Not sure how to go about moving forward

[youngsterat16]

I had an interest in this male friend of mine, and I want to just lose these feelings towards him and just get myself to remain friends. Not going into much detail, you can read other posts. I just feel kind of stupid for ever having these feelings. Embarrassed some.

he doesn’t feel the same towards me, as some people have said. I just didn’t want to believe it and kept a hope.But i don’t want to hear about that, im already admitting that i was wrong/ young typical.

I just am having a hard time processing how to feel. I’ve felt relieved/ immensely upset/ anger towards myself/ regret/ glad/thankful. I tell myself that Im ok with it and get myself to even believe it, but I know that i’m not ok–yet. Deeply hurt.

I’ve done a lot of thinking. A bit of praying. I just can’t seem to figure how to deal with it. I feel embarrassed that he had to tell me that he appreciated the friendship but didn’t want to be anything more than that.

I also wish I hadn’t told him some things that i’ve never discussed with anyone else. Im a quiet and private person and I just feel somewhat robbed or something. And i also feel selfish for feeling that way. It wasn’t anything that I’d be embarrassed to talk about, I just take a long time to open up, but now I just wish i had opened up less. Even as just being friends.

I talk with him a little via text, but haven’t much and I’m sure he has picked up on it. I want to still be friends because that’s all we ever were and it wouldn’t be fair to him give the cold shoulder. I have hardly talked to him at youth group, and I feel bad. But I just haven’t been able to completely grasp on my thoughts yet. I think I just need some time, but I just feel bad for not talking to him. It’s just going to be harder now because I feel like I can’t be as open to him anymore-- or at least not for a while.

I’m not sure what I’m asking for here. Perhaps I just needed to spill my guts. Only a very small handful of my girlfriends know of this, I haven’t been able to bring it up with my mom or anyone in my family yet. I just can’t yet and I don’t want their pity, I just want to deal with this without them at this moment. I will eventually talk about it but I’m just not ready quite yet.

I’m taking this as an opportunity to spend more time strengthening my relationship with God, perhaps he just wants me to himself. I just want to get passed this and move forward so I can continue to be a friend.

 

[Hawkmaid]

I had an interest in this male friend of mine, and I want to just lose these feelings towards him and just get myself to remain friends. Not going into much detail, you can read other posts. I just feel kind of stupid for ever having these feelings. Embarrassed some.

he doesn’t feel the same towards me, as some people have said. I just didn’t want to believe it and kept a hope.But i don’t want to hear about that, im already admitting that i was wrong/ young typical.

I just am having a hard time processing how to feel. I’ve felt relieved/ immensely upset/ anger towards myself/ regret/ glad/thankful. I tell myself that Im ok with it and get myself to even believe it, but I know that i’m not ok–yet. Deeply hurt.

I’ve done a lot of thinking. A bit of praying. I just can’t seem to figure how to deal with it. I feel embarrassed that he had to tell me that he appreciated the friendship but didn’t want to be anything more than that.

I also wish I hadn’t told him some things that i’ve never discussed with anyone else. Im a quiet and private person and I just feel somewhat robbed or something. And i also feel selfish for feeling that way. It wasn’t anything that I’d be embarrassed to talk about, I just take a long time to open up, but now I just wish i had opened up less. Even as just being friends.

I talk with him a little via text, but haven’t much and I’m sure he has picked up on it. I want to still be friends because that’s all we ever were and it wouldn’t be fair to him give the cold shoulder. I have hardly talked to him at youth group, and I feel bad. But I just haven’t been able to completely grasp on my thoughts yet. I think I just need some time, but I just feel bad for not talking to him. It’s just going to be harder now because I feel like I can’t be as open to him anymore-- or at least not for a while.

I’m not sure what I’m asking for here. Perhaps I just needed to spill my guts. Only a very small handful of my girlfriends know of this, I haven’t been able to bring it up with my mom or anyone in my family yet. I just can’t yet and I don’t want their pity, I just want to deal with this without them at this moment. I will eventually talk about it but I’m just not ready quite yet.

I’m taking this as an opportunity to spend more time strengthening my relationship with God, perhaps he just wants me to himself. I just want to get passed this and move forward so I can continue to be a friend.

I know exactly how you feel, my friend. I liked a guy for four years, but really I never even got to the friend stage, actually. I found out he started dating somebody I’d never met, and I cried for a while with similar feelings - like I’d been robbed.

And to some degree, we both were; we were robbed of time, effort, and emotion. HOWEVER. We only robbed ourselves. WE put the effort in. WE took the time to day dream. WE focused our admiration on the guy. While that’s just part of the human experience (unfortunately), we also have the ability to move on.

It’s hard - REALLY hard, especially if you see him often. I know some people say “Oh just get over it”, but more people do get it; it’s hard to let go and move on, especially when feelings are so deep.

I’m glad you have a balance of feelings; you’re hurt, definitely, but not seeking revenge or anything (right? RIGHT?! ), and you’re still desiring a friend. My advice is, take a sabbatical. That is, just drop all contact, thought, mention of him for a day, a week, a month. Whatever time period, restrain yourself from even thinking of him at all. It’s not a cold shoulder - you can even let him know “Hey, I’m going to be gone…brushing my aardvarks hair (or something actually reasonable ) for a while; hope you have a great week!” And then just leave it there.

Take some time with God, like you said; give Him a chance to speak to you without Guy invading your thoughts. Sometimes God just wants our attention to point to a better man; sometimes He wants us for Himself, sometimes He wants us to turn away so the Guy goes “Hey wait a minute, come back!”. You never know, and that’s why God is awesome. If you ever need to talk about this, feel free to private message me.
In Christ,
Hawkmaid (a newly minted 17 year old who also is learning that liking guys is SO HARD)

 

[pensmama87]

It sounds like you’re doing the right things, but it does take time.

I would say to not initiate any conversation with him. Don’t ignore him, and be cordial if he speaks to you, but I wouldn’t start up a text conversation or choose to sit next to him at youth group, for instance.

Prayers for you. I did a fair bit of pining as a teen. It’s good that you’re unlearning it now than in ten or twenty years.

 

[Katherine438]

Don’t be angry with yourself … you are growing and caring for others is a part of that growth … it is difficult when it is a painful part of that growth … pray to Our Lady to help you as you go through this difficult period in your life … God Bless You and I will pray for your happiness.