not really sure where to put this

[hi_my_name_is]

hey, I’m not really sure where to put this. I’m sure this isn’t the right forum, but I can’t figure out which one is. feel free to move it.

but yea. I need help. My situation right now is as follows:

• senior in highschool age-wise, and academic-wise to the best of everyone else’s knowledge
• I’m really at maybe the level of a freshman in highschool. in most subjects.
• I haven’t taken math past pre algebra (although my mom thinks I’ve gone through algebra 2)
• I took a college level english grammer course in middle school. forgot most of it by now. haven’t finished more than half an english course in highschool.
• I haven’t gone beyond a general science. my mom think I’ve done physical and biology, and am working on chemistry.
• its time to get my transcript together.
• and I’m taking the act in a month
• I spent most of my highschool career sitting around moping and depressed, hanging out with friends, working my job, and reading novels.

yea. I know.

I’m not coming here for criticism, I know that I was dumb. I am feeling the consequences of my actions.

This dates back to early middleschool. in my mind I couldn’t give in to what my mom wanted, because then she won. It took me from 6th grade to 9th grade to totally stop working altogether. By tenth I was hating myself for it. My mom had her 8th kid beginning of my freshman year, making it nearly impossible for her to keep an eye on my work. I made excuses with my friends the few times they threw random math equations my way (“oh the answer is def umm 2”) And I kept falling further and further behind.

I feel like I’ve totally wasted this life God’s given me. I can’t imagine all the ways I’ve offended Him… I have spent countless hours questioning His existence in general, in the Eucharist, in my life. I haven’t in my remembered life gone to adoration and been able to adore in peace. The doubts never go away. I plan on majoring in Religious Ed. because I want to know Truth, and to share it with others. I don’t care anymore if I feel Him or not. But as long as He’s not going to be physically present in my life, I have have enough knowledge to know that He’s there. Yea I know I have a lack of faith.

I’m extremely eligible for an $11,000 discipleship formation scholarship, thanks to highschool and middleschool years filled with service projects, aiding (an now teaching) ccd classes, planning kids retreats… etc.

On the outside I seem like such a great kid. But I have so much underneath that no one has any idea of! (except now anyone taking the time to read this, I guess)

I don’t feel like I should apply for the scholarship.

I took a practice ACT yesterday. I scored 20. I need a 22. Totally reachable, I have three weeks to study, and I can always take it again in Feb.

The problem is the transcript. I’ll admit that I have cheated on some subjects and copied the answers from the answer key. And I know that I could do block studying, where you do a week’s worth of a subject in a day. I have about 1-2 months before I absolutely have to have my transcript in, mt ACT scores wont be in until then anyways.

Ack my brain is so muddled right now! I don’t know what to do! I am going to work this thing out. I just don’t know how. I feel like a total screw up, troubled teen, hopeless case. But I also know that feelings don’t matter. And I have the freedom to prove those feelings wrong. I just don’t know how…

anyways thanks to anyone who read this. If anyone has any advice, encouraging words, criticize if you desire… anything would be appreciated.

Until then, may God bless you all.

 

[Kay_Cee]

All is not lost.

First of all, you need to take care of your soul. From what you say, you have been lying and cheating for years. You need to go to confession, pour all this out to the priest, and receive absolution. In other words, you need to get right with God. This is more important than anything else you do.

As for your academic career, all is not lost there either. I suggest going to your local community college and seeing what is offered in the way of remedial classes. You can complete your freshmen and sophomore years there, even if it takes you longer than two years, since you need to “catch up.” After that, transfer to a four-year university. Your bachelor degree will not say on it that you spent your freshman and sophomore years at a community college (mine doesn’t!)

You are to be congratulated for coming to your senses. Some people never do.

I wish you the best of luck for your future. I will pray a rosary today for your intent.

 

[Catholic_Kenpo]

Oddly enough, I think you may be heading in the right direction. On the surface, that may not sound right, but you’ve at least gotten to the point that you’re admitting your mistakes. Maybe I’m reading it wrong or missing something, but that’s the feeling I get. The only real advice that I can offer you is to head to confession as soon as possible. You know where you’ve failed. Go in and pour it all out. It always amazes me how much this helps. You also get the benefit of the priest’s wisdom. He’ll help you figure out how to make amends and get through this difficult situation. In the meantime, know that you’re in my prayers. God bless.

-CK

 

[FightingFat]

I think there are a lot of positives there, you want to move in the right direction at least, you just need to overcome your own internal struggle and become the person God wants you to be.

You may feel that you have squandered what gifts you have been given, but the good shepherd leaves the flock to search for the one sheep who has strayed, and when He finds you, and you embrace Him, there will be great rejoicing in heaven!

Now do what you know to be right, start over, today and make every day good!

