Not married in the church

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I left the church not long before my now-husband and I started dating and did not return until very recently. We were not married in the church and I know that we are supposed to get married in the church, but I am wondering if it is a sin to continue to have sex before we get married in the church. I haven’t even been able to bring up the topic to him yet, but I know that he won’t want to do it and I know that it is going to take time to convince him because he is not catholic and he does not like church at all.

Please give me some advice. I do not want to sin, but I also do not want to create a problem in my marriage. It is my duty as a wife to satisfy my husband and I am married to him in my eyes.
 
When you returned to the Church, did you confess all of this to a priest? If not, you should do this as soon as possible. The priest can also give advice on your present situation.
 
Ad_Orientem said:
When you returned to the Church, did you confess all of this to a priest? If not, you should do this as soon as possible. The priest can also give advice on your present situation.
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I did not confess it to my priest because it had not occurred to me until i was reading another thread, but I am planning on going to confession on Saturday so I will talk to him then. Thank you.
 
Talk to your pastor about radical sanation if your husband is resistant to convalidation. It is an option for you (assuming neither of you has any prior marriages).
 
1ke said:
Talk to your pastor about radical sanation if your husband is resistant to convalidation. It is an option for you (assuming neither of you has any prior marriages).
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In the meantime is she committing sin to have sex?
 
Please talk to your priest, ask and take advice from him only. Not from here or church office staff. Only your priest.
 
1ke said:
Talk to your pastor about radical sanation if your husband is resistant to convalidation. It is an option for you (assuming neither of you has any prior marriages).
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By “talk to your pastor,” I take you to mean make an appointment for a substantial discussion. Tomorrow being Friday, I’d call the office and make an appointment to talk to the pastor for pastoral counselling at the earliest convenient date. OP, you don’t have to tell his scheduler what the issue is. Then when you make your confession on Saturday, mention that you have made an appointment with the pastor about the matter.

Some parishes have confession lines so short that you can just sit at the end of the line and be assured of a long time for a consultation, but most of the time you want to be able to confess your sins or what you fear might be a sin, obtain absolution and a penance, and keep moving. If you need a longer time to talk, it is better to make a separate appointment for that. It will help your confessor if he can give you the short answer and know that you’re coming in for more pastoral care at a time better suited to the full treatment needed.
 
Thank you everyone. I did talk to the priest about it and he gave me my answers. He also gave me information on how to start the convalidation process.
 
I am in a similar situation, my wife and I were married civilly, but not in the church. For us it was because we had to rush and get married as I was being transferred out of the country and couldn’t bring a non-married spouse along with me.

My wife was married before, but her first marriage occurred before she became Catholic, and our priest told us to get documentation to that affect, but that we should be candidates for convalidation. Since then we have moved several times and haven’t stayed in one place long enough to get that done.
 
Voltrael said:
I am in a similar situation, my wife and I were married civilly, but not in the church. For us it was because we had to rush and get married as I was being transferred out of the country and couldn’t bring a non-married spouse along with me.

My wife was married before, but her first marriage occurred before she became Catholic, and our priest told us to get documentation to that affect, but that we should be candidates for convalidation. Since then we have moved several times and haven’t stayed in one place long enough to get that done.
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I hope you are able to get it done soon! I would recommend asking God to help you find a way to get it done. Remember this is something he wants! Also remember that each diocese has different requirements for the process. Where you are now might have a very different process then the one you talked to originally! Best of luck and God Bless! 👍
 
Voltrael said:
I am in a similar situation, my wife and I were married civilly, but not in the church. For us it was because we had to rush and get married as I was being transferred out of the country and couldn’t bring a non-married spouse along with me.

My wife was married before, but her first marriage occurred before she became Catholic, and our priest told us to get documentation to that affect, but that we should be candidates for convalidation. Since then we have moved several times and haven’t stayed in one place long enough to get that done.
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It will get done if you make it a priority–you already know that. If you know you’ll be at your current location for a little while yet, contact your priest and explain the situation. If you’re getting ready to move again, call the local parish priest or the Catholic chaplain of where you are going to be stationed next, and explain your situation (I would not suggest explaining it to office staff, so you may need to make an appointment and then discuss it with the priest when you arrive). If the paperwork is in order, the convalidation ceremony itself generally does not take much time at all. It’s usually the paperwork and background stuff that takes time to sort out.

Will :gopray2: for you.
 
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