Not judging

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FrancisBenedict

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We should not judge or we will be judged.
Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
Take the plank out of your own eye before the speck in you brother’s eye.
Jesus said he has not come to judge.

What do you think? How do you find living like this? Is it easy or hard?
A good reminder? Helpful?

Tell us your thoughts!
 
I guess I covered some of your question when I wrote the following…is this the sort of thing you’re looking for?

Judge you, my brother?

Holy God, eternity waits for those who live the gospel to truly share in Your delight in each person. With You, we will rejoice in everyone who accepts Christ’s invitation to follow Him with prayer, penance and generosity!

How profound is the giving required by that person, and this! What happiness, what anguish is known there! What temptation is encountered! What sensitivities enfeeble or enrich and sanctify that life! How great is Your glory in the strange or ordinary facts and struggles of their existence! Yet, how can we know?

We err in applying rules of private interpretation to another’s intention or act, except as feeble measure for our compassion and charity. Only by one’s private consciousness—unless enlightened by Your Spirit of love—can each see what lies in another’s soul.
Each person is a unique expression of Your love, an individual world, some great, and some miniature, separate in existence and consciousness, yet united in You. Yet how quickly do we judge each other! We offer You our hurt and theirs in prayer for healing and forgiveness.

Let us not belittle or betray, in thought, or by gossip—the seemingly sinful, the apparently misled or foolish, or those perceived to be ugly, or crippled in mind or spirit. Let us celebrate their preciousness in You. Let us no longer sin against Your sacred love and creation in anyone by our judgements however seemingly justified. Let Your Holy Spirit know and love each other person through us, with sensitivity to their emerging needs.

Give us compassion for each other, however perplexed or inaccurate our perception, so that we revere each other—and ourselves—as individuals sacred to You.

Through Your Spirit, we can offer appreciation, justice and love to each other as we wait humbly on the full vision of Your meaning, purpose, and love of each person, in the final translation that follows death. Let us serve and intercede for each other person as loved child of God, in glad, trusting welcome.
**
Prayer for understanding of others**

Jesus, please open us to receive each other with love, so that we no longer betray God’s Love that re-creates us in each moment of life. Reveal to us our sins against charity, and heal us of fears and prejudices that lead to judgement of others.

How easily even the generous Christian may perhaps reduce others to categories, judging them with unconscious pride and lack of empathy! How carelessly, with convincing appraisal and bias, we dismiss others in their seeming sin, error or foolishness. How often we misjudge them in their difficulties and achievements, and underestimate their intrinsic worth as persons!

Jesus, please forgive us that we presume to deal uncharitably with anyone! Each person is Your own creation lovingly spoken out of Yourself in the private language of love chosen for each alone! No matter how different from one’s own character or journey, the path and meaning of each person is treasured mystery hidden within You!

Let us share in Your love for others, rejoicing in Your image within them whether evident or not. Let us reverence our dissimilarity and their individuality. Let us be respectful and discreet in our helpfulness. Have mercy on our prayer and goodwill for them, so that we may love them with Your Love.

Let Your Spirit fill my heart, mouth and prayer with gifts of Your love and truth for others. Let me be endowment of Your own self, Your sacrament, and our gentle Mother present to them. I ask this despite my evident failures in loving.

I implore that You will free me wholly into Your love, wisdom, and compassion. I wait humbly in my daily efforts, knowing that in Your mercy You will grant my prayer to love Yourself in me with all strength and being, and to love others through me with Jesus’ love.

Appreciating others

Jesus, I honour You for others’ goodness. Yet, help me to share Your compassion, respect and delight in those who seem (to themselves or others)to reflect Your face poorly. Grant me the gift of conveying to each person, the beautiful, glimpsed vision of self, as You love him or her, a fallible human with entwined faults and virtues.

One sometimes glimpses another’s discouraged self-judgement, for he fears that Your plan of salvation builds upon some unlikely ‘ideal self’. He perhaps hopes that to others, only the good is evident. He fears that were others to sense the extent of his unworthiness, they may reject him—as indeed he fears You may.

Jesus, please extend Your hand to him through those who see his efforts and who have faith in the secret, unique miracle of him. Let him know that You love him as he is, and that You plan his holiness around his actual self. You fulfil Your dream of him and serve others through his flawed personality with its abilities, gifts and virtues, along with its faults and scars. Assure him that his efforts to live the Gospel are more precious because of his temptations and flaws, so that he is encouraged to faith and self-acceptance.

