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Irish_Becca
Guest
I think some of you might remember my previous posts, and I just wanted to tell you the outcome of my situation with my husband. He went from holding it together, trying to live for God and his family, doing well in the military and school, to not caring about work, drinking like a fish, spending all day sleeping and all night partying with his friends, leaving me to handle the kids and the house alone, and wanting to cross-dress. He had a terrible childhood, and has used that all throughout our relationship to get his way, or guilt me into excusing his bad behavior and choices. In the beginning of our relationsip, we were both drinking a lot and had fallen away from the Church. After our first son was born, we both made a new commitment to our faith, grew together in our marriage, made some great Christian friends, listened to wonderful Catholic music together, were very involved in our parish - taught RCIA together, for instance. Then he quit going to Church, and everything changed.
This last Christmas, I found a stash of devices he had purchased from a porn shop off base, and that he had been looking up information about sex changes. I also found an email he had received from a woman we knew, who was married to my husband’s best friend. In it, she was begging him to come to her house that night and hold her all night long, talking about how much she loved him, etc. This resulted in both of them denying anything was going on, that she had “accidentally” fallen in love with my husband, and wrote that email one night when she was drunk. As usual, I chose to believe my husband, even though things didn’t add up. I decided to once again, take my boys and get the heck out of the painful situation. But, my husband quit drinking, and I told him that I could accept limited crossdressing, and that I never, ever wanted the boys to find out, and that I never, ever wanted things to go public. He wholeheartedly agreed.
I still came back to my parents house, worked on my education, and we talked on the phone almost every day. I was maintaining hope, pushing the email from the woman out of my head, and looking forward to a fresh start at a new base. But when he got here, he was wearing mascara and womens’ jewelry. Also, he had gotten some tattoos, and piercings in his private parts. It was very disturbing to me, but again, I am trying to keep a family together, trying to hold true to my vow to him. The marriage really felt “over” that night, but I tried to reason it away. Then while at my parents Catholic home, he was leaving his dirty womens’ underwear laying around the house - once in my parents’ bedroom. Twice I had to pick it up and put it away. Then he was wearing nighties to bed, and our three-year-old son came running into our bedroom in the morning, as children do, and I had to hurry up and cover my husband up so my son didn’t see.
I gave him an ultimatum - limit the crossdressing to two or three times a month in the privacy of our bedroom, or this marriage wasn’t going to work. After taking a couple of days to think about it, he asked me how I would like to suppress an important part of my personality to a few hours a month, and that he wouldn’t be happy with that. He couldn’t do that for us.
In addition, I found pictures of himself he had taken, dressed up and posing, set to fashion-type music. I also found a letter he had written to someone in March or April, talking about all this deep emotional stuff, how he was in love with this person, how he missed this person even when they were together because it was all going to end, and how it killed him that he had to leave them behind when he left Japan. This was written while he was in Japan, and I here in Ohio, waiting to go to our next base together. He keeps insisting that the letter was meant for me and that he thought he sent it to me. He keeps insisting that he has always been faithful to me. But it just doesn’t add up, and this is not the first time stories about his fidelity - or lack of - haven’t added up.
So, we are filing for a legal separation. I told him last night that he really let me down and I was incredibly disappointed. How we could have gone from wanting 5 kids and me homeschooling them to this is just beyond me. I gave him every opportunity, every benefit of the doubt, every encouragement - I have always been faithful, done the wifely things, held it together while he left us to go drinking and hang out with his buddies. I have put the rearing of the kids before my needs, and happily so. For eight years, I stood by his side and believed in him when no one else did. I put up with his abandoning what was important, drinking, spending tons of money we didn’t have (our credit cards, which we were paying off, have been maxed out again in the few months I’ve been in Ohio), being kind and trying to be the Proverbial wife. I did what God called me to do - but one dedicated person does not a marriage make, and I can’t risk my kids seeing him dressed up in womens’ clothes, nor can I continue to risk my health with someone who I am 99% sure has been unfaithful to me.
I am asking for your continued prayers for all of us. I know some of you on here will think that I should still stay with him. I am opened to reconciling if he can somehow pull it together, but I just plain think he doesn’t want to. He’s going to be happy with his freedom to do what he wants when he wants, without worrying about what I think, or taking care of a family. I need to get on with my life. I never wanted this and I promise you, there is no one on this planet who wanted this to work more than I did.
