Not Scrupulous but Non-Informed

[hambrf]

am a revert to the Church for almost 13 yrs. now. I have thought all this time that I am scrupulous and have been working on this. But recently, I had questions about sexual thoughts and actions once I became engaged. I am older and have been married and annuled. However, No matter the question I have in regards to what exactly the a Commandment means or the Church teaches,most people do not really know and I have a difficult time searching for the REAL answer. Once I have the answer to my question I am not scrupulous but conscience and making sure I do my best not to fall into sin.
My confessor at my parish gets impatient with me.but when he explains to me the meaning of what I am going through such as me judging a sin as mortal but it is really venial,then I feel calm because I know what is up.
I love the Church. However, it really is very general in teachings. For example, the Commandment on Adultry. It encludes fornication and lust. And even though the Cathecism tells us this, it does not really explain further. For example, We can see someone and think they are good looking and our body can respond to their attraction in a sexual way immediately. That is ok. But if we have EVIL INTENT,then it becomes not normal and a sin. Now a step further,what is evil intent. I hope I am making myself clear. I am very intellengent and I like to know the whole truth to things,it is my nature. I have always been like this, This was one reason I left the church at a young age because no one could answer my questions and then most people turn it back on me in one way or another,such as being scrupulous or too deep or not trusting God and on and on. But what it is …I just want to know what something means. Simple as that.
Does anyone else experience this? how do I get my confessor to understand me? And finally,where do I go for the answers?
There are many catholic sites and places to ask a priest,etc. There really would not be a need for all this if we all had a resource that taught us. Deeper then the Cathecism. Maybe a book to go along with the Cathecism??
What do you all think?
Thanks for your time.

 

[mommyof4]

First of all, welcome to CAF! This is an excellent forum to learn more about the Church and her moral teachings.

Secondly, if you are battling some srupulosity, I would recommend that you read Fr. Tomas Santa’s book, Understanding Scrupulosity. There is also a scrupulous anonymous website, but I don’t have the link at this moment. I’ll find it when I’m back on my own computer, and post the link.

 

[hambrf]

HI, I appreciate your telling me of the book of scrupulousity. And I will check it out. But what I am mainly saying is…as soon as a good priest can tell me the explaination to my question on a moral issue…I no longer think or behave scrupulous. So, after all these years I am seeing it is NOT me…it is the lack of explaination.

 

[mommyof4]

HI, I appreciate your telling me of the book of scrupulousity. And I will check it out. But what I am mainly saying is…as soon as a good priest can tell me the explaination to my question on a moral issue…I no longer think or behave scrupulous. So, after all these years I am seeing it is NOT me…it is the lack of explaination.

OK, I think I understand what you’re saying. I struggle with this, too, at times. I struggle with issues of working on Sunday, how much is “too much,” etc. Lots of different issus. Fr. Santa’s book has helped me a lot, along with the scrupulous anonymous website. Even if you’re not scrupulous in a strict sense, these are good sources to help you with moral issues.

 

[hambrf]

Mommyof4…
I really do appreciate that you understand me.
I do have scrupulousity…but not nearly as much as I thought I had for a long long time. And this is a relief.
I think I need spiritual healing along with information.
Even though I have prayed hard for years for healing I haven’t gotten it yet,well,not in leaps and bounds,but in little pieces.
I am grateful for that too.
It is harder to deal with my scrupples when the priest gets impatient with me in confession. And that has been my experience. I am praying where to go to confession now.

 

[blessedtoo]

I can’t stress enough the importance of finding a good and holy confessor. I know it’s difficult but we must all put at least as much effort into finding a reliable priest as we would put into finding a reliable doctor.

As a revert myself, I think your confusion is completely understandable. I was away from the Church for 27 years and while I had attended Catholic Schools back in the day, I had been completely detached from all things Church related while I was gone. Many of the things I was taught by the nuns back in the early 60’s did instill a sense of scrupulosity in me. But I don’t consider myself scrupulous today. As you stated, it is really just an earnest desire to know the answers and to follow God’s perfect will. Ain’t nothing wrong with that.

It does take some time. I had so many questions the first few years that I suspect I probably tried the patience of my confessor. But I knew, as I suspect you do as well, that I was seeking orthodox guidance and I knew when I wasn’t getting it. The key is to find that orthodox and faithful priest who will not only answer your questions, but do it without compromising the truth. After some time, you will get a more secure sense of what constitues sin and what God wants for you.

And CAF is a great place to ask questions! You will learn so much here!

 

[hambrf]

Blessedtoo
What you said EXACTLY describes what I couldn’t put into words. I really do need to find a good Orthodox priest for my spiritual director. I am planing on moving out of state as soon as I find a place, so I have to put this on hold for a bit,unfortunately.
But I sure will search for the right person when I move.
It is so frustrating to be misunderstood every few weeks when I go to confession. Barley no one goes to confession at my church except when our priest is gone and we have a temporary replacement priest. We all love that!!