Loving God let me see and share Your beautiful, unique, creative vision of each brother and sister, regardless of ‘apparent’ flaws. In my warm acceptance of him grant to each person that restoring, blossoming fruitfulness of love—which the image of him cherished and accepted as he really is—produces in the most barren and bleak heart. 1982 My brother, “Do not be afraid, you will not be put to shame.” [Isaiah 54:4]
 
Judgement of others

Jesus, please alert us when we are tempted to judge other people. Our judgements may be based on another’s opinion, on flimsy evidence or on past observations, without full knowledge of someone’s situation and nature. Even if others appear to blatantly sin, we cannot judge them according to Your vision. Please give us grace to extend impartiality and compassion to all others, friend, foe or stranger.

We cannot know others’ motivations or all the influences affecting them, so we have doubtless misjudged others more frequently than we realise. Give us grace to avoid unkind or scandalous gossip. Enlighten those who see a few incidents or an isolated occurrence or appearance, even from years past, and then presume to make a permanent judgement like “he always does this.” “She always is like that.” “He is that sort of person.” How unjust to judge others in this way! Even if former perceptions happen to be accurate, who can judge that any person has not advanced in wisdom or grace!

If we defend victims of misjudgement, some accusers reconsider their opinion, while others cling to prejudice. Some people believe that their subjective view of people, reality, and events is the only valid one; therefore, we cannot expect them to be open to contrary evidence or testimony. They honestly believe that their judgements are correct. They seem not to be fully responsible for the injustice of their viewpoints.

We cannot judge even these people for perhaps they suffer from personal insecurity or desire for ascendancy over others, due to immaturity or low self-esteem. Their lack of respect and compassion may be hurtful to someone we love or respect, but let us respond with Christian maturity, without besmirching their reputations. Please expand their mental and emotional maturity so that with just and empathetic understanding of others, they—and we—may make reparation for the reputation and welfare of anyone who has been maligned or misjudged.

We trust in Your love to pardon us and to greatly bless anyone we have sinned against by judgement or unkindness. Jesus, help us truly to love our sisters and brothers, whether or not we understand them.

“Question your friend, he may have done nothing at all, and if he has done something he will not do it again. Question your neighbour, he may have said nothing at all, and if he has, he will not say it again. Question your friend, for slander is very common, do not believe all you hear. A man sometimes makes a slip, without meaning what he says; and which of us has never sinned by speech?” [Ecclesiasticus 1913-17]
**

Understanding**

My dear, I love you,
but the reasons matter not.
One cannot argue with the fact of love
which is entirely of the stuff of God.

Yet, my dear, we sometimes seem estranged!
my thought and heart have failed to closely match your own
and we leave each other alien for a while–
even wounded for life–
though both are imaged in love of the same eternal God!

The wonder perhaps is that we meet at all
for each created being is possessed of logic,
of identity unique within itself
which only appears reflected in others’ lives and thoughts
for none can know or judge but by a private consciousness.

Each soul remains hidden within divine Love’s mysteries
manifest in wondrous individual expression.
It is a whole world, formed and blessed,
and burdened with heavy crosses, perhaps?
a world in value, goodness and giving apparently slight?
yet perhaps its’ all–the sum of what God grants it
for His own secret delight!

After death many surprises await,
of treasure buried in simple human hearts
concealed perhaps in ugly shapes, foolish deeds and ordinary lives
and in lives that others might choose to brush aside or to crush
as crippled, useless, unbalanced, peculiar, unwanted, unworthy…

He miniaturises His special created delights sometimes–
persons negligible even to themselves.
And it pleases Him that our least ones He shall exalt
before the vast and great and good.

From God alone
comes union and mutual understanding of souls, minds and hearts.
True comprehension waits upon
the fullness of eternal communion, begun in Eucharist.
Until then I only know, like you, the truths as I allow Him
to speak them in my limited, biased self.

I cannot know and love you, dear, nor you myself,
unless God grants this gift.
This does not mean that I do not love you.
Just that I love the best that I can.
Forgive me all the rest. And I, you too.
 
Love one another If we judge others can we be said to love them?

Jesus, You command that we love each other as You have loved us. You add that there is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for others. “Since the Father loved us so much that He sent You to be the sacrifice that takes our sins away, we too should love one another.” [John 4:10-11] “By such love, everyone will know that we are Your disciples.” “Anyone who says ‘I love God’, and hates his brother is a liar, since a person who does not love the brother that he can see, cannot love God whom he has never seen.” [1 letter of John 4:20-21]

It can be difficult to love others when they appear ‘troublesome’, or misjudge or reject us, or when we are weary and preoccupied! Each of us has only our personal consciousness, so that we only know our own feelings and thoughts, and may only imagine another’s.

