Not permitted to receive Eucharist though we are living as brother and sister?

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krissy343

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Hi all! Guess I should start at the beginning… My husband and I, both RC, strayed from The Church for quite some time. In this time, we were married in a wedding chapel, not by a Catholic Priest so therefore, our marriage isn’t valid. We have recently come back to The Church, gone to confession, started our preparation classes for convalidation of our marriage and have agreed to live as brother and sister until our marriage is convalidated. I was under the impression that since we both have gone to confession and are living as bro. and sis. we could participate in the Sacrament of Eucharist. So, on Sunday, he and I both took Communion. Tonight I went to Mass and I accidentally broke the Communion fast so I did not take Communion. After Mass, I asked the priest (not the one that is validating our marriage) just to be 100% sure if he and I could take Communion since we are living as bro. and sis. He told me no 😦 As long as we are living together, we may not.
I don’t see how it is a problem since there are many people who are roommates and aren’t having sex but they are ok. He and I don’t engage in ANYTHING that could lead us to sin. We are truly living like we are bro and sis with the exception of a kiss occasionally and telling each other I love you.
My heart sank when he told me this. It just feels like no matter what we do, it’s not good enough.
Do you think I just asked the wrong Priest? Should I get a “second opinion”?
Thanks in advance for your replies 🙂 God Bless!!!
 
krissy343 said:
Hi all! Guess I should start at the beginning… My husband and I, both RC, strayed from The Church for quite some time. In this time, we were married in a wedding chapel, not by a Catholic Priest so therefore, our marriage isn’t valid. We have recently come back to The Church, gone to confession, started our preparation classes for convalidation of our marriage and have agreed to live as brother and sister until our marriage is convalidated. I was under the impression that since we both have gone to confession and are living as bro. and sis. we could participate in the Sacrament of Eucharist. So, on Sunday, he and I both took Communion. Tonight I went to Mass and I accidentally broke the Communion fast so I did not take Communion. After Mass, I asked the priest (not the one that is validating our marriage) just to be 100% sure if he and I could take Communion since we are living as bro. and sis. He told me no 😦 As long as we are living together, we may not.
I don’t see how it is a problem since there are many people who are roommates and aren’t having sex but they are ok. He and I don’t engage in ANYTHING that could lead us to sin. We are truly living like we are bro and sis with the exception of a kiss occasionally and telling each other I love you.
My heart sank when he told me this. It just feels like no matter what we do, it’s not good enough.
Do you think I just asked the wrong Priest? Should I get a “second opinion”?
Thanks in advance for your replies 🙂 God Bless!!!
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This is something you need to discuss with your pastor, not just any priest. It will be his decision. Another factor that must be considered is, are you known by many others in the parish and do they have any information the your Marriage is not valid and that you are living together. If this is likely to cause scandal in the parish community it would not be advisable, and you both should refrain from receiving Holy Communion. Except at another parish where you are not known.
 
Br.Rich_SFO said:
This is something you need to discuss with your pastor, not just any priest. It will be his decision. Another factor that must be considered is, are you known by many others in the parish and do they have any information the your Marriage is not valid and that you are living together. If this is likely to cause scandal in the parish community it would not be advisable, and you both should refrain from receiving Holy Communion. Except at another parish where you are not known.
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This aspect of scandal may be the priest’s concern in saying you should refrain from Holy Communion. And as Br Rich said, attending another parish where scandal wouldn’t be a problem may be your solution.
 
Krissy,

That priest was simply wrong. Welcome back to the Church and good luck with your preparation.

John
 
Br.Rich_SFO said:
This is something you need to discuss with your pastor, not just any priest. It will be his decision. Another factor that must be considered is, are you known by many others in the parish and do they have any information the your Marriage is not valid and that you are living together. If this is likely to cause scandal in the parish community it would not be advisable, and you both should refrain from receiving Holy Communion. Except at another parish where you are not known.
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No, we are not known by many. As for THEM seeing it as a scandal, what does their opinion have to do with it? Isn’t it God’s opinion that we should be worried about?
We could very easily attend another parish and will do so as long as we can receive Communion 🙂 ANYTHING to receive The Lord!
 
LilyM said:
This aspect of scandal may be the priest’s concern in saying you should refrain from Holy Communion. And as Br Rich said, attending another parish where scandal wouldn’t be a problem may be your solution.
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thanks, we will do that 🙂
 
Welcome home Krissy! If it were me I would speak to the priest you first talked to.

Kathy
 
LilyM said:
This aspect of scandal may be the priest’s concern in saying you should refrain from Holy Communion. And as Br Rich said, attending another parish where scandal wouldn’t be a problem may be your solution.
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This is one of the reasons I hate the clinging to scandal as an excuse for not doing what is right. Scandal was the excuse used that caused a Priest of my childhood to get moved from parish to parish even though there were complaints that he had a problem with young teens.

I don’t buy the scandal argument anymore. If people can’t handle the scandal, too bad. Let the truth come out about priests who have a serious problem and don’t assume that all people living together are living in sin.

Being so afraid of schandel is false prudence and does not help the Church grow in faith or charity. People are going to misunderstand and lie about us anyway. If their hearts turn away and can’t handle it then the seed was sown on rocky ground to begin with.

If you have no mortal sin to best of your knowledge and you have observed the fast prescribed by the Church, then receive our Lord in the Flesh and Blood. Why should you deny Our Lord possession of your body which He has purchased with His Blood because of what people may think? You owe Him your body and it should not be kept from Him. If people really care about you they will ask why you are receiving or they will just pray. Either way it would be alright. If they can’t handle the schandel then I say that it is their problem and let them go.
 
