Not interested in wedding party

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purplesunshine

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I’m no where near getting married, I don’t even have a boyfriend, but my brother got married and it made me think alot.

I do think I want a nice church-wedding, although I can’t fathom standing in front of people for so long. Nor can I fathom enduring all those PHOTOS!

It just got worse from there. Main thought was “no way in he-1-1 do I want a reception”

People crying, drinking, a few drunks, a few not-so-pretty dances…it was outdoors…so I spent more time looking at the river than talking to people. People making comments about when me or my other siblings would be “married off” not so tactful comments about sex, kissing and having children. Just what seemed to me to be an overall insult to decorum. I know, its a wedding, and maybe I just don’t know what weddings are supposed to be. The last wedding I went to I was 8 or 9 and it was an indoor stuffy affair where people just reveled in nice things and kids weren’t very welcome. You would of thought the bride and groom had never committed a sin in their lives. (you know, the “our poo don’t stink” type)

I’m not overly social, I like my close circles of friends, I can be outgoing among them but part of me is shy. Is this what wedding parties are supposed to be like? I would go out of my mind!!!

I’m just curious what other women have done, or how people could possibly enjoy a day that seems genuinely intolerable to me.

And again, I don’t even have so much as a boyfriend, so perhaps I’m overthinking things that are not my problem…but I am genuinely baffled.🤷
 
A wedding reception, like any other party, depends on the people you invite.

If you invite people who get drunk and crass, they will do so at the party.

If you invite people who are chatty and like to dance, they will do so at the party.

If you invite people who like to sit and discuss the meaning of life over cups of coffee…

You get the drift.

A wedding reception is a party. As long as YOU are paying the tab, you can decide who comes, what is served, where it happens, etc.
 
I, unfortunately, am related to a good number of the people at my brother’s wedding.

About the money thing, my dad would rather die than diss relatives.

I guess I wondered how the quite woman copes with an idea thats “all about her”.
 
Don’t feel bad about not being interested in the wedding party. I have found that our society at times is more concerned on apperance that the actuality of events. For example, I believe that the number one mistake made by alot of people is preparing for a wedding and not the marriage. When I stood up for my brother who married not only outside the faith but with a woman that did not have the same core principles I was doing it out of obligation. Now that I am much older I am faced with the same dilemma of my sister marrying someone I don’t like and the fact that I can see the warning signs from a mile away. I believe people and families should prepare for the sacrament of marriage and not the wedding. Those people are coming for the festivities most of the time and the next time you see them will be in a similary setting or occassion. I have told my sister how I feel but it is an expectation that you will be there because you did it before. People grow and realize many things sometimes sonner than later in life. Sounds to me like you are off to a good start with your thought pattern. Very mature thinking if you ask me!
 
purplesunshine said:
I, unfortunately, am related to a good number of the people at my brother’s wedding.

About the money thing, my dad would rather die than diss relatives.

I guess I wondered how the quite woman copes with an idea thats “all about her”.
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It has been perverted to be “all about her.”

I know this sounds crass, but if you ever get to the point of being married, have you ever thought of setting limits on what you do, even if it means you bear the cost?

I mean all that’s really needed and are important are the vows. I could care less about the party, myself - and consider it a thorn in my side.
 
We had a small wedding in the Church and NO reception afterwords. YOU and your future spouse get to make the choices. It’s YOUR day. The two of you, no one else’s. There is no obligation for a reception. None at all. The only obligation is to get married in the Catholic Church, by a priest or deacon. That’s it. 👍
 
purplesunshine said:
I, unfortunately, am related to a good number of the people at my brother’s wedding.

About the money thing, my dad would rather die than diss relatives.

I guess I wondered how the quite woman copes with an idea thats “all about her”.
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*I have been to a few winners of a wedding myself. lol When you meet that special someone someday, it’s all up to you two. I agree, that for some reason, over the decades, the wedding seems to be more about ‘the bride’ than anything else. It’s not her birthday. lol It’s a Sacrament between THREE…the groom, the bride, and God. It’s a shame it’s gravitated towards that, but like most of our secular world, it’s about glitz, and showing off at the wedding, the dress, the cake, etc. I sadly admit to catching a few episodes of Bridezilla…and wow:eek:, that is just a sad display of two people who are commiting to be together forever. If you have not seen this show, don’t bother! lol

Do what you want, don’t worry about others, someday. And maybe narrow down the invitation list. 😃 *
 
purplesunshine said:
I, unfortunately, am related to a good number of the people at my brother’s wedding.

About the money thing, my dad would rather die than diss relatives.

I guess I wondered how the quite woman copes with an idea thats “all about her”.
Click to expand...
Tell you Dad that it’s your wedding, and not his.

I had a very small ceremony outside of mass, since the Deacon was the one who married my wife and I. Afterward, we all went to our (not just hers anymore) apartment and had a nice family dinner. We cut our cake in our own dining room. There was no dancing, no drinking, no room for horseplay, and no bill after it was all over. I was in the Army, and we were away from both of our homes. Only two of my siblings came, my parents, her grandparents, her uncle and his wife, and a couple of my coworkers. The rest of my family, and most noticeably, her parents and siblings, were not there. As our kids get older, I would love to hear them explain why there are no pictures of them standing with us at our wedding.