“The depths of a person can only be known by his own spirit, not by any other person.” [1Corinthians 2:1] So how can we truly love? “Let us love one another, since love comes from God.” [John 4:7] Therefore, Jesus, we may hope for God’s love in us that we may love as You have loved us.

As You have said, to live as Your disciples, as children of the Father, is impossible for humankind—but “nothing is impossible to God.” Love begins with awareness that each person is loved child of the Father. Therefore, Jesus, I pray for Your love in me for everyone You bring into my life. I forgive and bless each person who has hurt my loved ones or me. Please ensure that we forgive, however deeply others action or inaction wound us.

You have made us Your brothers and sisters; therefore, we will strive to overcome the difficulties that natural selfishness generates. We seldom must actually die as You did, for another person’s sake. Yet every day there are ways that we relinquish some preference, desire, or convenience for the need or wish of another person. Let Your Holy Spirit carry us lovingly though these little deaths. Love requires that we do so generously, kindly and cheerfully, for reluctance or resentment is not of the love that lays down life for anyone. You wish us to love all whom You in any way entrust to our care, but You also require us to love and pray for our enemies—those who make our lives difficult and painful. Jesus, forgive us for those failures to love them truly. [Matthew. 5:44]

You say that when we do a kindness to anyone we do it for You. [Matthew 25:40]. You teach that the consequence of not living this Christ-love towards others is self-condemnation to that miserable pit where no love penetrates, for all who dwell within have ultimately rejected divine love.

Our love “is not to be mere words or mere talk, but something real and active; only by this can we be certain that we are children of the truth.” [John 3:18-19] Your apostle Paul exhorts, “Do not let your love be pretence, but sincerely prefer good to evil. Love each other as brothers should, and have a profound respect for each other…If any of the saints are in need you must share with them; and you must make hospitality your special care.” [Romans 12:9-13]

“Be compassionate as your heavenly Father is compassionate” even to the sacrifice of His beloved Son. “Do not judge others and you will not yourself be judged. Grant pardon and you will be pardoned. Give, and there will be gifts for you: a full measure.” [Luke 6:36-38] “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you; in this way you will be children of your Father in heaven, for He causes the sun to rise on bad men as well as good, and His rain to fall on honest and dishonest persons alike…You must therefore be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect.” [Matthew 5:43-48]

“Why do you observe the splinter in your brother’s eye and never notice the plank in your own? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the splinter that is in your eye’…Hypocrite! Take the plank out of your own eye first, and then you will see clearly enough to take out the splinter in your brother’s eye.” [Luke 6: 39-42]

“Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You; or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and make You welcome; naked and clothe You; sick or in prison and go to see You?” Jesus replies “I tell you solemnly, in so far as you did this to one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did it to me.” “In so far as you neglected to do this to one of the least, you neglected to do it to me.” [Matthew 25:37-40, 45-46]

“Is there a poor brother among you, one of your brothers, in any town of yours? Do not harden your heart or close your hand against that poor brother of yours, but be open-handed with him.” [Deuteronomy 15:7-8] “Each one should give what he has decided in his own mind, not grudgingly or because he is made to, ‘for God loves a cheerful giver.’” [Proverbs 28:2] “And there is no limit to the blessings which God can send you…for yourselves…for all sorts of good works.” [2Corinthians 9:6-8] “None of us lives for himself only.” [Romans 14:7]

“We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves…For Christ did not please Himself; but as it is written, ‘The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me.’” [Romans. 15:1-3] “Malice must be banished from your tongue.” [Psalm 34:13] “Cease to do evil. Learn to do good, search for justice, help the oppressed, be just to the orphan, and plead for the widow. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.” [Isaiah 1:17-18]
 
FrancisBenedict said:
We should not judge or we will be judged.
Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
Take the plank out of your own eye before the speck in you brother’s eye.
Jesus said he has not come to judge.

What do you think? How do you find living like this? Is it easy or hard?
A good reminder? Helpful?

Tell us your thoughts!
Click to expand...
A member of the Forum once quoted the “Do it anyway” prayer attributed to Mother Teresa and written on the wall of her home in Calcutta. It is not only beautiful but the complete opposite of judging others.
 
Like most sins, judging is harder sometimes and easier at others. It depends on the person and their transgression, although I often read stories of holy people who are very pacifistic, and I think to myself that there is no way I could be that nice to someone so horrible.

I do know that it’s why I couldn’t be a good preist. I’m non-judgemental enough to get by day to day life, but I don’t think I could face people knowing all their bad deeds.
 
