I was baptized Catholic went to Catholic school for many years but I don’t feel very Catholic. We didn’t go to church or discuss faith in my home growing up. When I got married it was in the Catholic Church even though neither of us were practicing the faith. I raised my now mostly grown children the same way. They went to ccd and made their sacraments but didn’t grow up going to church or lived with faith in the home. A couple years ago I decided I wanted to come back to church after my youngest made 1st communion. It’s only me though and I go to church every week with my youngest, sometimes go to adoration, pray as best I can. Mostly I am alone trying live as and be a catholic but not feeling really catholic at all. My family is catholic but we are not a “Catholic Family”. I see the other families at church and I wish things were different but they’re not. I want to feel like a part of my church but I really don’t. I show up every week without my family. Sometimes I don’t care and do my best but I always seem to come back here. Basically just feeling alone and not feeling very Catholic or like I really belong anywhere. No one can help me with this so I’m not asking for anything, just need to get past this again.
I know how you feel. I fell away from the Church while in and after college. My almost never went to Church and my Mom didn’t know the marks of the Church or take us to Confession. I never really got much out of CCD other than learning the “Our Father.” We went to CCD on Sundays, and then rarely went to Mass before or after. My mom would usually attend Mass when we were in CCD, but not always. Many Sundays, I wanted to skip CCD just to attend Mass with my mom! While my Grandparents have a very strong Catholic Faith, they never interfered. So we really received a shotty faith education. Hence why out of 5 children, none married Catholics, 2 converted, 2 are non-practicing, and I’m the only practicing Catholic.
While away from the Church, I met & married a Jewish girl (who I do love). Now that I’m back at the Church, she obviously doesn’t go with me. I pray for my daughter to become Catholic, but my wife does not want her to be Baptized and will only allow it if my daughter elects to become Catholic around middle school or high school (please pray for my daughter and any future children I may have).
It’s funny, one of the reasons my dad and sister were seduced by a Baptist Church was because the parish my father and I grew up in was so large (both geographically and number of people). My childhood parish consisted of 2.5 different school districts (and I lived in the .5 one). I only knew two kids from my school that attended CCD with me (the first only in 1st grade, then he moved to another parish and the 2nd only in 8th grade before he quit and didn’t get Confirmed). Outside of CYO, my dad was never involved with the Church so we really didn’t have any friends in the Church. Thus, over time, my dad and sister felt more & more “unwelcome” or “uncomfortable”. Then, they attended the Baptist Church, which they say stresses community (but then again, they must because they are so small). So they were seduced.
Today, I go to Mass, Adoration, Confession, etc. by myself. But I have been reading lots of stuff (scripture, cannon, prayers, church history, stuff about Catholic persecutions, etc…), you name it, I’ve been reading about it. I find that this education I’ve been giving myself (plus the fact that at least 2 of my siblings and dad have recently become so called “Christian Fundamentalists”) have drawn me close to the faith and have made me start to feel more Catholic. Speaking with the priest often helps me to feel welcome and meeting the deacons too. I’ve realized that I don’t go to church to make friends, I go there to be with God. While building relationships is nice, the most important people to build relationships with are the priests and deacons. When you have a relationship with Jesus, the priests and deacons; then relationships with other members of the parish start easier because you get more involved with the actual Church vs. chatting with people outside.
It’s still a VERY LONG JOURNEY for me, I know I still need to learn more about Jesus. I know I still must overcome the issues of being married to a non-Christian (let alone non-Catholic). But I’m so happy that I’m back on the path and I shared my story so you know you are not alone.
Good luck and God Bless!
