Not repentant but want to be

[Student09]

I try to go to confession regularly, and I would go tomorrow (I’m actually a little overdue) but I don’t really feel repentant for my sins. In particular, I’m angry with God, and I don’t feel sorry for being angry at Him. I want to be repentant and have a good relationship with God, but I don’t think I can just pretend to feel sorry or pretend that I won’t continue to be angry with God after my confession.

What does one do in this situation? I’ve been praying for contrition, but it isn’t coming.

By the way, none of my sins are mortal sins that I’m aware of. I say that just FYI, not to diminish the seriousness of any sin, mortal or not.

 

[josephback]

I’ll be following this thread, since I have similar issues. In my case I have a desire for independence and an anger that God will judge me, even though by faith that condemnation is taken away. I think the key is forgiveness of both God and self, but it’s a process and I’m not an expert on just how to make it happen. It’s more than mouthing words.

 

[cor5755]

if you want to be repentant, ask yourself why. think about why you go to confession frequently. I think the only answer is that you love God. It’s OK to be angry with him for whatever reason, we can’t fully understand his ways at all times. Your desire to confess your sins shows that you love him and, even though you might not feel like it, you truly are sorry for offending him.

 

[michaelmas]

Here is something you all are missing… why even pose the question?

The Holy Ghost is working in you right now and in my eyes you are repentant because you are asking. If you were not asking then you wouldn’t be caring about it and in my opinion not repentant.

Don’t let the evil one turn you off because you don’t think you are repentant. Go to confession, get those graces, and get that advice.

 

[mymamamary]

i’m interested in this thread as my question is: i ask for true contrition for my sins, especially throughout the day, and i want that true contrition, i will pray for it, to the Sacred Heart, but i dont know if i have it?? your thoughts?? sorry to derail the thread!!

 

[Bookcat]

Talk with the Priest…and note that Contrition may not have the emotions that we would like follow…

While it is very good to seek to stir up feelings of sorrow –

contrition does not per se consist in a “sensible feeling” rather contrition is an act of the will

 

[JRKH]

Talk with the Priest…and note that Contrition may not have the emotions that we would like follow…

While it is very good to seek to stir up feelings of sorrow –

contrition does not per se consist in a “sensible feeling” rather contrition is an act of the will

 

[CompSciGuy]

I think a prayer for true contrition is one of the simplest and humblest prayers, and probably one of the most pleasing to God. I do not think it is possible that, if you continue to pray for this, that God would not grant this for you. I think the absolute best time to keep praying is when you feel the least like praying. When you deny yourself the “luxury” of skipping out on prayer, you grow spiritually and your love for God grows also.

 

[JRKH]

i’m interested in this thread as my question is: i ask for true contrition for my sins, especially throughout the day, and i want that true contrition, i will pray for it, to the Sacred Heart, but i dont know if i have it?? your thoughts?? sorry to derail the thread!!

I believe that you can tell if you have true contrition by how you react to the next, similar, temptation.
When we are “truly sorry” for something we did to a loved one, future temptations or reminders will tend to well up and renew feelings of remorse and a commitment not to do that again.
Anyway that is how I judge myself…

Peace
James

 

[AthenaC]

Talk with the Priest…and note that Contrition may not have the emotions that we would like follow…

While it is very good to seek to stir up feelings of sorrow –

contrition does not per se consist in a “sensible feeling” rather contrition is an act of the will

That’s interesting. I never thought of it that way before. Under this understanding, contrition may not be out of reach for me …

 

[Gertabelle]

Talk with the Priest…and note that Contrition may not have the emotions that we would like follow…

While it is very good to seek to stir up feelings of sorrow –

contrition does not per se consist in a “sensible feeling” rather contrition is an act of the will

Ditto.

It would be great if our emotions were more cooperative with our spiritual life, but like love, contrition is a choice. Take the actions of going to confession and trying to choose God’s will in the future – that’s contrition and love in action. Maybe the feelings will follow, maybe they won’t.

As to being angry with God – wow, been there, done that more times than I can count. As a PP stated, don’t worry about being angry with Him. Just keep the conversation open, as it were, through prayer. Don’t pretend to be something you aren’t with Him – He knows.

God bless you.

Gertie

 

[RedDuke50]

A Priest once told me that because I am here (in the confessional), that I am sorry for my sins. So because you are going to Confession to confess whatever sins you may have, you must have some form of sorrow for them. It isn’t like you refuse to confess because you think you are justly sining or something.

 

[Student09]

A Priest once told me that because I am here (in the confessional), that I am sorry for my sins. So because you are going to Confession to confess whatever sins you may have, you must have some form of sorrow for them. It isn’t like you refuse to confess because you think you are justly sining or something.

That can’t be strictly true because priests are allowed to refuse absolution if they think the penitent is not truly contrite. So that presupposes the possibility that one could be making a confession without contrition. However, I’m sure that in most cases what the priest said would be correct.

I don’t know. You’ve all been very kind, but I think I’m tired of trying so hard all the time for God while everything around me - and myself too - falls to pieces.