FrancisBenedict said:
We should not judge or we will be judged.
Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
Take the plank out of your own eye before the speck in you brother’s eye.
Click to expand...
It struck me that in Matthew, this is followed by “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.”
 
Yes this is a good and much needed thread. It is so easy to fall into judging others, well for me it is sometimes what I naturally fall into. But over time I am slowly overcoming it. I guess you have to distinguish what is having discernment about a person and what is flat out judging. I believe it is ok to discern about someone and perhaps try to understand them if it has something to do with their association with you, for instance if someone is a certain way we have to discern these things to see whether we should associate with them. But then there is whether you become judgmental about it. But absolutely no we should not judge others as though we are God, we can only discern if necessary in our dealings with that person but we should avoid judging as much as we can.
🙂

Ps~ Thanks Trishie for those great posts they were very helpful 🙂
 
One must remember the context of how and when that was said. It was not to be wary of admonishing the sinner or helping one out of error. It was only to be wary of judging the state of the Soul and where it would end up in eternity. We are not to ever surmise that the Soul will end up in Heaven or Hell. We are to pray for all in this regards. We are ALWAYS called to ensure the Soul knows when they are in error. As Catholics we should not fall into the heresy of Modernity (the tyranny of relativism) and should always be on guard to give a good defense of our faith and to lead all to the truth that is Jesus Christ. Remember “all is not OK” and “you can believe as you want” isn’t a proper understanding of our faith. We are to “gird our loins”, learn our faith, and be about spreading the Gospel (Good News) of Jesus Christ and the fact that he opened the flood gates to Our Father’s Mercy. We are always encouraged to admonish the sinner, gently and lead the Soul to the truth that is Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.
 
I think it is very difficult, if not impossible not to judge. When faced with an objective wrong that someone is doing we should acknowledge it for what it is. I don’t know how to disassociate the person from the deed. Surely, we choose to do certain things, we are responsible for our actions. There is always a choice, although people often say that they had no choice. I know that only God knows the whole story so I try to distance myself from the situation and remind myself that I should just pray for the person in question. I’m not the type to give lectures on morality but when I am confronted I try to be honest about what I think. I find that being honest (in a respectful way) helps me to feel free to not judge the person.
 
FrancisBenedict said:
We should not judge or we will be judged.
Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
Take the plank out of your own eye before the speck in you brother’s eye.
Jesus said he has not come to judge.

What do you think? How do you find living like this? Is it easy or hard?
A good reminder? Helpful?

Tell us your thoughts!
Click to expand...
Thanks for sharing.

I do find it hard to not judge others, especially when they hurt me or others, or judge me or mine. I like the Twelve Step slogan “Live and let live”.
 
Cadian said:
One must remember the context of how and when that was said. It was not to be wary of admonishing the sinner or helping one out of error…We are to “gird our loins”, learn our faith, and be about spreading the Gospel (Good News) of Jesus Christ and the fact that he opened the flood gates to Our Father’s Mercy. We are always encouraged to admonish the sinner, gently and lead the Soul to the truth that is Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.
Click to expand...
I don’t know, I think the trouble is that we don’t always admonish the sinner gently, and even when we do, the sinner might not perceive it as we intend it. I think that whole piece is telling me to be careful who I speak to and how I do it. I think Christianity as a whole could benefit by spreading more good news and less admonishment.
 
Patat said:
I don’t know, I think the trouble is that we don’t always admonish the sinner gently, and even when we do, the sinner might not perceive it as we intend it. I think that whole piece is telling me to be careful who I speak to and how I do it. I think Christianity as a whole could benefit by spreading more good news and less admonishment.
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“Admonish the sinner” also means to point out error. It doesn’t mean to beat them up. You must not succumb to the “P.C.” relativistic culture of this age. You must speak the truth and not back down. Even if the other person persecutes you in return. We have been force fed this “new compassion” which says “let each live according to their own conscience”. There are two things wrong with this point of view. The first is that not everyone has a well formed conscience, and the second is that it is an outright lie. We are not all to “let each live according to their own conscience” if that conscience is malformed and uninformed. We will be held accountable for the errors of others if knowing that we could say something to help another but don’t, continues to allow the other to follow the wide road to purdition.
 
In the wrong sense, judgement = condemnation
In the right sense, judgement = try to help, understand

A typical wrong judgement, when someone looks peculiar or not up to our standards. Then we
ignore them or avoid them, or don’t listen to them, failing to recognize that God created
and loves this person. Their clothes are not up to standard, or they drive the wrong car,
or they are obeese or midget or male or different color, old, sick, or ugly, or their hair
style is wrong, or they live poorly.