I think weddings are overblown anyways. Simple is best.
 
you also have the option of the classic elopement–you and your fiance quietly go to your pastor and take the marriage preparation, and when you are ready simply stand up and get married in the context of any regularly scheduled Mass, or after one of the weekend Masses. YOur family will be contacted because they have to attest to your freedom and proper disposition for marriage, but you can tell them the actual date after it happens. One relative did exactly this because of the same experience you describe. My daughter elected to get married in the morning and have the traditional wedding breakfast (w/o alcohol) because she knows very well what happens when one branch of our family gets within reach of any potable. Smart girl.

you don’t need any kind of celebration at all. spend the money on a nice honeymoon, or put it down on a house. no you won’t get a heap of gifts, but who needs them?
 
After watching my friends get married (I’m a expert bridesmaid and maid-of-honor), I know what I do want and don’t want. After watching my friend’s marriages crash and burn (only one is still left, and he’s cheating on her). It is not about the dress, the flowers, or the booze. It’s all about the CAKE! 😃 It’s about two people who commit themselves for LIFE. If only there were more people who felt that way. I still have my kitties!
 
If you just want to avoid people acting inappropriately, you can have a dry wedding. That’s a fairly common thing, it will greatly reduce the crude comments, and will probably shorten the wedding+reception from 5 hours to 4 hours (people don’t want to stick around too late without alcohol) and save you around 30-50 pp on alcohol.

If you want to shorten it even further, have a dry afternoon wedding and just serve hors d’oeuvres and cake. This will probably reduce the wedding+reception from 5 hours to 3 hours. This is also fairly common and will save you about 75 -100 pp on food + alcohol (that’s $10,000 for 100 people :eek: ) plus photographers and other vendors will be cheaper for an afternoon wedding (and most Catholic churches have a noon wedding slot).

Even simpler than that is to either have a small reception at someone’s house or to have no reception and just a Mass or ceremony. But if you’re concerned about family feeling “dissed”, this might not be the best option since a small reception usually means many people are left out, and no reception tends upset people since most people these days assume the wedding is just a formality and the climax of the day is the reception ( 🤷 )
 
Thanks all, again I’m not getting married anytime soon, especally since I don’t have a boyfriend…but I’m defiantly not as mortified by the thought of the wedding as I was.

I do like the thought of marriage, though. 😉
 
purplesunshine said:
Thanks all, again I’m not getting married anytime soon, especally since I don’t have a boyfriend…but I’m defiantly not as mortified by the thought of the wedding as I was.

I do like the thought of marriage, though. 😉
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I agree with the thought of a long and happy marriage rather than a short but gorgeous wedding!

I wish more people thought like you!
 
Your wedding day is what you make it. I’m for afternoon weddings. And a quiet luncheon at a neighborhood restaurant. Let the people who want to go get drunk afterward do it on their dime. The ones who are offended because you didn’t invite them and give them free booze probably weren’t that close to you to begin with.

I find the length of the marriage is often in inverse proportion to the cost of the wedding. It’s good you’re not looking. The attitude of “I want a wedding, any man will do” is what leads to those kinds of debacles.

And if your beloved’s family is filled with the kind of people you wouldn’t want at your wedding reception, sometimes that’s an indicator of future problems also. They are a product of that environment. Listen to that voice inside you that looks at a boyfriend or girlfriend’s family and thinks, “I don’t want a wedding. I’d have to invite these people.” That voice would be telling you more than you realize. 😉

(says she who ended up suffering horribly because she overlooked someone’s massively disfunctional upbringing in the name of that love that supposedly conquers all.)
 
Liberanosamalo said:
And if your beloved’s family is filled with the kind of people you wouldn’t want at your wedding reception, sometimes that’s an indicator of future problems also. They are a product of that environment. Listen to that voice inside you that looks at a boyfriend or girlfriend’s family and thinks, “I don’t want a wedding. I’d have to invite these people.” That voice would be telling you more than you realize. 😉
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Well its not the guy’s family I’m not fond of right now, its my own. Again, there is no guy. It was, so to speak, seeing my family in action. Your words leaves me not very much hope becuase that I’ll every find someone becuase its my extended family (and not so extended family) that drinks, teases to no end, and is generally annoying at times. They love eachother very much but still…oh well. Perhaps, I really should just stay single.
 
Like Kage said, it’s based on whom you want in your party and at your wedding! 😃 If you have a very close group of friends throughout your life and up until you are married…Those are the ones you will invite and that’s it! 🙂 You don’t have to invite anyone you don’t want to, nor have music you don’t like, so it’s pretty much your choice how to make your wedding and your reception!
 
You know, it’s also okay to leave early for the honeymoon and let the others party without you. 😉
Do your one dance and wave goodbye… 😃
 
Don’t give up on your families. There are families that tease without the love, but with malicious intent. And sometimes life has a way of polishing those rough edges. You know your family best.

Don’t give up on the future. Just keep your eyes open and your focus on where it should be. You show lots of intelligence by appearing immune to the wedding hype. THAT is an industry gone mad, and probably the cause of more than a few tragic lives as people were in too deep financially and didn’t call off disasters when they had the chance.
 
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