Not looking for answers - just some food for thought

[anytimequilter]

Hello… I am sort of at a loss right now. I realize that God has blessed me in many ways and that I have many good things in life (my health, my job, my kids, my kids’ health, and many others). But I am still struggling. I suppose that’s part of life and part of being human, but knowing that doesn’t make it any easier.

I have been a single parent for 12 years and its hard. I do my best and I am very proud of my kids as they are growing up to be wonderful young adults. But I am still struggling raising them and it just seems to get harder and I don’t know where God is and why I feel so alone and abandoned.

We have always gone to church every Sunday, and for 6 or 7 years I have gone to the adoration chapel 1 or 2 times a week. I realize that if I had not done those things my kids may not have grown to be the level headed good kids that they are… but after a decade I started to wonder what about me? There are many many people that God doesn’t leave alone in life, why does he leave me alone in my life?

I don’t understand why I can try so hard to do the right things and still be so left alone? Doesn’t it say in the Bible that its not good for man to be alone? Why does God leave me alone for so long? Why do some kids get 2 parents to raise them and my kids only have me? I know my failings, but there is no one to help me with my kids.

There were so many years that I could find some solace in my belief that God is helping me and as long as I keep trying and continue to do what’s right God will turn things around for me. Even if I mess up God could straighten it out later as long as I keep on the right path. But then now I see all of the people that life doesn’t work out for… hard, sad broken lives that never do seem to work out… and I am starting to fear that I am going to be one of those people. Then there are the people who just do whatever they want right or wrong they don’t care… and their lives are fine.

I am sure that I am not the only person who has had these thoughts and feelings, so I guess I am just reaching out to find the thoughts that other people have on this… sometimes getting a different point of view helps

Thank you

 

[pianistclare]

You might think about throwing yourself into volunteering at their school or your parish. You will meet many others like yourself, and through these casual friendships you might find the companionship you seek.
It’s worth a shot.

 

[John_Martin]

When you go to the adoration chapel again, before you leave, take a moment and stop, call out (silently or speaking), “Jesus” (when he hears his name, he is instantly present in front of you, saying, “Yes…” This is a fact.) Then explicitly tell him you are about to do something for him, “I am going to the adoration chapel now, as a gift to you, to honor your body in the sacrament. And to remember that you remembered me in your dying. I love you”.

Same when you go to Mass, before you and your children leave, stop for a moment and call to him, “Jesus, Lord”. And he is there, “Yes…” and you continue, “We are going to Mass now, for you, since you desire to make your Passover with us participating. We will see your body on the altar, and your blood, your sacrifice and ours, and we will eat what you tell us we are eating ‘The Body of Christ’, and we will drink what you tell us we are drinking, ‘The Blood of Christ’, so we will be in this new covenant with you.”

When you are feeling alone in some moment, stop for then next moment, and call out, “Jesus; Father; O Holy Spirit”, and there are three saying, “Yes…” right in front of you. You can continue, or be silent and accept their presence, "I hurt in being alone. But since I am alone, I will be alone for you, and do it well, as best I can, so that you will boast to Satan about me as you did about your servant Job. I will do this so you can say, ‘Consider my servant AnyTimeQuilter, that there is none like this one on the earth, a blameless and upright person, who endures suffering of aloneness for me’?” Then turn to other things you know you have to do, doing them for this God, for now in aloneness.

This is a way of “doing your life” in the presence of God, who loves the sound of his Name and comes to you, accepting any and every one of the things you give him or do for him as a gift. Brother Lawrence, about 400 years ago, describes it in conversations and letters, and it can be read here: ccel.org/ccel/lawrence/practice (Choose the Read Online option from the available formats - short “chapters”, as short as this post to you.)

You can see more about it

 

[anytimequilter]

You might think about throwing yourself into volunteering at their school or your parish. You will meet many others like yourself, and through these casual friendships you might find the companionship you seek.
It’s worth a shot.

While I do understand volunteering is an opportunity, I work 50+ hours a week at the job I need to pay the bills and by the time I am home the school closed up. I have been blessed by being able to find some sewing for children in hospitals, but this I do on my own. I found this opportunity on the internet and in this charity being on my own it doesn’t matter if I can only work late evenings while I am doing laundry or even if it gets to be midnight

John Martin thank you for the link. I will check into that.

 

[Colorad007]

I’m sure that your kids ask a lot of those same questions, too–why can’t I have a mom and dad raising me? Why can’t we be fine financially? Why do I feel so abandoned because my father isn’t here?

