during a very long TLM mass just fine, and walked out with the disruptive ones when necessary. Some of my best friends at church have very young ones, and the mother often sits or stands outside the church with the toddler because he is being disruptive, and they walk out with the baby at the first sign of crying. The children will be taught reverence as soon as they are old enough to be able to do so, but for now, they do their best to teach while at the same time not disrupt the peace of the other churchgoers. That’s actually how we met - at Holy Thursday, the crowds were giving me such anxiety that I sat outside during a large majority of the service, and she was sitting outside with her baby, so we started up a conversation.

But getting back to the family - to already be in an agitated state, and have that much disruption was more than my delicate constitution could handle at that moment. To even make it through the entire mass without bolting was a huge victory for me. The parents made very little attempt to get the children to sit quietly, instead choosing to dwell within their own spirituality and stay to themselves as their children walked up and down the pew, whispered among each other, banged up against the pews, and did something which sounded like a metal chain being scraped all over the pew immediately after the consecration. I tried to stay peaceful, but some of the noises were so disruptive that I literally shook a bit from being startled where I was kneeling.
 
I understand your state of mind. Sometimes people want quiet, and there is no quiet. If you are disturbed it is acceptable not to receive the Holy of Holy.

Try to find and read the Autobiography of St Theresa. Her mind was disturbed for years, and she overcome that.

As for the noise of children, our Lord liked that even when she was tired.
 
Be careful with your pronouns, laszlo. There’s enough confusion on these boards already, best not go adding to it.
 
paperwight66 said:
Be careful with your pronouns, laszlo. There’s enough confusion on these boards already, best not go adding to it.
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Do you question the ‘you’ referring to the original poster, or the ‘our Lord’.

I usually quote something, so in case of the first you got me omitting the quote. For the ‘our Lord’ it is unfortunate that the enemy was successful to divide the Catholics.

As for the confusion everybody shall understand that only God is the TRUTH, we imperfect particular beings. slaves of the time cam grab only morsels. Confusion is natural.
 
I have a friend who is not able to attend Mass because of anxiety issues. She is living in a group home for the mentally-ill, and is on a plethora of anti-psychotics and anti-depressive meds. So this is just not just “anxiety” like some of us would feel in an unfamiliar situation, but a true diagnosed mental illness. When is not on meds, she hallucinates and hears voices. Of course she is incapable of holding a job or even living on her own.

But she is a delightful person, highly-intelligent, and has a deep Catholic faith. She receives Communion weekly from an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion who comes to her home.

I think the OP has a form of anxiety that is more than just a little nervousness. I think the OP knows this and is probably seeking treatment. I commend the OP for getting online and talking about the problems with other people of faith. I hope the comments are all helpful.

Could the OP make arrangements to receive Holy Communion at home? This would be a peaceful way to receive the Lord on a regular basis, and also give the opportunity to become friends with another Catholic. I realize that it is important to attend Mass if possible, but if anxiety makes it difficult to receive the Lord in Holy Communion, perhaps the home visit could be a way to receive in an anxiety-free environment.

A second suggestion is to speak with Father and ask if the seat in church could be reserved each week. I think it is reasonable. There are a lot of churches where seats are reserved for certain people; e.g., in our church, there are seats designed for the handicapped. And sometimes seats will be reserved when a large family group (25-50 people) is coming to Mass in order to celebrate a wedding anniversary. Also, the seat for the Lector is marked “RESERVED FOR LECTOR.”

So why couldn’t a sign be put on that pew that a certain seat is “RESERVED”? The usher would be able to make sure that the seat is held for the OP. I wouldn’t be upset by this if I were another parishioner. I don’t consider it any kind of elitism or anything. It’s just something practical–if a certain parishioner(s) require a certain seat for some reason, then why not allow them to have it every week?

Now of course, this wouldn’t stop a family of children from sitting in front of the OP, or any other noisy family or person. But I’m guessing that if the OP were to sit in that seat week after week, the people would learn that the OP prefers quiet, and the noisy families and people would gravitate to another seat. Another possibility is that ushers could quietly drect noisy families away from the seats around the OP. The usher could quietly take the father or mother aside and tell them that a certain parishioner suffers from anxiety and gets upset if there is excessive noise, and ask if the family could move to another spot in the church. I think most people would be sympathetic and comply with the request.

I guess I just don’t consider it unreasonable of the OP to ask if his/her seating arrangement can be respected in Mass. Maybe it’s because of my friend–I know that anxiety is very real., and I think we should do the best we can to be welcoming and hospitable to people at Mass.
 
ClayPots47 said:
IMHO, you should have received. You probably needed the sacrament more, and you shouldn’t have refrained since you weren’t not in a state of grace.
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The rules are that one must be properly disposed in order to receive worthily. Even if one is in the state of grace, he or she might have just had an argument with the spouse or just been given a traffic ticket. Or wanted to take some candy for his/her breath. Or just deeply distracted by something that would hinder full attention to the Lord. I don’t see a problem with delaying reception of the sacrament in those cases. You can always do a spirtual communion later.

One other thing to be kept in mind. The Church imposes a limitation on number of times one can receive per day. There are no limitations on how many Masses one can attend. That should say something about priorities, IMO.
 
Stavros said:
Have any of you stayed in your seat during mass not because of a sin, but because of your negative disposition at the time of communion?

().
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I totally sympathise and I bet all of us have felt this way at one time or another. The more I realize that the Eucharist itself is the remedy and heals all of this chaos, the more I realize no matter what else happens or does not happen I need to receive. I do this even when I have missed part of the Mass due to calls on my time from parishioners, even if I have to attend a later Mass elsewhere. I simply know it is critical for me to receive if I can.
 
kimbari said:
This.

I don’t see the point of attending Mass if you’re not going to receive. Isn’t that the whole point of Mass?
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No. We go to Mass to worship as God commands us. Many, many people who are in irregular marriages or some other sort of mortal sin that cannot be immediately rectified go to Mass, faithfully, for YEARS without receiving.

RCIA students go to Mass for a very long time before being brought into the Church, and they cannot receive.

In the days when Confession was a frequent and regular practice for Catholics (as it still should be now) the number of people going up to receive Our Lord was smaller than the number of people who stayed in their pews because they were aware of some sin.
 
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