Good luck and God bless!

 

[jeje831]

God bless you. Put your trust in the Lord. Do you think that you hiding these things from your Mom, your friends and others hid this from Him? He knows you and he offers you forgiveness and love. Trust Him and love Him. He is always with you. Ask Him back into your life to hold you up. We all are on a journey filled with joys, and sorrows, weak moments, and moments of strength. Be not afraid. Love the Lord with all your heart. My prayers go with you.

 

[FickleFreckled]

First, you aren’t “hopeless.”

You’ve said a couple of very wise things that show
that in some ways, at least, you’re ahead of the game spiritually. You get it that we don’t always feel God’s presence and you’re willing to use your head and the teachings of the Church as a basis for your faith. That shows a lot of trust and wisdom for so young a person. Even a lot of adults rely on feelings and fall apart when they’re not there. The other thing is that you’re becoming sensitive to where you’ve failed to live up to your God-given gifts. You’re very bright and capable or you couldn’t have done such a good job hiding all this from people. Do what you need to do to get your academic life on track. Apply for the scholarship but be prepared to be honest, if asked, about your regrets and desire to do better.

Most people question, even doubt, now and then; that doesn’t indicate a lack of faith, only that our human minds can’t comprehend certain things and we want to make sense of them. Do go to confession and get all this stuff out, and pray, of course.

 

[AveSantaMaria]

*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *

Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse.

It’s awesome that you are owning up to your weaknesses. I think that is a step that God is working your life. After all, True Devotion to Mary has as its very first step in the preparation for consecration: knowledge of self

“During the first week they should employ all their prayers and pious actions in asking for a knowledge of themselves and for contrition of their sins; and they should do this in a spirit of humility.”

During this week, we shall consider not so much the opposition that exists between the spirit of Jesus and ours, as the miserable and humiliating state to which our sins have reduced us. Moreover, the True Devotion being an easy, short, sure and perfect way to arrive at that union with Our Lord which is Christian perfection, we shall enter seriously upon this way, strongly convinced of our misery and helplessness. But how attain this without a knowledge of ourselves?"

Remember, the Sacred Heart of Jesus said: "On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: I desire mercy, not sacrifice. For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.(Matthew 9:12-13)

Know that you are too young to have yet wasted the life that God has given you. I recommend a regular biweekly confession, to receive the graces that come from confession and keep yourself accountable. Then it is important for you to practice devotion to the Eucharist and the Blessed Virgin Mary. As St. Louis Mary de Monfort writes:

Excerpt from True Devotion to Mary Section 90. A counterfeiter usually makes coins only of gold and silver, rarely of other metals, because these latter would not be worth the trouble. Similarily, the devil leaves other devotions alone and counterfeits mostly those directed to Jesus and Mary, for example, devotion to the Holy Eucharist and to the Blessed Virgin, because these are to other devotions what gold and silver are to other metals.

This devotion will help you to securely and with sweetness walk the narrow way of the Gospel. His Holiness Pope John Paul II practiced it. He read and reread the book True Devotion to Mary while in the seminary, calling it a “decisive turning point” in his life. Surely, the effects of this devotion on his life were not bad, where they? St. Maximilian Maria also practiced it. He was a bit of a naughty boy in his childhood but an apparition of the Blessed Mother around the age of 5 forever reformed him.

Free information on devoting oneself to the Sacred Heart of Jesus through the Immaculate Heart of Mary:
Online Adoration of the Sacred Heart of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament louisville-catholic.net/WebCameras/AdorationChapel/tabid/825/Default.aspx
True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin montfort.org.uk/Writings/TrueDev.html
**Secret of the Rosary ** montfort.org.uk/Writings/Rosary.html
Preparation for 33 day consecration to the Blessed Virgin saintlouisdemontfort.com/consecration.cfm
Reflections on True Devotion to Mary by His Holiness Pope John Paul II http://www.michaeljournal.org/montfort.htm
**The Glories of Mary, ** by St. Alphonsus de Liguori, one of the 33 Doctors of the Catholic Church, explains Hail Holy Queen http://www.catholictradition.org/Mary/glories.htm
On the Dolors of Mary by St. Alphonsus de Liguori, one of the 33 Doctors of the Catholic Church, explains the sufferings of Our Lady http://writer.zoho.com/public/immaculate/Seven-dolors
Marialis Cultus (Apostolic Exhortation for the Right Ordering and Development of Devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary of His Holiness, February 2, 1974 by His Holiness Pope Paul VI ewtn.com/library/PAPALDOC/P6MARIAL.HTM
Devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus en.wikisource.org/wiki/Devotion_to_the_Sacred_Heart_of_Jesus#FIRST_POINT._.E2.80.94_The_ardent_desire_Jesus_Christ_feels_to_be_with_us.
Divine Mercy Chaplet ewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/dmmap.htm
Cathechism of the Catholic Church vatican.va/archive/catechism/ccc_toc.htm

Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse.