 

[JRKH]

That can’t be strictly true because priests are allowed to refuse absolution if they think the penitent is not truly contrite. So that presupposes the possibility that one could be making a confession without contrition. However, I’m sure that in most cases what the priest said would be correct.

This is a very good point. Some people will simply “go through the motions” and be quite self satisfied but not very holy at all.
I definitely do NOT think that this is true in your case.

I don’t know. You’ve all been very kind, but I think I’m tired of trying so hard all the time for God while everything around me - and myself too - falls to pieces.

Well - No one said that being a disciple of Christ would be easy, nor should it be.
We DO get tired and frustrated - that is only natural.
Sometimes when we feel that we have been “trying so hard all the time for God…” with (seemingly) little or no gain, it is really time to back off a bit and take a rest.

For me - in all faith, in all hope, and throughout life - there is this recognition that all resides in Love. God’s Love for us and our Love for God. In a Loving relation, there are times when we must “try hard” and other times when we must just rest in that Love. We must just let that love surround us and recognize that by immersing ourselves in rest and in Love, we are allowing time for us to absorb all that God has given to us…the insights and the lessons…so that later, once we are fully rested, we can move forward with greater confidence and understanding.
IMHO one of the worst things most people can do is to think they cannot take such a rest…It is a very dangerous thing that can easily lead to despair.
So the best advice I can offer is to let yourself rest a bit…Maybe months…don’t try so hard for a time…God knows and understands…

Peace
James

 

[Bookcat]

That’s interesting. I never thought of it that way before. Under this understanding, contrition may not be out of reach for me …

Of course!

It is important to clear up this matter --for some do not realize this is the case.

 

[RedDuke50]

That can’t be strictly true because priests are allowed to refuse absolution if they think the penitent is not truly contrite. So that presupposes the possibility that one could be making a confession without contrition. However, I’m sure that in most cases what the priest said would be correct.

I don’t know. You’ve all been very kind, but I think I’m tired of trying so hard all the time for God while everything around me - and myself too - falls to pieces.

Oh yeah, I forgot that Priests can do that. Thanks for correcting me.

But on the point that you are tired, I think JRKH’s advice is pretty good.

 

[Student09]

Well - No one said that being a disciple of Christ would be easy, nor should it be.
We DO get tired and frustrated - that is only natural.
Sometimes when we feel that we have been “trying so hard all the time for God…” with (seemingly) little or no gain, it is really time to back off a bit and take a rest.

For me - in all faith, in all hope, and throughout life - there is this recognition that all resides in Love. God’s Love for us and our Love for God. In a Loving relation, there are times when we must “try hard” and other times when we must just rest in that Love. We must just let that love surround us and recognize that by immersing ourselves in rest and in Love, we are allowing time for us to absorb all that God has given to us…the insights and the lessons…so that later, once we are fully rested, we can move forward with greater confidence and understanding.
IMHO one of the worst things most people can do is to think they cannot take such a rest…It is a very dangerous thing that can easily lead to despair.
So the best advice I can offer is to let yourself rest a bit…Maybe months…don’t try so hard for a time…God knows and understands…

That’s what I want to do, but I’m afraid that if I take a rest, even if I’m not actually doing anything wrong, it will mean I am spiritually backsliding and God will abandon me. Maybe that is a misunderstanding of God and a lack of trust. Maybe right now I need to focus more on trusting God and His love for me instead of doing things for Him?

 

[JRKH]

That’s what I want to do, but I’m afraid that if I take a rest, even if I’m not actually doing anything wrong, it will mean I am spiritually backsliding and God will abandon me. Maybe that is a misunderstanding of God and a lack of trust. Maybe right now I need to focus more on trusting God and His love for me instead of doing things for Him?

Yes indeed it is a misunderstanding of God’s Love -
Think about it…If you are in a loving relationship with a spouse and you see that your spouse, who you love, has been struggling - would you not say to them, “Stop, sit, rest…Don’t think about what troubles you. I’ll still be here, and I will help all that I can”.
So your spouse stops and takes that break…It doesn’t mean they don’t love you, or that they will “backslide” or otherwise try to hurt you. By the same token, while they are resting, you will not abandon them.
Instead will you not try to comfort them and wait for them to regain their strength before moving forward again together??

Our Love for God needs to be like this. If we need to rest, God understands. This does not mean that we will try to “backslide” it just means that we “sit down” where we are for a while and “catch our breath”…Then we can get back up and move forward together with god who is our Love.

Peace
James

 

[Student09]

Thank you. This is really helpful.

 

[cmscms]

but I’m afraid that if I take a rest, even if I’m not actually doing anything wrong, it will mean I am spiritually backsliding and God will abandon me.

First I want to say thank you for posting this thread. I have enjoyed reading all the replies.

Personally, when I make a statement such as yours above, it comes from a controlling place. It is as if, I want God to do as I want and I do not want to let Him out of my sight for 2 seconds because He will do something and I need to be right there to ‘fix it’ ASAP before it goes more downhill.

Or I think God will realize there are other people in this world and go help them instead of me Irrational yes, but nonetheless sad and true

By taking a rest, you might actually silence all the noise (which is not from God) and in the quiet, you will be able to hear Him. Just a thought

CM