Not knowing what to do

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I have a dilemna. My MIL and her husband are separated and he wants a divorce. They have a big age difference that never use to bother him, but seems to know. He is 43 and she is 62. She is 62 and looks like she is in 80’s. She is emaciated and therefore looks terrible physically. Anyway, that is just a little on them and one of their problems.

My dilemna is that I feel bad for my MIL and want her marriage to work and she wants me to email her dh and tell him that my dh and I just saw the movie Fireproof and he should go see it, for he is refusing to. They were both married before this marriage and are marriaged through a justice of the peace. Their marriage is not valid before the eyes of God. Do I mention this or not for they are not Catholic. My MIL use to be Catholic and went to boarding school and is familiar with our rules, but denies they mean anything to her. She won’t get an annulment. Do I try to help their marriage that is not valid or not? She is so depressed that she is not eating. She is also a very angry person and is taking the anger of her husband leaving her very badly and taking it out on her puppy and her adoptive granddaughter who is mentally challenged. I can see why her dh left for he is not use to so much anger and she took him for granted for years. She lived in a fairy tale though for she always said her marriage to him was perfect and they never fought, but a man doesn’t ask for a divorce if he is happy. She just keeps making excuses that he is overworked and had to do so much for her and deal with the loss of him mother all this past year.

I don’t know if I should email him or not. I don’t recognize the marriage for they were living in adultery, but I can’t stand to see her so unhappy and depressed. If she gets any thinner, she could really get herself put into a hospital. She knows better too for she is a LPN and a paramedic.

Please give me words of wisdom. I would appreciate it. If you say stay out of it and I want to, my MIL is begging me to talk to her dh. He won’t accept my dh’s calls anymore. He use to, but hasn’t since he asked my MIL for the fifth time for a divorce and that he wanted to put the house up for sale.

I don’t know what to do. I have been emailing the husband and he has been emailing me back and just keeps saying that he feels trapped and will no longer be manipulated. He first asked for space, but now is asking for a divorce.

Do I recommend the movie to him or not, due to them both being divorce before and remarried again?
 
Stay out of it.

Suggest she see a counselor.

Call family services for the child if she is being abused.

Call the humane society if the dog is being abused.

Pray for all involved.

If she is a non-practicing Catholic, she is still Catholic. Pray that she comes back to her faith, and that she find healing though Confession.
 
M’am I know its hard to remain neutral when someone is begging for help, I wish I had some advice, but I’m afraid I’d tell ya wrong.
 
I’d stay out of it. It sounds to me like she isn’t dealing with any of this in a healthy way so while encouraging her husband to see Fireproof may sound easy enough, I think there’s probably more to this than just that. I would try to not be involved and just keep them in your prayers. 👍
 
Thanks for all your answers. She called me today and wants to talk to me. I will tell her that I will stay neutral. I agree with the last person and she is not dealing with this whole thing in a healthy way. She gets plenty of advice from her nieces and her sister, but she doesn’t like what they tell her and that is why she turns to me. I am too nice and don’t take sides. What I really want to tell her, I don’t. I will just tell her that I will continue to pray for both of them.
 
Hi Nana , this is a really odd situation you’re dealing with . Also he is 43 and she is 62.
I totally agree that’s better to stay away , but in a diplomatic way , by telling her that you’ll pray for her and for a good solution in her difficult situation . I’ll join you in prayers and I’ll add her in my Rosary prayer intentions . God bless you and yours !
 
AnneMary said:
Hi Nana , this is a really odd situation you’re dealing with . Also he is 43 and she is 62.
I totally agree that’s better to stay away , but in a diplomatic way , by telling her that you’ll pray for her and for a good solution in her difficult situation . I’ll join you in prayers and I’ll add her in my Rosary prayer intentions . God bless you and yours !
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Thanks for your prayers. Thanks for praying the rosary for her intentions.
 
dconklin said:
It sounds like this is not her first marriage. This might be status-quo for her.
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This is her second marriage. She finds the husbands with the problems and so I do agree this is status-quo for her. It is also her husband’s second marriage.
Unfortunately, she is a great manipulator. She is doing it again. She asked her husband to join her for Thanksgiving dinner and he said that he didn’t know yet. Yesterday, she calls me all excited and said that she told her husband that they would be spending Thanksgiving dinner with my family and this excited her husband and agreed to go, but I don’t even know my family’s plans yet. Already, one sister is spending it with her in-laws. She just used my family to get him to agree to spend Thanksgiving day with her. This is what he hates. Wait until he finds out it is not for sure. He will be mad to say the least. I won’t tell him, he will find out from her.
 
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