*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *

 

[IronicCatholic]

I agree with what others have said–knowing where you truly are is a blessing. P.s. get to confession on the cheating, and the self-loathing too. God wants you happy–let him make you happy. Give your anxiety to God. If you have had problems with depression–even if that’s OK now–seeing a guidance counselor would be wise, ask for advice on avoiding depression at a stressful time.

Don’t put all your eggs in this scholarship basket. 20 is not a bad ACT score at all–many schools would accept you with that, and with a good background in service, may offer you good financial aid. I teach at a Lasallian Catholic university, and your story sounds like many of my students’ stories…but they make it work and wise up in college. Smaller Catholic schools tend to make a mission to help less prepared students make it and succeed.

Community college could definitely be a good way to go as well.

Best wishes, and breathe!

 

[hi_my_name_is]

Oddly enough, I think you may be heading in the right direction. On the surface, that may not sound right, but you’ve at least gotten to the point that you’re admitting your mistakes. Maybe I’m reading it wrong or missing something, but that’s the feeling I get. The only real advice that I can offer you is to head to confession as soon as possible. You know where you’ve failed. Go in and pour it all out. It always amazes me how much this helps. You also get the benefit of the priest’s wisdom. He’ll help you figure out how to make amends and get through this difficult situation. In the meantime, know that you’re in my prayers. God bless.

-CK

Confession. Yea. I’ve been meaning to confess everything in front of a priest for… the past couple years. at least. I don’t remember farther back than that. But when I get in there I always freeze up, mumble a few sins, and call it good. I have confessed that I don’t always do my hw. But that leaves a lot unforgiven, and I have to get off my chest. In the back of my mind I really wish that I could just wait until I go to away to school, confess behind a screen to a priest I’ve never met, and walk out of that confessional free, and head on my to my next class. But then reality steps in. I can’t wait that long. I’m pretty sure I have mortal sin on my soul. I’m not positive though, I don’t remember my what my intentions were…

I cannot tell my mom I need to go to confession. You don’t know my mom. She is… judgmental. She means well, but she expects her daughter to be this perfect little angel, etc, that I’m not. She pries into areas of my life that I cannot let her see. Because if she does, she’ll whip out the negativity. Granted she’d be right, but… I don’t know. No one likes to be criticized or judged. I’m no exception. And it certainly doesn’t help with my attempts to make things right.

There is a penance service w/ confession at my parish the week before Christmas. I’m sure I’ll be going to that.

As for your academic career, all is not lost there either. I suggest going to your local community college and seeing what is offered in the way of remedial classes. You can complete your freshmen and sophomore years there, even if it takes you longer than two years, since you need to “catch up.” After that, transfer to a four-year university. Your bachelor degree will not say on it that you spent your freshman and sophomore years at a community college (mine doesn’t)

I can’t. I want to go to a hardcore catholic college (kinda necessary when over half of your major is theology courses) There’s only 2 options within 8 hours of my home. One I can’t afford. The other I can only afford thanks to a academic scholarship I’d get & the service, etc scholarship. I know I probably don’t deserve either of them, especially not the academic scholarship. I don’t know. The end doesn’t justify the means… I’m only eligible for the academic scholarship as a freshman.

Is there anything wrong with my taking the next month to go back and cram in all the courses I’m short of? If I did a weeks worth of each subject a day I could do it. And if I totally forgo my life for the past month, it is possible to catch up. It will take a heck of a lot of will power though. The main problem is that I won’t be able to remember any of it beyond the time frame in which I’m working. Is that wrong? I’m confident that I can get at least b’s. the work itself is easy enough. I just have to do it.

Part of me just wants to get up and run. away. far away. Leaving everything I’ve done in the past behind.

I don’t know. I keep going back and forth between “alright I figured this out, all I have to do is x, y, and z and I will be good to go” and “God, just let me fall over and die.” And then there’s those times I spend off in my fairytale world where the problem doesn’t exist and everyone’s at peace…

Anyways thank you all so much for your help. I cannot possibly express how much I appreciate it, so I’m not even going to try. I feel so revealed just to get this out there. You have no idea. Thank-you.

Kay Cee - I can’t tell you how grateful I am for the rosary.

CK, KC, FF, and jeje- God bless you all

 

[hi_my_name_is]

wow… 3 more replies while I was tying that up…

 

[Catholic_Kenpo]

A quick thought on freezing up during confession: Have you tried writing your sins down? That way you won’t leave anything out (at least not purposefully). Having your sins written also helps if, for whatever reason, you just can’t vocalize them. You can just hand the paper to the priest and he can read them. I know this is common for deaf Catholics. The important part is not falling in to despair. God’s mercy is always greater than our sins. Keep that in mind. God bless.