The only satisfying answer is the Cross. Either you seize it or you shirk it. And only the former will bring you peace

 

[St_Francis]

When I catch myself thinking along these lines, I think about when Christ was dying on the cross. Things looked really bad then, like Christ’s mission was not working out, and He was sad and broken. And I realize that what really counts is that which we cannot see, but which God can see. He sees the love you have for Him, for your children, and even for children you don’t know who are in the hospital. And to God, this makes your life wonderful and very successful! His standards are different from the standards of the world.

And it is really hard when we feel alone… as Christ did when the Apostles fell asleep instead of praying with Him for one hour! And there you are, keeping Him company, making up for the Apostles.

 

[anytimequilter]

When you go to the adoration chapel again, before you leave, take a moment and stop, call out (silently or speaking), “Jesus” (when he hears his name, he is instantly present in front of you, saying, “Yes…” This is a fact.) Then explicitly tell him you are about to do something for him, “I am going to the adoration chapel now, as a gift to you, to honor your body in the sacrament. And to remember that you remembered me in your dying. I love you”.

 I am going to try this, but it makes me wonder.  Is it a matter of praying incorrectly?  Is there a right and wrong way to pray?

The only satisfying answer is the Cross. Either you seize it or you shirk it. And only the former will bring you peace

What do you mean by “seize” the cross? I feel like I do that every day as I live my life. I don’t “check out” even when I feel all is lost, I keep going. Perhaps I interpret things different than others do???

And I realize that what really counts is that which we cannot see, but which God can see. He sees the love you have for Him, for your children, and even for children you don’t know who are in the hospital. And to God, this makes your life wonderful and very successful! His standards are different from the standards of the world

I agree with this; however I struggle with this. I realize God’s ways are very different from mine, but then you hear people saying that God wants you to happy…is that not true? I do truly enjoy when I sew for the children in the hospital it is a true bright spot in my life and I am very thankful that I found them… but those projects don’t fill what is missing in my life… companionship. My kids are getting older and they don’t need their mother (as much)

 

[John_Martin]

I am going to try this, but it makes me wonder. Is it a matter of praying incorrectly? Is there a right and wrong way to pray?..
…

Not at all; it is all about recognizing that it is a real person you are talking to; that he is really there with you hearing you, and accepting your gift of adoration (or other things you tell him you are doing for him).

Sometimes we pray “to silence”, and wonder if God heard us or is listening to us.

It is also about “noticing God, so he is not alone as he looks around at us”, just as you want to be not alone. Jesus wondered, “When the Son of Man returns, will he find faith on the earth?” (from memory, so quote may be inexact). It is about fostering a deep friendship with Jesus, the Father, the Spirit, by noticing them, giving them gifts of the things you do (as anyone does to someone they love), and being around them.

 

[anytimequilter]

Sometimes we pray “to silence”, and wonder if God heard us or is listening to us.

I know this too well

It is about fostering a deep friendship with Jesus, the Father, the Spirit, by noticing them, giving them gifts of the things you do (as anyone does to someone they love), and being around them.

I understand this in theory, but often I do feel like it is a one sided discussion when I talk to God. This is what I have such limited understanding of. There were times that I knew God stepped in and woke me up or guided me… but those are few and far between. Sometimes I wonder if since I have experienced God in that manner if that makes it harder to manage when there is not that experience (make sense?)

Anyway, just being able to get the thoughts out of my head and to get an response does help - - it is that “response” that I don’t seem to have with God. I think of friendship as being a relationship… so I wouldn’t call someone a “friend” if they never talked to me or never tried to be in my life. I don’t mean to be cold, but often I feel so one sided with God, so when people talk of a friendship or relationship with God I don’t completely understand that.

I don’t believe I am alone in this feeling, and that is probably why so many people turn their backs on God…I don’t know the solution

 

[John_Martin]

No, you are not alone in that feeling - however, give it a go, I mean telling Jesus you are doing the next thing you are going to do as a gift to him and for him. Then do it with that intention.

The fact of the matter is that you can’t hear the Father right now because of “what he is”. Spirit, not material, and in the case of Jesus because of “where he is”, with the Father in Heaven. When you call out their names, they are here in the actual sense that heaven suddenly encompasses you, your soul. But still you can’t hear because you are still subject to getting all of your communication through your ears. That is what you are conscious of. And it is silence. But your soul is spirit. We can’t “sense” our souls either, but they are the source of all the words and thoughts that suddenly appear in our conscious thinking, as if without effort. Your soul “hears” God, and once in a while you may find yourself saying the words, with all certainty, “Yes, He is here” That is your soul moving your conscious thoughts and words.

So, give it a go so that your soul can “sense” God, even though you hear silence.