About 132 years ago my great grandparents were married in a civil wedding. They had 16 children. It was 35 years before a priest came around and they were married in the church. My grandfather fought in the civil war for the north, after my grandmother passed away and he was up in age he tried to go to the veterans old folks home they wouldn’t let him in because he was native american. Thank God he is in heaven.
 
Thanks so much everybody! I knew in my heart it wasn’t wrong but I guess I needed to hear it from others as well.
 
krissy343 said:
No, we are not known by many. As for THEM seeing it as a scandal, what does their opinion have to do with it? Isn’t it God’s opinion that we should be worried about?
We could very easily attend another parish and will do so as long as we can receive Communion 🙂 ANYTHING to receive The Lord!
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Well a pastor is always responsible to insure that anything that is permitted in a parish involving the Sacraments is not harmful to the member of the parish. So if someone who knows you are not Married and are living together sees you receive Holy Communion and thinks the Church no longer requires Marriage to be according to Catholic law or allows re-Marriage after divorce, or whatever. This is harmful to the faith of the parish and the pastor has an obligation to deal with the situation.
 
Br.Rich_SFO said:
Well a pastor is always responsible to insure that anything that is permitted in a parish involving the Sacraments is not harmful to the member of the parish. So if someone who knows you are not Married and are living together sees you receive Holy Communion and thinks the Church no longer requires Marriage to be according to Catholic law or allows re-Marriage after divorce, or whatever. This is harmful to the faith of the parish and the pastor has an obligation to deal with the situation.
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I can see your point. I guess it doesn’t really apply to us though as we really don’t know anyone, outside of our family, that attends our Church. But I do see where you are coming from 🙂 Thank you!
 
Hello krissy343,

I’m not Catholic yet so I’m not in any position to offer advice… I just wanted to say that I admire you both tremendously for returning to the faith, and having the strength to live as brother and sister while you’re sorting it all out. That takes a great deal of love for God, from my perspective, and I think you’re both quite wonderful.

:hug1:

Hang in there, dear - it will be more than worth it!

:blessyou:
 
My husband and I were in exactly the same position as you - both returning Catholics who needed to have their marriage convalidated. I also took communion after confession thinking it was okay, and our priest said, no, we had to wait until the convalidation. My husband and I were also living like brother and sister.

We are not fully received back into the Church until the convalidation of our marriage. Therefore, we are not in a full state of grace and should not be receiving communion. I agree, it was a hard thing to do, but it is something to offer up to God, and as our priest told us, we can take spiritual communion.

BTW, the fact that you have taken communion is not a sin because you were unaware of the law against it.

I hope your convalidation is soon, and that it is as much a time for joy for you as it was for us.

Mary
 
The few months prior to our convalidation were the longest in my life. We did not have to go to classes (married outside of church 20 years prior) but the paper work had to be filed from my home parish in another state. The old parish was not in a big hurry.🤷

Well worth it. Been back for almost 20 years also. My husband is now in RCIA.😃
 
if the priest who is preparing you for convaldiation said it was OK, it is OK. Don’t collect opinions. All priests are human. Other priests may or may not know the whole story, and may not know what the other priest said, or may just have his own personal opinion on the matter. You have been to confession and are living as brother rand sister with a civilly legal wedding. Please give the priest prepping you the courtesy of the benefit of the doubt.
 
It would seem to me that the priest who flatly said “No” was probably being overly stringent, considering the circumstances. I would argue that accepting communion would actually help strengthen you to live out a courageous life of grace while awaiting the convalidation ceremony.
 
krissy343 said:
No, we are not known by many. As for THEM seeing it as a scandal, what does their opinion have to do with it? Isn’t it God’s opinion that we should be worried about?
We could very easily attend another parish and will do so as long as we can receive Communion 🙂 ANYTHING to receive The Lord!
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We should, of course, worry about God’s opinion, but if you want a good authority on the danger of scandal and our duty to avoid it I would suggest the Epistles of St. Paul. I see you’ve gotten some answers that help you understand the danger, so I won’t belabor the point. It should suffice to say that we understand this must be a trying time, but that doesn’t excuse us from preaching accurately through our actions.
chicago said:
It would seem to me that the priest who flatly said “No” was probably being overly stringent, considering the circumstances. I would argue that accepting communion would actually help strengthen you to live out a courageous life of grace while awaiting the convalidation ceremony.
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A flat no may have been overly stringent since it doesn’t hold out the possibility of receiving in a different parish where one is unknown, but the general thrust of the comment is still correct. The norm for situations when circumstances do not allow a chaste unmarried couple to live separately is that they refrain from communion unless they receive at a different parish where scandal will be avoided.
 
Andreas_Hofer said:
A flat no may have been overly stringent since it doesn’t hold out the possibility of receiving in a different parish where one is unknown, but the general thrust of the comment is still correct. The norm for situations when circumstances do not allow a chaste unmarried couple to live separately is that they refrain from communion unless they receive at a different parish where scandal will be avoided.
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How grave is the risk of scadal here, really? If someone knows this couple well enough to know their situation, then they probably will be more understanding than perceiving of an alleged sinful state. It isn’t like they were noted public sinners at the parish clearly standing out. Nor is it like they are a couple merely “living together”. They are, plainly, a couple who are “naturally” married and anxiously awaiting convalidation. They are, in the interim, providing a good example of sacrifice and virtue while trying to normalize their situation within the Church. If anything, they probably should be held up as witnesses to what more couples ought do, rather than being suspected of scandal and having to pay a penalty for it.
 
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