A typical right judgement, when someone looks peculiar we listen to them, we don’t avoid them. When we don’t like something about them, their breath, odor, wrinkled clothes, we ignore that and give of ourselves.

Just a few thoughts.​

“God forgives, healing all our pain and sinfullness, saves us from an empty life, covers us
with gentleness and love.” (hymn)
 
FrancisBenedict said:
We should not judge or we will be judged.
Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
Take the plank out of your own eye before the speck in you brother’s eye.
Jesus said he has not come to judge.

What do you think? How do you find living like this? Is it easy or hard?
A good reminder? Helpful?

Tell us your thoughts!
Click to expand...
It’s a piece of cake! Nothing has ever been easier to do, than to a) understand precisely how judging effects our own emotions (which are exercised by our receiving back our own judgment. Our judgment is reflected to our hearts in as many ways as there are reflectors. From my own self-doubts and fear – or maybe pride – at having judged, my heart gets to experience that drama, to the way the expression of our judgment affects those around us.

In a mystical way our judgment immediately affects all of God’s creation, for we are all one body and spirit. Experientially, we receive many returns from a judgment – and this can be any kind of judgment whether it be a good/bad judgment or a preference of stripes over polka dots. Any kind of judgment raises questions to us, as our mind seeks to wallow in the abyss of trying to balance the desire to control things with the desire to let go of them so they release us from bondage. Or our desire for affection/esteem, and for security/comfort, and all excessive or distorted ways these energy centers can fuel our ego, which thrives on lots of drama the same way a newspaper editor gets attention with sensationalism.

Let me assure you; no human can teach you what Jesus means about judging. If you have not experienced it for yourself, then next time during the our Father think about “They Kingdom Come” in faith as something that is eternal, which by definition covers here and now. So raise your hopes to the Lord that He will open your eyes to see that the kingdom is already here, and Jesus is already coming to us in the form of our own spiritual bodies in connection with His through the Eucharist and the Holy Spirit. I have my own theories about Jesus’s second coming. He said you can’t point it out to someone else, right? He said He can’t say the date or time, right? And that there would be no mistaking Him as He would come in triumph? But notice He NEVER said anything about each soul experiencing his return at the same time on the earth clock. Einstein even taught us that simultaneity is relative, and how much further does God’s dominion have over human measures of time – funny the earthlings think that since we measure time we must also be able to control time. Or if we can’t, then neither can God because it doesn’t make any sense. Actually this earth is already His kingdom Come on earth, for those who really and sincerely believe the Our Father, and persevere in their faith and never give up hope or expect anything less of ourselves than what Jesus told us, to “be perfect.”

Sorry for the rant. My shrink calls it “pressured speech.” I call it my King David dance, or shouting from the rooftops, or “praising God with joyful noise.”

Alan
 
if you can’t judge other people I don’t think you’re competent to be a good parent, or spouse or businessman or citizen.

I don’t consign people to hell, but I make judgments all the time about who I want to hang out with, vote for, let the kids hang with, who is or isn’t trustworthy, who I hire, who my business partners are, etc.

this shouldn’t be rocket science.
 
Cadian said:
“Admonish the sinner” also means to point out error. It doesn’t mean to beat them up. You must not succumb to the “P.C.” relativistic culture of this age. You must speak the truth and not back down. Even if the other person persecutes you in return. We have been force fed this “new compassion” which says “let each live according to their own conscience”. There are two things wrong with this point of view. The first is that not everyone has a well formed conscience, and the second is that it is an outright lie. We are not all to “let each live according to their own conscience” if that conscience is malformed and uninformed. We will be held accountable for the errors of others if knowing that we could say something to help another but don’t, continues to allow the other to follow the wide road to purdition.
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I know someone that says oh my g… often. Should I point it out every time they do it, even if it angers them? Sometimes it angers me. I have reached a point where I think I have said enough and should hold my tongue.
 
Fairwinds said:
I make judgments all the time about who I want to hang out with, vote for, let the kids hang with, who is or isn’t trustworthy, who I hire, who my business partners are, etc.
Click to expand...
My issue is not with making those “judgements” assesments, but with confronting someone. With saying I don’t trust you or I don’t want to hang out with you.
 
Patat said:
I know someone that says oh my g… often. Should I point it out every time they do it, even if it angers them? Sometimes it angers me. I have reached a point where I think I have said enough and should hold my tongue.
Click to expand...
You should pray for them. If you are close to them, and you have a good relationship with them, you should point it out and explain why it is improper and not something one should engage in. Otherwise, just say a silent prayer. But, do something. Don’t excuse it. At least say to God that you recognize the improper behavior and pray for the individual in error. You can do at least that much.
 
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