-CK

 

[IronicCatholic]

I just PM-ed you…

 

[Christy_Beth]

Have you talked with your parents about this? I think it would only be fair for you to do so. Since they are right there, and we aren’t, they may be able to help you far more than we can.

 

[hi_my_name_is]

I teach at a Lasallian Catholic university, and your story sounds like many of my students’ stories…but they make it work and wise up in college.

that is a huge relief to hear.

Have you talked with your parents about this? I think it would only be fair for you to do so. Since they are right there, and we aren’t, they may be able to help you far more than we can.

you don’t know my parents…

Thank you all!

Pax

 

[Kay_Cee]

Confession. Yea. I’ve been meaning to confess everything in front of a priest for… the past couple years. at least. I don’t remember farther back than that. But when I get in there I always freeze up, mumble a few sins, and call it good. I have confessed that I don’t always do my hw. But that leaves a lot unforgiven, and I have to get off my chest. In the back of my mind I really wish that I could just wait until I go to away to school, confess behind a screen to a priest I’ve never met, and walk out of that confessional free, and head on my to my next class. But then reality steps in. I can’t wait that long. I’m pretty sure I have mortal sin on my soul. I’m not positive though, I don’t remember my what my intentions were…

It sounds like you’re dealing with embarrassment over some things you’ve done. Trust me, you can’t tell the priest anything he hasn’t heard before.

The first thing you need to tell him is what you’ve told us here. I suggest you print the section of your post I quoted above and hand it to him. He should be able to guide you through your confession. Do not hold anything back, or you’ll walk out in the same pickle as before. Yes, it can be hard to confess, but while you’re doing it, keep in mind how wonderful it will be to get all this off your chest and walk out completely forgiven.

You need to take care of this first. Nothing, not even the whole world, is more important than your immortal soul.

I cannot tell my mom I need to go to confession. You don’t know my mom. She is… judgmental. She means well, but she expects her daughter to be this perfect little angel, etc, that I’m not. She pries into areas of my life that I cannot let her see. Because if she does, she’ll whip out the negativity. Granted she’d be right, but… I don’t know. No one likes to be criticized or judged. I’m no exception. And it certainly doesn’t help with my attempts to make things right.

Confession isn’t just for confessing sins. It’s also for receiving the graces that help keep us from sinning.

I suggest you tell your Mom you want to work on being a better person (which is true), and you’ve heard confession, since it gives you such graces, would be helpful with that (this is also true because I just told you that). In fact, saints frequented the confessional. Pope John Paul II went to confession every week.

There is a penance service w/ confession at my parish the week before Christmas. I’m sure I’ll be going to that.

I suggest not waiting that long, most especially if you have mortal sins.

I can’t. I want to go to a hardcore catholic college (kinda necessary when over half of your major is theology courses) There’s only 2 options within 8 hours of my home. One I can’t afford. The other I can only afford thanks to a academic scholarship I’d get & the service, etc scholarship. I know I probably don’t deserve either of them, especially not the academic scholarship. I don’t know. The end doesn’t justify the means… I’m only eligible for the academic scholarship as a freshman.

Is there anything wrong with my taking the next month to go back and cram in all the courses I’m short of? If I did a weeks worth of each subject a day I could do it. And if I totally forgo my life for the past month, it is possible to catch up. It will take a heck of a lot of will power though. The main problem is that I won’t be able to remember any of it beyond the time frame in which I’m working. Is that wrong? I’m confident that I can get at least b’s. the work itself is easy enough. I just have to do it.

Do go ahead with this, but I suggest having a backup plan in case this doesn’t work.

Part of me just wants to get up and run. away. far away. Leaving everything I’ve done in the past behind.

I don’t know. I keep going back and forth between “alright I figured this out, all I have to do is x, y, and z and I will be good to go” and “God, just let me fall over and die.” And then there’s those times I spend off in my fairytale world where the problem doesn’t exist and everyone’s at peace…

I know at your age all this seems like the end of the world, but it’s not. If you have to spend a year at a community college, then later apply to that four-year university you want to attend, the sky will not come crashing down.

Kay Cee - I can’t tell you how grateful I am for the rosary.

You’re welcome. I’ll try to pray another one today.

 

[hi_my_name_is]

so, in the past… 2 days? ish, I have

-done over 1/2 of a year in history
-1.5 weeks of math (my worst subject)
-about 3 weeks of L.A.
-and a full year of religion.

just wanted to let you guys know.

Thanks for all your help!

My God bless you all, forever and for always.