I would love to form some nice friendships with good Catholics here on this board. The last two years, especially, have been consumed with these issues, and I haven’t had time for anything else. Please, please pray for us, and thank you for taking the time to read this. God bless.
This last Christmas, I found a stash of devices he had purchased from a porn shop off base, and that he had been looking up information about sex changes. I also found an email he had received from a woman we knew, who was married to my husband’s best friend. In it, she was begging him to come to her house that night and hold her all night long, talking about how much she loved him, etc. This resulted in both of them denying anything was going on, that she had “accidentally” fallen in love with my husband, and wrote that email one night when she was drunk. As usual, I chose to believe my husband, even though things didn’t add up. I decided to once again, take my boys and get the heck out of the painful situation. But, my husband quit drinking, and I told him that I could accept limited crossdressing, and that I never, ever wanted the boys to find out, and that I never, ever wanted things to go public. He wholeheartedly agreed.
I still came back to my parents house, worked on my education, and we talked on the phone almost every day. I was maintaining hope, pushing the email from the woman out of my head, and looking forward to a fresh start at a new base. But when he got here, he was wearing mascara and womens’ jewelry. Also, he had gotten some tattoos, and piercings in his private parts. It was very disturbing to me, but again, I am trying to keep a family together, trying to hold true to my vow to him. The marriage really felt “over” that night, but I tried to reason it away. Then while at my parents Catholic home, he was leaving his dirty womens’ underwear laying around the house - once in my parents’ bedroom. Twice I had to pick it up and put it away. Then he was wearing nighties to bed, and our three-year-old son came running into our bedroom in the morning, as children do, and I had to hurry up and cover my husband up so my son didn’t see.
I gave him an ultimatum - limit the crossdressing to two or three times a month in the privacy of our bedroom, or this marriage wasn’t going to work. After taking a couple of days to think about it, he asked me how I would like to suppress an important part of my personality to a few hours a month, and that he wouldn’t be happy with that. He couldn’t do that for us.
In addition, I found pictures of himself he had taken, dressed up and posing, set to fashion-type music. I also found a letter he had written to someone in March or April, talking about all this deep emotional stuff, how he was in love with this person, how he missed this person even when they were together because it was all going to end, and how it killed him that he had to leave them behind when he left Japan. This was written while he was in Japan, and I here in Ohio, waiting to go to our next base together. He keeps insisting that the letter was meant for me and that he thought he sent it to me. He keeps insisting that he has always been faithful to me. But it just doesn’t add up, and this is not the first time stories about his fidelity - or lack of - haven’t added up.
So, we are filing for a legal separation. I told him last night that he really let me down and I was incredibly disappointed. How we could have gone from wanting 5 kids and me homeschooling them to this is just beyond me. I gave him every opportunity, every benefit of the doubt, every encouragement - I have always been faithful, done the wifely things, held it together while he left us to go drinking and hang out with his buddies. I have put the rearing of the kids before my needs, and happily so. For eight years, I stood by his side and believed in him when no one else did. I put up with his abandoning what was important, drinking, spending tons of money we didn’t have (our credit cards, which we were paying off, have been maxed out again in the few months I’ve been in Ohio), being kind and trying to be the Proverbial wife. I did what God called me to do - but one dedicated person does not a marriage make, and I can’t risk my kids seeing him dressed up in womens’ clothes, nor can I continue to risk my health with someone who I am 99% sure has been unfaithful to me.
I am asking for your continued prayers for all of us. I know some of you on here will think that I should still stay with him. I am opened to reconciling if he can somehow pull it together, but I just plain think he doesn’t want to. He’s going to be happy with his freedom to do what he wants when he wants, without worrying about what I think, or taking care of a family. I need to get on with my life. I never wanted this and I promise you, there is no one on this planet who wanted this to work more than I did.
I would love to form some nice friendships with good Catholics here on this board. The last two years, especially, have been consumed with these issues, and I haven’t had time for anything else. Please, please pray for us, and thank you for taking the time to read this. God bless.
