Not mature enough for marriage?

[Layp3rs0n]

Events in my life have caused me to, as I now believe, be not mature enough to marry. I am almost 30 years old and after substantial reflection I realize that yrauma from my infancy and early childhood years coupled with terrible depression and anxiety have caused me to become emotionally retarded. The fact that my intelligence remains unaffected is of no consequence. I do not believe I could even contract a valid marriage. i don’t even know why I am posting this. I am not as sad about this realization as I thought I would be. Guess I just am curious to see how people respond.

 

[kyria]

Well you don’t have to get married. Lots of people choose the single life. And it is probably better that you realise that you aren’t mature enough now, and not after you got married. Some people just don’t want to be married. That is ok. However do you or did you ever want to be married? because you could always try some counselling to see if that might help.

Some people think if someone does not want to be married, they might be called to the religious life, but that is not always the case. I was once married and my married ended when I was 34 and people thought I was young enough to get married again and had difficulty understanding that I have chosen not to. I am saving myself for God. Plus I don’t ever want to be married again to a man who wants his own way all the time, so like you I do have some past hangups that also affect my current position, but we are allowed to choose the single life.

 

[Layp3rs0n]

I hav had years of counseling. Not much help. It looks like I may suffer from asperger’s. Awesome. No, it seems that my incredible desire for love, marriage and sex is probably derived from a terrible lack of mother/child bonding in infancy. Basically I crave female attention and intimacy. Not my mother’s fault. Bad colic caused me to be inconsolable during my first ten months of life. Because of this, I spent my first ten moths perceiving no maternal comfort. In my neonatal brain I perceived isolation for almost my whole first year! I actually feel a kind of freedom in this realization. All the chastity problems, all the feelings of inescapable loneliness, the paranoia of being left alone, it all stems from this! It’s very freeing actually to finally find the the root of the problem.

 

[kyria]

Well I was going to ask if you had aspergers, but that would of been rude of me. My son has aspergers. Plenty of people with aspergers marry. I did hear of a case a few months ago of a woman who married, and then her husband wouldn’t consumate the marriage and after counselling he still wouldn’t and he was diagnosed with aspergers and the wife had to end the marriage as he just wasn’t interested in relations.

Can I ask where you got the idea that you have some problem due to the fact your mother was not very affectionate when you were a baby? Sorry to offend but this kind of sounds like you are copping out of taking responsibility for growing up by blaming it on the first ten months of your life.

 

[Layp3rs0n]

this has been something that I have to talk about with my own father and a counselor I mentioned. I do not mean to imply that it is the only reason but the major contributing factor. as far as the Aspergers, if that is what it is and not just incredibly poor social skills left me almost entirely friendless my entire adolescent life. I really am not trying to complain I am just stating fact. Haha at least the psycholog y is interesting.

 

[kyria]

May I ask how close you regard your relationship with God to be? God helped me grow up in some areas, and heal other areas of trauma from my past.

 

[Layp3rs0n]

well I am a weekly Mass goer, pray my rosary probably not often enough but I do pray it. I generally talk to God throughout the day. I regard God is a very good father and friend. I will keep this area of my life in prayer.

 

[kyria]

Well I am glad you have a good relationship with God. Just remember, The Holy Mother loves you very much also.

 

[Allegra]

It’s true that some people aren’t destined for marriage. I don’t think there is anything wrong with accepting that possibility for yourself, but I hope you will continue to pray and find out what your true vocation is. Just keep yourself open to God’s will, whether it be marriage or some other vocation.